Going back to girl mode - how do you face it?

[Cai]

Thursday is the end of my semester here at college, and I'm spending a week with my mother before going home to my dad's house. My dad couldn't care less what I wear, but my mother likes me to look "nice". Boy clothes don't fall in that category (and no, she doesn't know, and no I can't tell her, b/c I'm not sure yet). But the idea of putting my girly clothes back on...yeech. Especially having to wear a bathing suit to the beach. I mean, the swim team has seen me in my suit, but that's different somehow.

So, what can I do to make it more comfortable, mentally?

[Dasein9]

My school and my students see me as female, so I have to kind of walk the edge. I find that I can get away with a lot if I wear a pair of women's pants. If anyone does ask about the boys' shirts -- only one has -- then I just point out how much better they fit in the sleeves.

As for the swimsuit, could you suddenly come all over concerned about the harmful effects of too much sun and get a rash guard shirt? I picked one up on sale at Land's End, in the boys' section for around $10. They may have some left. (The largest boys' size is about the same as the smallest men's size.)

[mistunderstood]

Try to find clothing that is unisexed. Stuff that looks the same. Like t-shirts can be girl stuff but is really guy stuff. Pants are hard to tell when they are jeans. Umm dress pants same thing. You have to look around. For a swim suit you could wear shorts and t-shirt with sports bra undernethe it or if you have to wear a suit were t-shirt over it.
As far as girl mode I wear mens clothes full time.

[MJ]

well lets see you could post pictures in your girly clothes , he he
this is not easy but can't you find something in between like jeans and dark colored tops i guess the pretty dresses are out and heels . so runners try the plane Jane look

[Cai]

Thanks for the ideas, I probably will just go unisex and wear nicer T-shirts so my mom can't say anything. The rash guard is an excellent idea, and it would make me a lot more comfortable.

[Dasein9]

I like it so much that despite my swimwearophobia, I've just ordered swim trunks. Also from Land's End.

[Nicole]

I can't wait to get back to girl mode. I face it by flashing a huge smile as I start my day.

Oops. Sorry guys. Wrong forum.

OK, time for a serious answer. Underdressing might be a good way to deal with it. Wear your guy-stuff underneath your outside clothing. It will help you remember who you are underneath the exterior. I do it myself and it does seem to help.

[Laurie909]

As for the swimsuit, could you suddenly come all over concerned about the harmful effects of too much sun and get a rash guard shirt?

Well, I don't know how to swim, so swimsuits are not a big problem for me. I avoid pools and beaches. Or I just wear a pair of shorts, T-shirt and flip-flops or tennis shoes....the ultimate unisex outfit!

[Kate Simmons]

Well, we all go through it whether we are M T F or F T M. Just think of it as a temporary inconvenience. After all, you know who you are and no one can take that away from you.

[kerrianna]

Sal is right about remembering who we are inside as the being the real thing. It is difficult to not be confused or not feel like you're losing that when you have to present as the world expects and not how you feel.

At least in this day and age there are a lot of variance of styles out there. I'd love to see the unisex look get bigger. It was very fashionable in the sixties for awhile, precisely because we were trying to break down social barriers.

At least it's only a week at your mom's. Maybe you could suddenly develop a passion for a sports team and hey all the team shirts are guy shirts so what could you do? How about looking in vintage or second hand stores for fancy guy shirts that could be for girls, but you know better. (like this cool piratey shirt I had when I was younger that had ruffles and flowing sleeves).

And Das had a good idea about covering up from the sun...which is no joke by the way. I am very sensitive to the sun and I can tell you each year it's getting harsher.

If nothing else you could try what I do - same as Karen, but I also do little things like use a touch of scent (in yr case cologne) discreetly, but enough to remind yourself of who you are. Keep your nails short, wear guy underwear, maybe a macho piece of jewelry (your mom can only question your taste) - tokens of your inner male that you can use to remind yourself that it IS who you are inside, and that doesn't change because you look different outside.

[sparro]

Wow. Personnally I would promptly refuse to wear any ridiculous girls clothes. Then again, I'm a pretty crappy son and daughther.

It's true, though. You are in College, so I'm going to guess you're 18 at least. In which case your mother has to realize that you are an adult, and that she doesn't have the same rein over what you wear as she did when you were 12 years old. Also, that you are old enough to make your own decisions, the least of which being what you wear.
If wearing girls clothes makes you feel uncomfortable, it's within your right as a responsible, thinking adult to wear whatever the f*ck you please. You don't have to justify it to her. You don't have to tell her you identify as male. It's a matter of personal preference, and she should presume to weild so much control over something as trivial as clothes.

I do understand that often situations are more complicated then that. Hell, I'm speaking from personal experience (which is probably why I'm saying this with the smallest bit of resentment). You want to please your parents and avoid conflict. I can very much relate to that. At the very least, keep this all in mind for the future. Hopefully this won't be the way it is for you your whole life.

[John]

Well, when I was going home to see my dad and stepmother (who tend to be quite picky about what I where) my 'feminising' tactick was to unpack and unbind. Much as you may hate you're chest being visible, if you've got boobs, you look femail. I'd sugest just pick some smat mens/unisex clothes to get as clost to 'nice' (or you're mothers idear of nice) as you can, without feeling uncomfortable.

As for the swim stuff, this week scientists are saying that sunscreen dosn't work against some radiation, so say you're taking their advice and covering up.

[Question Mark]

Hehe, I've got the exact opposite problem parental-wise (mom doesn't care less, dad wants me to look nice). I'd say go unisex as best you can. Depending on how insistent your mom is about the "nice" part (dressy, or just good casual?), you may or may not have to wear something like a nice sweater. It doesn't have to be too GIRLY of a sweater, though. <_<

[bi_weird]

I'd recommend not going TOTALLY femme. If you wear some boy clothes this time home (just a shirt or something), and do that a little more each time you go home, it'll make the possibility of coming out in the future easier.
As for how I deal, you'll laugh, but I have a trick. I've got a scrap of rainbow ribbon from an LGBT event here on campus, and that's always in my pocket when I'm home. ESPECIALLY before I came out as bi to my family, I'd put my hand in my pocket and remember that being in the closet was just a temporary thing, and that I'd get to go back to school and be out again soon. Helps me when I feel too weird.

[happyfish]

Actually, Bi, I used to do something similar. Back when I was in high school I made a rainbow necklace and would wear it under my clothes or keep it in my pocket because I knew I couldn't be out. (The Middle East is not GBLT friendly. >.<). Or I'd put my pentacle in my pocket for the times my parents made me go to church. It helped me remember who I was, you know? Just because you have/want to compromise to keep the peace doesn't mean you have to forget who you are.
I'd agree with the unisex clothes being a good idea. Button-down shirts can be 'nice' but they can also be guys' clothes.

[Cai]

Bi - that's a nice idea. Goes right along with the underdressing.

Mark - she's more about nice casual stuff. I'm thinking my nicer t-shirts will work.

John - I don't think binding would really be an option on this trip, but I'll have to remember that I look female to my mom no matter what I'm wearing.

Kerri, Sal, Das - Only temporary. Okay. And I just went to the store and bought a bunch of products "for men" (with a nice masculine smell) as well as some men's socks. It won't be obvious, but maybe it will be enough for me to be comfortable.

Speaking of the products, I'm starting to understand why the girls have so much fun going out en femme. I went in my most boy outfit, including packing (first time going out with it), and bought a bunch of men's products. Told the woman at the Eckerd counter that the airline people had confiscated all my toiletries. No idea what she thought, but there remains the possibility that I passed.

[Felix]

Ok Hun I don't know if this first bit will help. I don't cope with going back into even more slightly fem clothes well these days. I had a meeting to go to last week and I thought I'd better fem myself up a little. I stressed about it all day then in the end I couldn't face it and stayed as I was, in boy mode. I have to go to my parents soon and I will have to dress down then but I will have to whether I like it or not. So like you I have to grit my teeth and bare it even though it does my head in. So the unisex look might be good. Lets know how ya go Hun xx Felix

[Kieron Andrew]

i dont have any girl clothes....havent for years and no one says anything they just assume this is how i dress because of doing it for years.....sorry thats not much help is it

[CaptLex]

Cai,

I like the underdressing idea. I don't wear skirts, dresses, blouses, female underwear or heels anymore, but I still have some female items in my wardrobe that don't look female (shirts and shoes, mostly). I'm okay with this stuff 'cause I consider it gender-neutral and only wear it 'cause it fits well and doesn't look girly, but I always have male items on, which helps me balance these: for example, like boxers, male undershirts, men's pants and men's jackets. I also use men's colognes, aftershave and deodorant. It really helps me, I hope it helps you too.

[Gina_darling]

Funny answer is lets develop a device that enables us to switch bodies! You can have my male one and I'll have your female one!

Serious one is that I would love to dress as a girl much more but I can't due to work and even though my family know they are not yet comfortable with me presenting as female. I can live with it because I can dress in my room and just relax that way. So if I were in your postion I'd dress in jeans and t-shirts which are fairly unisex clothing, if your Mum wants them to be "nice" then either bite the bullet and wear more girly t-shirts or say to her that you don't feel like it right now. Then later on you can get into some baggy boy jeans and t-shirt or shirt (whatever your style is ) and then relax.

Good luck!