Shopping in person

[NewBetty]

Girls... the idea of shopping scares the living crap out of me. I never liked shopping anyway, and now the thought of going out for girly stuff is mortifyin'!

[kerrianna]

Girls... the idea of shopping scares the living crap out of me. I never liked shopping anyway, and now the thought of going out for girly stuff is mortifyin'!

It's all in your head hon. There's no law that says you can't buy whatever you want, and if you got the money you get the goods. Just go out and do it and do it with confidence. Tell yourself over and over "it's okay for me to buy this I am entitled to it and there is nothing wrong with me buying it." Because there isn't. We're our own worst enemies most of the time. Just be pleasant and polite and confident. Most of the time people won't say anything to put you on the spot, and in case they might just make up your mind what you will say. GF, wife, daughter, yourself ....whatever keeps you on keel. I've done the gamut from "it's for my wife" to "it's for me. My Mistress has ordered me to buy it" It all worked and was fun.

You'll soon LOVE shopping, and then you're in trouble.

[Fab Karen]

Girls... the idea of shopping scares the living crap out of me. I never liked shopping anyway, and now the thought of going out for girly stuff is mortifyin'!

Years ago I would just brace myself ( in boy-mode ) to shop with the thought "I'm a guy buying something fun/sexy for my girlfriend. Secure guys do these things." These days I mostly don't care what they think- I wanna find my size, I want to find the right color, that's what I'm focused on.
BTW, never had a salesperson say anything remotely negative to me.

[BlUeDrAgOn]

Well, to be honest, I always bought my clothes / accessories online or by cathalogue. I never had the courage to go to a shop and buy lingeries, makup ou any other thing, except maybe some earrings.

[Dixie]

I do clothes shopping on my own often, but I am more relaxed when my wife is with me. I always buy my lingere myself, although my wife has picked up a few things for me on ocassion. She does buy me a lot of stockings. When it comes to buying makeup I will not do it alone way too SCARED I guess I am just too chicken.

[Sapphire]

Thanks to the very helpful and practical advice and encouragement I have received from forum contributors, I went into town this morning with the firm intention of not chickening out as I had done on previous occasions. I chose a quiet time and a shopping area where I was unlikely to meet people I know. I did not skulk about the shop but browsed the clothes just like a woman would do. And following your advice I was determined that I was not going to lie if approached by a sales assistant. It was a success and I bought a top and a lip gloss that happened to be on special offer beside the check out - all without feeling like a nervous wreck. I felt so confident on leaving the shop that a few doors up the street I checked out the makeup display in a large open plan Pharmacy (again business was quiet) and selected the lipstick that I wanted. This did not go quite so well as when I opened the lipstick to check the colour I did it the wrong way and ended up literally red handed. To make matters worse when I got to the checkout I discovered that I had with me the tester and not the lipstick that was intended for sale - and that the banknote I was tendering was stained with lipstick from my hand. The sales assistant was a lovely young lady and, sensing my uncertainly as to what I had done wrong, she quickly sorted things out. How did I feel afterwards? Elated that I had finally broken this barrier and indebted to all of you girls for your wonderful support.

Much appreciated,

Sapphire

[BlUeDrAgOn]

Way to go, girl! Way to go!

[Lilith Moon]

There were two women SA's behind the register, and at the time, I felt compelled to explain. In a mumbled sort of way, I said "uh, these aren't for me. They're for my girlfriend." They both burst out laughing, and said things like "oh, sure. We know."

LOL, similar happened to me. Wife and I were in a sale. She had an armful of skirts, then had to dash to the ladies room. "You pay while I'm away, she said" Which I did, but the SA was grinning from ear to ear as she told me to "enjoy them" as I left. I didn't mind...it was encouraging to know that there would have been no problem if they had been for me. Well...actually, I did end up with some of them when we got home and my wife found they didn't fit her

[joann07]

Excellent!
You've leaped over a hurdle and now it smooth sailing from now on.
As you do it more, the easier it gets.
Congradulations!

[myMichelle]

Hi, Sapphire,

I can totally relate to the uncomfortable feelings you're describing. I honestly do not want to sound condescending here, but the only thing I can say to you is just do it! Eventually, you'll have to decide what is more important to you: living with the fear of the unknown and the accompanying regret (of not going out and openly shopping, etc.) or just facing that fear, conquering it with self confidence and walking right into the store(s) on a shopping spree--whether enFemme or in drab.

I know you have probably heard this a thousand times, but it really isn't that big of a deal to walk into a store in drab and buy Femme things like makeup, shoes, etc...Like I said, I know where you're coming from. I was once there myself. I think that maybe self-confidence is one of those things that just happens with time. Perhaps you just haven't found your time yet...

[KimberlyS]

Sapphire, the best advice I can give for shopping for yourself is to:

1: Get out of town to a nice shopping area. Way out of town if you need to. Get away from people you know. Go on a short holiday during mid week is a good time. But any time works.

2: Just do it. You are going to be nervous. So expect that. But will you know the people you will be meeting? Will you see them again? Does it matter what they think? Expect some looks, stares and maybe comments. See previous questions. But you are just shopping so act like a shopper no matter what you are shopping for. If it helps, shop for lingerie and clothes like your were in an auto parts, tools, hardware or some other store you shop at often.

Picture what you are shopping for like it was shopping for fresh fruit. You do not sneak up and try to avoid people. You walk into the store and look around until you get to the fruit. You may stop along the way to shop for other things also. You look what you want to buy. You see the different options, colors and features. You may pick it up to look at it or just feel it to see if you like the texture of the material or the softness. You may make a selection and find something better later and return the first one to its location.

Put on some nice comfortable shopping clothes. Something easy to get on and off for when trying things on. The shopping area should be a general mainstream public crowd. Go early in the day if possible. Act confident and like the shopper you are. ASK FOR HELP or accept help when they ask. I have yet to have a clerk that would not help me. But I am waiting for the day it will happen and ask for their manager or just go to the next store. Full service stores may be slightly more expensive but actually cheaper in the long run for all of the wrong stuff you get and can not return.

And lastly but the most important: ENJOY yourself.

[KimberlyS]

Sapphire, GREAT job. I started my previous reply earlier in the day and did not post until after your great success.

Step two now is to accept or ask for help from the clerks.

Continue to enjoy yourself.

[cocopuff's girl GG]

I'm sure it sems strange but I don't beleive people think about it as bad as you may think. I have sent my SO to Walmart or ven Belk's to get something for me. I have made a list before. For all they know you have a SO at home that has sent you out to pick up some things for you. If it would make you feel better make you a list and pretend it's for someone else if you have to act a certain way if someone is watching. The bottom line is it's nobody's bussiness who it's for if they are professtionals they will take yourmoney and smile who cares what they say after your gone.

[Joanne f]

I use to think that if i went with my wife they would think that it is for her, but she always tell`s them that it is for me , she say`s why should i have to hide the fact that i wear makeup or skirt's now i do not care i will try most things on first and if i can`t i will ask if i can return it if it do`s not fit, some times they ask if it is for my wife and now i will say no it is for me, so don`t worry they are use to it ,
joanne f

[Jodi]

I'm not trying to be dissagreeable but I was always told just the OPPOSITE. First of all the job a salesperson is a very mundane and sometime boring one. Sure there may be stores that are overrun with customers (especially at Christmas-time) but a lot of the time it's a LONG 8 hour shift. The last thing a saleperson would think, would be that a man buying women's attire would be buying it for himself. It's not that they'e stupid, it's just they don't care. What they are thinking about is, "When is my shift over?", "When's my next 15 min. break?" etc. etc. Sure there are some exceptions for the better department stores. I have a friend who works for Macy's (though not in the women's dept.) He is the top salesperson for Macy's in the entire Southeast region and has been so several years in a row. Yes he's on comission, but more than that; he never meets a stranger. He'll approach anyone, anytime anywhere and strike up a conversation...and I don't mean just at work. But for every salesperson like that there are lot more that could care less. As Dr. Wayne Dyer said, "A clerk is a jerk" .....and that includes SALES clerks.

To give you another example, I was in a store making a purchase and the clerk was a girl I worked with (and when I say girl....she's 26 years old), she'd gotten half-way thru ringing it up before she looked up and noticed it was me. Again, she was probably day-dreaming about when her shift was over.

Laurie, You may disagree, and I really don't care what "you were told". Mine is not based on "heresay", but on personal experience. Yes, guys do honestly shop for their SO. There is a difference in their body language. I tell you, as an SA, I could spot a guy who was shopping for himself, and so could my fellow SA's. I can also say that we were not asleep while on the floor. We were interested in doing our job.

Again, I state emphatically, If making up excuses makes you feel better while shopping, that is OK. But, remember, you are not fooling anyone in the store!

Jodi

[Roxi Loh]

I have recently shopped and just asked for things without any explanation. It works especially well in VS. They just run and get your bra for you.

As one who has worked the floor as an SA at both New York & Co and The Limited, let me remind everyone--you can make up all the excuses and carry all the notes you want to. You are fooling noone. If it makes you feel better to shop that way, go ahead and do it. Any SA who has any experience knows that you are shopping for yourself. You can't hide the body language and guilt in your eye, and the tentative tone of voice.

We would see the guys come into the store to shop for themselves. One of my SA friends would role her eyes and say, "I wonder what story this one is going to have. I just wish he'd be honest with us". We always apprieciated the men who were up front with us in their buying. THat allowed us to help them properly.

Just relax. be honest. If you are nervous, and push an SA away who tries to help, all eyes in the store will be on you until you leave. That behavior suggests you are a possible shoplifter.

Jodi

[Laurie909]

Mine is not based on "heresay"

heresay? I didn't know this was a murder trial?

I could spot a guy who was shopping for himself, and so could my fellow SA's

Really, did he swish in?

But, remember, you are not fooling anyone in the store!

Who's foolin' who? As long as I pay them in cash or an approved credit card, what possible difference does it make.

[Caroline Simmons]

Do you have MAC cosmetics in one of your department stores. They are TG friendly the world over. They are very happy to advise but need to know that it is for you so they can tell you what will look best.

I am less self conscious shopping en femme than I am dressed as a male. There is no doubt in the sales persons' mind and they are just as helpful if not more so if you are confident and pleasant.

Michelle (Oz)

A Link to MAC stores in Ireland

http://www.maccosmetics.co.uk/templa...r/results.tmpl

[Sapphire]

Thanks Caz

[Jodi]

heresay? I didn't know this was a murder trial?



Really, did he swish in?



Who's foolin' who? As long as I pay them in cash or an approved credit card, what possible difference does it make.

Laurie, My point is that any cd can shop anyway he/she wants to do, but unless the person shopping is very confident and experienced, there are specific body language traits, ie guilt, fear, uneasiness, facial expression, tone of voice, etc, that show through like a beacon. One has to be on the SA side to understand this.

As for "hearsay", doesn't have to be a trial. Hearsay is defined as what is heard thirdparty.

It doesn't matter how a cd shops, but they must remember that it is best to be honest and foreward with the SA's. It gets them better service and, in the long run, they will feel better about themselves and better enjoy the shopping experience.

Been there and done that--both many years of open shopping and three years working as an SA. Believe me, you won't throw much by me.

case closed.

Jodi

[Kathryn Philips]

Yesterday I bought 3 pairs or clip-on earrings at Claire's and I even asked the SA to show me their selection. Its only the second time I buy something in a shop (i started with some eyeliner an lipliner). You just have to get through the doors. Once you have gone inside the shop its becomes much easier. After a few times I will have overcome my fear. I cant wait till I am brave enough to buy skirts...

[Laurie909]

there are specific body language traits, ie guilt, fear, uneasiness, facial expression, tone of voice, etc, that show through like a beacon.

That's the same thing they say about spotting terrorists at airports!

[Joy Carter]

Sapphire. I went shopping yesterday and bought some lovely clothes. Got a second piercing in my ears. And bought some "bronzer" at the MAC counter. The SA there was a little shocked that a big guy like me was buying makeup. But I wasn't shocked at all.
As other here have said, "It's all about you" and nothing more Hun. So get your plastic and get out there.

BTW. I hate to be a shameless self promoter (but I will) my avatar is me in Macy's getting my first makeup job. I had a great time. If it weren't for the encouragement of the girls here and my two friend with me. I may have felt differently going in. Because I would have not know what to expect. But is all turned out so well.

In the forties a common quote was "Right Up Front In Macy's Window."
I think it fits.