Ask SO about going out?

[Roxi Loh]

I am very desirous of going out as Roxi. I have never been out. My wife has known since before we were married...but recently has gotten more spiritual and is not very supportive. Before that we had shared many a romantic night when I was dressed. She is not unreasonable. You all know and are probably bored with me wanting to go out. I struggle with asking her to go out as Roxi...which I know will have a negative reaction...and I don't want to sneak around and do it, for many reasons.

How do I approach this...and how do I break the ice to ask her.

[marie354]

My SO and I were talking about a month ago about me going out dressed and I asked her if she would go with me. Well she didn't like the idea at all and told me that if I was dressed as Sam it was OK, not not as Sandy.

Oh well. At least I did get an answer.

It bothered me a bit and now that we are splitting up, I asked her again and she said OK this time. She wouldn't go out with Sandy when we were together, but now that we're splitting up, she will?

I've said it before and I'll say it again. Boy have I got a lot to learn... I'll never understand women. Trying to understand by dressing like one and talking "girl talk" with my SO hasn't helped at all, I guess.

Well, just come out and ask her. You'll know for sure at least. (Maybe.)

[Billijo49504]

So split the difference, go out for a late night ride or to the drive thru, for a burger. That way you get out and she soesn't have worry about anyone seeing you...BJ

[suchacutie]

I truly think that part of any reluctance in this area is based upon generalities. Just asking to "go out" leaves open a long list of possibly negative thoughts, all of which you may not have in mind.

I agree that the first time should be as "private" as possible, but with a goal, however meager it might be.

best of luck!

tina

[Rachel Morley]

Phew, this is a tough one. I think I have THE most accepting and participating wife in the world, ever! However she wasn't always as comfortable about going out with me en femme as she is now. I suppose the thing that changed her was her getting involved with our community more. Once she got on this forum and saw what everyone else was doing, plus her natural, curious, inclination to want to find out more about stuff, she decided (when she was ready) that she wanted to make me look better (more passable?) and when I did, she then suggested we go out. Here's the post about it, and how it came to be:

http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/...ead.php?t=9796

[XDW Nathan-Natasha]

I'd say just ask her and give her a chance to explain herself if she's against it. I can't help you with her spiritual concerns (?) but a good talk might help her understand in general. I'd say just ask her.
She already knows you as Roxi, so the hardest part's done right? Just say you want to go out with her and take a walk or something; it doesn't have to be anything big. But then, if you haven't been out by yourself yet, then maybe that's something you need to do first. Let your wife take this in her own time.
I know I'm kinda in the same boat with my fiance ('aj_gg', on the boards here). I'd love to be able to go out with her while I'm dressed but she doesn't know if she'll be able to do that, at least not yet. I'm not going to let that keep me from going out when I'm ready though, as long as she's at least somewhat okay with it.
But yeah, talk to your wife. She'll listen - she may not like what you have to say, but if she loves you she'll listen. Good luck!

[Angie G]

Roxi just ask most sha can say is no
Angie

[Paula Jaye]

Don't forget that if she has worries about the social consequences then being seen with you at all is a problem. You are "in disguise", she is not. The least you could do is lend her a wig so that she has some form of "camouflage".

[kittypw GG]

I think it is good to start with an evening ride like someone suggested. We would take rides and then go to a state park and walk on the beach. (we live in a rural state so it is easy to not run into anyone when we are out and about). We joined triess and went out with others which makes you feel better that you are not the only one, so that is a something to try. There is safety in numbers. We even went to regular or mainstream resturant where my hubby dressed and to a regular bar where he did not dress but we sat with others that were. I did not feel as comfortable in the "regular" bar or resturant setting. I couldn't get past seeing those "normal" couples out on dates and being out with my hubby as a girl, well it made me feel a little depressed especially when I don't get too many "normal" dates with him.. (hey don't shoot me it is my reality and the reality for a lot of us So's).
I personally feel more comfortable going to a gay or glbtg friendly club.

The trick for me is to keep the focus away from the traditional "date" and to go where others are or go with others. Then I am not as distracted about things and can focus on just having a good time.
Kitty

[Toyah]

My wife is definaylt not happy about me going out and thats OK I never really wanted to. It sounds like she is turnining against CDing totally so cannot see how you can get out now and tell her

[Lovely Rita]

That is a tuffy. I would make sure that I was being as supportive of her in what her interests are first.

[Margie]

Like others, that's a tough one. I hinted to my wife a few times and she says she's definitely not interested. I do occasionally go out with her wearing slacks and a blouse, knee highs and my shoes without heels and she is less concious than I am! I think a wig and a skirt or dress is the main hangup.
You may try something like that for starters and see if you can progress further. I'm hoping the slow approach will eventually work, that's how I've progressed so far in all my dressing. Good luck Roxi!!

[Karren H]

Sounds to me if she's getting religion then maybe you could go to chucrh enfemme with her... Kind of combining both your interests? Late night service at a church far away in say Cambridge? I'd join you but guess they don't have church in Cambridge on Monday mornings?... When I'm there enfemme for a meeting.. Hope there's a mall or some shopping there.... Lol.

Good luck, girlfriend.... That's a tough one!!

Karren

[paulaN]

I though my wife was ok with me going out the other night in Bangor. She told me I should have a night to myself. But she was ugly when I left and she was ugly when I came back. Go figure. As to how to ask, just tell her you need a girls night out. But keep your fingers crossed. If she says yes go as fast as you can before she changes her mind.

[Margie]

Must've been quite the experience Paula! I at least envy you for going out. My wife would never approve, especially without her. I would never ask, maybe in the distant future but not holding my breath LOL.

[Roxi Loh]

To all...thanks. I guess I was not as clear as I should have been. There is no way she would go with me. I want to ask her if I can go out to like a girls night out. I would like the chance to do it once and would like to do it with other tgirls. I know this would be trouble to ask but there is a pent up desire.

[Carin's Wife GG]

Phew, this is a tough one. I think I have THE most accepting and participating wife in the world, ever! However she wasn't always as comfortable about going out with me en femme as she is now. I suppose the thing that changed her was her getting involved with our community more. Once she got on this forum and saw what everyone else was doing, plus her natural, curious, inclination to want to find out more about stuff, she decided (when she was ready) that she wanted to make me look better (more passable?) and when I did, she then suggested we go out. Here's the post about it, and how it came to be:

http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/...ead.php?t=9796

After 12 long years I am ready (see my avatar). Boy I sure am liking it and am so relieved to be even more supportive of Carin.


Louise (GG)