Hurtful things people say

[Jammie Lyann]

Ok I have read many time on this board how people have gone out an had a good time an the people around them responded with politness, an seem to be ok with what we do. as well as some bad expirences.
I dont want to burst anyones bubble but, heres a little story out about someone here in my home town,
This person dresses every day in wemons clothes, he does not however hide the fact that he is a guy in girls clothes, he even goes to work this way.
I have know of this person for about 6 years now. an even seen him out an about , people are very polite to him when he is around, but the things they say when he is not can be very desurbing.
just the other day at my work place, ( understand I work around mostly very mocho men or at least they think they are,) this person was brought up in a conversation at lunch time an they literaly tore him to peices, verbaly bashed him to the point that if he had been standing there they would have taped him up an threw him into the furnus, they had work them selves in to a frenzy over how it was wrong an people like us should all be rounded up an shot.
I didnt dare open my mouth to say anything, It took a boss walking it quite things down.
I feel sad for these people that they have nothing better to do in thier live than to bash on people that are differant then they are.
Ivey

[Holly]

People who have to tear down someone else to make themselves feel good (or macho) are shallow individuals, afraid to look at their own existence.

[Valerie Nicole]

Though it's of little comfort when we are hurting, what we have to understand is that this is in no way our problem. These people don't hate us because there is something wrong with us, they hate us because there is something wrong with them. They do not understand us, they fear what they don't understand, and they hide their fear with hatred. That's all there is to it, most of the time. The worst part about this is that their hatred can cause a willful ignorance (that is they hate us so they do not want to learn anything else about us) which creates a vicious cycle of ignorance, fear, and hatred.

[rose382832]

the way others feel about us is not our problem till they get together in a groop and drink too much and go hunting. we all need to stand up for ourselves wether dressed or drab and try to curtail the hate by educating people, wether subtly or by jumping on the float at the parade.

[thea]

Even if it's taking small steps, try to speak up. It won't change the macho men's minds immediately, but they should be reminded that it's another human being they're beign bigoted about.

[brenya]

the mob thing would suck but if somebody tried to take me on one to one I don't think I'd have to worry about anything, my last name isnt dangerous for no reason lol

[Breanne]

......just the other day at my work place, ( understand I work around mostly very mocho men or at least they think they are,) this person was brought up in a conversation at lunch time an they literaly tore him to peices, verbaly bashed him to the point that if he had been standing there they would have taped him up an threw him into the furnus, they had work them selves in to a frenzy over how it was wrong an people like us should all be rounded up an shot.......

This is "lynch mob" mentality!

[Cindyloo]

Those type of people are insecure and weak. They have no respect for other peoples feelings but their own.

[Khriss]

cruel treatment or jumping on the "percieved" weak is a sad part of human History..or behavior..
There are times and abilities under "Constitutional Law" to make such injustesses right !!! ooh I meant RIGHT !!!
I'd luv to converse with (those with such feelings) ??"K"

[julie w]

If we go out enfemme we have to have thick skin, people are nice to your face but what they say behind you back is another thing . I was shocked and
disappointed when a guy I work with said transgended a freaks ,It
wouldnt of bothered me if he was a read neck , but this is a guy that goes to peace rallys an into saving the environment so I think we have to come
to terms that most people dont like us

[Kate Simmons]

People don't think. This person could have risked his a** to keep their's and everyone else's safe in a war in some God forsaken place. I'm not bragging but a lot of people would not be alive to tell the tale today if I had not been there doing my job in Viet Nam and I was TG back then and bigots were the last thing on my mind, my fellow soldiers and other people were. I wonder what these morons would say about me?

[RobertaFermina]

Mob mentality occurs when fear of being the odd one out is projected as hate onto those who are different in some real or imagined way.

It is a disturbance and insecurity in an individual, that is broadcast to gather a group equally insecure and in need of validation. A group in this frenzy becomes a mob which can deal out a storm of hatred. Like the butterfly changing the weather pattern, a single unchecked insecurity can lead to a Holocaust.

It takes courage to step in and add one more voice of support for those who seem to be different - and run the risk of being a target along with them.

This is where Evil is born, and where it is to be confronted.

Look at what you have at risk by acting, and by not acting to oppose the hatred. Choose wisely and carefully what to do on this ground!

Roberta

[JulieC]

I think we all know that society does not accept crossdressing. That's blatantly obvious. Who among us has not hidden this aspect of ourselves? Of course society doesn't accept it.

When we first cross the threshold into the light of day dressed as our femme selves, we hope that society does not treat us poorly. Yet, what we can realistically attain is just that society doesn't do anything to us. Reality; most of us do not pass, or come close, and society treats us very poorly behind our backs. This is a reality we have to accept as part of going in public.

Even if people are 100% polite to us, even if nobody says anything, no teenage girls giggle and smirk at us...we are still being mocked. Count on it.

I learned a long time ago that the only way I can combat this for myself is to not be in the presence of or likely to run into anyone that I know when I crossdress or shop for myself. I tell myself, "what they think does not matter". It's ok if they think you're a freak, so long as they don't act on it.

[Jammie Lyann]

What I think bothered me the most about this group is that out of the 7 people involved in this topic 4 of them routinely go to church, I was tought that only the good lord had the right to judge, an I havent been to church sence I was in my teens.
However what I fail to mention in my earlier post, is that I am already on there hate list as is they veiw me as a odd bird, also do to the fact that I went off on thier foreman because of thier behavor toward me( went on for about 2 years finaly had enough) an they was basicly told not to harass me anymore. an I believe that if it wasnt for the rules governing our company, that any type of violance towards another emploee even outside the work place can result in Termenation, that they would have ganged up on me just like a bunch of school yard bullies.

This same group cuased the prior foreman to quit becuase she was not (lets say of the same cloth) an they refused to do what was asked of them by her an continued to do thing thier way, she finally gave up after 4 months, many times she came over upset an wanting to talk to the gal that works in our deparment just to have someone to talk to.

About 2 weeks ago maybe longer , I had left the lunch room, an my group leader had stayed behind to talk to another, an he had over heard a couple of the individuals talking about how strange I was because I have earrings an wear a pinky ring , my group leader told them that< " Yes I might be strange, But he would take me over them any day of the week because they was nothing but lazy"

Anyhow due to past problems with these individuals I tend to try an avoid saying anything to them at all,
Ivey

[Kenix]

What Ivy described happens in every office and it doesn't need to be CD related. A couple higher level people in our section do that a lot.

Sometimes I wonder what they say about me after I leave the office...

[Chiana]

My boss at a previous job was a homophobe. We shared a mutual friend. Our mutual friend has some friends that are openly gay. One day, my boss came into my office and was bashing our mutual friend saying that he thought he had "gone over to the dark side" and similar BS. I felt that he was on a fishing expedition to try to find out if our friend was really gay. He didn't seem to respond well to my response to his witch hunt. About a month later, I was fired. Of course, he listed other reasons for termination but they were basically smoke and mirrors.

[NarakuAulonocara]

I feel the same. I'm asian and femme so some people don't want to sit next to me b/c they assume I'm gay.

[Sally2005]

...well, sometimes people say stuff just to fit in. On the other hand, given a past history a complaint to HR might get them what they have been asking for (or not)... nothing is absolute in our world.

[faltenrock]

I think we all know that society does not accept crossdressing. That's blatantly obvious. Who among us has not hidden this aspect of ourselves? Of course society doesn't accept it.

When we first cross the threshold into the light of day dressed as our femme selves, we hope that society does not treat us poorly. Yet, what we can realistically attain is just that society doesn't do anything to us. Reality; most of us do not pass, or come close, and society treats us very poorly behind our backs. This is a reality we have to accept as part of going in public.

Even if people are 100% polite to us, even if nobody says anything, no teenage girls giggle and smirk at us...we are still being mocked. Count on it.

I learned a long time ago that the only way I can combat this for myself is to not be in the presence of or likely to run into anyone that I know when I crossdress or shop for myself. I tell myself, "what they think does not matter". It's ok if they think you're a freak, so long as they don't act on it.

I agree fully. As a young boy, I've had a fire accident that ruined my face. I'm a strong person and I've done everything possible on the medical side to look as much normal as possible.
But believe me - I'm talking about 35 years of experience - people talk behind my back, people stare at me, sometimes more, sometimes less. Actually people in the US stare much less at me - saying as a European. In other words, this threat does not only touch the subject of CD.

To me, my look has two sides to it. People stare at me anyway - no matter what I do - no matter what I wear. So coming out was easy in that respect - I don't care. On the other hand, it's hard for me to cover my scars - people will easily recognize me. I CD far away from home - preferring other countries if possible.

[Sheri 4242]

I feel sad for these people that they have nothing better to do in thier live than to bash on people that are differant then they are. Ivey

Ivey,

You have run into ignorance made audible!!! People that do things like you speak of usually are trying to make themselves appear superior -- and they often have "secrets" of their own that they hope their macho bravado will cover.

Barbara

[leggysheers]

From the things I've heard here, some were harder to read than others.

Not only it goes on in the workplace, but also from your family members as well. I've kept alot of things about myself quite hidden from them. I've kept a good few secrets in where if they knew, let's just say that I'd be seen in a very unfavorable light.

I have a few items that I bought well hidden. I have some clothing that would make them think that something was not right with me. It is quite difficult sometimes to be truly yourself. Sometimes, it can get you into alot of trouble. I've kept them in the dark and I'd prefer it that way. Not my friends or family know that I dress as a woman from time to time, and again, I prefer it to be kept that way. I know I'm not lying to anyone, because no one asks about my actions. If someone does ask, I prefer to keep it as cryptic as possible. If I want to tell you, I'll do it on my own time not when I'm pressured into an answer. Fortunately, no one has and that's good for now.

We all have secrets and desires that many may never understand, the most difficult part is being able to display so much trust that we can reveal our secrets to someone. When revealed, you have to be prepared for the initial blow.

For those who've been bullied or laughed at for who you are, at least you're being honest with yourselves, it's others that aren't honest with themselves. Just food for thought there.

[ToyGirl]

Mob mentality occurs when fear of being the odd one out is projected as hate onto those who are different in some real or imagined way.

It is a disturbance and insecurity in an individual, that is broadcast to gather a group equally insecure and in need of validation. A group in this frenzy becomes a mob which can deal out a storm of hatred. Like the butterfly changing the weather pattern, a single unchecked insecurity can lead to a Holocaust.

It takes courage to step in and add one more voice of support for those who seem to be different - and run the risk of being a target along with them.

This is where Evil is born, and where it is to be confronted.

Look at what you have at risk by acting, and by not acting to oppose the hatred. Choose wisely and carefully what to do on this ground!

Roberta

This is so very true , people in groups will say horrible things , yet if you talk about them 1on1 , they will say oh they were only joking around to fit in.

[Angie G]

This will go on forever Ivy there will alway be someone like that around
Angie

[TG-Taru]

This is so very true , people in groups will say horrible things , yet if you talk about them 1on1 , they will say oh they were only joking around to fit in.

When I was younger, I asked a classmate and his friend why they were such mean bullies together, when they both were nice enough on their own. We all visited eachother a few times back then, all three or 1 on 1. Got no real answer. And though they now knew eachother to be nice from me saying so, they still continued to be bad when together. Trying to look tough to the other, thinking they expected that of them, I assume - though they should (now) have know there was no need or reason to. Viscious circle of insecurity? Don't know if it'd have helped if I'd continued to confront them about it. As it was, I stopped trying to hang out with them due to how they were in groups. It was too much of a betrayal to forget in contrast to how they were one on one.