I don't know what it means! I want to be loved by a woman...as a woman.

[XDW Nathan-Natasha]

Girls, I really don't know what I'm feeling right now. I guess it's my first real taste of what the shrinks call 'gender dysphoria' - and I don't know how to handle it.
I was watching a movie with non-sexual lesbian encounters (dating, making out, etc.) enfemme and I found a strong part of me wanted to be able to experience part of that - but not as a man, as Nathan, but as a woman, as Natasha.

In essence, I feel like there's a part of me that wants to be loved by a woman as a woman. I guess this means that when I'm dressed I want to be romantically involved with a woman at times.
I am engaged to the beautiful aj_gg and I couldn't see myself spending the rest of my life with anyone else. I would love for her to be able to accept me as a man and as a 'woman' and to love both sides of me equally. There's a part of me that says it would not be a bad thing if we, say...became intimate while I was still enfemme.
I know she is opposed to this and I would not dream of pressing the issue - but it's still something I'm feeling for the first time and it confuses and scares the Hell out of me. I just don't know what's going on...

I don't know what she'll think when she reads this or when I bring it up to her. I don't even know what I'm feeling. What does it all mean? For me to wish to be loved by a woman, as a woman. I don't get it. Girls, help...can anyone relate to what I'm feeling here? What should I do?

(To aj_gg: I'm really sorry I couldn't get a hold of you before posting this, but you were at work. We really need to talk about this, so please, if you read this before I can talk to you, call me. I love you. And no, I'm never going to leave you. This is just one more facet of my being that I need to uncover and understand. I know it's probably way over your head at this point, and the last thing you need, but please - be patient and bear with me. We'll work this out together. I don't want to lose you. I love you.

...

Sarcastic comment pending: I guess this makes me a lesbian when I'm enfemme, huh?)

[Jennifer_G_2]

Thank you for that post, I was beginning to wonder if I was the only one that felt this way. It kinda reminds me of a joke I heard once about being a lesbian trapped in a man's body. Hehe, not really a joke when it is what we experience. I liken it to the fact that when I am dressed as a woman, I also seem to want to be loved by the same sensitivity, sensuality, and tenderness I feel when dressed.

Also, I would tend to think that most CD's are straight, so continuing an existing sexual preference through-out dressing seems perfectly logical (and practical). However, this will most likely be both pro and con, as your SO probably would be looking for man in most intimate occasions. One thing that is very positive for her though is that she knows that you still intersted in her as a woman, even during dress, which I would think the natural thought of most women would be that when men dress as the opposite sex, they are then interested in the same. Hope that helps.



Jen

[Nicole]

In essence, I feel like there's a part of me that wants to be loved by a woman as a woman.

Natasha, you beat me to it. I've been working on a post dealing with this subject which is not quite ready yet. For now I can say that I understand exactly what you are talking about. I feel the same way. The need to be loved as Karen is very strong. I don't care whether it makes me a lesbian or gay or whatever, I only want to be cherished as her. Still trying to find out whether 'she' is more 'me' than 'I' currently am.

[Michelia]

I very much have that need.

I am very lucky in that my SO totally satisfies it. I am the macho guy for her at least half the time. The other half she totally enjoys having her way with me. I have to say it has paved the way for the most deeply felt closeness we could ever have imagined. I totally let myself go with her and never hold back. She in turn has responded by never making me feel awkward. But she really does enjoy me being so open with her and being the most girl I can be.

When I am in macho mode she is "my girl" and she always refers to me by my male name and I am often quite dominant while she feels safe. When I am in girl mode, I am "her girl". She then always instinctively refers to me by my girl name and kind of takes charge and becomes very protective.

None of this has happened overnight and not without a lot of communication. But has happened rather naturally rather than formally defining the nature of our relationship.

I guess I am very lucky. But on the other hand, I worship her. And of course I would never trade her for anything, man or woman. I live to make her happy.

Michelia

[Kikacd]

The majority of my fanatasies of me enfemme are centered on being with a woman not a man. I like to think about it in a lesbian relationship context or a submissive serving her mistress. Even being submisive to serve my lover in whatever she desires.

My wife & I do make love while I am dressed in lingere. (Not everytime we make love though) but almost everyother time. I love the feel of us caressing eachother and feeling the satins & silks.

If you SO accepts your dressing she will most likely accept you in bed with lingere.

[Kate Simmons]

It's the softer feelings that you are experiencing Natasha, which, I would say is something like the closeness (and empathy) two women feel for each other. You can experience this with your Nathan side also, Hon. All you have to do is open yourself up to it and I know she would love it as well and still have her guy in the process.

[sterling12]

Seems simple enough. At least part of the time your a lesbian, (and I would assume of "The lipstick variety".)

A while back, at a Support Group meeting, A Dom I know pointed out this fact to me. She asked: "How do you see yourself?" I replied that I was transgendered. And then she asked, "Do you like boys or girls?" Me says: "girls, of course!" "So....then your obviously a lesbian."

Stopped me dead in my tracks, hadn't thought about it at all. kind of empowering, once you accept the idea.

Peace and Love, Joanie

[Jodi Lynn]

I have allways wondered what it would be like too. A few years ago I was in a TG frendly bar and I ran into some girls that I had met online. Well at the end of the night we all gave each other kisses good bye. A couple were just quick pecks, but two others were long deep kisses. As I was in a long deep kiss with one of the girls I said to myself, "Oh crap I am a guy kissing another guy." but then it hit me no we were two girls enjoying being a woman and sharing that joy with each other. So if that makes me a lesbian so be it.

[Josephine 1941]

Hi everyone,

I love when this type of question comes up,excuse the pun. Before I met my current girl friend an was going thru my divorce, I decided to see if I was gay, I met a couple of men for sex. I have since realized that sex with a women or man is just that a animal instink to satisfie our needs. I all so felt that I liked sex with a women more than with men. Since meeting my present girl friend who loves all of me male an female we have found that the both of us are neather male or female . You an only you will have sex with whoever you want . Love on the other hand is a different story , don't confuse the two. I now have a great world to live in I only hope that who ever you are you to some day will enjoy true love of the type I have.


Josephine

[XDW Nathan-Natasha]

Hey again girls.
I've been taking some heat in personal messages from several members of this forum who shall remain unidentified, obviously, because they're just concerned.
Because of the messages I've gotten and some of the reactions I've recieved I feel like I need to clear some things up.

Again, much of what I'm about to say is regarding stuff I've recieved in personal messages, so it may not make a bunch of sense in the context of the generally positive replies I've gotten here, so here goes:

(WARNING! - I'm sorry if these seem like brutal rants...it's not for you girls and genetic girls out there in general - it's for those who seem to have misunderstood what I said here when I started this thread and called me on it, and to prevent such from happening in the future.

...

Again ladies and genetic ladies, I apologize. This is just my way of clearing some stuff up...and venting, I guess. For those of you who have been nothing but supportive - thank you.

For those of you who have become concerned about my prior post - thank you all the same. I undersand that you're concerned about me and my fiance, but please - don't make crass judgments without really knowing me, kay? Again, I understand that you're concerned, and I thank you.

END WARNING!)

Damage Control:

-I know I am not a transexual. Am I transgendered? Probably. Gender dysphoric? Maybe. Do I really know? Nope. I'm me, and that's it.

-I primarily identify with myself as a man and I know I will always be a man first and foremost. I do not want to change that.

-I, however, have some strong feminine feelings and, I guess you could say 'desires' that I don't quite understand right now.
This feeling of wanting to be, as I said: "loved by a woman as a woman" is one of them and is something I'm trying to figure out.

-I'd be lying if I said that there WASN'T a part of me that identifies at least in part to women and as a woman, but that doesn't make me a woman or want to become a woman. I'm who God made me and all this confusion is, I guess, part of the package - either what He created directly or what He just plain allowed to happen.

-I have not left my fiance out in the dark about this. She knows what I'm feeling. I told her about this somewhat a while ago - I'm only starting to be able to put it in words now, though and that's what this was an attempt to do.

-I'm not really a lesbian, I guess. I'm a straight male. If I did consider myself a woman when I am cross-dressed then sure, I'd probably be a lesbian.

-Ummmm...that's all I can think about now.

I hope this clears some stuff up for those of you who have been a lil' confused over my prior post. Please, if you have any specific concerns, feel free to post 'em and I'll answer you, or drop me a personal message. I'm more than willing to address any issues, concerns, etc. in private or right here - in the public eye.

Take care ladies! If I need to do more damage control later, I'll do so. But right now, I want to do other stuff! Cheers!

[XDW Nathan-Natasha]

After reading the diagnostic definitions of gender dysphoria on Wiki (I love that site!) I don't think I'm gender dysphoric. I don't know WHAT I am. I'm figuring it out though, slowly but surely. Thanks for all your help girls!

[Valerie]

I love it when my wife makes love to me as if I were a woman--I just melt. Yet I have always avoided defining myself--I have changed often in my life and surprised myself many times. Lesbian? Just enjoying what is happening now. Tomorrow it may be different. Dysphoria? Who says? Enjoy the wonderful feeling, Nathan-Natasha!

Valerie

[marie354]

Women have that "loving feeling" more than men do, so it is a more accepted and a natural thing for 2 women to be "in love" than 2 men. Society accepts this. (Go figure.)

We have grown up with the expectations that we should be "the man" and love "the woman" and marry and have children so that we can proliferate.

Well now that some of us want to be women...

Well it's natural that this feeling would transfer into us feeling like a "lesbian"... "Wanting to be a woman that wants to be with a woman". It only follows...

There are a lot that want to do it all and want to be with a "real man" as well.

There are sooo many levels to CDing that it's all hard to define.

We all have to find our own way in this maze...................

[TracyH]

Being crossdressers, most of us have two lives, dressed and drab. In one life, you already have your needs met; if you didn't, you probably wouldn't be dressing. Those needs are for acceptance, friends, and love. Sometimes, and especially if your friends and lovers are not aware of your secret life, those needs are not met when you are dressed. This is why we so often feel lonely and isolated because we dress, because we do not have those friends, lovers, and acceptance. So really, it's only natural that you feel the need to be loved while dressed, just like you feel the need to be seen, acknowleged as a human being, and to make friends dressed.

[Kate Simmons]

Natasha, I can't figure out why anyone would attempt to pass judgment on you, as you said, you are just trying to figure things out and sort out your feelings. Absolutely nothing wrong with posing those questions and stating your feelings. It would be totally unbecoming of me as your friend to think you were going to "jump ship" in your relationship just because you express those feelings. I always enjoy reading your comments and your input and your SO's as well. None of us have the answer to everything and we learn from and support one another. Take care my friend. Sal

[MsJanessa]

hon I suspect many of the SO GGs feel the way yours does----I don't know if there is a whole lot you can do to change her mind but be aware that the feelings you have are common among crossdressers---there is a sexual element to our dressing(either gay or straight) that many of the Gulrs out there and there SOs don't really acknowledge

[Marcie Sexton]

Not so strange after all...

Speaking of myself that is...I too have the same feelings...something that I have felt and kept to myself for years...Something I have not shared with my wife...

Thanks girls...seeems I'm not that much different from some of the others...

[Jenniferritchie]

Hi i read you post with interest and i am not qualified to say how you should respond to those feelings, but i would like to say that i to feel like i am a lesbian with my wife when i an dressed but that is where the confusion comes in because i do not desire to be involved with any other woman, just my wife, so is the love i am sharing with her that of my male persona or that of my female side. My wife and i have recently went thro a major discussion about my femme side and she has assured me that it is the man she fell in love with and not the female, however the male is also the female therefore she says that she loves the whole person. my wife has not yet went out with me in my female mode and has stated she has no inclination to go out with me, but later this year we have both been invited to a wedding of a cd friend and his gg and my wife is going , so that will bee the first time that we will be together in a social enviroment, this must be LOVE. What does all this mean, i don't know but what i am sure of is that i am very much hetrosexual and happy to be married to my wife and yes we do have an active sex life, this has taken a turn for the better since she has come to accept the whole of me. i hope that there is some sense in this somewhere, goood luck on your journey of discovery

[StephanieH]

I think many of us here are what I've not-so-jokingly referred to myself as - a lesbian trapped in a man's body. Have fun. If your wife can accept it, then marvelous, you've won the grand prize. If not, work around it as best you can, but rest assured, you're FAR from alone in this desire!

Take care!

[Tree GG]

...but that is where the confusion comes in because i do not desire to be involved with any other woman, just my wife, so is the love i am sharing with her that of my male persona or that of my female side. ... she loves the whole person. ..:

Thank you - I share your confusion. I've been told these same words and I struggle to understand what it means. What exactly does it mean to "...be loved as a woman..." in the logistics sense? Do you want to hear "I love you Natasha" or do you want your breastforms fondled or receive intercourse?

If there is 1 GM + 1 GG intending to be physically intimate using the genetic parts as they were designed, the net actions and result of successful intimacy for both is the same regardless of clothing. Perhaps this is just a state of mind for the CDer, who would like encouragement that she is a lovely/loved lady, in which case all that would be required are words and caresses - no?.

???????????? These are real confusions and I would really like clear, specific answers to what actions could you receive from your partner, that you don't receive when in the male mode, to feel as though you're being loved as a woman by a woman (within the bounds of decency, of course).

Thanks

[Kristen Kelly]

Hey again girls.
I've been taking some heat in personal messages from several members of this forum who shall remain unidentified, obviously, because they're just concerned.
Because of the messages I've gotten and some of the reactions I've recieved I feel like I need to clear some things up.
Again, much of what I'm about to say is regarding stuff I've recieved in personal messages, so it may not make a bunch of sense in the context of the generally positive replies I've gotten here, so here goes:

(WARNING! - I'm sorry if these seem like brutal rants...it's not for you girls and genetic girls out there in general - it's for those who seem to have misunderstood what I said here when I started this thread and called me on it, and to prevent such from happening in the future.
Again ladies and genetic ladies, I apologize. This is just my way of clearing some stuff up...and venting, I guess. For those of you who have been nothing but supportive - thank you.
For those of you who have become concerned about my prior post - thank you all the same. I undersand that you're concerned about me and my fiance, but please - don't make crass judgments without really knowing me, kay? Again, I understand that you're concerned, and I thank you.

END WARNING!)

Damage Control:
-I know I am not a transexual. Am I transgendered? Probably. Gender dysphoric? Maybe. Do I really know? Nope. I'm me, and that's it.
I primarily identify with myself as a man and I know I will always be a man first and foremost. I do not want to change that.
-I, however, have some strong feminine feelings and, I guess you could say 'desires' that I don't quite understand right now.
This feeling of wanting to be, as I said: "loved by a woman as a woman" is one of them and is something I'm trying to figure out.
-I'd be lying if I said that there WASN'T a part of me that identifies at least in part to women and as a woman, but that doesn't make me a woman or want to become a woman. I'm who God made me and all this confusion is, I guess, part of the package - either what He created directly or what He just plain allowed to happen.

-I have not left my fiance out in the dark about this. She knows what I'm feeling. I told her about this somewhat a while ago - I'm only starting to be able to put it in words now, though and that's what this was an attempt to do.
-I'm not really a lesbian, I guess. I'm a straight male. If I did consider myself a woman when I am cross-dressed then sure, I'd probably be a lesbian.
-Ummmm...that's all I can think about now.
I hope this clears some stuff up for those of you who have been a lil' confused over my prior post. Please, if you have any specific concerns, feel free to post 'em and I'll answer you, or drop me a personal message. I'm more than willing to address any issues, concerns, etc. in private or right here - in the public eye.
Take care ladies! If I need to do more damage control later, I'll do so. But right now, I want to do other stuff! Cheers!

[SIZE="5"]I Feel like a blonde on a merry-go-round "When we going to get there" [/SIZE]

[Felix]

Hope ya don't mind me joining in but can't resist. I feel for ya Hun cos the confusion or feelings you have I can relate to in part. I am FtM but I am very much Lesbian inside still and I know Yachica finds this aspect hard to understand as we only talked about it last night. It's like a spiritual thing to me part of my female side that I don't want to loose or let go of and yet in my mind I want to be seen as a man and called a male name and stuff like that. So it's kinda like what you are going through. Anyways Hun If ya wanna chat in private ya can PM me feel free ok xx Felix

[stormrider]

I myself am a bisexual girl, but a heterosexual when in men's clothes.

[Maggie Kay]

When I think of this act, I don't see male genitalia involved... SO is the desire to have sex without "it" the big draw. It is for me.

[Sweet Susan]

Natasha,
I find what you are describing to be a rather accurate description of myself. I do not see myself as a woman. I do not even want to become a woman. On the other hand, I do want my wife to treat me as a woman, love me as a woman, and make love to me as a woman. It's rather silly, I know. But if I had my druthers, that is what they would be. So, I understand where you are coming from, but like you, I don't know why.

Susan