Lies, lies and laughter

[Sheila]

last night while sitting with some mates I sat and laughed at one of the mates relating the tale of a partner of hers who she had been with for 3 years who came home one day and decided to to tell her he was a tranny trucker .............. now I have already heard this tale from her before and much as I love this mate to bits, she is one that you tell nothing to that you don't want the world to know.
She is funny and hugely funny, many of her stories are directed at herself . We or rather I have only told 2 friends of ours about M's CDing both are cool with it, one of the two who know was sat by my side and said "he's not hurting anyone" ........... she replied "me, he was hurting me" then went on to make further jokes about it.
I made a pathetic attempt at defending with a "so you don't believe in alternative lifestyles hun" ............. her reply "nope none".

So should I have defended more vigorously, thrown a few facts and figures at her and risked her posing the question, how come you know so much about it then, lying by saying I have been involved with a crossdresser rather than the guy you regularly give a hug and kiss to as you leave our home and we all leave gatherings together is a CDR.

I lied by not being honest and am not proud of that ......... I hate the damned lies

[Joy Carter]

Take my advice there are lies that hurt you. Then there is truth that can kill you. If your up front about everything in your life it will kill you Hun. Belive me it's just best sometimes not to be so honest about personal things.

[kerrianna]

Yeah Jess, it would be great if we all felt natural and comfortable about this. Unfortunately, we still have a ways to go.

I'm not going to say whether you should have said anything or not, because only you know your friend and your relationship. Maybe one day you will tell her. It doesn't matter really. Do what you guys need to do.

[Satrana]

I don't think not volunteering information to a friend is a lie. There are certain personal things you just don't tell friends, are you kicking yourself over these other details too?

If your friend is not into alternative lifestyles then just be cool about it, there is no need to educate someone else especially if the discussion could come back to haunt you. You get to choose who and when to have such discussions. In the meantime just smile wryly and be happy you are better educated on this subject than she is.

[Marla S]

I am with Satrana.

Not telling everything is not to tell lies.
The discomfort of these kind situations is that one feels the need to talk to someone, but feels also that it might not be worth the effort .... that's frustrating.

You did right.

Just lately, I even "discriminated" myself due to the need to talk to someone.
I better would have said nothing, because I felt and still feel miserabel about it.

[Fab Karen]

Well, if you don't feel this is someone you can be open with about it, then without having to say anything about your situation, you could ask,"how did it hurt you?" etc. like people do here ( but without personal anecdotes ).

[Tamara Croft]

I think you did the right thing, she sounds like one of those people who won't change.

[pocoyo]

Aaw I can understand wanting to stand up and give some facts about cd-ers to this unenlightened lady, but if you felt worried that she'd spread your business then it's totally ok that you didn't.
Oh yeah lies are so horrible, but it's not a lie that you didn't tell her don't get all tied up in knots, some things are just private, and that's ok too!
I'm sure she (and everybody) have secrets that they never tell anyone.
So don't worry! You did what was right for you at the time...
and yeah it's really frustrating that you didn't get to throw facts in her direction and stick up for cd-ers, but in this case it might have been detrimental to your own privacy, so you actually did a strong powerful thing by making that choice!

[Daintre]

Why offer up information to someone set in their ways that is firmly against what you believe ? It seems to me, better to keep quiet and save the info to share with more open minded people. Not saying that your friend is wrong, just set in her ways.

[Kate Simmons]

There are some things you just don't tell anyone and are better left unsaid. Some things I did in the military I'm definately not proud of and have only shared them with my therapist and a few close friends, people who will never judge me.I have to live with those things every day of my life and it's tough not talking about them sometimes. Even my CDing, while it's no "secret" per se, I don't just tell anyone about it unless it becomes their business in some way. I have learned to use my secrets to enpower me, however, rather than see them as a disadvantage.

[Dixie]

[SIZE="3"]Leaving things unsaid is not lying, it's a secret. Do not beat yourself up over it, you did just fine.[/SIZE]

[Di]

You did what you had to do hon...don't beat yourself up....she seems a wee bit narrow minded....and nothing you could have said would have changed that.

[Sandra]

Just because you didn't say anything doesn't mean you lied, you proably would have been fighting a losing battle any way.

[EricaCD]

Don't fret. Our lives are not a 24/7 trans outreach program. You made an honest attempt to change your friend's limited worldview. It didn't work. That's ok.

Erica