Wanna Go Out!

[Byllie]

I need advice, badly. I've been a CD since I was a kid, without knowing the term. I discovered what I am about a year ago, and came out to my wife.

I'd love to go out to local CD or TG meetings, but the problem is I have a beard. My fears are twofold. First, that I will be seen as a less of a CD than others. Second, that with the beard I will be recognized. And the beard stays as it is a compromise with my wife.

Of course, both fears may be silly, but they still exist. I really could use your advice, ladies.

[Teresa Amina]

Go somewhere far away where you are very unlikely to meet anyone you don't want to know about all this. Go to an event like Be All where you'll be among friends. No one will think less of you for the beard; Butterfly Bill has a great beard and goes dressed everywhere.

[Nicole]

Your wife is forcing you to keep your beard?

[marie354]

Where is Butterfly Bill when you need him?
He has a beard and dresses publicly. So why can't you?

I wouldn't feel right with a beard either and I absolutely *hate* (I hate that word) shaving. My facial hair grows really fast but it doesn't fill in right for a nice look, so I have to keep it shaved.

Well I also like my face shaved so I look more femme too. But that doesn't mean that every CDer has to. It's all about choice after all.

I'd gladly give all my facial hair to any FTM if I could.

[Stephenie S]

Where is your beard? You have no head!!

Seriously, there are many people who CD and still have a beard. It in NO way makes you "less" a CDer than any one else. That would be really impolite and certainly not very PC.

Now of course, there are impolite and ill informed CDers just as there are in all facets of life. You will run into bigoted CDers on about the same rate that you meet bigoted members of the general population. If this occurs, just leave that support group and don't go back. That's not what a support group is all about anyway.

Look up Buterfly Bill's posts here on this forum. He is a very experienced and sucessful CDer with a full beard. And right here in my town I have seen a large man with a full beard wearing a nice navy pleated skirt in Barnes and Noble.

Will you be recognised? Perhaps, but what goes on in CD support groups is very confidential. Remember, someone may recognise you, but they are under the same constraint. YOU may recognise them. So there is a long tradition of secrecy with CD support groups. Please don't let this be a reason not to reach out in your community.

BTW, your wife is controling you with your beard. Not a good idea in any marriage for any reason. Try and find some other way to reasure your wife that you won't go too far. You know, she doesn't want to lose you, and that's why the insistence on the beard. Been there, done that. It doesn't work.

Lovies,
Stephenie

[Emma England]

Most gg's I know prefer guys WITHOUT a beard.

[Emily Ann Brown]

Most GGs I know prefer WOMEN without a beard too !


Emily Ann

[annecwesley]

I need advice, badly. I've been a CD since I was a kid, without knowing the term. I discovered what I am about a year ago, and came out to my wife.

I'd love to go out to local CD or TG meetings, but the problem is I have a beard. My fears are twofold. First, that I will be seen as a less of a CD than others. Second, that with the beard I will be recognized. And the beard stays as it is a compromise with my wife.

Of course, both fears may be silly, but they still exist. I really could use your advice, ladies.

Sister, I face the same situation. My wife found my stash 6 years ago and after counseling will tolerate my dressing at home (out of sight of the children, and generally her), but the beard stays.

Inspired by folks on this list I've decided I've had enough of just dress and drives. I'm planning to get out of town and enjoy some spring time weather in a nice skirt with all the fixings, beard notwithstanding. I expect it will be the thrill of my life. I'm looking for a good outfit (recommendations welcome) and a chance to head down to Boston and spend an afternoon dressed as I like to dress. I'll probably stop at some thrift shops on the way and maybe drive home in a different outfit still!

Good luck to you,

Anne

[JoAnnDallas]

At my Tri-Ess meetings we have had sisters come in drab at times. Some come in drab and change their too. You would be very welcomed at our meetings beard or no beard. I bet most support groups would not have any problem with you attending with a beard, dressed or not.

[Byllie]

Thanks to all for your support and advice, I needed it. Anne, from your photo it seems that having a beard is not as big an issue with you.

Now, as I've stated elsewhere, my wife and I are deeply in love, and I am in no way put off by having a beard. It's just stupid silly fears of standing out in a crowd. Of course as a CD that comes with the territory.

[Kendra Irene]

I need advice, badly. I've been a CD since I was a kid, without knowing the term. I discovered what I am about a year ago, and came out to my wife.

I'd love to go out to local CD or TG meetings, but the problem is I have a beard. My fears are twofold. First, that I will be seen as a less of a CD than others. Second, that with the beard I will be recognized. And the beard stays as it is a compromise with my wife.

Of course, both fears may be silly, but they still exist. I really could use your advice, ladies.

I too have a beard and the local group have more than accepted me. My being a member has encouraged others, with beards, to join as well.
Having said this, I have just regrown my beard, after 4 weeks clean shaven and able to "go out". But it was a compromise with the wife.

Kendra

[annecwesley]

Thanks to all for your support and advice, I needed it. Anne, from your photo it seems that having a beard is not as big an issue with you.

You really think I look passable?

I've had the beard for 30 years. My wife even worries about my trimming it too short. I've tied to point out that I would look less awkward to her as a made up woman than a man with a beard in a skirt. She's not there yet. She knows I want to get out. I expect we'll work it ourt someday.

Now, as I've stated elsewhere, my wife and I are deeply in love, and I am in no way put off by having a beard. It's just stupid silly fears of standing out in a crowd. Of course as a CD that comes with the territory.

That's great. I hate shaving (except for my legs) even the little bit that I do. I'm quite excited about the thought of an outing -honestly it never occured to me to just not worry about it and go out without even being concerned about looking like a woman or trying to pass.

Anne

[noname]

Your wife makes you keep your beard!?!? I'm guess a bit of a security blanket for her, but sounds controlling to me.

[annecwesley]

Your wife makes you keep your beard!?!? I'm guess a bit of a security blanket for her, but sounds controlling to me.

We have 30 years of mutual respect and perhaps "mutual control" of each other's lives. I'm not going to antaginize the love of my life over a beard. I was dishonest in not telling her about my crosdressing before we got married. She loved me enough to not leave me when she found out. Someday she'll say "Let's see how you look in that dress without the beard".

[krisinpink]

Gotta put my in on this one...

I have a goatee, it really works for me in my male personna, my SO loves it, other close GG friends agree its a good look for me.

Having said that, it certainly is not consistant with the outfits I love wearing, and really makes any ideas of trying to 'pass' out of the question. That is OK, I've still gone out dressed, -with strength drawn anonymously from Butteryfly Bill.

I attened a suppport group meeting here (Iowa) a little while ago. I had not met any of these girls before, so in email conversations with the hostess, I shared the fact that I have facial hair, and asked if this would this be OK if I wanted to attend. I was told politlely and with absolute sincerity that I am most certainly welcome, but that dressing would not really be cool for me at the meeting. I can honor this guideline. I attended the meeting, met some really nice people, had A LOT of laughs, and things were just wonderful. My only hold-back was being in drab, in the company of CDers who were dressed, I held concerns that I might have been making some of the other girls uncomfortable. Maybe that is just me and I'll have to get over that myself. In other conversations that evening, I felt pressured to shave, but I know that CDing is a part of my life,a facet, a component, just as are my other hobbies, my job, and most importantly, the feelings of my girl. Alas, she and I will compromise on my shaving my face a couple times a year, we can go out then (as we have done) and the rest of the time, I'll be happily settled in the most charming outfits I can put together while living in the camp of the 'Butterfly'

Bottom line, dress if you want to....I want to, I do it, I shop in partial dress, and I've got a goatee. Its all good -really! The only thing those of us with facial hair prolly won't be doing is 'passing'!

hugs to you all!

Jacqui

[Lovely Rita]

This is a tough one. The only thing I can think of is a veil, like belly dancers.

Sorry I could not be of more help