Feb 21 - That Fateful Day...

[melissacd]

Well my wife and I have been through numerous relationship counselling sessions over the past few months with one of the better counsellors that I have dealt with and yesterday, after much discussion, she announced at 6PM that our relationship was over and that there was nothing further to discuss. She said that cross dressing is just something that she cannot get past, that no amount of anything will change her mind about it, that she cannot change how she feels and that she wants to end the marriage.

She wants to stay together as friends in the house for a while to get things sorted out and may want to stay in that state until her mother passes on and our kids are in their own (could take another 4 - 5 years) but just as room mates - the romantic marital relationship is done.

When she announced this I was stunned. I wanted to throw up. I could not believe what I was hearing and yet there seemed nothing further that could be said. She seems to be totally immutable on this issue. She even told me that it was okay for me to start seeking other relationships and intimacy elsewhere.

It saddens me that she just won't try and understand and has just decided that there is nothing further that she is prepared to do. She wants to start working out how we will wind down all of our joint affairs when the time comes. I am in a state of shock and don't quite know what to do, but I can certainly see that she is as resolute now as she was when she first found out 10 years ago.

It is a very sad sad day. The end of 25 years together.

Oh and contrary to what others have said - sometimes it is the cross dressing that breaks up a marriage.


Melissa

[susie evans]

you have my heart felt sympathy i wish you the best

susie

[Billijo49504]

Sorry to hear that things are going so bad for you....BJ

[Deborah]

Feb 21st would have been my 13th anniversary with my now ex.
Yes that day holds sad memories for me.

[TexasLynn]

Thank you for sharing this. about 30 years ago my wife gave an ultimatum which included crossdressing. I have been a "good boy" since then ... until lately. I am coming out of the closet, realizing that this will probably end the marriage, once she finds out. But I have let the woman in me out. The years of lies to myself have created as much poison as any crossdressing would have, as regards the marriage.

To my sisters, there are those that will honor your life ... they just may not be the people you are with. For those of you who are going through that now, I am sorry for your grief.

[Alicia_lynn419]

You have my sympathy. I am nearly 2 years now without my wife, and though she would not admit it, the crossdressing played a very big part in the demise of our marriage. I felt so helpless.. if I could change I would, but I knew I was/am who i was/am... There is no pain like what you feel now, i can only offer assurance that time heals, and faith will provide...

Chin up girl, as one door closes, another will open....

[Stephenie S]

Dear Melissa,

It sounds to me like she wants to have her cake and eat it too. End the marriage but stay in the house with all the percs of marriage without any responsibility to work on the relationship? That's a pretty one sided situation. She would be out on her a*s, "toot sweet" if I had anything to do with it.

Please take any and all steps needed to protect yourself. She may pick you clean before you know what hit you. Find a trusted friend (perhaps your father) and start salting away some of your assets beyond her reach. This could turn messy.

Stephenie

[RobertaFermina]

OUCH! OUCH! OUCH!

Keep telling us how it is, dear...Don't have any solutions and FEEL for you so badly.

Oh My!

Roberta

[Shelly Preston]

Hi Mellisa

Sorry to hear of the break up of your marriage

Best of luck for the future

[AmberTG]

Well, CDing had a fair amount to do with my first divorce, the depression and moodyness of denial of my female side also had a lot to do with it, I was hard to live with. My current marriage was ok with the CDing, but crossing the line into dealing with my TG issues, has caused serious problems. Most women who marry a man don't want to be married to that person as a woman. It's a tough situation, your damned if you do, and your damned if you don't.
I'm sorry to hear about your marriage, my first was 22 years, this one is 5+ years, but won't make it to 6.
Amber

[Joy Carter]

"Love Transcends All" ??????? I'm sorry but she couldn't have loved you. Take care and follow Stepenis's advice and protect your self.

[TxKimberly]

Wow Melisa,

I'm sorry to hear things turned out so poorly.
Hugs,
Kim

[Sheila]

jess

[Anniesays]

So sorry to hear this. As others have said, protect yourself, find a good sympathetic lawyer (very important!) and most of all, keep your head high and keep your strength. There is life after, and it is true, that when one door closes, another opens.

Hugs,

Annie - who just went through this 3 years ago.

[Carroll]

though this is a blow to you, and you will heal, (been there done that twice), take comfort in knowing that she still would like to remain friends and would like to settle and joint property with you over a time period. I was slam-dunked twice and was left holding all the bills and filing bankrutcy twice. I have a feeling that your dressing was only a part of the issue. Perhaps you two will get along better as friends, or maybe not. Go with the flow and keep your cool about it. Its a rough road, but one that all too many of us have travelled....once or twice

[GinaVegas]

Melissa, I'm so sorry to hear about the end of your marriage especially after so many years!

But, it sounds like though she is trying to forego a big hassle with attorneys and such with the divorce by taking the time to sort things out.

Anyway, I wish you luck in dealing with this.....and you know that you have our support!

[ubokvt]

It always hurts when I see a relationship come to this. You have my deepest sympathy and support. It is hard , it hurts, the loss of dreams, the sense that in some way you failed, but know you didn't and you have friends here who care and support you. Still Stephenie S. has some points to consider don't let your pain blind you to takeing care of yourself and your children. Yes you have to morn the loss, but still act and prepare for tomorow. Please stay in touch with us it will help. You are important to us.

[marie354]

I am sooo sorry for you. I know that you feel at the bottom of a whole pile of hurt right now. I've been there! With my first wife it was just an excuse.
I truely hope that she will think it over a bit more.
Get her some chocolates to help her think. Chocolates have a calming effect sometimes.

[Roberta Lynn]

I'm sorry to hear your wife's decided to end your marriage
maybe this is just a storm and in time she will change her mind, maybe not.
Either way, like the others have said , hope for the best but prepare for the worst.

[melissacd]

I appreciate all of your support. I had hoped for a better ending but I could see from how the counselling was progressing that she was unwilling to work through this.

She said that I would never convince her to be a part of this. I told her I already accepted that and that it was something I would always do on my own. She and the counsellor said that cross dressing is something that cannot be treated like a hobby. The counsellor stated that to many women cross dressing has a much deeper and more negative significance. She said that it takes a very strong woman to deal with something like this, that some women cannot make that leap.

When my wife made this declaration, the thing that struck me most was how matter-of-fact she said, in response to my request to continue to work through this, ... "you just don't get it, being a cross dresser makes you so unattractive to me, you are such a turn off". She cannot get this negative image out of her head - EVEN THOUGH - she has never seen me (or a picture of me) dressed. Her biases against cross dressing are so strong that she won't even try. The is what hurts. To her it is a deal breaker.

At this point the counsellor started talking to me about how I need to move into a new phase of this counselling process to deal with my son and his needs. She said that I should put my cross dressing needs aside for a while....hmmmm.

In any event, she wants to maintain the house and the marital facade until her 81 year old mother passes, as she feels that it would be too hard on her. She wants to tell my son but not until the summer as she feels it would affect his school performance for this year. I have a lot to process. I want to do my best to take the high road and work through the separation peacefully, take care of the interests and needs of my children, protect my interests and get on with my life.

I am not sure how long she and I can maintain this - facade state - she suggests that we should do it until my son is on his own (she figures at least 5 years) though I am not sure if I can put my life on hold for that long. I said to her in counselling that I have spent 10 years trying to reach a resolution on this issue and I am not sure that I am prepared to wait another 5 years to get on with my life.

We will see how this unfolds.

Melissa

[Shadeauxmarie]

My thoughts are with you. Since I have never been in your situation, but certainly could in the future, I have no comforting advice to offer. I'm saddened by this.

[susandrea]

You know I have been with you on this since before you started CDing again.

You also know how strongly I am in favor of you NOT giving your wife all the power.

You've been very fair, dear heart, and while the situation is terribly sad, you will not only get through it but it will lead you to a better, freer place.

I love you.

Kisses,

W.

[Melinda G]

So sorry to hear about your breakup. Crossdressing and marriage just don't mix, despite the few who say their SOs are OK with it. Most aren't.
I was married for 17 years, and crossdressed through all 17 years. My wife only found out when I finally shaved my legs. Within weeks, she had a boyfriend at work, and shortly thereafter announced she was leaving. At first she said she thought I should leave. I said we should try and work things out, and that I wasn't going anywhere. "This is my house"! Because she had a boyfriend, she eventually decided to leave, herself, and left me the house, the kids, and the dog.
I have been single now for 25 years, and love every minute of it. I know it's tough at first, but do not make the mistake of rushing into another marriage.
Being suddenly single after many years of marriage can be traumatic, but you will get used to it. And there is no greater freedom, than being able to do as you please, when you please, and if you please. And being able to spend your money on whatever you want, without checking with someone. And trust me, when you stop chasing women, and don't give a damn anymore, they chase you big time.

[Di]

I am stunned....I was praying for a better outcome for you. And I am very proud of you saying you will take the high road. To me...she asks alot....stay till her mum passes and so on...when she will not give an inch........I'm sorry hon...but think alot of you for how you are handling things....

[Daintre]

Melissa, my thoughts are with you my dear. I can only speak from my own experience but what you have been hearing here is all very good. Retaining a sympathetic lawyer is most critical, he or she can advise you on the legal matters. The child's welfare is most important and two people putting up with each other is not a loving atmosphere. If the marriage is indeed over then you must act now, protect yourself, your son and end the relationship. Divorce doesn't have to be a long and painful process, but many do become messy when sides are drawn up and emotions are raised.

Take care, good luck my friend and please keep in touch with us as things evolve.