Trans Dreaming

[CaptLex]

We kind of touched on this in another thread, but I think it deserves its own thread, if enough people want to share. I'd like to know if you have trans-related dreams, and do they help you sort through any issues? I'm mainly interested in the FtM responses, but it's open to everyone.

I'll start:

I recently had a dream that my mom came to visit me (at work, I think) and brought a little girl which she handed to me (toddler size). Someone asked me if the girl was my grand-daughter, and I said, "No, she's mine. I adopted her." I thought a lot about the dream and I think it means that the little girl is me - its the me that my mother sees, and the me that I have to "adopt" or become in her presence. Quite a revelation.

Anybody else wanna share?

[Cai]

I had one last night where I was dressing up to go be in a drag queen show. It was oddly realistic - one part that I remember vividly, I was putting on pantyhose in my bathroom, and it was distinctly my bathroom and my legs. It was interesting, because in my dream, I was me as I am now - FTM pre-op TS, and I was dressing up as a male CD dressing up as a woman.

Probably has to do with my feeling that every time I put on my girl clothes, I can't shake the feeling that I look like a guy in drag.

[Kate Simmons]

Oy--dreams! I've had quite a few profound ones lately with all the dynamics I've been dealing with. Being Sal, being Rich--going somewhat back and forth sometimes. It's keeping me spinning sometimes and keeping up with the meanings and our dreams have special significance to us. It's our minds working on issues (and giving us understanding) even while we are sleeping. Had another one last night with my Son in the mix and that one took a lot out of me. Sounds like you have a good understanding of your's though Lex.

[Evert]

I've had a really strange one, few weeks ago...

I am walking naked in my classroom () but nobody seems to notice. I run through school to find my clothes. Some people turn their head, whispering "Who is that strange girl?". I find my clothes in the boys toilets, including a fake beard and a packy. When I dressed myself and wanted to leave the toilets my teacher walks in. First saying sorry, cause she is obviously in the wrong bathroom. Then she recognises me and says that she always liked me better when she thought of me as a boy and that seeing me like this no surprise at all. [SIZE="1"]*mumbles.. and then she kisses me.. mumble*[/SIZE]


Anyone who thinks s/he knows the meaning of this wacky dream, yell...

[Kate Simmons]

Well Ev, I'd say it has something to do with being comfortable with yourself despite what anyone else thinks. It's also nice when folks accept us for who we really are.

[CaptLex]

Anyone who thinks s/he knows the meaning of this wacky dream, yell...

One question first . . . do you have a crush on the teacher? If you do, then it sounds like you'd like the teacher to see you as a boy - and reciprocate your feelings. Or maybe she's someone who you admire. Either way, it sounds like you'd like her to see the real you.

I had one last night where I was dressing up to go be in a drag queen show. It was oddly realistic - one part that I remember vividly, I was putting on pantyhose in my bathroom, and it was distinctly my bathroom and my legs. It was interesting, because in my dream, I was me as I am now - FTM pre-op TS, and I was dressing up as a male CD dressing up as a woman.

Probably has to do with my feeling that every time I put on my girl clothes, I can't shake the feeling that I look like a guy in drag.

Cai, I think you hit the nail on the head - you figured out your dream well. Of course, the dreamer usually has the best idea of what it means anyway 'cause you know best what's running through your head most of the time. Good one.

Had another one last night with my Son in the mix and that one took a lot out of me.

I know that feeling, Sal. Sometimes I feel like I must have run a marathon while I was sleeping.

Sounds like you have a good understanding of your's though Lex.

I think I can figure them out most of the time, but most of them are real puzzlers.

[Evert]

One question first . . . do you have a crush on the teacher? If you do, then it sounds like you'd like the teacher to see you as a boy - and reciprocate your feelings. Or maybe she's someone who you admire. Either way, it sounds like you'd like her to see the real you.

Yes I admire her, but don't have a crush. The teacher who talked to me was the teacher I first told about my gender issues (on the school where I am now). I admire her because she always stayed open minded about everything. I really could talk with her and I told her almost everything. It was the first 'friend' I ever had..

[pocoyo]

lol wow Cap... how symbolic.

Er yeah I think a couple of trans dreams, but mainly I'm just GM in my dreams (or someone genderless)...

one that stands out as being a "trans" dream... erm... well I'm a little embarrased cos it was a rude dream... but...

I dreamed I was like halfway thru transitioning... and I took this girl that I know out to the back room at work and... laid her down and... ehem. Did something to her.

Wow I hope no-one I know irl reads that lol.

[Tristan]

Well I already mentioned my main trans dream I remember but I'll tell it in more detail here I guess.

It started off where I'm on the run being chased by people with guns, big guns, and they are quite literally hunting me I believe. I run into an area that looks a lot like where I grew up some the of the buildings and etc looked familiar. And I almost run right over this little boy. I just know with something inside of me he's also on the run and I need to protect him though I don't recall us exchanging any words. I also remember being afraid to allow him to come with me in case people would think I was kidnapping or something. So we are running together now still being chased by the people chasing me and maybe the ones chasing him too but I never really see who's chasing me. We are deep into almost a jungle now and I know I just have to escape where we are and we'll be safe away from the bad people. Shots are being fired at us at some point and the bullets are whizzing all around us so there's this river. We start swimming in the river to try to get away from the gunshots. I keep the boy in front of me almost under me in the water trying to shelter him from any of the bullets being fired in our direction. Either I'm really lucky in my dream or the people chasing us are a bad aim because neither of us get hit. It seemed like we swam forever until we were in like this huge city and right into a police station. I'm trying to turn the boy over to them trying to keep him safe, but they don't understand. And I know I've done the wrong thing bringing him there so I take him and go and we are back on the run. I don't remember what if anything happened after we ran out of the station.

[CaptLex]

I dreamed I was like halfway thru transitioning... and I took this girl that I know out to the back room at work and... laid her down and... ehem. Did something to her.

I think that one speaks for itself, Poc.

Well I already mentioned my main trans dream I remember but I'll tell it in more detail here I guess.

Thanks for expanding on the details, Trist. My original interpretation still stands (and I think you agree): the little boy is you, you feel persecuted and want to keep that little boy safe. I'm sure you will, hun.

[bi_weird]

Hah Poc I love that one :-)
My only trans dream is the one I mentioned a few months ago, where I was at the queer party and everyone was shunning me because I'm trans and bi and Poc was there and gave me a hug. *laughs* Which says more about how I view Poc than anything - I love getting boy hugs 'cause they're just better, and told him so in the dream.

[Felix]

I don't think I have ever had one until last night and at the time I thought I must tell you about it. When I got up this morn I couldn't remember the details except that I was definately a man in the dream. Drat wish I could remember the details xx Felix

[Tristan]

I had a very strange trans dream last night. I was at a relatives house and we were getting ready for some function or something like that. I'm in the bathroom and I kept chasing people out of there so I could get ready. And I'm torn between my guy stuff and the not so guy stuff. I have a tie and etc in my bag along with the other ftm stuff but anytime I tell myself I'm going to go ahead and do it. It seemed like someone would interupt me getting ready and I'd have second thoughts and would be panicked they would walk in and see my lower gear. So I'm looking in my bag trying to find a compromise but there is none because when I really look I realize all I have with is guy stuff and I am going to have walk out there as a guy. That's all I really remember is the dilemma of it not what I actually did or what happened.

[CaptLex]

I have a tie and etc in my bag along with the other ftm stuff but anytime I tell myself I'm going to go ahead and do it. It seemed like someone would interupt me getting ready and I'd have second thoughts and would be panicked they would walk in and see my lower gear. So I'm looking in my bag trying to find a compromise but there is none because when I really look I realize all I have with is guy stuff and I am going to have walk out there as a guy.

So . . . people are trying to stop you or hold you back from being a guy (transitioning) and this makes you doubt yourself (or at least hesitate), but all you have is guy stuff (it's what you really are) so you have to go with that. Makes sense to me. Isn't that pretty much your situation?

[MJ]

wow the odd things about my dreams is my mum is in them and she as been gone for 15 years now , and i can't remember how i am in my dreams, like i am someone genderless.. not paul or marissa .. but mum seems ok with me i find it odd that i cant see me .. or who i am

[ZenFrost]

All my dreams are extremely weird and most of the time they're nightmares to some extent. I do have trans dreams sometimes. A few weeks ago I dreamed that I was a man, but most of the time I'm gender neutral in my sleep. It's weird though, in my dreams it's like I'm not actually me but some dream version of myself that changes every night. I've given up on trying to intepret them because they make no sense at all. Ever.

[Tristan]

So . . . people are trying to stop you or hold you back from being a guy (transitioning) and this makes you doubt yourself (or at least hesitate), but all you have is guy stuff (it's what you really are) so you have to go with that. Makes sense to me. Isn't that pretty much your situation?

Yes, it really is. I feel really trapped lately where I am. I keep teasing Aethen to come and pick me up and haul me away. I don't know that I'll last in ND much longer, probably no where near as long as I originally planned. The mask is getting to hard and too painful and yet I don't feel free to really be who I am here. I think I'd be trading one thing for a whole other realm of fear.

[Ekatcha]

Well I already mentioned my main trans dream I remember but I'll tell it in more detail here I guess.

It started off where I'm on the run being chased by people with guns, big guns, and they are quite literally hunting me I believe. I run into an area that looks a lot like where I grew up some the of the buildings and etc looked familiar.

Suppose this is most similar to my dream. I don't dream much / very often, or more to the point, don't remember them, which is just as well I think. In my dream I was bound to a chair in an old cabin, naked. There were some nasty men holding me, it was dark out... I somehow managed to get free of my bindings, escaped and was running down a trail in the forest. I'd hardly gotten free when they noticed I was missing. I ran for what seemed like ages, with one of them in chase, when I tripped on a tree root. It was all rather serene and in black in white. He caught up to me as I lay on the ground, backing up into the tree that had tripped me. As he came upon me, I looked down and had the feminine body I wasn't born with, and he produced a knife and started to stab me beneath my breasts. At that moment, all I could see was the red pouring from my wounds onto the forest floor and from there I awoke. Few dreams I remember, but that I've never forgot... no clue what it means/meant.

[CaptLex]

wow the odd things about my dreams is my mum is in them and she as been gone for 15 years now , and i can't remember how i am in my dreams, like i am someone genderless.. not paul or marissa .. but mum seems ok with me i find it odd that i cant see me .. or who i am

I think that's great, MJ. It's wonderful that mum is okay with you in your dreams. Some people believe that those that have passed on communicate with us through dreams. Whether that's the case here or not, I think you feel that she accepts you as you are, and that's a wonderful feeling. How could she not? You're such a genuine lady, and a happier one too.

[CaptLex]

Few dreams I remember, but that I've never forgot... no clue what it means/meant.

Wow that was an intense one. I'm not sure what it means either, and I wouldn't want to hazard a guess because I don't know anything about you. I've had dreams of being chased, but never caught. Dreams of being caught and stabbed would deeply disturb my psyche, I'm sure. How do those dreams make you feel?

[Evert]

Dreams of being caught and stabbed would deeply disturb my psyche, I'm sure. How do those dreams make you feel?

I've been on the other end of that line, I've had dreams that I was the murderer...

[John]

I surtaly hope my dreams arn't real. If I get to hell (down a big slide) and descover it really is full of swiming pools and kitchen cabinates...

[CaptLex]

I surtaly hope my dreams arn't real. If I get to hell (down a big slide) and descover it really is full of swiming pools and kitchen cabinates...

swimming pools? really? I may have to upgrade my reservation.

I've been on the other end of that line, I've had dreams that I was the murderer...

Now that could be scary - depending on who or what you were murdering. If it was hatred, bigotry and intolerance, that could be good. More details?

A few weeks ago I dreamed that I was a man, but most of the time I'm gender neutral in my sleep.

So was that a happy dream, Zen? Or maybe being a man that one time made no difference to you?

[happyfish]

I've only had a couple dreams where I was a guy. In most I'm either gender-neutral or female, though I don't remember a lot of my recent dreams. Here's one I had in March:
I'd stayed home that day because I was feeling generally crappy that day, and didn't remember falling asleep. I thought I was still in bed, awake, and having a really hard time moving. It took so much effort just to lift my hand to my face, and even when I managed it I couldn't feel anything. Both my hand and my face were numb. I knew I had some sort of stubble on my chin, but I couldn't feel it.
Then I heard my clock-radio go off. I could hear the dj talking, but I couldn't understand what s/he was saying. With great effort I moved my hand over to my alarm and then I realized that it wasn't going off at all.
"Ok," I thought. "I am having an auditory hallucination."
Then I heard someone in the bathroom.
Now, I lived alone at the time and I knew in my dream that the house should have been empty. The thing that bothered me most, though, was the fact that I didn't know if the sounds I was hearing were real or not. The person came out of the bathroom as I just lay there. Still couldn't move. It was Dad, except it was a sketchy, teeth-missing and comb-over version of him. He came into the room, and then the dream faded.
I had another dream about a year ago about magic and a family secret and stuff, but it's sort of embarrassing, so I'm not going to go into it. Suffice to say I was a boy in part of the dream, and that the part was not actually fun at all for me.

[Cai]

Fish, I've had a dream like that, where I couldn't tell if I was asleep or awake, and I was seeing people that weren't there. A man came into my (locked and bolted) hotel room, hung up his coat in the closet, and then just sort of vanished.
Of course, I'd had an accidental overdose of allergy medication that night (large dose of Benadryl + large dose of what I thought was standard Tylenol and turned out to be Tylenol Allergy Sinus) so I might just have been hallucinating.