Was that "afraid of acceptance" or "afraid of rejection"?Originally Posted by Rachel75
I suspect that part of the time, we worry that no-one will notice the difference! ("Dude, there's something different about you these days! Hmmmm -- I know! You never used to drink Miller Lite before!")
Hi Michelle
I'm going through isolation, too. I don't think it's healthy but I know that it's what I need right now. There does come a time in some people's lives when this really is the best thing for them -- as long as they're making progress while they're doing that (and I am; I'm seeing a specialist therapist to help me unravel myself). It sounds to me as though you know what you're going to do in a few months, so I say go right ahead and be isolated until then.
I am very suprirsed to hear people downplaying the things that are said in the military and the things that are done. We're all aware of the "don't ask don't tell" policy for homosexuals? Of course, that doesn't apply to us necessarily, but it absolutely does go to show how close-minded the military can be. Frankly, I seriously doubt that the bias is only present a fraction of the time. It may only be apparent a fraction of the time but my guess is that it is always present. The military (at least in the USA) is notoriously testosterone-ridden and they say (or at least imply) that anything not in line with that "compromises the cohesiveness of the unit".
May I point out something else? I am very happy for those people who have an easy time with simply doing what they want and not worrying about others (in fact I envy you rather intensely) but it is very important to understand that it is not always that easy for other people. The reasons may be logistical, political, bureaucratic, personal or emotional, but everyone has a different experience.
Michelle, I hope you will do whatever you need to and not let anyone else tell you otherwise. I, for one, support you. These things simply are not always a matter of making a decision and going with it. There are consequences and, in my case, family to think about (since I'm living with my family).
PS, Michelle -- and I'm sure others will say they are in the military or know better than I, and perhaps they're right, but -- my father was in the Marines for several years and what you've said certainly rings the bell of truth for me.
Best of luck to you, Michelle.
Hugs,
Lisa
[SIZE="1"]What lies behind me and what lies before me are tiny matters compared to the girl who lies within me.
-- A twist on Ralph Waldo Emerson
To know what you prefer instead of humbly saying Amen to what the world tells you you ought to prefer, is to have kept your soul alive.
-- Robert Louis Stevenson
Ubi dubium, ibi libertas. (Where there is doubt, there is freedom.)
-- Latin Proverb[/SIZE]
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
As far as I recall, "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" is not a policy of the Canadian military, which is where Michelle happens to be. (All that Rights stuff I posted was specific to Canada.)
If I had my choice, I would come home from work and dress up, stay that way until I went back to work. I don't have that choice, so I make the best of it. What else can one do? It seems rather simple, really.
Once bitten, always smitten
I truly do have this opportunity, and since I am "lazy" (I'm an engineer, c'mon.. the whole proefession was predicated on the phrase "there HAS to be an EASIER way to do this), I don't dress en femme as often as you might think. It is a lot of work. The shaving, the skin treatments, the make-up.. it takes me about 1.5hrs to get en femme, and it ALWAYS starts with 1 pair of panites!
But still... I have the luxury of dressing up en femme whenever I feel the "urge". Matter of fact earlier today (Sat) I bought a home ear piercing kit , and am now the proud owner of 2 stainless steel studs (1 per ear lobe).
Denied
When I started allowing myself more time for dressing it really started to have a negative impact on my life. I would turn down invitations to go out. I wouldn't even leave the house to go to the corner market. Errands that needed to be completed went undone. I didn't mind. There was nothing I wanted more than a little "alone" time to indulge in something "I" wanted to do.
I finally reached the point where I started questioning why I felt that way. Why should I care if someone I don't know sees me dressed as a woman? What possible difference can it make? Why can't I go to the store when dressed? Are they going to stop me at the door? It is not like no one knew I was a crossdresser. Friends had either seen or heard about me.
So I started doing the things that needed to be done. Need groceries? Go to the store. Hardly anyone noticed me anyway. A girlfriend wanted me to go to the store with her? "OK, but I'm dressed." "That's OK. Can we have lunch too?" Trash day? I can't wait until next week. Take out the trash.
My neighbors and friends don't really mind. Sometimes it is not appropriate. No problem, go in guy mode. But if it doesn't matter.......well, it doesn't matter.
[SIZE="3"]Yes Michelle,
The extent of my going out to socialize is mostly work related interaction with people. I live in a very small and somewhat Isolated town. I was reciently divorced and most of my past freindships were mutual couple relationships. I was never a hang out with the guys and do guy things kind of person. With the stresses of work and the fear of over exposure in a small town, where there are many who I do not want to discover my dressing, I can't wait to get home get cleaned up and slip into my PJs or nighty and relax in private. I usually wake at around 3:00 am and take the opportunity to completely dress everyday untill I have to go to work again.
I love my girl side and give her as much time as I can. I have the support of my SO but she lives 2500 miles away. I don't want to really get involved in any relationships because the whole CD issue becomes unmanageable. I'm certainly not going to get together with the guys and paint nails or talk make up. I don't play hockey! I see a life change coming in my not to distant future because I want the freedom to live as I want and Isolation is not the answer.[/SIZE]
[SIZE="3"]Jennifer[/SIZE]
Born female intended
" Don't die with your music still in you!"
Hi Michelle... just to let you know that I did 20yrs, 6mths, 21days, but who's counting. The time you have left will go fast and then you'll be free to follow your heart. Hang on a little bit more. What we enjoy is not bad, just misunderstood. There are more CD's in the service than you know. We just know how to "camo" better than they know. Semper Fi
I buy those picture frames with stock photos in them, then I leave the photos in so that I can pretend I have friends.
OK, that was harsh. But, who needs friends, they just turn on you anyway.
I worry about myself I like being at home dressed more than going out ,unless its enfemme
when my kids or gf are at my home I have to stay busy cooking etc to keep
my mind of them all leaving and me being julie again ,
I tend to isolate myself from the outside world. I have to agree with some of the others here, if it wasn't for the wife I would never leave the house. In fact it has taken me two years to get the courage to sign up for this website. I enjoy being able to dress when given the chance but feel that I have to hide and not let anyone find out. My wife knows but I even find that I try to hide it from her. I guess I feel guilty about doing something that is not wrong. Sounds weird, doesn't it?
Posting Permissions
