I find it very difficult to shop for make-up and clothes without feeling terribly self conscious. Mail order is one option but I would love to be able to work up the courage to do my shopping in person. This must be a problem for most crossdressers and any tips would be welcome - especially from CDs who live in Ireland.
[SIZE="3"][/SIZE]Sapphire
Conditions and levels of acceptance differ in various cultural settings, but in general I would say that the self-consciousness diminishes with increased self-acceptance and experience. In the latter case, I have found that the more times I have gone out, the easier it gets and the more comfortable I have become with it.
There may be special circumstances in Ireland that would gravitate against this--I don't know about that.
warmly, Linnea
For many years, I felt self conscious. Then about 8 years ago, I just threw caution to the wind. I came out to store personnel, showed confidence, and have had a ball shopping ever since. I walk in with confidence, always smiling and friendly. When an SA asks to help, I smile, come right out and tell them I am shopping for me and that I am a cd. Have never had a problem. I let the SA's help me. I ask them questions, and always try on in the store before buying.
Find an area away from your home to shop and just do it.
Jodi
sapphire..
look online for make up you like
then write it on a piece of paper and bring it to the makeup counter and just hand it too the girls that work there.....they will think its cute that you are buying makeup for your girl.....and of course you are!!!!
i had great success with this method ... 100% success rate!!
in fact ....such success that i started to dress more and look better and now when i want to buy some makeup, i shave my legs, pick out a nice skirt or capris.. a tunic sweater, some cute heels and then do my hair ....then i go to the makeup counter and ask them to help me pick the right blush and foundation!!
i know that sounds like a tgfiction story but its 100% true!
it took me forever to have the guts to do it and i wish i didnt wait so long!!
you can do it if you want girl!!!! pm if you want to chat
It was very hard for me to shop ''live" in person at first, but shopping with a girlfriend helped me over that quite a bit.
The first time I was shopping with her, I was a nervous wreck and the sales staff watched me closely. The next time it was a bit easier, no one seemed to notice I was there, and by the third, I was almost perfectly at ease.
I haven't been shopping by myself yet, but that will come in time, I'm sure.
I don't go out of the house as Sandy... Only as Sam. So I haven't done it the "real" way yet.
The SA's haven't even given me an odd look. They don't know that you are buying something for yourself unless you tell them so. Some may guess, I'm sure, but most don't care why you are buying what you are buying as long as the sale is made.
I used be very nervous buying Tampax or Kotex for my various GF's over the years, but now... No problem. When a girl asks for something like that, she really needs it. I think that that was tougher to do than buying clothes.
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
Many years ago, my late father was sent to college by his employer. One of the classes was Public Speaking. In one of the exercises, these middle-aged men were told to stand up in front of the class and speak in a swishy, gay voice. This was the WWII generation, so something like that was meant to be very difficult. Of course they all had a good laugh at each other. The point was, so get over the fear of dealing with the public, they had to just do it, and do it in a dramatic way.
It's natural for you to be nervous, but you can get over it. But there's no way of doing so without putting yourself out there. I guarantee that once you do it a few times, you'll be amazed that you waited so long. Personally, I was the same way, and now I love standing in front of the makeup displays and examining all the great lipstick colors. And you know, I've never had a cashier show any interest in me at all.
Tomorrow I want to to go to the store and buy something - anything. Nail polish, pantyhose, it doesn't matter. Every journey starts with one small step, right?Don't worry, you won't suddenly burst out shouting "I'm a cross-dresser, look at me!". Those things only happen in Monty Python skits. Most times, most people are happy to thoroughly ignore us. And that's a good thing!
Many thanks for your comments and practical advice. This is my second day to use the forum and I am very impressed by the fund of good will. Until now I have never communicated with another CD and have felt very isolated. Knowing that there are people like you out there makes a big difference.
[SIZE="3"][/SIZE]Sapphire
Sapphire, I agree and feel the same way, welcome.Originally Posted by Sapphire
I now shop in person for myself while dressed as a male, I don't care what anyone thinks anymore (unless I know them, so I shop in other cities). I buy make-up, clothes, lingerie, doesnt matter. I make no explaination or excuse. However, the more comfortable I get, the more I come back home saying to myself, "Damn, I just spent way too much money."
Jen
I find the big stores, like Target, are very easy to shop in. They can be very impersonal and if you go early in the morning they can also be very empty. It is easy to think that everyone is looking at you, particularly when you hear an announcement over the PA that security is wanted in ladies wear. Just remember that you have every right to be in the store and your money is as good as anyone else.
The other useful place to pick up good, quite cheap femme gear is in the throw out racks and bins outside boutiques. You don't need much time to quickly go through the offerings, buy something and be on your way.
I feel the same way. I get pretty nervous about shopping for girly things but whats really intereasting is that if I'm shopping for my girlfriend, then I'm not nervous about it at all. So just pretend that your shopping for someone else. Although you will soon find out that no one is going to bug about shopping for girl stuff anyway. Just go at a non-busy time and day and dive right in to the womens section and be confident about it. If you act scared and nervous and are looking around alot then they will think your up to no good. If you act confident about it they will just see you as some bloke shopping for his wife. And shopping in person is so much better than ordering from a catalog or online because they have so much more at the actual store. Also in the store they have alot of clearance items. Happy shopping
Sapphire, I'm glad you feel welcome here. This forum is great!!
Start by buying simple things where you don't need too much sales associate help. Then build up to asking them questions about the item. They love to talk about the product. I love this type of banter because it's not directly about you buying it for yourself. It takes the pressure off of you. Take it slow and you'll love it!
Do you have MAC cosmetics in one of your department stores. They are TG friendly the world over. They are very happy to advise but need to know that it is for you so they can tell you what will look best.
I am less self conscious shopping en femme than I am dressed as a male. There is no doubt in the sales persons' mind and they are just as helpful if not more so if you are confident and pleasant.
Michelle (Oz)
Chain stores in larger communities will have clerks who have seen it all. Most say that they have other men who shop there for themselves. I have frequently heard that the men who shop for themselves come in enfemme. Now, I suppose there are men like me shopping in drab. Maybe they actually believe the "for my wife" smoke screen. I have seen clerks almost forcefully assume that I am shopping for someone else. It was as if they never considered that a hansom strapping man such as myself would like satin!! :-)
Joe
When I buy cosmetics, I buy it en femme so the SA knows its for me. Invariably, they offer to "ajust" my makeup by redoing my eyes or lips. Lately I've been having full makeovers at the counter. Love every minute of it.
But if getting it enfemme is not possible, then you can get the cheaper ranges of cosmetics self service from supper markets (here in the UK) you can just drop them into your shopping basket and pretend that the other helf had to leave suddenly.
Welcome Sapphire,
I have no problem with shopping anymore, but I do remember hearing of a method that helps those who do. Put all your sizes down on a piece of paper. Carry the paper with you to the store. Pull it out and start looking at clothes. If a sales associate comes over say you are looking for a present for you r GF and you have her sizes written down right there on the paper.
The checking out makeup online and making a list sounds good too. Again you have your shopping list written down and who's to know but you that it's YOUR list.
Emily Ann
When I started going out in the daylight back in 2005, I soon discovered shopping. I mainly do my fem shopping in drab, but so far have not had any problems. I have had SA's asked if I needed help and I would say yes. So far every SA has been great. No negitive remarks and always very helpful.
When I first went out shopping for cosmetics, I was nervous, but the more I did it, the less nervous I got, and the more I noticed that nobody really cared. And like what everyone said, if you're confident in yourself then it doesn't matter. Just stay calm, mind your own business, and don't act suspicious by looking around and drawing attention to yourself. People will assume that you're buying it for someone else, or for whatever, and things will be ok.
One thing I always do is wear something nice and casual. In other words, I wouldn't go to the local store in a T-shirt, shorts, sneakers, and a baseball cap, but instead wear a nice polo shirt, jeans, and loafers (with pantyhose underneath, of course) then people won't look at me like I'm a pervert or something.
I have been shopping in male mode several times now and it doesn't phase me anymore.
Give it a try and you'll be amazed.
JoAnn
I love to see a beautiful woman in a nice dress, but then again, I also want to wear that dress.
I find it easy to shop now. In the beginning I just had to remind myself that I have every right to shop as any GG.
Women who wear pants and skirts are shocked, just shocked a husband would do the same thing.
lol shopping is easy ... too often we are our biggest troubles because we think in a male mode that it's wrong or forbidden to buy fem things... lol i would bet i have more store charge cards in women's stores than most GG'S..... shop on....
As one who has worked the floor as an SA at both New York & Co and The Limited, let me remind everyone--you can make up all the excuses and carry all the notes you want to. You are fooling noone. If it makes you feel better to shop that way, go ahead and do it. Any SA who has any experience knows that you are shopping for yourself. You can't hide the body language and guilt in your eye, and the tentative tone of voice.
We would see the guys come into the store to shop for themselves. One of my SA friends would role her eyes and say, "I wonder what story this one is going to have. I just wish he'd be honest with us". We always apprieciated the men who were up front with us in their buying. THat allowed us to help them properly.
Just relax. be honest. If you are nervous, and push an SA away who tries to help, all eyes in the store will be on you until you leave. That behavior suggests you are a possible shoplifter.
Jodi
I've always had a suspicion that most SAs felt that way.. of course, heh, I never asked them.
2-3 days ago I was in Kohl's looking at the clearance rack. Bought a beige daisy fuentes sweater dress and a black pullover top, less than $15.00 for both.. wheee.. When I checked out, the young lady, scanning the beige dress said something like "great color for you". I smiled. As she handed me the bag and reciept, said "have a nice day and enjoy your sweater." Twas a good day.
Bobbie in Vancouver
I do it all the time try it just once I love shopping in person
Angie
Listen to Jodi. She is telling you the absolute truth. SA are there everyday, all day. They have seen and heard it all. Silly stories and absurd excuses are as transparent in the store as they are here on this forum.
When a SA asks if he/she can help you, say, "Yes", and tell them what you are doing. They are professionals and can help you a lot. And most work on commision which means that they can't afford to loose you as a customer. All you need to do is spend money and they will LOVE you. They know what looks good on other people and they WANT to help. That's what they are there for, to HELP you. Let them. Shopping is FUN. It's not supposed to be a furtive, guilt ridden, shameful experience. It's fun.
And remember, shop for an "outfit". When you shop, have a look, or occasion, in mind. Buy the whole package all at once. Top, skirt or pants, shoes, accessories, hose, the whole "look". That way everything will go together when you get it home. Always shop for an outfit. Listen to GGs. You will hear them say, "Oh, I got the cutest outfit yesterday". That's what they are talking about.
When the SA asks to help you, say yes!
Lovies,
Stephenie
Last edited by Stephenie S; 04-18-2007 at 08:52 PM.
My Shopping Anecdote
All these stories remind me of the time when I was in Nordstrom's with my girlfriend. She was on a quest, a mission really, to find just the right type of hose. She knew exactly what she wanted. And after about a month of shopping and obsessing about it, she finally found it and was delighted.
But for some reason, we began to argue (like we usually did) and she stormed out of the store without actually buying it, leaving me standing in front of the rack with the hose prominently displayed before me. I knew that if we both left, she would never find it again. So, even though I was mad, I grabbed the package and went to the counter to buy it. There were two women SA's behind the register, and at the time, I felt compelled to explain. In a mumbled sort of way, I said "uh, these aren't for me. They're for my girlfriend." They both burst out laughing, and said things like "oh, sure. We know."
Now, I think that they might have heard our argument and seen me with my girlfriend already, so the laughter was prolly their release from the discomfort most people feel when they see strangers arguing in public. Still, I wondered, maybe the SA's actually did think they were for me. My girlfriend was an inch taller than me, so the hose definitely would have fit.
The moral of this story, for me at least, is that even if you really are just buying for your girlfriend, like I was, the SA's may have hard time believing you anyway. I imagine that if you can project the energy of calm and confidence, and then say your items are for your girlfriend, you might pull it off.
But, I should also say that I have been shopping in person for just myself too, and I've always done it drab. My method is to shop at one particular friendly downtown thrift store in a town that is known for its liberal politics. Even still, I am a naturally nervous person, so it's not always completely comfortable for me to shop there, especially when it is crowded with several women lingering over the clothes racks. But it is easier for me there, and it gets easier over time and the more I do it. And I make no explanations because I really don't feel like I need to explain anymore. I let my money do the talking for me.
Jessika!
I'm not trying to be dissagreeable but I was always told just the OPPOSITE. First of all the job a salesperson is a very mundane and sometime boring one. Sure there may be stores that are overrun with customers (especially at Christmas-time) but a lot of the time it's a LONG 8 hour shift. The last thing a saleperson would think, would be that a man buying women's attire would be buying it for himself. It's not that they'e stupid, it's just they don't care. What they are thinking about is, "When is my shift over?", "When's my next 15 min. break?" etc. etc. Sure there are some exceptions for the better department stores. I have a friend who works for Macy's (though not in the women's dept.) He is the top salesperson for Macy's in the entire Southeast region and has been so several years in a row. Yes he's on comission, but more than that; he never meets a stranger. He'll approach anyone, anytime anywhere and strike up a conversation...and I don't mean just at work. But for every salesperson like that there are lot more that could care less. As Dr. Wayne Dyer said, "A clerk is a jerk" .....and that includes SALES clerks.We would see the guys come into the store to shop for themselves. One of my SA friends would role her eyes and say, "I wonder what story this one is going to have. I just wish he'd be honest with us". We always apprieciated the men who were up front with us in their buying. THat allowed us to help them properly.
To give you another example, I was in a store making a purchase and the clerk was a girl I worked with (and when I say girl....she's 26 years old), she'd gotten half-way thru ringing it up before she looked up and noticed it was me. Again, she was probably day-dreaming about when her shift was over.
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