Busted by wife last night (long sorry)

[Jodi Lynn]

Hello everyone,
Well last night I got busted by my wife. She was out scrapbooking and I swear she said it was an all-nighter and all day today (Saturday). Anyways I got dressed about 11 PM after I got my son too bed. I was feeling really pretty and enjoying my time. I was sitting at my coumputer at about 2 AM and I looked up and there she was. She saw that I had my webcam set up too. She has knowen about Jodi for over a year now, but she had never seen me dressed. The s*** hit the fan. Her frist reaction was get out of "HER" house. I said sure and was changing my cloths. She took my things again, she wanted to know where the rest is as I only had a few things in the house. After a while we sat down and started talking. She want to know all the same things she wanted to know lover a year ago. Why do I dress? I told her again it is something I have done since I was around 10 or 11 and that it makes me feel good to get dressed. She want to try and understand why I started. I told it it was something that I did years ago and it felt good so I keep doing it. She said it had to be something that trigered it, I told her I don't remember what it was if anything. She didn't belive me. She asked me what made me dress last night. I told here I though I had a chance to feel good about myself. She asked who I was chatting and caming with. I told her other cd's and that was the truth. She asked what we were talking about, I told her normal girl things, cloths how nice we looked stuff like that. She wanted to know if it is about sex, I told her no it is not a sexual thing for me. We talked about how we have growen apart over the years. How we have went our owen ways and do oyur own things. How she wishes that we could do things together. I told her how I have felt that she has pushed me away from her over the years. How she has taked advanatage of me over the yeras. We have a handcapped son and I stay home to take care of him while she goes out to do her things. Then after her Mom moved in with us 3 years ago, she put her care on me too so she could still do her things. I told her that I don't mind taking care of them. I told her I know she needs time away from them both as it is a big job to take care of them all the time, and that I want her to be happy and be able to do here things and get away from her everyday problems. After an hour I though our talk was going good, that all of a sudden it all changed. She went off on me again how I was full of it. She told me she thinks I am doing it just to hurt her, to rebel against her and that I have allways bebeled against her in everthign I have done in the past 32 years of marrage. She told me that I can stop anytime I want, and that I have to control this and not do it anymore. She told me she is tired of me being an enbearrasment to her. She said that the only reason I let her go out is so I can dress. I told her that is not true, and that I want her to be happy. She then stormed off to the bedroom. After a while I decided to go to bed too. I got in bed and she turned the TV on very load, turned the light on, told me to get out of her bed I wasn't welcome there. After a while I gave up and went to sleep on the couch. Today when she got up she asked if I had taken care of our son, I said yes. She said she was going back to scrapbooking, and see you later. My stuff is still sitting on the floor in the bedroom. I don't know what to do with it I want to put it away, but I don't think she wants me to. I know it well make her all upset again if I don't put it away but I also know she will get upset if I don't. I am going to put it away and see what happens. She is suppose to go out again tonight too, but I don't know if she will. I will have to see where this all goes and keep you all informed as to how it goes.

[Shelly Preston]

Wow sorry to hear you had serious fight about dressing

All you can do is keep communicating with her she may have been more upset as your son could have woken up and caught you. You have a long difficult road ahed of you. I am not sure how willing she would be to try and understand more.

The fact you also said dressing made you feel good about yourself may have given her the impression you dont feel good when your with her. It seems you need to come to some sort of compromise even if it is out of sight out of mind.
I am sure she would much prefer you put your things away than leave it for her.

Please try to keep talking

[Sharon]

Wow, what a night! I'm so sorry for you that this all happened, Jodi Lynn, but -- who knows? -- maybe getting all this out in the open will be a good thing after the emotions have settled.

One thing I would say is that you are an equal partner in this marriage. If you want to put your things away, then just do it. You can apologize for upsetting her, but I wouldn't apologize for being who you are. I hate to suggest anything that you should do, because I don't know your wife, I don't know what she is like beyond what you say here and I have no idea what her reaction would be, and I don't know how much you are able or willing to deal with depending on her reaction.

Just try to reassure your wife that she shouldn't have any fears, and that you want to be able to calmly discuss these things so you know what is acceptable to her and what isn't. Then you need to decide if it's acceptable to you.

Good luck!

[Julie York]

I feel sorry for you and it must be very difficult. But she seems to be having a grand time walking all over you and getting her own way by being stroppy and bullying.






(Put YOUR things away for gods sakes! You live there don't you?)

[Minerva Morgan]

Oh dear, this is so sad and must be absolutely terrifying for you. I certainly do not feel qualified, either by training or experience, to advise. It does occur to me that her reaction is the result of her own fears. Fear that she will lose you or your love. Also, the loss of the esteem of friends and family. (She mentioned being embarrased.) It also seems very likely that she simply has no comprehension of what is happening. Perhaps if you allow her to express her fears without engaging in acrimony or ultimatums, it may give you a chance to allow her to be more understanding. More accepting? I can't say, she obviously has severe problems which may be insurmountable.
If crossdressing is to become more acceptable, it is likely that present attitudes need to be altered one person at a time. Obviously, the one person for you is your wife. This will not be easy, but try to avoid allowing depression overcoming you. You have to explain something to someone who is unlikely to welcome explanations; and to explain something for which you simply have not the words or which you fully understand yourself.
Sweetie, I see a lot of trauma for both of you, but dearly wish that it leads ultimately to a much happier life for you both.

Love

Minerva

[Daintre]

I am inclined to agree with Julie, put your things away.
It seems to me that you are a very compassionate person, you have to be to look after two people in need. Your wife seems to be the dominating force in your marriage, all I can suggest is to keep talking and see if she softens. Maybe it is time for you to go out and let her take some time at home being the caregiver.
I do wish you all the best

[cocopuff's girl GG]

WOMEN SORRY YOU HAD A BAD NIGHT... sounds like she is feeling very insecure right now and thinks you may be cheating with other CDers or something. Reassure her and if you are drssing everytime she leaves the house I'd tone it down a bit cause if I know women like I think I know women and I'm one so I should, she's gonna pretend to go out and see if you dress. I'd bet my best pocketbook on it, It's a test to see how truthful you are about it. Best wishes,

[Alex!]

Sorry to hear about this experience. I suppose on the other hand, not that it is out, you both can deal with it together. At first, these things can be quite traumatic. But with time and step-by-step effort, things can work out.

[Victoria Anne]

Jodi, I am so sorry tohear of this delema you are faced with,I know I'm not qualified to say this but here it goes. It sounds as though you are doing all the work and she is off having herselfa good time scrapbooking,don't you deserve some time for you ? As for the dressing it will be a hard to deal with as it sounds like she is pretty set on having her way in things,proper as she see's the relationship.You need to get her to come to the table so to speak and sit for a confrence of sorts to define what you and what she needs from this marriage. Hopefully you will be able to come to an agreement even ifit is a don't ask out of site settlement. You need to have time away for yourself,and dressing is a good outlet for you and helps you to feel whole. I wish you all the best of luck and sincerely hope you two can find resoloution and get your marriage back on track.

[SANDRA MICHELLE]

Marriage is and always should be a two way street, it seems like you have sacrificed your true feelings over the years in defferrance to your wife and she is unwilling to see your side. You are an equal participant in the marriage so do what you feel is right and suffer the consequences if she can't accept it. You will never be happy with a decision that doesn't have some sort of comprimise from her and some trust in what you are telling her. Search your history, have you given her reasons to not trust what you are telling her? Again it is a two way street, it can't be all what she wants or it will not work for either of you.
Good luck.

[AllThingsPretty]

I am sorry to hear about your very bad night.

And I am sorry if this is out of line, and if so I apologize up front. But who the hell goes out scrapbooking untill 2 in the morning? I have never ever heard of this. Are you sure she is being honest with you?

[sandra-leigh]

And I am sorry if this is out of line, and if so I apologize up front. But who the hell goes out scrapbooking untill 2 in the morning? I have never ever heard of this. Are you sure she is being honest with you?

Guilt transference??

(Sorry, I don't mean to allege anything by that -- it's just what popped into my mind when I read the previous post.)

[AllThingsPretty]

If you mean her transfering guilt to him. I would agree.

[fwidman]

I agree with cocopuff's girl GG I'd be wary whenever she goes out for a while, as she more than likely will be testing you. My ex did it to me, and I failed her test LOL
As for scrapbooking late into the night is one thing, but ALL NIGHT AND INTO THE NEXT DAY? Sounds rather suspicious to me.
In some ways it sounds like you are being used as a doormat by her and she feels like she can just get rid of you by telling you to get out of her house, her bed, etc.
Oh, and yes, do put your clothes away...

[SherriePall]

Jodi Lynn -- So sorry to hear about your troubles.

[andy6432668]

I can see a divorce coming.

[Jodi Lynn]

Well girls, my wife came home about 4 this afternoon. She was very nice when she came in. She went to get changed for the party she is going to tonight. A bachlorett party for our neice. She asked where the bag of cloths was at I told her I put them away. She said go get them, she wanted to wear one of the tops tonight :shocked: So she ended up wearing my pink lace tanktop out tonight. I know this isn't over and she is confuessing the hell out of me. And for those of you that noticed, yes I do feel at times that she has to be in total control of me at all times. As for her transfering gulit to me, she has been doing that to me for years. As for the all night scrapbooking, it may sound strange, but it does happen. She has even went away to scrapbooking weekends where they scarpbook Friday late into the night, all day Saturday and then come home on Sunday.

[Leah B]

I have to disagree with everyone here: She's a b****. Lose her.

[AllieSF]

Jodi,

It appears that your new journey has just begun.

Take it slow, take the lead and try to regain some of your equal position in the marriage. She will be confused for quite sometime I think, so expect those mood swings. I would for now not throw anything out. If necessary take it someplace else if you can. Also take this opportunity to make a positive thing out of it. Like talking more with your wife about you, her, life and everything else. It is your life. Good luck and I wish you the best.

[sandra-leigh]

she is confuessing the hell out of me. And for those of you that noticed, yes I do feel at times that she has to be in total control of me at all times.

It strikes me that confusing the hell out of someone is a good way to keep control.

Speaking entirely cynically for a moment (the above being just an observation): now in a sense, you don't even own control of your clothes; they are now hers to wear or not wear or to tell you that you can or cannot wear them.

I think that it would be a good time for you to "wait and see". But you do need some "downtime" to yourself, doing things that you find relaxing, whether that's grocery shopping or hitting a Sound of Music rerun (audience participation verison of course!) or having beer and natchos with some buds, or going to the library and curling up in a chair and reading.

[Jenny Beth]

Sorry to hear things are going so badly, it sounds like it will be difficult to find middle ground if it's at all possible. It may be a while before the smoke clears so I guess at this point it's best to lay low and hope that she sees that 32 years of marriage is worth saving.

[az_azeel]

Scrapbooking......no....I am sorry Jodi, but your wife is taking the p***s, weekends away.... by all means try and talk to her but I think is gone beyond that.....Don't you....32 years of marriage is a long time...but you have a life too....and if your only life is her at the mo...then you have my support..


Hope you manage to sort it...

[AshleyLove]

Sorry to hear about all your troubles, but you need to be more assertive!
Apologies again for being cynical, but you mentioned you've grown apart from your wife. So what is she putting in scrapbooks? Seems strange to me

[sandra-leigh]

Scrapbooking......no....I am sorry Jodi, but your wife is taking the p***s, weekends away....

I can't think of how to decode that "p***s"... but anyhow.

Google, over 3000 hits for "scrapbooking addiction", including humour about the condition, e.g. http://www.love2scrap.ca/forums/inde...hreaded&start=

It's an oddity, but it's no odder than the way my friends and I used to play Dungeons & Dragons when we were young.

[Mary Morgan]

Jodi , It is one thing for your spouse to diislike your dressing, it is quite another to be ridiculed and belittled. If this seems to be okay to you, then who am I to disagree, but I would never treat my spouse that way, and if she treated me as your's has, my crossdressing would be the least our issues. Respect, disagree if you must, but respect! I insist on it.