I was reading back through some of my past threads and I started to get the sense that anyone reading these thoughts might get the sense that my wife was perhaps somewhat of an obstinate, uncaring, mean old ogre. Quite the contrary, she is a wonderful human being.
In fairness, because I am the one who is writing these words and reflecting on my issues and my pain I am sure that the picture that I paint is not very complimentary of her. My words, thoughts, are subjective and reflect the way that I see things through, at many times I am sure, a very selfish filter, not giving her side a fair hearing.
The counselling that we have gone through recently has been very beneficial in helping me to better understand her point of view. In as much as I disagree with her stance, it is her truth and her reality. It is okay for two people to disagree and have equally valid yet different truths.
As I work through my own issues I am more and more accepting of her decision to end the relationship. It saddens me. I grieve over the feeling that if she just read that one article, read that one book, surfed that one website, talked to that one spouse or couple or saw that movie...."...there are no magic bullets.
The simple truth is the topic makes her feel uncomfortable to a level where being in a relationship with me is unbearable for her. This is her truth and it is as valid to her as my cross dressing is to me. Going through this process has helped me to better understand that there are limits to love. My situation, my cross dressing, have exceeded her limits. No amount of anything I do will change that. Only she can change that and she has to be willing to do so. She is not.
There is a great sense of relief for me in that realization. I realize that in spite of all of this she still loves me, I am still a good, lovable, decent person, just not the right person for her anymore. I am becoming okay with that.
Now that we have reached the stage of not being a couple anymore, she has become happier, friendlier, more at peace with me.
She has always been a caring, loving person, a good mother and notwithstanding the issues around my cross dressing (which would be a challenge for any spouse), a good partner. She has worked hard to make a life with me through the many challenges that any relationship goes through and together we have surmounted them. Cross dressing is the one area that no amount of love in the world will allow her to transcend.
Upon a great deal of reflection, I can now accept that. I wish that things had turned out differently, but they didn't. I know that my wife will never read these words, however, I want to say them anyway.
To my partner - I am happy to have known you and I know that you did the best that you knew how. I fell in love with you 25 years ago and in spite of everything that has happened, although I have not always liked you, I have always loved you. We have had many challenges and struggles and we have had many good times together as well. We have raised 4 wonderful children. We have created many memories to cherish. As our ships sail off to different ports remember that I will always love you and I will always be your friend.
Huggs
Melissa
Originally Posted by tartshelly
i wish you both all the best, and hope you can remain good friends 
