Relationship Questions: Advice wanted :)

[5inchHeels]

CLIFF NOTES FOR THE LAZY: My SO is looking for a committed relationship and I'm trying to decide if I'm ready for it. I've just discovered my feminine self and am very sexually driven, she's not. We're both young and I don't want to stop socializing or isolate myself from friends. END CLIFFS

Normally I'm very good at working through relationships issues with my SO, however my recent discovery of crossdressing is throwing me(us) for a loop. I would like to hear opinions of my situation from the older and wiser ladies that visit this board.

Background:
I'm in a great relationship with a very loving girl. We live in different cities, but manage to see each other enough to maintain a strong relationship that doesn't interfere with other aspects of our lives. In many ways I feel very lucky to be with my SO. I also feel strongly that we are capable of maintaining a very healthy marriage. We communicate and nearly always are able to reach an acceptable compromise.

What I'm Questioning:
I'm still young(24) and have just begun exploring my feminine self. I've spent the last 6 months soul searching, reading, and exploring my sexuality and now feel comfortable with myself. I've included my SO in this journey, which was difficult at times, but we've always managed to resolve our differences. Now, she's mostly OK with dressing, even helping me at times. I couldn't ask for anything more from her.

My hesitation in moving forward with the relationship is because I still feel I'm in a transition phase. I think Renee Reyees articulates it well in this article:
http://www.reneereyes.com/Webdocs/rel-witch.htm

Specifically, I worry about our sexual compatibility. My SO, for many reasons, is not a particularly sexual person. I am very very sexually driven. Dressing plays a a major role in my sexual fantasies and I'm also blessed with ADD, which I mention because it makes me more impulsive than others. I consider sex to be a recreational activity and would enjoy experimenting with non-traditional play, something my SO is not comfortable with. I question whether my SO and I can be sexually satisfied together.

On top of my sexual concerns, I still feel young and don't want to isolate myself from single friends, limit my career choices, or stop going out and living freely (drinking, smoking). I enjoy my current lifestyle and am not sure I'm ready or mature enough for the commitment that a serious relationship requires.

I've been fortunate enough to be able hop between two liberal and diverse cities and believe I would be able to meet other people who I 'm compatible with in the future. However, I am deeply in love in my SO and know that we are a great match. I'm torn between being young and discovering myself and being in love with a great person.

My SO is looking for a committed relationship and I'm trying to decide if I'm ready for it. Writing this out was very helpful, but I'd also like to hear the opinions of this community. I appreciate all responses!

[Josephine 1941]

Hi Heels,
I would say you are on a very slippery slope. At your age an it sounds like you enjoy your femmin side. If and it is a very big [ IF ] your girl friend has not to much of a problem, your dressing will become one. You said she is not very sexual, could it be because you dress as a women????? My advice to you is at 24 you should find a small sledge hammer go into the bath rm lay you know what on the sink an hit it with the sledge. YOU WILL THEN THINK WITH THE RIGHT HEAD. You are a cross desser an it will never stop you have to find the right girl that will walk with you dressed, when you find that women an they are out there then you can love her. Are you sure you like women or do you like the way they look.

Josephine

[5inchHeels]

Hi Heels,
I would say you are on a very slippery slope. At your age an it sounds like you enjoy your femmin side. If and it is a very big [ IF ] your girl friend has not to much of a problem, your dressing will become one.

What do you mean? She's ok and very accepting of my dressing and I have no desire to fully transform. I like being guy, but also enjoy experimenting with my feminine side.

You said she is not very sexual, could it be because you dress as a women????? My advice to you is at 24 you should find a small sledge hammer go into the bath rm lay you know what on the sink an hit it with the sledge. YOU WILL THEN THINK WITH THE RIGHT HEAD.

LOL I probably should do that. To answer the question without getting too into it, her low sex drive is NOT because I dress. I'm a masculine guy when she needs me to be.

You are a cross desser an it will never stop you have to find the right girl that will walk with you dressed, when you find that women an they are out there then you can love her. Are you sure you like women or do you like the way they look.

My girlfriend understands the dressing, but I think there are others out there who are equally open minded.

I love women, I also love the way the look. I'm also attracted to TS's because I can relate, though as said earlier I have no desire to fully transform. I'm not attracted to men, though I'm sure some sexual acts when dressed could be erotic.

[Stephenie S]

Dear 5,

On the surface, with the limited amount of info that you can give us in such a short time, I would say that the two of you have NO business getting married. Sexual intimacy is a huge part of a successful marriage and it doesn't sound like you two are even remotely sexually compatable. Don't get married just because it's a cool thing to do.

Of course, no one here should be playing marriage councilor, but from what you have said, I wouldn't do it. You're still very young. You have years ahead of you. Don't spend them with anyone you have such doubts about.

You can remain deeply in love and explore this relationship more deeply, but why get married now? Marriage usually means the possibility of children. This ALWAYS complicates the issue and makes it MUCH more difficult to go your separate ways if things indeed don't work out.

Steph

[5inchHeels]

You can remain deeply in love and explore this relationship more deeply, but why get married now? Marriage usually means the possibility of children. This ALWAYS complicates the issue and makes it MUCH more difficult to go your separate ways if things indeed don't work out.

Marriage is far far away. I just wanted to point out that we have the communication skills to make it work. It has more to do with whether or not the relationship is worth exploring further, or if my dressing and our sexual differences make us incompatible.

[kathy gg]

Committment and love and seriousness is awesome and totally rewarding....ocne you have sowed yoru wild oats....if you still have oats left....hmm....ya know what they say "if you love something and set it free and it comes back ....it was meant to be...but if it does not, it was not meant to be."

I think alot of married people, maybe even some females will say that sex in the long run is not important to a healthy relationship and I think that is BS. Sex is important and being sexually compatable is. The people who are not agonize and eventually some might be resentful. And I hate to say this, but if she is in her 20's and her libido is low now....well..we peak in our 30's..she has no where to go but down if she is not into sex now. And despite what gets written in the media about women not being into sex is BS...alotof cool fun women do enjoy sex and want it sometimes more than men.

I personally could not be with someone for the long haul if we were not at least 90% sexually compatable.

and fyi: am married now for over 7 years and I still love sex and I m 35 yrs old.

[Glenda]

I think you've answered your own question. Should you marry her? No. Do you love her? Yes? What does it mean? In my opinion you two are great friends. You enjoy time together, support and accept each other, maybe even desire each other.......but you're looking for something different in your life. If you are seriously considering making her your wife then you need to let her know of your concerns. If you can be honest about your desires to continue to explore your sexuality and she can accept that then do it. If she can't accept that side of you then give it up. She may not be the one for you. On the other hand, you may not be the one for her either. If her desires are for something you can't give then it would be foolish to try to commit to her. In my opinion, you make the commitment when you don't have to question the commitment. You're not there yet.