My Father

[Christine Kelly]

I am so touched by this story.

And I think that it shows how damaging our shame and guilt
can be. That we feel the need to hide who we are from the ones who love us the most. Here is a person who so loves her father that she accepts
him regardless of what he does. I find that inspiring. Inspiring for us all.
May we all find some peace in this.

[gillianCD]

Amelia,

I am new to CD in that up until recently I have been very secretive about it. I never told anyone until I was 22 and then I told my soon to be wife. She did not dump me...and she made an honest attempt at playing along.

However, somethings changed. She was abused as a child and one of the scars she carries with her is bi-polar...however she tries to convince herself that she is "normal" by finding fault in other people and then use those faults as a weapon to inflict pain on those closest to her. One of those was crossdressing, and she made me feel exceptionally guilty about it and even tried to convince me I secretly hated women and was gay.

None of which was true. However, I "purged" this desire and now that I am free from her shackles I find myself expressing myself much more, to include this side of me. While I have several reasons to remain in the closet anywhere other than the internet...I would like to further develop this and maybe find a select cadre of friends to dress and hang out with.

But the reason I tell you this is that word in "..."...purging. I've done it several times in my life. I will probably do it again. And so your father may have purged and really isn't dressing...right now. But if he's been doing it most of his life then he'll most likely do it again. It is important to him that you know and on some level I'm sure he understands that he can talk to you. You did the right thing. Bravo!

You never know...you may visit him one day and he'll greet you at the door in a skirt, heels, wig and cute little blouse you wish was in your size!

Gillian

[amasveritas]

@ Christine Kelly I am moved to hear that my story touched you! It hasn't always been easy - the first time I got a 'clue' that my father was crossdressing, was when I found the word "crossdressing" in the history of google on our home computer. I must have been sixteen at the time, knew it wasn't mine, knew my mother didn't use the computer, did the math and got really upset. I told my best friend that if it was true, I would drop out of school and move out, not because I was disgusted but because I was unable to handle the less-than-perfect truth. But nobody ever spoke of it, and I basically forgot about it. Now, several years later, I know the truth and I am able to handle it much better. Still, if back then my father would have talked to me, I may have kicked and stomped but I would have loved him regardless. I would have come around, you know?

@ Gillian I would love it if he would do that if it was what he wanted, I would also love to go shopping with him - I'm completely open to it. I'm just the kind of person who, as I said before, feels that life is too short for things such as shame and regret. Which is why I feel the need to celebrate this rather than hide it Could be that he purged, nonetheless he's done it all his life and it is part of him, I think. But however the story will go, I will never be the one to judge him. I don't understand how children of crossdressers can get so upset. They could have had no father, they could have had a father who molested them - but they had a loving but somewhat different father... there's nothing scarring in that. Not if you know how relative and worthless 'normal' really is

[tall_brianna]

I love my father for who he is, whoever he is, and even if he doesn't love himself. He's my father, and he raised me with love and respect.

My question is: what can I do or what should I not do? I know that ofcourse every situation is unique, and believe me I am not suggesting that just because you all crossdress, your opinions subsitute my father's. But the subject is so sensitive, and I know he doesn't like talking about it - besides, he changes his mind regularly, one day saying he is a crossdresser, the next day saying he is not. I just think he is deeply ashamed, and I don't feel he should be because he is as normal and beautiful as everyone else is.

Amelia,

This brought tears to my eyes. Tears of joy. Assuming that you've said these loving things to your father, you are already doing what you can and should do.

Years of repression can make one unhappy with themselves and your mother's rejection probably deeply intensified those feelings of shame. With each change of mind, just put your arm around him and tell him you think he's wonderful regardless of what he wears.

-b

[Samantha B L]

Hi Amelia,I think you should support your father in whatever he decides about things.Counseling or therapy may help or it may not.As Lisa has suggested you might find an inconspicuous and anonymous way to let your father know about this forum.

[elizabeth_41]

Amelia,

Hugs to a wonderful daughter. I know your father is so proud of you. I long for the day when I can open up to someone as understanding as you in person and not just in writing. He is sooooooooo fortunate to have such a loving and understanding daughter.

[amasveritas]

Thank you all again for your reactions

Thanks for all the advice, it really helped, and I hope eventually my father will be able to admit things to himself and then eventually maybe to me.

I wish you all good luck with matters like these in your own lives, and I wish you are all surrounded by understanding and open minded people - I wish I could do that for all of you, since I can't express my feelings and point of view on this to my father and he won't let me make life easier for him, I would be happy to do it for all of you - but I can't.

And to anyone who ever wants to talk to me about 'coming out' to their children, I am here for you. Like I said; I can't go through this with my father, but I need to go through it because it is part of my life and truth - so I am here for anyone who needs it.

[O2B Barbara]

Hi AMy,

Stop back anytime and say a hello. I know I appreciate the knowledge that there are people like you that are accepting and supportive.

Thank You,

[Missy Anne]

Hi Amelia,

Thanks for joining us. You would be a most welcome and valued member of this forum. I hope you decide to stay with us.

We have grown children and although this issue has never come up for me (yet), the day could come when I or someone else here may need an urgent opinion from you on this subject.

Best regards!

Missy Anne

[amasveritas]

Well if my opinion's ever needed in that context, anyone - feel free to ask me I might stick around yeah, I like it here, everyone's really nice and open!