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Thread: Have You Been Outed?

  1. #26
    I'm not new, just quiet lizbendalin's Avatar
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    What timing - Coincidences...

    I've been outed in the past, with not so wonderful results. My ex-wife revealed me, and caused me to be removed from seminary. Then a few years later, I lost my job due to my dressing. Then today, I get outed again, this is getting frustrating. A person from where I worked in the past contacted my current wife's employers (she's an educator) to inform them of the 'deviant' they had in their midst. I can't believe someone would do that after almost 4 years, don't they have a life? Are they that obsessed with me and my life? Luckily, the administration basically said, 'This is your private life, it has nothing to do with your job, we are very happy with you.' End of conversation, but it still freaked both the wife and I out. And the cat's out of the bag. I would prefer to be completely out, but my in-laws are rather close-minded folks, and who knows what would happen. And since we live in the same town......

    That's my story.
    It's not that I want to be a girl, or I want to be a boy; I want to be me!

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  2. #27
    Content and Happy
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    MJ
    We all make mistakes. No salt rubs in this corner. I'm sure you'll be forgiven.

    Lanore

  3. #28
    Maturing Member JoAnnDallas's Avatar
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    Your boss don't have a problem with your dressing as long as you don't take it to work with you. Other than that, I would not worry about the other person. She took her shot and was shot down.

  4. #29
    sweet lil ' cookie Sierra Evon's Avatar
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    Exclamation outed

    nothing really extreme, did go to a Sunday church service about a year back , alot of folks their had made it clear with their laser-beam eyed stares that , your kind is'nt welcome here , but they said nothing to me out right .
    same thing tho !!!!!!!!
    " too young to fall in love " schoolgirl "

  5. #30
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    Smile

    I outed myself last year to my family. went much better then I had ever thought. worst thing that any one said was I don't want to see it but thats no big deal any way wasn't dissowned or any thing then outed my self to girl friend like two months into relationship went well there she is really great loves it and all

  6. #31
    Senior Member Kelsy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by MJ View Post
    well i too was outed, by my ex to the church we went too, two years ago that was bad enough !! . i lost all respect from the congregation because of my cding . and i had hope never to do that to anyone else, but i just outed my friend, and she won,t know anything about until i see her tomorrow.
    i feel like crap
    [SIZE="3"]MJ

    I didn't get a chance to repond to your post but I just wanted to say that all things are forgivable especially between real friends. There isn't anyone on this site who hasn't screwed up somewhere in their life, where they needed or wanted forgiveness. I think it is just wrong to condem anyone because they made a mistake and was willing to admit it. I believe everything will work out for you and your friend. And please don't forget to forgive yourself

    Jennifer
    [/SIZE]
    Last edited by Kelsy; 02-12-2007 at 07:24 PM. Reason: spelling
    Born female intended

    " Don't die with your music still in you!"

  7. #32
    Enjoying Life marie354's Avatar
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    Jennifer... I agree with you about MJ. And MJ, don't worry too much about it. The good in you will shine through and I'm sure everything will work out Oh-Tay... Oh-Tay?

    But back on subject....
    If you've read my other post... I don't know if anyone really believed me for the way I tried to play it off, but looking back, it doesn't matter to me anymore. That town is 30 miles away and my real friends there didn't care anyway.
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

  8. #33
    Gold Member Alice B's Avatar
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    Have you ben outed

    So far, otherthan this forum) three times in the past two weeks. Once to my wive (previous discussed), once to my massage therapist (also discussed here) and then to a female friend on the east coast. I trust her strongly and sent pictures, She loved them and now asks for more and shares ideas in clothing and make-up with me. If I ever got out in public it will be with her.

  9. #34
    Senior Member Kelsy's Avatar
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    [SIZE="2"]I was just thinking that xcept for the fact that we really don't know - for the most part - eachother as male, we have basically outed ourselves to everyone who is a member on this site and to everyone who visits here!

    Jennifer
    [/SIZE]
    Born female intended

    " Don't die with your music still in you!"

  10. #35
    Just bein' me! krisinpink's Avatar
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    during our divorce, my ex outed me to anyone who would listen. This was 15 years ago, and nothing ever came of it. Either no one cared, or no one listened.

    I've told two women with whom I've had serious relationships...CDing was not a big problem for either of them, and was not the reason those relationships did not last.

    My current SO is the mother of three daughters (all 17-21) one of whom is not yet in college. She is ok with the dressing (as long as I don't drive her nuts with it) -the girls howver.... I think they are at the VERY least suspicious, if not just aware. Not a word has ever been said, not even hints or inuenndo. Since this thread is about 'outing' I thought it might be found amusing if I share my story about the cat outing me here. As is typical, the girls chase/tease/torment the cat when they are not cooing all over her. One evening the cat was fleeing her tormentor and was bolting down the hallway and darted under the bed in the master bedroom. The kid, of course in hot persuit, ripped the bed skirt away to continue the cat-chase, and quite unexpectedly unveiled several (ok...many) shoe boxes. Being a teenage girl, she could tell immediately that these boxes were not labled as being mom's size. This is how 'The cat got out of the bag' in my current life! (lol -please forgive the pun) Oh well I guess! Mom doesn't seem uptight about the kids evidently knowing, I still have 1/2 my closet filled with bouses and dresses, and have even began to get laizer about tucking away other pretty things.

    Kind of "the elephant in the room" phenomenon I think ....outed...probably; but so far, it has not been an issue.

  11. #36
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    I was outed by my wife several times; a few times before we divorced and a few times after we divorced. Only two people mentioned it to me; one was a former neighbor -- a woman who cheated on her husband and broke up her marriage because of it. She said she didn't like guys to be that way, but I don't put any stock in her opinion, because I don't like people who cheat in their marriages. The other person who mentioned it to me was my ex-wife's brother, who works with me in my business. It wasn't a big deal to him. He told me that he told her "I don't want to hear that sort of thing about my business partner." That was three years ago.

    Outside of psychologists, I've personally outed myself to four people -- all women. One was my ex-wife, one was my best friend of thirty years, and the other two are very close friends, one I've known for seventeen years and the other I've known for four.

    Outing can be a great detriment, depending on the circumstances. However, it's also a great opportunity to understand how close the friendships you've built really are. I know I feel very good that most of my close friends know about it. Personally, I wouldn't want to be friends with a person who can't accept me as I am.

    Keep in mind that if a person feels revulsion, it is their problem, not yours. Also keep in mind that you don't ever want to put your personal safety at risk, so discretion still is important.

  12. #37
    Junior Member Jenn S.'s Avatar
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    Was never actually "outed", but I was pretty much forced to come out to my mother. One day, I decided to go out en femme when I was home from college over the winter break. I left everything laying out in my room, inclding makeup, a couple of skirts and tops on hangers, and some 2" heels. While I was out, I found out my father had come home sick from work. Knowing how he likes to snoop around and that he'd make a big deal of it, I called my mother since I was picking her up later, anyway. It's difficult to explain yourself when one of your parents sees you fully dressed, in public no less. Luckily, she was totally okay with it and figured it was just a "college thing". Since then, we've grown alot closer and the only thing I have to worry about from her is my nail polish disappearing.

    Oh, and my father slept the whole day instead of going into my room. Figures.

  13. #38
    Love being a girly girl! Country girl's Avatar
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    Thumbs up I totally agree

    Quote Originally Posted by Jennifer Keely Smith View Post
    [SIZE=3]MJ[/SIZE]

    [SIZE=3]I didn't get a chance to repond to your post but I just wanted to say that all things are forgivable especially between real friends. There isn't anyone on this site who hasn't screwed up somewhere in their life, where they needed or wanted forgiveness. I think it is just wrong to condem anyone because they made a mistake and was willing to admit it. I believe everything will work out for you and your friend. And please don't forget to forgive yourself [/SIZE]

    [SIZE=3]Jennifer [/SIZE]
    [SIZE=3]MJ, I'm with Jennifer on this one. In fact we talked about it before she posted. I'm sorry you felt you had to close your other thread, but I completely understand. It is really sad that there are people in this world who think they are so perfect that they don't mind ripping someone else's eyes out without a second thought. MJ, you are a good person, it shines through in your posts and this was a total accident. Don't let other peoples "holier than thou" attitudes make you feel worse than you already do. Remember, we all make mistakes. Chin up and just go forward. Lots of . CG gg [/SIZE]
    [SIZE=3][/SIZE]
    [SIZE=4]Country Girl GG [/SIZE]

    [SIZE=3]The tragedy of life is not that it ends so soon, but that we wait so long to begin it."[/SIZE]
    [SIZE=3][/SIZE]
    [SIZE=4]When you find something good... Grab it with both hands and do all you can do to keep it![/SIZE]

  14. #39
    Enjoying Life marie354's Avatar
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    Anthea, That is a very unfortunate thing that you had to go through, especially for a friend that didn't defend you.
    I'm glad that you fought for your rights and won custody. Right on the mark!
    Yhee-haw!
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

  15. #40
    I enjoy being a girl ChristinefromOz's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by marie354 View Post
    My second wife outed me, with pictures too, all over town where I worked and lived. Funny, though, not many people really said anything.
    Ditto for me with my second wife. Other the occasional veiled comment from people, nothing much happened. I had a full beard at the time and was considered pretty masculine by most people, so I think a lot people may have put it down as her being an angry bitch and disbelieved her.

    As I have got older, I have develpoed a thick skin and have stopped agonizing about what people think.

    Christine

  16. #41
    Hugging the Kurves! RobertaFermina's Avatar
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    I'm in the middle of outing myself to friends, church, men's group community, etc.

    I don't like keeping a secret of something that should help me be me, and feel free.

    I'm afraid of the stigma, yet moving steadily ahead on this one.

    Roberta
    [COLOR=Red]Open your Heart :

  17. #42
    minister in training Angela gg's Avatar
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    Hello M.J.

    I believe that you are truly honest when you say that you feel badly about what you did! I don't believe that for one minute it was maliciously done. I have been on the receiving end of such malicious comments. At first it was frightening but it did end on a quiet note. I did not lose all that I thought I would and I actually gained more support for my situation. To all those who would support yuo with understanding comments - you are true friends and truly in touch with your fem side. As for the negative comments - I will continue to pray that you find the true meaning of christian love. Remember the word's He spoke to the crowd that would stone the adultress ... "let he who is without sin cast the first stone." Go in the peace and love of Christ.

  18. #43
    Gold Member MJ's Avatar
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    up date

    well i saw her today. she was not happy has someone told her. what i had done, she was very mad and upset with me. and could not understand how i could out her given i am the same has her. i told her it was not intentional and to please forgive me for what i had done..
    she said what's done is done, how much damage will come from this we shall have to see,
    i am so sorry for what happened i have to forgive myself over this as well
    i hope in time she will forgive and i hope for get. i wish i could...
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

  19. #44
    Banned Read only Andrea Nicole's Avatar
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    Vicky,
    Well said.
    I'm sure this person will find a "way to forgive herself" after ruining someone else's life. It is amaazing for someone to be so callous and uncaring.
    It's too bad some folks don't have a conscience for being so cavalier regarding others trust.
    MJ, ... may you find this forgiveness of yourself, your former friend probably won't.
    Take Care,
    Andi .....

  20. #45
    Enjoying Life marie354's Avatar
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    I'm so sorry that some people just don't seem to know you that well, MJ, and have to be so judgemental of you. I think that you are one sweet lady. I have read some of your threads of your journey that you've been through to get to where you are today, and it's not been an easy road for you, I know. But you've made great progress in becoming who you want to be and I think that it's wonderful.
    I'm am sorry about what happened between you and your friend, but it seems that she is as nice as you are and has let bygones-be-bygones. She is really a good friend.
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

  21. #46
    Administrator Tamara Croft's Avatar
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    This thread is being closed, if you want to bitch at each other, then do it via PM and keep it OFF the main board!!!!!! I don't care who did what, you had no right to take this thread off topic and turn it into a flame war. And don't PM me to complain about it, you only have yourselves to blame. EOFD!
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