I sit in my house all alone. Though I know she will come back at some point today I don't know if she will ever be truly back.
I've got no one to blame but myslf,my carelessness and of couse my selfishness. I can't even type my actions but when your wife is unaccepting and do what I have done there just maybe no forgiveness.
Could I have just destroyed my beautiful family for my few minutes pleasure in wearing womens cloths? Yes with other things added yes.
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
[SIZE="3"]And I was thinkin' how the world shoulda cried
On the day Jack Kirby died[/SIZE]
Maybe. But, as so many of us have learned the hard way, you can't permanently repress it. Exposure in the vast majority of cases is bound to happen. You may try hard, you might even be successful for years, even decades. But eventually, it's likely you will be discovered.Originally Posted by sparks
I think all of us have been through this guilt. "If only I could stop then all of this would go away, and I wouldn't harm my family". There's no good answer to that. All you can do is be the best person you can possibly be.
I tottaly feel ya on that issue , my ex-wife was very un-accepting , I was married for 10 yrs , and my being me , Sierra, had ended it , I tryed everthing I could to save it but it did'nt work , we finally broke ( divorced ) in Nov. 2000
been single and living alone ever since then , looking back for me now I'm kinda glad , actually I'm much happier and stress free, !!!!!!!!
wish you all the best of luck ,,,,,,,,,,,
" too young to fall in love "schoolgirl "
So sorry to hear of your troubles Sparks. Hold our hope, perhaps there will be some relief!
Oh Sparks, I'm so sorry to hear that.
Androgynes: the quantum bits of the gender binary.
I am very sorry Sparks, but as MsEva said there may be hope, I have been where you are and I hope your ending is a happier one than mine.
Super Mod
Oh God, Thy sea is so great and my boat is so small
The Breton Fisherman's Prayer was engraved on a brass plaque and presented to President John F. Kennedy by US Navy Admiral Hyman Rickover.
Daintre, gone but not forgotten, R.I.P. Angel xx
Tamara
Sierra,
Do you have an s/o now?
I tottaly feel ya on that issue , my ex-wife was very un-accepting , I was married for 10 yrs , and my being me , Sierra, had ended it , I tryed everthing I could to save it but it did'nt work , we finally broke ( divorced ) in Nov. 2000
been single and living alone ever since then , looking back for me now I'm kinda glad , actually I'm much happier and stress free, !!!!!!!!
wish you all the best of luck ,,,,,,,,,,,
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC] Peggy
Sparks,
Sure doesn't sound good. That's why HONESTY is the best policy.
That's what marraige is all about.
Andi ....
I am not sure what if anything I can say to ease your pain. If you truely do love your wife, I would hope that you and your wife will at least sit down together and discuss this issue in more detail, that is if you had not done so already. If she is unrelenting in her firm belief that CDing is an evil thing, try to reach some sort of compromise that is mutually benefiting to both you and her. Dialogue is the best when there is misunderstanding. First thing is seeking forgiveness from her. Reaffirm to her that you do love her, and willing to recomitt yourself to her and your marriage. Listen intently to her, comply with her expectations/demands. A marriage is giving without measure to your spouse, and if need be, at the sacrifice of your own needs first. Who knows maybe in time, she will soon see that CDing isn't such an evil as she first thought. My heart goes out to you. I been where you are. I only hope that your ending will be happier than how mine turned out.
Sparks,
I am sorry to hear this. All I can say is to try to have / keep a positive attitude. If you think it is over than you will do and say things to reinforce the thought that it is over. If you think it will work out you will be in a better position to say and do things to make it work out. Best of luck.
Feeling and looking great
Jasmine and Donna
Swiss Miss
I mean did she catch you with a guy? cheating is cheating no matter who you are, if not maybe it 's abreaking point, seems to me dressing isn't big enough for divorce on its own.
Keri
Sorry to read about your troubles, Sparks. My sympathies and best wishes to you.
warmly, Linnea
Hi Sparks, I'm sorry to hear this, I know you've been having a hard time, wish I could say something to make it better, but you know a lot of us care about you... I'll just hope for the best.
M
We are made of stars.
Sparks,
Like so many others I am saddened when I hear of this kind of news. I know there is nothing that can be said that will help you feel better. I think we all know that this is a possibility in all our lives and being TG can be a cause, catalyst or more often than not, an excuse to end a marriage.
Just keep your chin up and remember who you are and be proud of that. It is easy to blame ourselves at times like this but more difficult to remember the good things, the things that have been overlooked by others because of our being transgendered.
Please dont believe you are selfish. You are who you are and nothing can change that so think of all the kindness and sensitivity, the caring and wanting to help. These are the good traits, the ones that are you. You will always have them and that is something to be proud of.
Dont let the Guilt, Shame and Fear take over. There are about 2000 friends here for you to lean on.
Kimberley
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
www.transgenderlondon.com
Venus and Mars are not aligned; Good thing.
Where are all the rumballs?
I may not soar with eagles, but then weasels dont get sucked into jet engines...
I honestly can't imagine anything you could have done that would be so bad you can't talk about it. You know your friends aren't going to judge you, and we can be objective about it. What happened?
Androgynes: the quantum bits of the gender binary.
Sparks,
As someone who is going through the same process and the same pain, whose 25 year relationship is ending in large measure because of cross dressing, I feel your pain. After 10 years of trying to fix the relationship and yet finally realizing that I cannot not be who I am I have reached the end of the line with it.
You need to do everything that you reasonably can to work through this with her, however, that should not be at the expense of yourself. That is what makes it so hard, it feels like it is such a selfish act to put cross dressing on the same level as saving a marriage and yet after going through years of denial and suffering the physical effects of that denial I realize that it is really a choice, at least for me, between maintaining a marriage of non-acceptance and my health/perhaps my life itself.
I did not understand and appreciate that until I started having check ups that were showing the adverse effects of all of the negative energy that repression creates. It was killing me. Now I have to choose life and if that means that I have to end the relationship because my spouse will not accept that part of me then, though sad, it is necessary.
I wish you all the best in your struggle and I am here for you if you want to chat about this. I will give you the benefits of my learning process.
Huggs
Melissa
What stop do I get off at? Hmmm...
Very sad for ya pal.
Don't know since you can't write but hope it's not as bad as it seems to you
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
Sorry to hear about your troubles. As the others have said, keep your head up, and maintain hope. We'll be here for you.
Sherrie Lynn Pall
Sometimes I make sense and that frightens me.
Please don't let me be the last post on this thread
Best wishes. I sincerely hope you can work thru this....larry.
It may seem to you that all is lost but in given time you will enjoy the new found freedom to live your life as your true self. Whether CD or TS the chances of relationships ending because of either of these conditions are all too common. But eventually you will realize how much happier you are in the long run. Just speaking from my own experience.
Joan Lynn
Just a girl stranded on her little red island amongst a lovely sea of blue.
"Be who you are and say what you feel, for those that mind don't matter and those that matter don't mind."
Dr. Seuss
i was married for 31 years my x-wife at the time new about my cdind she didnt have a problem with it that isnt what caused the divorce and i can understand how some females is i am single and dress as often as i can havent got up enough courage to go out yet but sometime i hopei am looking for a female companion and was in a online dateing service i always told them about my cding most gals i chatted with didnt have as much of a problem with that as much as they did me looking at porn on the comp
i have been kicked in the head from this GOSH cding, looking at porn,or chatting on the comp as a female is it really that bad???? i dont drink,smoke,chace women,was faithfull to my wife at the time, i guess i am a bad female hehehehehehe oh well i been cding for 40 years why in the hell quit if a female cant understand me and all i do is aturn on for me then so be it SPRKS STAY RIGHT IN THERE AND DO AS BEST AS U CAN AND IF IT WORKS SO BE IT IF IT DOESNT OH WELL U KNOW THE SAYING DAMNED IF U DO AND DAMNED IF U DONT TAKE CARE GLENDA
sorry to here that we feel for you dont give up on her too soon
In the end you can't do anything except be true to yourself, living a lie will always make sadness for someone. You can't help who you are, only come to terms with it and live the best life you can. I'm truly sorry to hear of your troubles, and can only have good thoughts that somehow everything will work out for you.
Have faith. I don't mean faith in gods or governments, prophets or pundits. Have faith in yourself, in what you can do and what you know to be right. What you need is inside yourself, you can not find it in a book or the words of another, it may be hardest to find it there but if you look, find it you will!
My Flickr page http://www.flickr.com/photos/mariannaj
sparks , I have been there done that and have the tee shirt , Its a big gamble telling you wife about you cd ing , but I do believe if she was madly in love with you she would try to work it out . may be there are other things in you relationship that need dealing with too ? You may have to tell her you will not cd again( very hard to do) or move on get you own place and cd as much as you want , only you know the answers good luck
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