About three hours ago i felt confident about myself and at 5:18 in the morning..less than 10 hours away from my last exam I feel like shit..
I've been reading over a lot of my old posts, ...an amusing and masochistic endeaver..I really hate myself. At first I would refer to myself as a GG, then tried to find validation as an FTM, then I was forced to remember my stage of trying to look REALLY female...
The hell has happened to me. I change the way I identify every 8 minutes.. Pocoyo asks me if I'm a gay male in a woman's body, one day I say no, and then the next day I realize that I just might be...
..I managed somehow to age about 4 years in the months i was gone, change my look completely and still hate myself.
I dropped a lot of the things I really loved doing, like coming here for example. I stopped doing karate, i stopped drawing, I stopped costuming, I started sleeping a lot, escaping, and lying..and generally hating myself.
I can't ever look the way I want to look... or feel like one person. It's like my personality is shattered..
I'm really torn between wanting to carry around my Coach purse and wearing pink dresses, and wanting to look like I cut myself while listening to "fall out boy". I can't keep up being two competely different people..Neither of which is me..
and..now I'm going to fail this exam..
sorry for ranting and not making any sense..i don't understand anything about myself, and ..i really do need to find out what's wrong with me, it's no secret that I'm depressed but I wonder what other things they can shove into my "mental health problems" file.
