Coming out to SO, and your appearance

[AmandaM]

OK, lots of us have come out to our SO's. A question comes to mind. Do you think your presentation as a woman helped or harmed your SO's viewpoint. Did she find it easier to accept because you were a Babe? Did she freak out cause you're Bigfoot? Or did it not matter?

I'll start. My wife didn't seem to care. I could present well as a woman, but it didn't seem to matter. I'm no Babe, but I'm not Bigfoot either. I do wonder, if she would have thought less of me if I looked like Sasquatch in a bikini. On the flip side, I could see her being scared of my changing sex if I looked "really good". What do you think? Does a crossdresser's perceived Babeness affect an SO?

[Sharon]

My wife accepted me before she saw me dressed, although I was a bit worried and nervous when she finally did. I don't think my appearance had an effect on her one way or the other.

[Trisha]

my wife does not care if i crossdress but she is upset that i do look like a fox most of the time

[uknowhoo]

Interesting topic... I think my wife has a bit less favorable take on my CDing by virtue of my presentation... but not 'cause I llok like Sasquatch or anything. It's more because I don't tend to wear the very loose-fitting styles she prefers. Part of it might be she feels a lil inadequate that she doesn't dress in a manner which I might consider femme. It's not that I dress like a tart or anything, just not real comfy i.e. sweats, oversized tops etc.

[susie evans]

she dosent have a problem as long as i look like a lady

susie

[Holly]

My wife's attitude is that if I am going to do this, then I am going to do this right! I dress appropriate for a woman my age and my size. She often participates with me so I have to say that my femme presentation has had a positive effect on her. But then again, my wife is one in a million!

[MarieTS]

Good question. During a transition session I participated in some of the pre-ops spouses who were in attendance admitted that the clothes never really freaked them out. But rather it was the combination of the entire feminine disposition, cosmetics, body shaping-wear, i.e., breastforms, desire to take hormones, etc., on the part of their husbands that rattled them the most because it made them realize things would never be the same.
So, I guess its pretty much an individual thing, and depends upon how well you have explained things to your SO before hand.

[Joy Carter]

Wicked Blond had a similar thread on this. I dropped the bomb the right away, and told her that I wondered if my SO felt I might look better than she dressed. That answered W B's question to a "T". My SO would never admit to it but I'm sure this is part of it. She has always had a poor self image. God doesn't she know I love her ?

[Mitzi]

My wife has never seen Mitzi, nor does she ever want to.

But she's remarked that I probably am ugly as a woman. I told her about some of my outings en femme when she first found out, but maybe she thinks all cd's look like "guys in dresses". I think she'd be more uncomfortable if she thought I was pretty.

Mitzi

[terrilynn]

My wife has never seen or expressed an interest in seeing Terrilynn. The night I finally came out to her was probably the longest of my life. She would ask a lot of questions, and I answered them all truthfully, then she would be really quiet for a while before asking more. I thought it was going ok when she asked to see my wardrobe, so I showed her everything I had at the time. But since that night, it has been DADT (don't ask, don't tell), and she has never accepted any further conversation about it, but has never verbally 'bashed' the subject either.
She has several gay, bi and lesbian friends, and its ok for them to be 'off center', but doesnt seem to accept that I also am a little that way too.

Terrilynn

[Carin's Wife GG]

look as good.



Louise.

[Kate Simmons]

I don't know about looking like a "fox" but when I came out to her, my wife looked at is as competition for my time and attention. She wouldn't accept it and still doesn't.

[EmmaB GG]

As you all know, girls tend to make deep friendships with similar girls and even as we get older that means they are likely to dress similarly too.

So if your style is drastically different from hers, she might feel slightly odd about being out with you as its not the norm for her.

Take a look at groups of GGs of all ages out and about, shopping, bars, coffee etc - they are all likely to be similar in dress, hair and attitude.

Its the same with personalities, so if your SO is quite the tomboy/ladette, she probably wouldn't naturally make friends with a cutsey girly girl, so its another hurdle for her to get over.

[Kendra Irene]

My wife has had no problem with me dressed, at home, with her around. That is until this past February, when the beard came off and the make-up went on. Her biggest fear was that I was wanting to transition. I sure loved being out of the house en-fem. To relieve her fears, even after letting her know that I had no intent to transition, the beard is back. (have had on for over 30 years)

She has agreed to let me shave again next Feb., providing the beard comes back.

Kendra

[Sandra]

So long as Nigella dresses for her age and doesn't try to look like a teenager then I am happy.

[marie354]

I'm sure that if I didn't dress my age than my ex-SO wouldn't have liked it at all.
She still supports my dressing though. Her daughter says that I look better as a woman. Must be the makeup.

[SherriePall]

My wife hasn't seen me yet. Doesn't want to. Yet, a couple of weeks ago, she again mentioned something about picturing me as a woman and that, sometimes, cools her ardor. I just wish I knew how good I looked to her.

[Toyah]

Interesting question my wife has ben seen on Yahoo a few times with me now she is accepting kinda cute but sees Toyah as some kind of competition or threat, Even some of the other GGs she sees this way it does not matter what I say hell she looks better in my stuff but she still [SIZE=4]thinks[/SIZE][SIZE=2] the same[/SIZE]

[Sally24]

My appearance didn't affect my SOs acceptance because at the time I never "fully" dressed. She does have some issues occasionally because she thinks I look better than her, or my clothing fits better. As other girls have said, she has some body image issues herself. It's not exactly jealosy or competition, but similar. The funny thing is she takes a great deal of pride in helping me look as good as I can. She thinks of Sally as a bit of her creation since she has guided and helped me from the beginning. Just another of those weird situations that no one else in the world experiences except us here.

Sally

[Nikki A.]

I think that a female that is secure and happy with herself will be more accepting of you, whether you are Bigfoot or Babe.
Someone who is insecure may see "Babe" as a threat, competion or you're striving replace her with an idealized version of herself. Even if you don't look great you are a perceived threat to her.
The shame is, I think that most of us would like to use our dressing to be closer not push them away. We want to be not just the husband/bf but also be a girl friend. If I had an answer on how to make the unaccepting SOs see this I would be very happy for myself and all of us that face this.

[Sweet Susan]

My wife was accepting when I first told her about it almost thirty years ago, but I didn't dress in front of her for several years. One year she bought me a sexy nightie, as I had begun shaving my legs and wearing panties full-time. When she saw me for the first time in the nightie with my shaved legs she smiled, but I never dressed up in front of her; I was just too nervous. During these years I looked very much like a babe when dressed en femme. Several years later I showed her some pictures of me via a slide show. The full sized me up on the screen was impressive, and she had no idea that I looked that good. Then a few months after that I dressed for her, and she was blown away. She had no idea I could look so convincing. She liked it, and we made love, and she liked that. I started dressing all of the time. I got better and better at it. We went out in public, and I always looked great. She would drive me to crossdresser meetings and pick me up when they were over. She'd see the other men walk out and then she'd see me. She became over time concerned that I was doing too much as Susan and not enough as Jimmy. I would get dolled up and she would act like nothing was new. Eventually, as the years passed and age began to creep up on her, she began to notice that I looked better in a dress or sexy clothes than she did. She no longer enjoys seeing me dressed up. In fact, when I do it, she asks when I am going to stop. I still look rather convincing, and in fact, much better than most women my age.

[Julie York]

As you all know, girls tend to make deep friendships with similar girls and even as we get older that means they are likely to dress similarly too.

BRAVO!

People like what they understand and feel familair with, even if it is from an obtuse angle. Or at least they can deal with it better if the husband likes the same things.

Brilliant observation.


I just have to find some funky hippy chick with a perve 1950's style who likes to go clubbing.

[Deanna2]

My wife isn't totally rapt in the idea of me wearing skirts, but doesn't mind me in lingerie (lacy camisoes are OK, but no bras though), pantyhose and heels. However, she is unfussed if I wear plain skirts, like denim mini skirts. So I can hang around in camis, skirts and heels, but I wouldn't try bras, wigs and makeup.

[SandyR]

My wife was and still is very supportive, but I think she is a bit worried sometimes I might want to transform. I tell, "no way!".

Life is good!

Kisssess...

SandyR

[Lilith Moon]

I've only dressed a few times with my wife present. The more convincing I looked the more confused and upset she became. Which is unfortunate because looking convincing is what I need to do (at least, for the mirror) when I dress.