My first day out shopping = nervous!

[Nicole]

Today was my first day to go shopping. I don't own any clothes yet, so in honor of my virgin outing I put together as femme a guy-outfit as I could manage: Linen pants, a light cashmere sweater, black panties (sneaky!) and sandals. Very breathable and nice. It helped set the mood.

I started out early in the morning to avoid the crowds. My first destination was a shoe warehouse-type of place. I had it all to myself. A cute black leather heel w/peekaboo toe drew my attention, but unfortunately it didn't fit (I am 11 1/2 men's). Drat! A few other eligible candidates also came up short. Oh well.

Then it was off to Ross. The atmosphere was not as peaceful here. Already at opening the place was alive and kicking with lots of children, stressed out moms, and bored young men stalking the aisles (ugh). I started to feel uncomfortable so I accepted a fake cell phone call... please tell me I am not the only one to resort to this pathetic strategy. The ruse helped to allay my self-consciousness, but the effort of having a convincing conversation with myself prevented me from shopping well. Argh! I left quickly without trying anything on.

Next, The Mall. A bigger hurdle. I started to feel a flutter of butterflies in my stomach and thought ENOUGH of this and went STRAIGHT into Frederick's of Hollywood! The dark and closed-in environment made me feel comfortable and at ease. No need for a fake cell phone call. I was drawn to an incredibly cute black corset with cobalt lace and fringe. Almost tried it on, but felt that it would be lacking without the rest of my accouterments. Cart before the horse? Oh well. Onward...

On the main walkway, a sunglass kiosk got my attention. Lots of decent Prada and Chanel knock-offs. The nice girl asked what my style was. I hemmed and hawed, "Oh, nothing too sporty. Mostly fashionable looks..." not realizing that I had been admiring the sparkliest & most feminine shades on the rack. With a grin she replied, "You might also like some of the sunglasses in the other women's section over here..." Oops! Outed! But she was very nice about it so it increased my confidence a little.

Next came the hardest part: Dillard's. Instant outage zone! All of the women's clothes are on the top floor under bright lighting and all men's on the bottom, so a lost puppy has NO EXCUSE to linger here. Again I had to rely upon the fake phone: "Oh really? My cousin will be in town this weekend? Great!" while nonchalantly flipping through the racks. Still, no luck. I was too shy to try anything on or ask for help.

*sigh* much harder than I expected

Not all was a loss, however. On the way home, I went to a CD-friendly wig shop. The ladies were very friendly and took their time fitting me with different wigs appropriate for my face and color. The results were definitely encouraging! SUCH a big difference!

I ordered one! Yay!! It will be ready next week. Then the bad news hit: They strongly recommended that when I come back it should be en femme for the final fitting.

*gulp*

I need clothes. And shoes. And a makeover. All within a week! I gotta get over this shyness thing.

No wonder I can't sleep.

[suzy]

Karen,

Wat an incrediable story...How exciting....and you write well too! You are the bravest girl in the whole wide world....gosh...to go shopping like that, in all those stores, one after the other.... That would have given me the ultimate heart attack!!!

I'm so glad that it all went well for you! Glad you got the wig and I can't wait to hear how your next story will be when you go back, enfemme, for the wig fitting!!!

[Nicole]

Thanks Suzy! My biggest fear about the upcoming makeover is how to dress? I can't imagine myself strutting right through the center of the mall to Sephora in a gown and heels and then getting a makeover RIGHT IN FRONT of the window! *woozy - I feel faint - help*

Here's what I think I will do: Go to Ulta in guy clothes and get a makeover there. No mall to deal with... much easier. And I can change into my dress in the salon AFTER the makeover. Seems like the least painful way to do it. Yet I want to get a professional job and the quality of Ulta techs varies greatly. The ideal place would be at the Chanel counter, but oh lord that would be so hard. Worse, I'd have to come in wearing a dress... no halfway switch option there.

I'm going to stop thinking about it and pour myself a glass of wine now. Anyone care to join me?

[Holly]

Karen, I know how hard it can be to put what you know in your brain into play BUT you will live through a shopping trip! Are there CD friendly woman's clothihng stores near you? Lane Bryant and Fashion Bug are both gender friendly. Go for it, girl. You'll want something nice to wear with that new wig! You know you want to!

[MistyCD]

I like shopping at Kohls because they are usually open at 8am, and I am done in an hour, well before the women with the crybaby kids show up at 10am.

Misty

[Helen in OK]

Karen,

If there is a Macy's go there for your clothes, they have nice things and some you can get for a real bargain price and they are tg friendly. Second if there is a MAC counter/store in your area, go there for the makeover. The MAC artists are tg friendly, will make you feel at ease, even in Dillard's, and make you look wonderful. In OK, at least, the makeovers are free, except on Fridays and Saturdays when they are super busy. Then a makeover requires a $40 purchase. They will provide a chart of the products used, the brushes used and it will show the colors used. This becomes a valuable reference for future purchases. MAC makeup is expensive, but works very good. In my case, I requested makeup shades which matched my skin tone, and be something a woman would wear to work. (One day I hope to get my pictures of how I looked that night so I can post them, I forgot my camera, and my friends haven't sent me the pictures they took.) My current avatar is a pale reflection of what the MAC artist did.

Helen in OK

[susie evans]

be patient with your self it woun't happen al at once most of us went through the same type experince your confidence will build with time keep going girl

susie

[marie354]

I can understand the shopping... My first time with my SO... I was a nervous wreck. Looking around to see if anyone was watching. The floor people really did watch me then as I was just too nervous.
Each time we went, it got easier and easier... To the point that my SO would hold things up to me to check the fit.

Then my first time shopping by myself, while she was getting groceries. (Walmart super center.) I was a bit nervous then as well but it passed quickly while I was browsing and placing things in my cart.

I haven't raised the nerve to try things on yet at the store, but maybe one day I can go enfemme and do that.

But the experience with the wig shop... Wow! My jaw would have hit the floor if I was asked to return enfemme. Hope you get everything together for your return trip.

[Wenda]

My GF very astutely pointed out that, for me, the shopping was a big part of the thrill. two bits of caution: en drab, I detest shopping, en femme, look out credit card! Second, If youi have a SO, and she is ok with Karen, NEVER let the two of them shop. It's all downhill from there. (visualize explaining all the VS purchases to a financial counsellor!!)
Sounds like you had an exciting time, and excitement is good. Also, don't forget eBay, and all stores have online capabilities and sizing charts. Welcome and enjoy1 w

[Nicole]

Thanks for the advice, everyone. Taken to heart. Never let it be said that I do anything half-ass! Now all I need to do is get one cute outfit together and I will be ready for my major upgrade. *eeeeee!*

[Jocelyn Quivers]

I admire your bravery Karen. You are far braver than I am. If I'm shopping by myself I still have problems buying such trivial items as make up remover. Good idea with the cell phone diversion. I will have to give that one a try. Jocelyn

[Casey Morgan]

I'm going to stop thinking about it and pour myself a glass of wine now. Anyone care to join me?

How about a game of cards instead? I find that usually keeps my spirits light.

As far as getting clothes in the first place, I like to shop where the sales people pretty much park behind the registers and nobody monitors the dressing room. *cough*Sears*cough* I've even tried on nightgowns there. I wouldn't say nobody noticed (somebody probably did) but everybody sure acted like they didn't.

[Nicole]

How about a game of cards instead? I find that usually keeps my spirits light.

As far as getting clothes in the first place, I like to shop where the sales people pretty much park behind the registers and nobody monitors the dressing room. *cough*Sears*cough* I've even tried on nightgowns there. I wouldn't say nobody noticed (somebody probably did) but everybody sure acted like they didn't.

I'm terrible at cards. NO poker face! My friends rob me blind whenever we play.

I never managed to work up the nerve for Sears. The attendants are nonchalant and will leave you alone, but the overall space is so wide open and brightly lit that people can see you all the way across the store! It is hard for me to relax when all my flaws are amplified x10 on display like that. The Dillard's experience was the peak of what I can tolerate right now. *shudder*

Nordstrom's is a lot easier because the environment is so intimate. The plush carpeting, low lighting, and classical music really help me relax. I feel comfortable and serene there even though it isn't possible to shop anonymously. The staff has a such a high priority on customer service that it hardly matters. I would be shocked if they weren't CD-friendly. The only danger of shopping there is being lured into spending too much!

[carolinewalker_2000]

Karen,

I am so impressed; you are taking enormous steps toward full femininity very quickly. Good luck girl!

[Nicole]

Karen,

I am so impressed; you are taking enormous steps toward full femininity very quickly. Good luck girl!

Thank you very much. It is exciting to finally be able to explore this side of myself. I am eager to make up for lost time but recognize the necessity of moving ahead at a graceful pace. My goal is to be passable, and I am willing to go to fairly extensive lengths to achieve it.

Where there is a will, there is a way.

[Stephenie S]

Dear Karen,

I applaud your determination to get out there and shop. BUT . . . sweetie, you are making this MUCH too difficult. There is no reason for all this angst over shopping.

Please take some advice from Auntie Steph here. Start small. What do you need? Decide first, before you go. I would say that you might need 1 or 2 outfits to begin, right? Remember, when you shop, you want to shop for an "outfit"; for the entire package. The advice given in previous posts about Fashion Bug and Lane Bryant is very good. Both of these stores see CD shoppers every day and so will be able to put you at ease quickly. But really, this advice will aply to ANY store you want to shop in.

First enter the store (duh). Look around to see if the clothing they have on display apeals to you. Ask yourself if this is the sort of "look" you would like. If not, leave. If you like the clothing on display, find a SA and tell her you like their clothes and need to put together and outfit and could she help. This is a good time (again, duh) to explain that it is for yourself. That's ALL. No other explainations are needed. That's all she needs to know, and that's all she wants to know. You will want to say that you have no idea as to you size. She will have a good idea of their sizing so let her be the judge of that. You might also want to tell her where you are planning on going with the outfit. She can then suggest something that will be appropriate. In other words, if you want an outfit to go on a dinner date, it will be different than if you want to go site seeing in the mountains or the beach.

Remember you are shopping for an "outfit". You will need pants and a top, or skirt and a top. Skip the dresses for now. Once you have the clothes you can move on to shoes and hose. I like Payless because they WILL have your size. Their selection may not be wide, but you will find something. You can ask for help here too. They see many CDers, and won't bat an eyelash. You can show the SA your new top and bottom and say you are looking for something to go with them. Remember "outfit". Don't forget hose; socks (for pants) or panty hose (for a skirt). Now you can stop at the jewlrey section and try to find a necklace and earings to go with your outfit. Again, you will be able to show the SA what you have purchased and ask for help finding something appropriate.

So there you have it. Notice, please, that ALL of the above advice involves being honest and asking for HELP. This is, after all, just what SA are for. And most of them do their jobs really well or they wouldn't be there. Most work on commision and depend on their "people skills" for their livelyhood. Asking for help taps you into their knowledge and can put you instantly at ease (did you hear that? instantly at ease) because you are suddenly legitimate. You are being "helped". No need now to cast furtive glances about wondering if someone is "looking", no need to receive bogus cell phone calls, no need to worry if shop security will question you because you look so nervous. No need for ANY of that because you are being "helped".

Try it, honey. Auntie Steph knows what she is talking about. I have "been there, done that". ALL of the above advice can be done totally in drab. No need at all to try to "pass". Leave that for later. Now you are just trying to put together an outfit or two. It's really, really easy, and really, really fun. Please believe me.

Lovies,
Stephenie

[Nicole]

Thank you so much Stephenie for your kind advice. Pardon, I am getting emotional. *deep breath*

In hindsight your technique would have been much easier on my poor psyche. Over the last week I have felt the weight of the world on my shoulders. When I am under duress my strategy is to charge ahead, torpedoes be damned! Or, as my wife recently put it, "Wow, when you get an idea locked into your head nothing holds you back does it? Swan dive right into the shallow end of the pool." She's a great lady, but the last week has been tough.

Anyway, I see the wisdom in your approach. Being honest should shift the burden to the SA and take the pressure off of me. Should. I guess I was hoping to do it 'stealth' and not be outed at all. So I suppose I don't deserve all the congratulations here because I never actually owned up to my insecurities. My inner fear is that if I approached a SA directly it would be my fault for making her feel uncomfortable. She would say, "Oh great, I have to deal with the likes of you on a Monday morning. Security! Please escort this so-called 'gentleman' to the door." I must have faith this will not happen.

This isn't the first time I have found myself in this situation. A couple of years ago I remember standing near the cosmetics counter in a Neiman-Marcus. All was fine and dandy then without warning I inexplicably found myself fighting the urge to ask for a makeover. I approached one lady, smiled, and in a jovial tra-la-la-top-of-the-mornin'-to-ya tone said, "You know, there comes a time in every man's life when he needs..."

...and then I froze. Right in mid-sentence! I made the mistake of opening my question as a joke to disguise my true intent. Now I was trapped and couldn't back out. She studied me for a second and somewhat un-amusedly asked, "Yes? And what could this need be?"

I replied (jovial tone completely gone by now), "I guess, uh, over time we men need, you know, a touch-up. You know?"

She led me to the men's skin care section and I walked away with bottles of cleanser, toner, and moisturizer. All were great products but not what I really wanted. I felt SO awful and confused about the experience. Back then I wasn't sure what was going on inside, but now I know. Lots of awkward little moments like that in my past.

In the future I will take your wonderful advice to heart and relax, admit my intentions without being too nervous, and just go with it. I think this is a good plan. Outfit first, shoes second, and jewelry third. Then a makeover followed by the final wig appointment. Thank you Auntie Steph! I will try the honest approach from the get-go next time.

[Denise Anne]

Fantastic advise Auntie Steph. I am going to use this new method the next time I go out shopping too. Now I can't wait to go.

Karen, I hope you have a wonderful and exciting adventure the next time out shopping and good luck! Please keep us advised on how it goes.

Denise Anne

[Stephenie S]

Thank you both, and good shopping!

Lovies,
Stephenie

[vbcdgrl]

You girls probably aren't gonna believe this, but one of my most femme, semi-dressy outfits came from Wal-Mart. It's a black knee length skirt and black scoop-neck top with 3/4 length sleeves. The thing is, both the skirt and top are "stretchy" so you can be off a size and it will still look great. Both items are their "George" lable. Karen, check it out, could be the way to get your first outfit with minimum stress.

Vikki

[TxKimberly]

It took me YEARS to figure this one little thing out - the more nervous and skittish you act, the more attention your going to get. Boy or girl mode, if you don't want people to pay too much attention, you walk in, look at what you want to look at, and do your shopping. All that furtive looking around, and nervous eyes, attracts attention.
Kim

[Lovely Rita]

We who are about to be shop en femme salute you.