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Thread: How does your family feel??

  1. #1
    Administrator Tamara Croft's Avatar
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    How does your family feel??

    I was reading about Jamie's issues with her family not accepting her, which made me wonder how many of you that are transitioning, or living full time as a female have been accepted as a female by their family?? Family as in, mum, dad, siblings etc, not your partner.

    If you have been accepted, how did you tell them and what was their initial reaction??

    What advice would you give others that are struggling to gain acceptance from their families??

    Even if you are not transitioning, but are living full time as a female, please do answer the questions if you don't mind
    Administrator

    Missing my Libra babe Sherlyn, I hope she's rocking up there with the angels
    Missing our Rianna, doesn't seem right, gone to early, hope she's partying with Sherlyn

  2. #2
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    Dear Tamara,

    While my wife, my co-workers, and some of my family have acepted me as a MAN who "thinks" she/he is a woman, none of them are accepting me as a woman as yet. This will/may/may not change as time goes by. It's still pretty new to everyone but me. My wife has known for about a year now, and my sister since last August (6 months). My co-workers have been watching me for about a year also. (That's all? It seems like forever.)

    I am happy with the aceptance I have gotten so far. It seems SO much more than others have reported here. I can tell that some at work think I am either insane or imoral, but so far they are remaining quiet. My parents are dead. My sister said, "Isn't it wonderful that as we get older, we dare to do things we would never have done before?"

    I'm not sure what kind of advice I could give to others. I was just totally upfront and honest from the beginning. Once I decided to "come out", I didn't hide or conceal ANYTHING. I tried to always be in good taste and do my job well. I answered all questions honestly and without guilt or shame. I tried to act as naturally as possible. I consider my transgenderness a blessing rather than a curse. So I try to communicate this to those around me.

    This may all blow up in my face at some point, but I really think I HAVE to have a positive attitude to make this work.

    Lovies,
    Steph
    Last edited by Stephenie S; 01-22-2007 at 10:31 AM.

  3. #3
    I'm just me Siobhan Marie's Avatar
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    [SIZE="3"]Hi Tamara, I hope you don't mind but I've used your questions as a way to answer this post.[/SIZE]

    If you have been accepted, how did you tell them and what was their initial reaction??

    [SIZE="3"]I told my Dad first and that was scary as I didn't know how he would react but he was alright about it and by that I mean he said that he wouldn't push me away. He also that he doesn't condone what I'm doing although he does understand why I need to do this, he freely admits that he doesn't understand what its all about but he will talk to me about it. Mum was told earlier this month. What I did was to have a long chat with Dad just before Christmas and over Christmas and we both decided that it would be better that he would tell her as we really didn't know how Mum would react. She has said that it is enough that she knows and doesn't want to talk about it. Mum also said that she won't push me away either. I have seen them both once since Mum was told and Mum and I had an arguement over me and my problems which wasn't good. So I've decided that I won't be going to see them for a while as they both need some space to try and sort this out in their heads. I have also left a letter for them both to read in their own time and I have put some internet links on it for them if they need any additional information. I have also told one of my cousins and he was alright about it and has said that he's there for me. I'm not going to tell my current employer as I'm currently looking for another job, although I have told some of the people I work with and they're great to the point I do get teased but that really doesn't bother me as I get teased a lot anyway.[/SIZE]


    What advice would you give others that are struggling to gain acceptance from their families??

    [SIZE="3"]To be totally honest I wouldn't like to as I'm worried that I might give the wrong advice to somebody and I really wouldn't want that.

    Anna Marie x
    [/SIZE]
    Last edited by Siobhan Marie; 01-23-2007 at 04:42 PM. Reason: missed a word!!
    [SIZE="3"]I need to be on the outside, who I am on the inside[/SIZE]

    [SIZE="3"]Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know[/SIZE]

  4. #4
    Administrator Tamara Croft's Avatar
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    Only 2 replies I'm shocked really, I guess no one else has accepting families then??

    Thank you both for replying
    Administrator

    Missing my Libra babe Sherlyn, I hope she's rocking up there with the angels
    Missing our Rianna, doesn't seem right, gone to early, hope she's partying with Sherlyn

  5. #5
    I must be dreaming
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    I didn't want to reply mostly because my family is not intolerant, but not what I would call welcoming my TG issues either. It is mostly ignored and hoped that it will not get any worse. We maintain a sort of quasi-status quo by me holding the line on progressing to a snails pace. It is a definite inhibitor to me and is the source of a lot of my focus. The forbidden fruit of being able to express myself makes me obsess internally and I spend way to much time thinking of things that I cannot do. The cost is many lost hours of my life. Still it is better than progressing to another point where the family has to re open the wounds and re accept my new level of expression. I will admit that many times I have wanted to pass away in my sleep to get away from it.
    A work in progress




  6. #6
    Error: User not found;
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    Some of my family are supportive others not . I dont think any of them truly accept me as a female. My mother even after years of support had said she'd hoped i'd change my mind

    I don't have any advice , but if your family does accept you , know that you indeed are blessed with a wonderfull family.
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

  7. #7
    Short Skirts & Long Legs
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    Unhappy Neice knows

    I hope you don't mind me adding my . My wife is fully aware of me, but in my extended family, brothere, sisters, none of them know...I do have a neice who I have comeout to. She was less than impressed...Although fully supportive if CD'ing made me happy...

    At this point I consider it a moot point...all are much older than me and less than opened minded...The funny thing is one of my brothers and one of my sisters have gay children...but with that said they are never, NEVER mentioned when they come in to see us, oh perhaps in passing, but its their straight children they dode on...I've even broached the subject on gay, lesbian, tg issues, but they always change the subject to something alittle more comfortable to discuss...

  8. #8
    GypsyKaren
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    My family accepts me as a person who has found happiness and peace, but I doubt if they'll ever see me as a woman. I know that one of my kids is very cool about it, but the other two don't want to see Karen. My step-mother is also accepting, we haven't seen each other since '89 but I don't think she'll have a problem with it when I go out to visit her later this year.

    The main thing for me is to be accepted as a person, that's all I ask. I really don't care if anyone, family or otherwise, has a problem with it, because I've always done for them my entire life and I now feel it's my turn to live and do for myself. If that means getting shut out of someone's life, so be it, it's a price I'm willing to pay.

    I think the best anyone can do in this situation is to be open and honest and hope for the best, but you have to expect the worse and be prepared to live with that. You can't shut Pandora's box once you open it, so you have to be sure about taking that step.

    Karen

  9. #9
    Silver Member Lisa Golightly's Avatar
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    My brother hates me, but then I'm not that bothered. We avoid one another expertly. End of the day you know there is going to be collateral damage somewhere, its down to whether you sacrifice yourself or them. Harsh, but with some choices there is really no choice. Que sera sera, carpe diem and all that jazz.
    Der Transsexuellaußenseiter

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    [SIZE="3"]VENI VIDI VICI[/SIZE]

  10. #10
    I must be dreaming
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    There is one aspect of this that makes me crazy. The notion that I have a choice. About all I can do is to slow it down. I am not saying that anyone here has been implying that TG is a "lifestyle choice" but most people who aren't dealing with it think so. My family had to finally get it that I don't have a choice. As much as I don't want to be a male, I sometimes wish that this unimaginably difficult dilemma would just go away. I suppose that it is one of the steps to acceptance, like the stages of grief.
    A work in progress




  11. #11
    Banned Read only Calliope's Avatar
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    It's actually been a breeze for me (at least so far).

    My mother first just stuttered "well, I still love you" which sounded real qualified - but has gone on effortlessly to accept the "new" me. Right this minute, I'm wearing a skirt she sent me. She is calling me by my new name without strain. My step-brother (best pal since 1970) initially sounded worried about my intended pursuit of hormones ("hey, you can't reverse that") - but has eased a lot since the summer when I first came out to him. He recently told me that he loves my name.

    My oldest daughter (just turned 8) has done very well, too. (She's always noticing my eye shadow with a flattering remark. Likes my name, too.) This very important step has been greatly facilitated by her school friends and their parents' response to me, which has been totally mellow. The other parents send their kids over to play with my daughter at her apartment - when they know I am the only "on duty" parent at home; there's a vote of confidence if there ever was one.

  12. #12
    Feeling Good today AmberTG's Avatar
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    I'm not very far along in my transition so nothing is obvious at this time. My wife knows, we have agreed to disagree on the transition issue, she knew I was a CDer before we got married, but this is different. Because of my long standing lack of sex drive, she's been seeing other men for several years and a divorce is around the corner for us, but it's for the best in this case. She has a high sex drive, it's very important to her, and I have none. She also needs a level of attention that I can't easily provide her.
    As for family, my parents are both deceased and none of my siblings know at this time. I think my son has long suspected that I CD, but I don't know for sure, can't say about my daughter either. My first wife, their mother, may have told them or may not have, it's never been brought up.
    Once I get farther along, I'll have to make those decisions.
    Amber

  13. #13
    New Member akhasha's Avatar
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    I started to transition without professional help in a country town in 1999. That didn't go so well and after a year I had a breakdown and stopped. When I was going ahead with it I told my 2 brothers, 2 sisters and mum but not dad. Everyone was worried but nobody tried too hard to talk me out of it. There was some alienation from my brothers especially, but my sisters (who I used to play dress ups with as a kid) actually sent words of encouragement and said I could borrow some of their clothes

    When I stopped that and started a process of putting the genie back into the (renovated, improved?) bottle, everyone was relieved but my sisters showed a little concern too. My younger sister especially wanted me to keep wearing women's clothes at home at least, if it helped to manage my feelings.

    Lately there is a little pressure in that bottle again but I don't think its going to get out of control as before. Lessons learned an all that, and I have some really good reasons not to transition this time.

  14. #14
    Just a woman, period joanlynn28's Avatar
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    My family of origin is accepting of it but my parents still call me by my male name when we are together, I guess after 45 years it is just force of habit for them to still do it. My brother and sister-inlaw's however call me by my female name whenever we get together and also next month I got invited to go to my sister-in-law's baby shower and I am going to go to it. My inlaws are cool about the new me too, we all had a good time over last thanksgiving so the initial ice has already been broken.
    Last edited by joanlynn28; 01-24-2007 at 11:22 PM. Reason: forgot a couple of words
    Joan Lynn

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  15. #15
    Aspiring Member
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    I've told my mom that I CD:
    http://crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?t=42469

    and also that I had an orchiectomy, and she was with me when I had my FFS and took care of me afterwards:
    http://crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?t=46604

    Despite that, she still thinks of me as her (quite unconventional) son. She loves me anyway though, and even if she doesn't understand M2F issues that well (and I don't feel 100% comfortable talking to her about them because then she'll say things like "don't become a girl"), she still supports me, e.g. taking care of me when I went for FFS.

  16. #16
    Pixie Hollow's Vixen Katie Ashe's Avatar
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    Exclamation

    Well, I lost most of my friends, family is real old school. Those of my family whom still talk to me don't want to accept that I am different. They kinda treat me with the same respect as society treats us. I told everyone at Thanksgiving that I am looking to change perm, and some respect me but don't understand, others wish me and my problem would go away. Others lie to my face and say there ok with it. Then talk behind my back. I do live 95%as a lady, and represent the rainbow, very respectfully, with honor. My doctors as dumb as they are, some have asked: Well have you tried not being a transgender, or just stop dressing up... why do I want to hurt those around me. I have seen first hand time and time again the ignorance by some live, with no respect for themself or other around them. My life is not a freaking light bulb people. I am a big supporter of the Human Rights Campaign = Finding work is becoming difficult, be cause I'm not taking seriosly. I pray for all of us to be treated as human's one day, not a mistake in God's Blender of life.
    DK Productions LLC, Giving back to the Rainbow Community. Need a DJ, Every Song Has a Story, We Make The Memory

  17. #17
    Silver Member Priscilla1018's Avatar
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    My family has disowned me because I am TS and living full time.My Mother does not want to see or hear from me.My Sister and her husband say they accept me yet,I don't hear from them.My Nieces and husbands and my grand nieces and nephews will not speak my name or see me again.All I have is my wife and her brother and sister in law that have seen and accept me.
    Some of us have to pay a high price for being TS but,I would'nt change a thing.I am happy and at peace with the real me.
    Love and Hugs,
    Priscilla

  18. #18
    That's right, I did it Sharon's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Priscilla1018 View Post
    My family has disowned me because I am TS and living full time.

    Ditto, and those who claimed to love me anyway, have shown recently that I am nothing in their eyes.

  19. #19
    On the Capn's Ship Kimberley's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sharon View Post
    Ditto, and those who claimed to love me anyway, have shown recently that I am nothing in their eyes.

    Kimberley
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

    www.transgenderlondon.com

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  20. #20
    Gold Member MJ's Avatar
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    hi Tamara
    well all my family were at a BBQ here in Canada most of my family live in england but were over visiting, and my ex was going around telling everyone that i wanted to become a woman, so i had no choice for years i was trying to find the perfect way to tell them , and all i could do was cry, here is this big man crying and telling my brother and sisters (two) that i wanted to become a woman. the first reaction was i must be jocking and disbelief.
    after a few months my brother and my younger sister wanted nothing to do with me. my older sister has been there for me, i told her about my hrt and surgery wish and she still loves me for who i am , it's been 3 years and carol as never seen me face to face en femme, i long for the day she comes over here so we can chat and shop together , i truly love my sister with all my heart..
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

  21. #21
    rhyming thyme morph cindianna_jones's Avatar
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    It's been twenty years since I made the announcement to my family. My Mom and Dad love me and they do try to call me by my name while in my presence and use the correct pronouns. But they don't manage so well when I'm not around. My brother and I have never spoken one word about it. But we enjoy visiting with each other very much. I don't think that he has any issues with it really. My sis is my sis and perhaps the only one who has managed to accept me in whole.

    I'm still working with my children. My daughter read the book last week and it has caused a huge problem with my son, his wife, their mother, and the old in-laws. It's going to take months before we'll be able to talk to each other. The rift with my daughter may be too difficult to mend. I'm trying to figure out long distance what the source of her concerns are so that I can address them. She won't take my calls.

    It hasn't been easy. But it has been worthwhile for me to maintain my family relationships. Twenty years.... hmmmm... it's been a long strange trip.

    Cindi

  22. #22
    ~~Post Modern Romantic~~ KewTnCurvy GG's Avatar
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    "How does your family feel?"

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    Last edited by KewTnCurvy GG; 02-03-2007 at 05:05 AM.
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