As I write this, I am in the process of dressing for bed...as in, off go the feminine clothes (pieced-together schoolgirl outfit) and on come the men's pajamas. I had just unbuttoned my shirt and was about to undo my kilt when I just looked myself over, and actually said out loud, "what a wonderful gift I've been given." When I said that, I realized how much I truly appreciate this...hobby, sport, addiction...whatever you want to call it. There have been times in my life when I've hated it, but I know something big would be missing from my life if I were to lose this part of me.
I realize what a long way I've come since I was that boy in highschool who stole his sister's clothes to dress up...and limited this to be a strict fetish activity. Back then, I gave into what I thought were disgusting, unnatural, masochistic sexual urges. Now, I celebrate a part of myself that I'm still only starting to understand. I wear skirts, kilts, blouses, bras, panties, and everything feminine not (only) for sexual reasons, but because I accept it as a part of who I am. I spent my whole life being Phil, for better or worse. Now Jessica is finally gaining some freedom, some recognition, and some personal satisfaction and fulfillment.
I love myself in a way I have never loved myself before. Phil loves Jessica, Jessica loves Phil, and I, now something/someone else entirely, love Phil and Jessica equally, even if Jessica doesn't get to be physically realized as often. I'm not sure if I'm alone in these feelings towards my crossdressing. I know a lot of crossdressers tend to dress as often as they can, and identify more with, or even as, their feminine selves. I feel good having discovered that I am not Phil, and I am not Jessica. I am another person, who has been given the wonderful gift of being able to be both Phil and Jessica, without having to commit to either.
Well...that's my rant, and it feels pretty good to get it out.
Originally Posted by phil_jessica
