Is crossdressing dishonest?

[janedoe311]

Yes it is dishonest. Or it is not. It depends on how you act, portray yourself. Both MTF and FTM have had affairs and did not tell their partner the truth. That is not nice and dishonest. It hurts people.

Yes if you go to a bar to pick up guys and do not tell them that you are a guy, that is dishonest.

TS/TS is not really crossdressing even before SRS, because they are women that have the wrong plumbing. But they have to be honest as well because a partner would not see them that way.

Now for the general public. Yes most probably feel that any crossdresser that is “pretending” to be the posited gender is dishonest. So if that bothers you then you have a problem, because that will not change in a long time if ever.

If you can CD without trying to pass ie voice, makeup etc then more power to you. I personally do not like the stares , comments and name calling so that is not my thing but some CD’ers do not care.

The way I look at it is what they do not know will not hurt them. Since you do not have to drop your pants (to prove gender) to enter a womens restroom I suspect most people really do not care if you are not really a women as long as you behave yourself.

So you feel guilty? Just look at why are you crossdressing? Are you really a women in a man’s body? Or just a man that needs to get out his female side once in a while?

You have to decide on what you think you are and the reasons for CD’ing.

[KimberlyS]

Leah and others just a few questions and thoughts.

Is a GG that wears makeup being dishonest by covering up her true looks?

Is a person with neatly styled hair being dishonest?

Is a person that colors their hair being dishonest?

Is a person that wears clothes to emphasize their good body features being dishonest?

Is a GG that wears breast enhancers being dishonest? They were not invented for CDers.

Is a person that gets plastic surgery to enhance their looks being dishonest?

Is a person who gets breast enhancement being dishonest?

Is a person who gets liposuction being dishonest?

Is a person who has a face lift being dishonest?

Is a person who gets a hair piece being dishonest?

Is a person wearing a push up bra being dishonest?

Is a gal or guy that wears a girdle to slim their waist to make them look better being dishonest?

Is someone that wears expensive clothes but can not afford them being dishonest?

Is wearing clothes being dishonest by covering up our bodies so others can not see?

Is a rich person that lives like a bum being dishonest?

Is not telling people about how much money you make dishonest?

Is not telling others about your sex life make you dishonest?

Is a person that does not tell you all the details about what they did last night being dishonest?

Is a non-cder that is into porn that does not come out and tell you about it being dishonest?

If a person will not tell you in detail what they have on under their clothes, are they being dishonest?

....... and many more

Many things in life are private. It does not mean we are hiding them or being dishonest. There is no reason for others to know all of the little details about you and your life or your relationship with your spouse/GF/SO. I do hope that you spouse/SO knows more that the rest of us. Private can also be relative to who you are or what group you belong to. I.E. family may know things strangers do not. Work may know things that you can not tell your wife.

My CDing is private to my wife and I and some close friends. But my CDing is known about to many far from home that I run into. They are strangers that I will most likely never ever see again and I am not doing anything illegal or hurtful. I just maybe a like strange or bizarre to them. But I think sitting in a chair all weekend watching a game every weekend plus is bizarre and a waste of time, along with other things people do.

[DeeInGeorgia]

And the answer to why people do all the things they do in KimberlyS' list is

They do it to feel good about themselves. The 16 year old girl that has breast enhancement surgery had it done to feel better about herself. That is why we do what we do.

Dee

[Fab Karen]

REASONS? How can anyone else answer YOUR reasons.
I was in general saying because that is how you feel inside and need to express yourself....and you are being honest to her about your feelings.
There are as many reasons as there are cd's and tg's........so you are asking for reasons that will fly with her....

Why a fake name? Why fake boobe? Why fake anything?......... A simple answer might be so you can present as you feel you are inside.

It would require more of an answer than that to the wife- the big fear of the GG partner is either: you're transsexual & literally want to be a woman, or: you really want to be with men. It would take a lot of talking things out to allay such fears- in some cases it might take discussion with a couples therapist.
I'd equate it to personal expression ( a much deeper expression than most, but then there are people who do all kinds of body piercings for example), it makes me feel good. Some women enjoy very short hair, & maybe wearing something like a leather jacket & boots with jeans. Maybe they don't wear a bra. Maybe they hate make-up. That doesn't make them any less a woman, or necessarily lesbian.

[Tree GG]

Sobe, there are going to be many points that CDs & SOs will never agree on.

#1. Women wearing jeans are NOT CDing - functionality and appropriateness to activity have nothing to do with gender expression. IMO, they need to pull up their big girl panties and get over it - unisex clothing does not indicate CD or TG. Most are not trying to pretend they're opposite their birth gender (FtM excluded) It's the CD stereotypical view of feminine fashion from the pink fog they're spouting when they say that

#2. Dishonesty doesn't have to measurably hurt someone to still be dishonesty. It's still a denial of the truth - whatever that self-truth may be. I don't believe the original thread asked who was being hurt, it asked if "passing" by a CD was dishonest. IMO, yes it is dishonest to the general public and disrespectful to their awareness. (IMO 99% of general population don't want or need to know any more than this is a guy presenting as a girl - most will looked surprised for a moment and move on. Unfortunately there is a 1% dangerous element out there that has to be considered)

#3. I had to laugh when I read that wearing makeup, bras & "beauty" enhancing garments was dishonest. Well, duh! Was anyone paying attention in the 60's and when the women's movement was pushing for the ERA in the 70's? Yes, it is dishonest - misrepresenting the goods, if you will. Just depends on where your priorities lie. Do you want other people to think you look good, or do you want to be honest and natural. Notice both are based on the same thing - other people's perceptions and judgements.

#4. SO's shouldn't feel their feminity is endangered or that their guy has changed (assuming the arrival of CDing after the relationship is well established). IMO, SO's should feel every darned feeling they feel, acknowledge them and not be afraid to express those feelings to the person they love - whether the feelings continue or not is a different story. CD's are so sensitive & vulnerable when coming out (understandably so) that it's difficult to be supportive or able to explain their intent (they don't know at first). It's like the wounded holding up the infirmed for awhile. Takes some deep strength and patience from both sides.

Yes, it's greedy. Who do they think they are expecting the best of both worlds? I already have girlfriends, I don't want another one, I signed up for a boyfriend. What, if any, of our established roles are you wanting to change and how?

The questions go on and on and on with different answers from different couples as is best for them. Keep asking and talking about your issues, and listening and talking about his. You'll get there.

[Brianna Lovely]

Depends on what you are looking for. Most of us want a positive self image and feedback from not only our appearance but also our interactions with others (going shopping, out in public, etc.). I used to be a second persona as Ericka but now, I'm pretty much the same person no matter what I look like. For myself a lot of it was about bringing out my feminine feelings, not being afraid of them and embracing them. The "second persona" is one of many vehicles to use to accomplish that. When all is said and done, we are still ourselves anyway. Sal

I agree with what Salandra has said.
I would like to add, that wearing fem clothing, makes me feel more like myself. Am I more of a man or woman, depending on how I'm dressed? No, I'm still myself, but I'm feeling pretty, and I like that.

[Brianna Lovely]

REASONS? How can anyone else answer YOUR reasons.
I was in general saying because that is how you feel inside and need to express yourself....and you are being honest to her about your feelings.
There are as many reasons as there are cd's and tg's........so you are asking for reasons that will fly with her....

Why a fake name? Why fake boobe? Why fake anything?......... A simple answer might be so you can present as you feel you are inside.

You've touched on something that was one of my biggest struggles in my own self acceptence.

"How do I show other people, that I'm different, inside? How can I express how I really feel?"

My fem personality seems to be acceptable, if I'm wearing a skirt. Otherwise, people might think I'm "swisshy", in drab, being 6' tall and 200 lbs., swisshy seems, out of place, giggle.

[EmmaJane TS]

Hi Sobe,

For me it's a question of WHO you are being dishonest to. I do feel I have a very strong need to CD and if I denied this fact then I'm being dishonest to myself which I feel is the greater sin (quote to thine own self be true). I do agree with everybody else in that you do have a right to express your opinion and I welcome your posts on this forum.

I hope you both work it out and can come to a comprimise over Leah's CD'ing.

Hugs and kisses,

EmmaJ.

[Fab Karen]

[QUOTE=Tree GG;830911]Sobe, there are going to be many points that CDs & SOs will never agree on.

#1. Women wearing jeans are NOT CDing - functionality and appropriateness to activity have nothing to do with gender expression. IMO, they need to pull up their big girl panties and get over it - unisex clothing does not indicate CD or TG. Most are not trying to pretend they're opposite their birth gender (FtM excluded) It's the CD stereotypical view of feminine fashion from the pink fog they're spouting when they say that

I don't see things as black or white- I don't see women in jeans as crossdressed, but it wasn't that long ago a woman wearing pants WAS considered crossdressing. Society changed the rules for women. Men didn't get the same choice. Personally I can enjoy female clothes without make-up & the hair ( wig in my case ), but I feel very feminine wearing make-up & looking my prettiest and so do many GG's.
Is functionality always black & white? Is it wrong for a woman to wear a dress to see a movie? Wear pants to a fancy dinner? You wouldn't wanna run a race in heels, but that is a choice more of comfort than fashion.

Just adding something to think about.

[Julie York]

Hi, I'm Leah's partner.

3. I personally don't understand how pretending to be someone you're not is being more honest. You may feel a connection with elements of being a woman, but you aren't one. Pretending to be *anything* that you arent is dishonest..

(Tell that to Robert De Niro.)


I had a Huuuge reply for you, but I couldn't be bothered after I'd typed it and edited it three times and it still wasn't right.

The short version is.....You don't get it.

What you really mean in your post is all between the lines of what you wrote.

What you really wrote is "It scares me. I am not comfortable with it because I just don't get it. And it scares me."

You are right. It isn't honest pretending to be something you are not.

But it is your definition of NOT that is the problem.

What if....for example..I was someone who was born male but had such a broad imagination and sense of self that I wanted to express ideas and expressions outside that fixed category that society and history gave me. Would I be dishonest to do that?

[Melanie R]

I have heard from several ministers that being crossdressed is deceiving someone to think and believe you are a woman. My response is what would happen with many people if I upfront told those around me that I am a man who is expressing femininity through my feminine attire. Some would say I am a sick person. Others would think I am gay. Others would say this lifestyle is immoral. What lifestyle? When this has happened to me it was an opportunity to educate people about transgendered persons. Sometimes I say that when I am in male drab I am crossdressing and tryiing to act like a man. Is that also being deceitful?

[janedoe311]

There have been many skits. You know the guy that gets married and that night he goes into the bathroom. She takes off her breast forms, makeup, false nose, false eyelashes, false teeth, contacts lenses, wig and corset. He comes out of the bathroom and she looks like something the cat would leave under the rock. He leaves screaming! That is not seen as dishonest by some. But a guy gets on a dress to have a night as a woman once in a while and he is dishonest! A little bias would you say?

Men and women dye hair,I am premature grey and have dyed mine for 10 years. Or wigs, or breast forms and padded bras and corsets (men wear them too). Is that dishonest? Some would say it is.

[Sally24]

That's one of the definitions of Dishonest. Most meanings do involve a victim to be true. Are we concealing things, of course! But no more than anyone else. And to say that we don't care what other people think is just foolish. We all care to some extent what other people think. Why am I not wearing my bell bottoms and polyester shirts from 1978? (outside of the fact that my wife threw them away). I still like them but no one else does. You don't go to a wedding wearing your bathing suit even if the weather is scorching. Partly out of respect for the occasion but also because of the reaction you would get from other people. We all conform more or less to our society's social norms.

You can express yourself and your opinion all you want here. Just realize that we are of many variations and not necessarily the same. Greedy, to experience all you can? I don't agree. I think this comes from not understanding the basic core of most of us here. We feel that we are at least 50% or more woman (emotionally or genderwise). Short of being a Transexual and transitioning to living as a woman, then dressing is about the only way that we can be "honest" with ourselves. If we don't go beyond casual interaction with others than this is more of a personal thing and I don't believe we are being dishonest with those around us.

[veronicag48]

No, it's not dishonest, because nobody is losing anything or getting hurt in any way at all. If I want to go out pretending to be a woman, who is the victim of that "dishonesty"? Has anyone been hurt by virtue of the fact that they saw what they thought was a woman but was really a man? I don't see how.

If you disagree with me, then odds are you're going to bring up the bathroom scenario. That it is dishonest for us to go into a women's bathroom. I disagree there, too. If we do not look at other women and do not see anything we shouldn't be seeing, there is no dishonesty. If we do look at the other women, then this is dishonest, but it is not because of the crossdressing. This is an action committed wholely independent of the crossdressing, just like if we were to shoplift clothes while dressed, this has nothing to do with the fact that we ARE dressed, it is just something we did at the time we happened to be dressed.

Does this make sense?

Well the bathroom scenario should be mentioned because when you enter the bathroom you never know the age of the GGs in there and if someone doubts your gender and younger GGs are present then you really got a "breast form in the ringer" . That's the only thing that bothers me. Unless you are in an environment that you know is strictly adult 0.02

[Dixie]

Ok so it's dishonest for a man to dress as a woman, but it's liberating for a woman to dress like a man,....this is giving me a headache it just does not compute .

[NewBetty]

You can actually make the arguement that you're being more honest when you express yourself as you want or need to.

That's GREAT! Also it reminds me of the "Bronco Billy" philosophy about re-inventing yourself. For some reason I love that movie.

[Girlieboy]

I think it all depends upon how one defines "honesty" and "dishonesty". Most certainly, if crossdressing is dishonest, it means that I have have been dishonest for precisely fifty-one years!

So am I going to suddenly become an honest girl? No way!

[Joanne f]

You can actually make the arguement that you're being more honest when you express yourself as you want or need to.

I agree with you if you are being honest about how you feel, that is not being dishonest,
joanne f

[tanya3]

i have to agree with sharon. i felt i was being dishoest before i told my wife .now that everything is out in the open i feel more relived . hiding things from the one you love is dishonest . as far as going out dressed, who cares .

[Iniquity Blonde GG]

We all tell "little white lies" from time to time, but thats not dis-honest . each of us is a differant individual ( be it c/d GG/ TG etc etc) .
How we conduct ourselves & react to the c/d is totaly differant for everyone. perhaps its finding your own "comfort" levels with it.

[kerrianna]

Dishonest?

No. It's not. Not at all.

There are many many levels, reasons, types of crossdressing, all of them expressed and explored on this forum...and none of them are dishonest.

A yearning, a desire, a wishing, a wanting, an exploration...none of these are dishonest.

[BlUeDrAgOn]

i have to agree with sharon. i felt i was being dishoest before i told my wife .now that everything is out in the open i feel more relived . hiding things from the one you love is dishonest . as far as going out dressed, who cares .

I agree with you in part, but my dilemma is to choose between dishonesty and suffering. I don't see CD'ing as bad as cheating, for example. It's a secret and as we all know it's very misunderstood by society (wives included in many cases). So, it's a huge step to go out of the closet and tell them openly. It may sometimes end up in divorce. That's what I'm afraid of. I prefer to try and supress my needs than to lose my wife. And I believe it would make her suffer. So, for now, I'm not thinking about telling her. I don't feel I'm being dishonest by being a CD. I'm just keeping her from getting hurt.

[KimberlyS]

I've been hearing from my partner lately that X-dressing is dishonest. That it's playing pretend since I want to misrepresent myself as a woman when I am not.

She doesn't understand why I want to take on another name, another set of mannerisms, another voice, or augment my body (like breastforms would do). Why can't I just go out and wear a skirt and makeup and be the dude most people know me as?

IMO, the Dishonesty in CDing depends on how you look at CD and what you are doing. I am a guy with many feminine attributes. Some CDers feel like they are two people. Some feel they are a girl but can live with their male body and dress part time male and part time female. Then there are those who feel they are woman and hate their bodies. These are just a few as there are many different types of CDers along the spectrum. We are all different and see things differently.

For those that feel they are or some part of them is a woman, I do not feel that they are dishonest with their cding and being who they feel they are and they need to be honest with those that ask or question who they are.

For myself, I am a male and like my male self. But as long as I can remember I have been a mix of masculine and feminine qualities. My personal preference would be to never have to hide my male self when I am wearing feminine things. But I am realistic and know where I live, if I was a guy who wore feminine clothes life would be hell for my wife and kids, both of our jobs and even possibly life could be at stake. So when I am out in public I am either presenting a male image or a female image that society can handle. And when in female image my goal is to obscure my male identity to protect my family. But even with that, I do not try to pass, I try to blend in with where I am at.
And I know I do not pass but am more accepted or tolerated based on the questions, conversations and looks from other people. I do not lie if asked if I am a guy. And I usually am using my male credit card pay for many things and ID to verify my age or use of the CC. So similar to one other response to your post. Yes at times you could say I say or present little white lies looking more feminine that I normally do. But the main reason is for the protection of my family. If I did not have a family, IMO things would be different. I would most likely be out as a guy who wears a mix of male and female clothes. And yes my wife and I have discussed this and that is where I got the I will present a male or female image that society can handle when out in public. I am not committing a crime and I am not trying to make anyone believe I am someone else. I guess you could say I am surprising other people on how feminine I can look if they happen to notice me or interact with me. Otherwise I am just another face in the landscape of life.

But I do agree also with your wife. There are those that are being dishonest about their CDing. But every group has their better people and those they may wish were not part of their group.

As for pretending. We all pretend to be lots of things that we are not. The pretending is ok. But often there is a fine line where pretend can become dishonest, lies, and deceit.

You and your wife need to focus on who and what you are and not others. Your wife needs to be able to believe you and trust you.

[yingyang]

Honesty or dishonesty is a judgment in the eye of the beholder. Crossdressing is not, I think, dishonest. It's what we do. It's a choice. If we have to deal with the judgements of others, then we must accept it. Behavior is not dishonest, only words can lie.
Mary

[battybattybats]

Hmmm.... well there is truth and there is truth.

People who'd like to explore this further might like to start with the word Metaphysics but here are some simple notions to think about...

All faith is dishonest, without proof there is only belief and conjecture, belief and conjecture that goes against evidence is deliberatly false, where it has little or no proof it is still deception, where there is evidence it is no longer belief, faith etc but science. Therefore all religion is deception.. if you follow that logic.

All evidence is dishonest. Senses can be fooled (see optical illusions), one's innermost thoughts cannot be trusted as truth (see hallucinations), Experience is subjective... therfore there can be no objectivbe proof... so all science is flawed and therfore deception.

So there is no way of determining any absolute truth, therefore all opinion, all thought, all evidence is only 'possibly' true and as it is not true to consider that anything is true unless it is absolutely true then everything is itself deception... There is no reality, there is no truth.

Unless of course there is in fact a real world that we can only experience through a veil of flawed senses.. we don't see heat but we can measure infra-red, we can feel heat with our skin etc. Therfore there is a reality but we may never experience it directly...
These ideas are thousands of years old.. get thee to a book on Plato, Socrates and Aristotle! LOL

Here is another possibility. We wear clothes not just to protect us from the elements but to decorate ourselves, we wear make-up not just to look younger but to decorate ourselves, we build buildings not just for practical purposes but for pleasing or interesting appearance. Why do we wear jewlry or paint or draw? It seems to be human nature to want to change the world around us in a way that reflects our inner world and/or stimulates our senses in a way that is pleasing (or even in ways that are not).

So from that way of looking at things all of civilisation has been (at least in part) driven by the need to express that world within and to transform the world around us for our pleasure (or for our enlightenment). In that case crossdressing isn't lying, its art. Yep, art and not in a crass comerical way but perhaps for some it could be a deep spiritual exploration of transformation of the world outside and of the inner world of the self.