Hi Everyone,
After 30+ years of dressing, many years of heartache, angst, and confusion, some years of acceptance, I have made a decision to quit CDing. I had an epiphany 2 weeks back when I had an entire weekend alone to dress to my hearts content. Without going into excruciating detail I've come to the realization that this is not a positive, uplifting thing for me. It is a detriment to some areas of my life. I have chosen to dress countless times when I could have participated in other activities that would benefitted myself and family more than dressing ever did. It's NOT about being "normal" or more of a man. Much thought, contemplation, prayer, and reflection has gone into this decision. This is the right thing to do for myself and family at this time in my life. My wife, who knew about the CDing before we were married, is very pleased with my decision. She also had no clue I reached this decision until after the fact.
I am NOT saying that anyone else here should quit, just sharing what's happening with me. I, like many of you have attempted this before only to come back. I know the general consensus in here to a thread like this is "You'll quit for a time, but you'll be back". The main difference between the other times and this time is when the urge hit me in the past I meekly succumbed to it. I'm not naive enough to think I won't have urges, thoughts, dreams, weak moments, etc. I have enough self awareness to know the things that trigger it most. I've overcome alcohol and drug addictions for 12+ years, so I know the things that need to be done and have a track record of success. I also have a support system in place. The only day I need to not dress is today. As 12 steppers say, One Day at a Time.
Everything is packed up and ready for the big purge tomorrow. I know many of you will cringe at the P word. I have purged in the past. Needless to say those actions were a temporary solution. One thing I'm sure of today, I ain't gonna succeed if it's all still here. I've been "CD free" for two weeks now and have been visiting here to see if any threads, comments, stories, might cause me to have a change of heart before I purge. None have. I will always be a CDer, just a non practicing one, just as I'll always be an alcoholic/addict..but a sober one.
This isn't the end of something, but rather a new beginning. Time will tell if I can succeed. It won't be easy. Just because I say THAT'S IT today is no guarantee it will last. One day at a Time!
I still believe people and society should be accepting of CDers and not look down on us. I still hope the day will come when all people accept others for who they are on the inside and not what they wear on the outside. Did I say I'm not naive I wish everyone here happiness, peace, and contentment. Take care everyone.
"The CD formerly known as Salina"