Transition and personality...

[pocoyo]

Are you worried that if you transition you would change as a person?
I mean, hopefully the only change would be that you would become complete, but do you wonder if you may lose part of yourself or change (personality wise)?

My mum seems to think I would "become another person". I worry that to some degree she could be right. But hopefully it would be in a good way, like... enriched.. so still me, and with some more new bits (like, actually, we all become as we learn in life). And 'cos I'd feel more relaxed I'd probably still be "me"... but happier and freer or something.

I also worry about the effect T would have on me personality-wise. Again probably it would just be positive things. But I do like how I think and feel (aside from the anxiety crap) and I don't want to be drastically altered (lol not saying I would, just saying it's a concern).
I have read reports of some FtM's feeling like "a fog has lifted" when they went on T... I do actually think I might feel like that, but I don't want to be something I wouldn't naturally be... like, have a slightly artificial personality if that makes sense. (On the other hand, perhaps I am slightly "artificial" now, because of the amount of female hormones I currently have).

Also I get very angry sometimes and I worry that T could impact negatively on that... but to be honest I think if I was producing less female hormones I'd actually feel more chilled out and just be my chilled out self.
I have read that T can make people depressed... that worries me too. (Obviously in other cases it has the opposite effect soo... )

[CaptLex]

My mum seems to think I would "become another person". I worry that to some degree she could be right. But hopefully it would be in a good way, like... enriched.. so still me, and with some more new bits (like, actually, we all become as we learn in life). And 'cos I'd feel more relaxed I'd probably still be "me"... but happier and freer or something.

As you pointed out, we all change anyway as we grow, develop, mature and age, regardless of whether we transition. No 45-year-old is the same person he/she was at 25 - otherwise, something is wrong. So, you won't stay the same person anyway. But to answer your question: my only worry was that I would lose that part of me that makes me unique and makes me feel special - the small part of me that allows me to see and understand the female view of things. But I'm hopeful that's not going to happen.

Otherwise, transitioning has made me feel:
more confident,
more open and social,
more relaxed,
less patient with stupidity,
less tolerant of being in a crowd of women,
quicker to engage in certain vices (I'm not elaborating ),
the need to be in the company men more often,
less fearful of certain things, and
open to intimate situations I never considered before.

And yet . . . I still feel that I am, and will continue to be, the same basic person inside. How's that? Now I need a nap.

[Abraxas]

I believer firmly that, barring serious psychological mishaps (degenerative disorders like Alzheimers, strokes, schizophrenia, post-traumatic stress disorder, etc.), no matter what a person goes through doesn't change the person radically. I don't think T would completely change anyone's personality-- they'd still be the same person, though in some cases more exaggerated, and in some cases there'd be a greater amount of subtlety. For instance, a person might become more aggressive, but not radically so. They wouldn't go out and beat people up for the hell of it; they might be more volatile but those feelings would have been there to begin with. The T would just make them more likely to act on the feelings.
And the person might become less tolerant or nurturing, but that's just because they're getting rid of the female hormones that made them that way.
Hormones do have a lot to do with personality, but in a more generalised sense. Who we are has a lot more to do with our upbringing, circumstances, experiences, and genetics.
I guess what I'm saying is that the person you are might change (hopefully, otherwise how are we supposed to grow?) but it won't be such a radical change that you and other people wouldn't recognise you anymore. And I don't think anything would ever be gotten rid of entirely.

[kerrianna]

Hope you don't mind me answering here Pocs.

I agree with what the Captain said ( )...you WILL change as a person anyway as you grow older. LIFE will change you.

I don't know a lot about hormones and how they affect you but I believe that your core self is already established and any changes you feel will be an embellishment (some times for better , some times for worse ) of that core self. I get a strong sense of identity from you (believe it or not) and I think while you may sway to and fro you will always be you.

I hope I get to remain your friend for awhile so I can watch you change and grow, and give you a when the T (or anything else ) makes you act like a jerk.

[Kate Simmons]

It's funny that the ways Cap has changed, I've pretty much changed in the same ways but in my case, it was because I got in touch with my femme self that I was able to do those things. I dunno, I must be backwards or something but it took being my femme self to bring all those things out for me. As Rich, I was shy and withdrawn and wouldn't have thought of acting that way. Ericka and now Salandra is much more outgoing and confident.No shrinking Violet here. Nutty, huh?

[Kieron Andrew]

Its my body thats wrong, not my personality or brain, so therefore no i dont think my personality will change when i start to transition......maybe i will be more happier in appearence but i think thats about

[Kimberley]

The one thing that cant change for any reason are our core values. Those are the values we are raised with and adapt for ourselves or reject. These values make up a lot of our personality. Other values we may have adapted for ourselves might be altered slightly but I believe we will always be the same person.

I believe that transition allows us to do two things; align gender and sex and in doing so it frees us to be who we are. It allows us to bring those values we have suppressed to the fore.

I also believe that this can occur in large part through self acceptance first then aided by full transition. It is my opinion that this is a big part of the RLT prior to either partial or full transition. (HRT or SRS)

I think there is a lot of anecdotal evidence to support this hypothesis.


Kimberley

[Dasein9]

I work hard to be the kind of person I want to be. So does everyone else, I should hope. And there are things that get in the way of that. Some, but certainly not all, of those things have to do with gender.

It's my hope that transitioning will help remove some of those barriers, and that I will be better able to grow and develop into the kind of person I'm striving to be anyway. And the transitioning itself is part of that too. It's building my confidence and courage, and giving me new ways to think of and interact with other people.

So, yes, I think it's a significant part of the changes I'm undergoing.

[Felix]

I agree with the Captain that we do change and develop through out our lives. I have changed so much during my life. What worries me about going through with transitioning is that I would not be able to control my emotions such as anger and frustration. I pride myself in controling these type of emotions so to loose control would be very negative for me xx Felix

[CaptLex]

What worries me about going through with transitioning is that I would not be able to control my emotions such as anger and frustration. I pride myself in controling these type of emotions so to loose control would be very negative for me xx Felix

That's a good point, Felix. Funny, but I never worried about losing my temper with T, but about losing control of my emotions with estrogen and breaking down crying for no good reason. In other words, for me anger and frustration are under better control with T than with estrogen. I guess everybody is different.

[pocoyo]

Wow. Some very interesting and cool comments there.
Thanks everyone.
Some were as I suspected, some were different, some were intriguing.
(Haha I'm too frazzled to construct a sensible sentence!!)

Btw... I said about people learning & changing to some degree through life too!

losing control of my emotions with estrogen and breaking down crying for no good reason. In other words, for me anger and frustration are under better control with T than with estrogen. I guess everybody is different.

I suspect that would be similar for me... I KNOW my female hormones have a huuuge effect on me sometimes.

I just worry that I sometimes get so mad and violent (when pushed)... like I will be stupidly "brave" if I am cross. Or do something ridiculous which I shouldn't (er, like punching holes in walls), that T might make THAT worse. I think some of that might be to do with the female hormones too though. Although I do also have a pool of anger inside which is nothing to do with hormones.... hmm!

[Abraxas]

I tend to get violent with walls and furniture, but I think of it this way: If I went on T, I'd get stronger and therefore, the walls would get hurt instead of my fist. *rubs bruised knuckles from punching a wall on Friday*

[pocoyo]

Hahaha I'm glad I'm not the only "wall puncher".
Strangely the walls I've punched usually end up with the holes in, not my hand! But the latest incident (when my dog was being an absolute B*TCH) I punched a very hard door and was so angry I didn't feel it at the time... but when I started to calm down a bit I was like "oooh... sh*t... this isn't right" and thought I'd done some serious damage. I called mum going "er... if I'd broken my hand I wouldn't be able to move it right?" It swelled up even though I was holding frozen peas on it for ages.. that was a bit of a wake up call.
I am generally a calm chilled out person.... but when something is HUGELY annoying or injust it can really make me flip and when I'm like that it's pretty scary. I don't like it (Even though it's nice to let some of that "anger pool" out). I am already strong and dangerous (despite my little frame) and it scares me to think that I could potentially get stronger and more dangerous.

Hopefully though it would have that more chilling effect on me and 1) I'd hopefully be more "in alignment"/"balanced" and 2) I wouldn't have that hugely hideous & hard to handle thing... pmt(/s)!!!

[Abraxas]

Ha, I always dent the walls. I think I somehow end up punching where the studs are lol. This is part of the reason I want to take up boxing. Get my anger out by punching things/people whilst wearing big gloves so no-one really gets hurt.
I've also thought about grabbing a baseball bat and smashing it repeatedly into the huge pine tree we've got in the backyard.

[pocoyo]

Yeeoowch, the studs!

YEaaaah boxing... that's such a good idea... I thought about kickboxing for a while. Hmm... when this balance thing is bit better I might even do that.

Haha awww poor tree!!! Don't do that!! Maybe get a punch bag... I've thought about that but wondered if I'd just end up getting so mad at it I hurt myself

My mum told me to punch a pillow... that's so not satisfying enough though.
My counsellor told me to try wringing out a towel.. but i think that would get frustrating.. Hmmmm! Well some activity like you say might really help.
I used to do karate... that was cool! Then we moved... DOH!

[bi_weird]

So glad to meet people who understand the whole "Take out your frustration by hitting things" deal. My female friends think I'm crazy when I say that sometimes I just want to hit something. Better than developing the ulcer one of my friends has, which I'm trying to avoid. I internalize things too much, and really need to learn to hit stuff when I'm pissed.

[pocoyo]

Oh man ulcer.. not good.
Yeah mum says to me "why don't u just control it?" and I say "because it needs to GO somewhere... I have to get it out some how... it does not feel healthy to keep it inside and push it down."

[Kate Simmons]

I meditate a lot and, well, when I need direction and control, that's what my katanas are for. They help me to relax and direct my energies. More than just swords, believe me.

[Abraxas]

Exactly. I think that causing myself a little bit of physical damage is better than causing a whole lot of emotional damage.
I've got a punching bag, but it's a little kids' bag and I'm too tall for it lol every time I go to hit it, my fists go over it. I'm gonna hoist it up onto some cinder blocks so it's tall enough, and fill it with water/sand so it's heavy enough. Then I'll get some boxing gloves after I get a paycheck. I think it'll help, and boxing is great exercise. I wonder if there's a place round here that gives boxing lessons... Hmmm. 'Course, until I get the leg fixed I can't really do that anyway. Prancing round doesn't really feel so great.
Sometimes though, I do punch nothing at all, just spar into thin air, helps release some of the energy and stuff. Or I lift weights, or play piano, or write. Constructive stuff. Which is good, yeah?

[Jestina]

Why hello again Poc:

Lost track a bit.

After perusing these posts I beleive I have a "shrinks eye view" of things.
Remembering the caveat that shrinks are the craziest people in the first place, right?

First, maturing in and of itself will change you.
I am in my middle years and find myself less tolerant of fools, more tolreant of those who deserve charity and far more inclined to speak my mind loudly if needed.

Time has a way of hardening us to certain issues in life and changing our reactions to the same situations. Without necessarily changing the way we actually feel about that given situation.
Get that?

So then, will a transition change who you are ?
Only if "who you are" was up for grabs in the first place.
Will a transition change you?
It had better, or what was the point?

Never mistake "who you are" for "what you are"
Both are subject to change but niether are required to change.

RE Punching walls:

My earliest martial arts instructor had us work out puncing cinder block walls until we could deliver a solid thunk to the block without hurting ourselves. Good therapy as long as you didn't break a finger or knuckle.

Anyway...
At the end of my counseling career, I specialized in "Anger Management".
There were a lot of men attending, but a very few women.
Most men were there as a result of domestic criminal charges.
It is rare for women to be charged in these issues.

I noticed that there was a lot of guilt attached to the idea of being angry.

I always told my people that there is no sin in anger, only what you do with that anger.

Here is a quote from one of the most famous "men of peace" who ever lived.

"He is wise who will not get angry,
He is a fool who CANNOT get angry"

Who said that?

Ghandi, thats who.

So punch all the walls you want, worry nothing over change it is usually growth. Occasional introspection and painful honesty with yourself can keep you in check.

Oh yes, one more interesting thing.
The older and more crotchety you get the less likely you will care what others think.
This is a good reason why so many of us wait until they are in there mid to late life to "come out" or to even join a forum like this.

Takes a bit of self acceptance.
Changes come.

There now, that was one long rambling capsulized thought..


Jestina.

[bi_weird]

I find that running with REALLY loud music helps. But mostly I do bad things like clenching my fists until my nails dig into my palms. Or sitting and thinking and getting more upset until I'm sick to my stomach. Hence the realization that I need to externalize this stuff more.