Acceptance (Warning: may evoke strong emotions)
I had a wonderful experience, this past weekend, which I'll relate in a moment.
But my experience also brought some questions to mind.
I think I understand why many TG people feel that they have to lie to their family or SO. After spending their formative years, being trained, to be tough, never cry, show no feelings, playing with dolls or girls means your a sissy or worse a homosexual.
Lying becomes a matter of survival. You really feel that you can't trust anyone, with your secret. When a SO says that she accepts your CDing, is your subconscious mind remembering.......................
"You're eight years old, sitting in your back yard, playing with one of your sisters dolls. Your father walks into the yard, smiles at you, and says, "So Johnny, you like playing with dolls?", you answer yes. Your father grabs the doll out of your hands and breaks it in half. Then slaps you in the face and yells "Boys don't play with dolls, what are you, one of those sissies!" You hang your head and as the tears roll down your cheeks, you whisper, "No daddy, I'm not a sissy." Your mother has heard the commotion and is entering the yard, as your father walks past her, he angrily says, "No son of mine is going to grow up to be a sissy faggot!"
No matter how much you may love your SO, some emotional mountains are very hard to get over.
Not necessarily referring to any GGs on this forum..........................
I wonder, why some girls, who loved to play dolls and play dress up with their brothers, would grow up to be women who would divorce their husband for wearing a skirt.
I apologize for getting a little off track and perhaps very emotional, but I have to go with what I feel, even if it's unpleasant at times.
Now, something a little cheerful. There's a GG, that I'll call "Tina", who's known me in drab mode, for several years. This past February I went to see Tina doing her comedy show. I was sitting near the stage, fully enfemme and Tina sat at my table, to say hello. (she did not recognize me). We chatted for a few minutes, and she kept asking if we had met before. I told her that I had seen one of her shows last year. She asked me my name, then it was time to start the show. So she has a portable microphone, and is talking to people behind me, I'm facing the stage. Anyway, she says happy birthday to a few people, notes a couples tenth anniversary and is talking and walking backwards, to the stage.
Oh my gosh, she's standing right next to me, she puts her hand on my shoulder and says "And Brianna has graced us with her presence", I must have turned three shades of red, but I also had a big, genuine smile on my face.
So..............this past weekend, I'm walking around in my semi-fem mode (no wig or forms) and I come across Tina and her friend Sue, sitting at a table having coffee. As I spoke with Tina, she told Sue, "Look at HER nails, aren't they beautiful? Sue agrees and says she likes my nails too. Then Tina compliments me on the blouse I'm wearing.
This, combined with meeting some wonderful "girls" over the weekend, really made me feel warm and fuzzy all over.