deeply personal

[Jeri.x]

[SIZE="3"]Hi! I'm new here. Don't no where 2 begin...
Ever since I was very young boy (maybe 9/10), I was stealing my mother's panties (she has very nice taste...sheer, lacey & all those sexy). I get so aroused when I wear them, and u no what happens next (not that it's disgusting but I never gave them back).
My dilema is I don't no where 2 place myself, even as I am 40 yrs.old now. This is my very first let out and it's nerve racking & very embarassing. Please bare with me.
I feel like all these r just 4 my sexual satisfactions only. But I can't help it! I just lovvve 2 wear lingeries & sexy clothes then satisfy myself. A few years ago I took a very bold move by starting going out 2 public. And ofcourse got all da attentions not 2 mention being mistaken 4 being a woman, w/c only fuels my desires 2 take more steps. So I started having sexual encounters (protected & only 4x as I'm also scared) to w/c I was so happy that somebody would accept & treat me as a woman. Then I stop there 4 the fear of da unknown of what might have happened. And luckily none at all, thank god.
Yet still I can't find a word 2 describe myself. Am I gay? xdresser? tv? or something else.
If I have my way (by myself w/o having any family what so ever at all) I would go all the way as a woman 4 da rest of my life. But my reason 4 being is in big ? 'coz I think I already no da answer w/c is "sexual gratification".
R there anybody like me out there? Could somebody help me find myself?...... Thanx[/SIZE]

[battybattybats]

There is no inherant shame nor anything wrong with you dressing for purely sexual purposes.

What would having a 'label' for what you are do for you. Are you looking for it to know what you should do? Would it tell you who you are? Give you permission to do what you already know you like doing?

Whatever the situation clearly you are on a path of self discovery which can be frightening and/or glorious. My advice is, do not worry about how you should be. Just learn what you are. You needn't ever go any further than you want to or feel comfortable with.

[SANDRA MICHELLE]

You are what you are and what you may become. Don't sweat this too much, you will find your way and hopefully you will be happy whichever path you take. We certainly can't find any fault with you, good luck in your quest.

[Jeri.x]

[SIZE=3]Thank you so much gurls! I, so appreciate ur advice.[/SIZE]
[SIZE=3]Whew, all da feelings kept 4 so long....CROSSDRESSERS.COM, I LUV YA!!![/SIZE]
[SIZE=3]It's so good to have sisters (u no what I mean) to talk to.[/SIZE]

[Frankie-Dear]

I echo the other gurls. There's not a thing wrong with you. Relax and enjoy the ride, wherever it happens to take you. You're going to be okay.

[bobi jean]

Jeri
I'm 57 yoa, have been crossdressing (a mtf crossdresser) for over 45 years, have been through damn-near every senerio you can imagine. The most important thing I have learned about all this is, "I AM ME, I AM MYSELF, AND I, MYSELF MUST BE ME. Some things will change over time but one thing will always remain hon. YOU ARE YOU AND YOU MUST REMAIN TRUE TO YOURSELF.

[Alex!]

It is so very easy to feel shame over sexual behavior in a country that forces one to feel that way. The United States is an odd sort of place in that it is a free society, but when it comes to sexuality and religious freedom, there are very tight social limits (not legal ones - which protect you). On the optimistic side, these limits are crumbling, and I feel this is for the greater good.

Sexuality is part of who we are, and the brain is a very complex organ that manifests sexual pleasure in countless ways. As long as no one is harmed (particularly children), it should matter one bit.

Be well and explore. Keeping it bottled up will make life worse.

Andrea

[sterling12]

I really think this person wants us to give them an opinion. And so, I will try!

You are probably deeply transgendered and may eventually become a TS Person. There, does that cover your question?

Like I said, that's my OPINION. You ultimately have to make these decisions for yourself. During sex, If you relate as a woman, and want to be accepted as a woman by guys, eventually you will probably "go on down the road" and seek to live 24/7, with the eventual SRS.

At this point, (Like I often say,) you have to work on accepting what you are, once you figure it out. Good luck Darlin'!

Peace and Love, Joanie

[Katelyn]

You are just like one of my cd friends. Just be yourself. You'll be fine.

[lahr]

Hang in there. I started out in my early teens. If youre sincere about this you can work things out!

[jaimecdww]

you are not alone. I have taken a very similar path in my journey. I have no idea what you call it but it always leaves me wanting to push the idea a little further. For me, it's wanting to experience the other side of life.
It started with panties and heels at 9/10yrs old, then +this +that. Next thing you know your head to toe dressed. After hanging out with yourself for years you start to wonder what else you would like to experience from that perspective.

J

[Jeri.x]

[SIZE=3]Thanx again 4 da inputs. I'm so afraid dat Sterling12 could b right, 4 I've been thinkin' about gender reassignment 4 god nos how many years. My concern is my state of mine 'coz all these things r done just 4 sexual gratification. So, do I have 2 mental issues here? Gender issue? And sexual issue?[/SIZE]
[SIZE=3]To my best assesment of myself is, if I wasn't so sexual then just maybe da gender issue would not have been there or I might have not been a crossdresser.??? I know it so confusing...[/SIZE]
[SIZE=3]I Luv Ya All! anyway...[/SIZE]

[jennCD]

No so confusing really,...i'm in a similar situation, tho have not yet expressed it publicly except for online, so for me this is all so very new as well even though i have been crossdressing for about 30 years. i don't see anything odd about your train of thought and think it's absolutely fine.
take your time, find the balance in you, take things naturally and you'll find that for the most part, things will simply all fall into place. time makes all of the difference and no need to obsess or worry about it.
also, nice to know i have a sis this close....

[Jeri.x]

[SIZE=3]Oh Jenn, if my state of mind is same as urs & evryone else then "Thank god, I'm not goin' crazy!". [/SIZE]
[SIZE=3]U have no idea of what a relieve I had dis past couple of days since I started writing 2 dis forum (my 1st experience in writing & expression). It's very relieving 2 no dat u have sisters dis close 2 who u r.[/SIZE]