Why Get Dress Up And Stay At Home.

[LA CINDY LOVE]

This is something that I just do not get but I do try to understand, it takes a lot of nerves to walk out your front door dress can I pass will people stare at me and laugh.

There are still Cd's who have been dressing for years but have never gone out dress they stay in the closet, I have chat with a few and they say that they would never go out dress I ask why and they say they can not pass.

If you have never been out dress to a club to dance or to have dinner or a move you do not know what you are missing, I feel that of all the Cd's about 5% first step out the front door and there is a lot of room out here.

At first I thought it was about passing, I was wrong it is about freedom to be who you want to be and to enjoy life.

LA CINDY LOVE

[MeraLehanga]

Thanks a million Cindy, that has been a very encouraging/inspirational note. It did give me 1% self confidence, still 99% remains to become an outdoor CD or to get my freedom.

Keep posting such notes of assurances, it helped a great deal. Wish the world understands how desperate I am to move out wearing my pink petticoat and long silk skirts and a very tight bra to make me breatheless.

[barbra]

she is right,get out the front door and enjoy life.there are a lot of girls that cant pass,but they have more love for them selfs to be free and happy.this hatefull world is not on weather you can pass or not,its beying yourself and beying happy.be happy with what you are and whom you are.look all the gays and others are out of the closet why dont you.me i try to pass but cant but i still go out dressed.dont care what anyone thinks or says.

[prettieboy]

i think i could pass easly ive never been out been out in the dark of late no one i know knows about my cd life hey were would i go im looking for a wife couldent be anything but GG u gurls are trhe only ones thanks i dont have a camera yet working on

[Chantelle CD]

Why do i not want to go out dressed?

1) I have absolutely no desire to go out dressed as a woman, i am a man, and connect to people as one.

2) acceptance for this part of my life, means nothing to me what so ever.

3) I am to manly to pass as a woman, and ridicule is not something i look for.

4) I dont like hiding what i am, a man.

5) I cross dress for the feelings and emotions, to experience femininity, not to become it.

6) My home is not a closet!

7) My voice is to manly, and i like talking to people, i dont want to avoid people because of this.

8) I dont believe in the term, I'm a woman in a mans body, The emotions and feelings, and femininity can be felt and experienced by all, regardless of gender, there a part of us all, and i express enough of this out and about, as a man.

9) I enjoy cross dressing in the privacy of my own home, and with my SO, the amount of time i do it at home is more than enough to balance my energy's <yin yang> anything more than that and i would be lop sided, and unbalanced!

10) Because of my dressing, i have Incorporated these feelings and energies into my person, i express them every day, many times, and still very much a man, and not a flaming man either.

enough reasons for you?

At first I thought it was about passing, I was wrong it is about freedom to be who you want to be and to enjoy life.

Who i want to be is a man, and enjoy life very much as one, again passing means nothing to me. I could very easily get dressed up, with no make up or wig, and walk out that door, and not give a rats @ss if people laugh and point at me, i have a job to keep, people that i dont want to know about this, for i would most likely lose them as friends, and certain family members i would not have the same relationship with, and i would rather meet and greet people with the utmost respect for them, and have it returned to me honestly, not hiding behind a bunch of make up. what is right for one, is not right for all, dont be so shallow, thinking just because you enjoy what you do, everyone should as well, this is just simply not the case, there are a lot of cross dressers that dont give a w00t about passing, or going out.

Enjoy what you do, and ill enjoy what i do, thank you very much

[tanya3]

as for me i have only been out twice . once during the day driving around near the beach , it was a very rainy day so couldn't get out and walk around at all . the other time was at night . we did have to stop for gas so i did get out and pump the gas . both times i was more than a bit nervous but it was alot of fun . i'm not so sure i can pass that well and that is important to me . the reason i don't go out more often is time , i have a very busy life . so having to stay home i take every chance i get to dress and practice . i can understand why others don't want or care to go out . life is about choices .my wife is the only one who knows and i would like to keep it that way . i do hope to get out sometime this summer .

[DanaJ]

At first I thought it was about passing, I was wrong it is about freedom to be who you want to be and to enjoy life.

LA CINDY LOVE

Right you are - and my freedom to be who I want to be might not be your idea. Not everyone wants to go out, whether they pass or not. Do you really think that every single CD that does not go out dressed does not enjoy life?

Can I pass? Maybe/maybe not - but I have no desire to go out dressed just because I have no desire to go out.

Read Chantelle's post, and do please come back and post Cindy

[Marianna Julianna]

I would love to go out dressed, just as I would love to spend more time dressed as I am now. I have had accept that right now it is not possible, for reasons I am not going to list because it's a personal thing. I don't worry about anything happening to me, I choose to express who I am, but I do worry about those close to me and how it would be for them if anyone around here was to find out how I am. The best can hope for it is that one day I'll be able to find the money to get away for a few days and have some real me time, one day, but for now there is work and family and other things and I just have to make the most of the time I have when I can be Marianna.

[Joanne f]

Yes you might be right it would be nice some times when you have made the effort to dress up and hopefully look nice to go out and interact with other people,BUT when you are married and have children you have to take into account how it will effect them as well .
If you live in a small country town every one knows you and they would soon notice if you were to go out dressed up so i would have to consider how it would effect my wife and children i could not let them pay the price for me to have a bit of freedom .

joanne

[Marla S]

At first I thought it was about passing, I was wrong it is about freedom to be who you want to be and to enjoy life.

Passing is a way to avoid some adverse effects of going out dressed.

If you don't pass, you'll stand out, because you look unusual.

To stand out (and belong to no group) is not what most CDs and most people in general want to do, because it is exhausting in the long run.

I go out without the intention to pass (never would, independend of how hard I would try) almost every day.
The accompanying feeling is much similar to my rebel punk days.
Difference is that I wanted to stand out those days and wanted to provoke and had nothing to lose.
Today it is not really my intention to rebel, I just want to make my way, without being bothered (or the fear to be). That's hard to impossible without passing or going drab.

That makes me quite often think, that it would be better to go out in drab and dress exclusively at home again.
I am not there yet, but it could happen.

[Emilia]

I don't know about the rest of you, but I think I'd be much more likely to go someplace public en femme if I could get dressed up once I got there. The through of driving just makes me nervous.

[Kelsie]

I dress for the sexual thrill. Going out "en-femme" would be quite exciting. However, I don't think that I'd pass and I don't want the attention that it might bring. Crossdressing is something I don't want to share because of the social stigma. Like others, I have a job to keep and there family and friends who simply wouldn't understand.

Occasionally when travelling I am lucky enough to get a room with a balcony and I too venture out there.

Hugs,
Kelsie

[ChristineRenee]

This is the other side of the fence response which needs to be said and probably expresses point blank why so many do not go out. There ARE valid reasons for it that don't have a thing to do with whether or not you think you pass.

Even within our own community, we have a lot of diversity. A lot of subgroups...so to speak....and that is ok. It is not a competition. We don't have to PROVE anything to each other or to anybody else for that matter. We aren't here to play follow-the-leader and if you don't you aren't being true to the real you. Sorry...but that's BS thinking if you believe that is true for all of us. We come to forums like this...or should anyway...to connect with each other and accept and support each other...something that those who don't share our commonalities either can't, or won't, do.

Girls...always do what is best for YOU. Only you can determine that for yourself. We all have our own reasons for what we do...or don't do...regarding this issue. And that's perfectly ok...no matter how you feel about it.

That's just my on it...and thanks for your post Chantelle and thanks also to Cindy for her thread.

[Erinn]

A man's home is his castle and he is the queen on throne. lol
Going out dressed is fun , and so is chocolate ice cream, but one can get too much of both.

I like to relax at home, maybe experiement with different looks and the digital camera. My garden is to die for, like a resort and I relax in the yard day or night in privacy.

As a group we need to respect the fears and desires of others in the community who are more reserve. There are some areas in my city that I would not even consider going out dressed because of thugs, police and crazy Teens (lol)

Guaranteed though are several times a year I travel to other areas and meet with those who dare to come out. It's a great time for R & R, some singing and dancing.

[Karren H]

I love going out enfemme..... just because I can and it's like seeing the world threw new eyes!!! Passing or not I'm having a blast!!

Karren

[Sharon B.]

I for one would love to go out dressed as a woman but with being 6'-5" and I enjoy wearing heels that would put me close to 6'-7" or 6'-8" with heels on. Also my deep voice would put me at a disadvantage in passing. So I will stay in the closet and only venture out for drives.

[InHerShoes]

I just want to kick around the house when I am dressed. It's comfortable and I find it really relaxing. Going out (and I'm not talking about getting the mail or watering the plants) is a whole different thing and I just don't think about it or care about it. I should say that I'm not into going to clubs etc. in any sort of outfit. For those who are into it: rock on, sisters. We'll keep the light on for ya.

[Tiffy]

I do not go out dressed because my desire is to be a housewife. I do the duites at home dressed and I shop in clothes you can not tell what sex they belong to. I do not want to go clubbing dressed (I am not a people person in any form). I want to stay home, maybe sit on my porch and over look my small farm. Joy and happiness are what you make them. I do not need to go out a blow an money to be happy. Just a nice quiet evening at home with my wife and porch fit me fine.

Tiffany

[JoAnnDallas]

Last year I went to HEF2006. This was my first time outside en fem. It was such a confidence booster, that it started me on the road to going out. I discovered that I could do it and if presented correcly, no one paid much attention to me. So I started going to my Tri-Ess meeting dressed, which build my confidence even more. Then a few weeks ago, I had the chance to dress for a few days in a row. I bought a complete new outfit and that evening went to my favorite Shells station and bought gas. After I filled up, I decieded to walk into the station store and buy something. Well I did it, I walked in, got a bottle of water, walked up the counter, paid for it, got 3-4 "Maams", and walked out. I was on cloud nine. Two days later, I am shopping at a Payless Shoe store, miggling with other customers, using my fem voice, trying on shoes, and bought a pair.

If you had told me back in 2005 that I would be doing all of this, I would have been shocked. Back then I was a closeted CDer.

It feels great to be out and about and additive too. LOL

[Stephenie S]

This is a well articulated and polite statement of your views, which I am sure are shared by many of us. Just because you CAN go out is no reason to assume that you MUST go out.

But Chantelle, Cindy Loves's post was not directed at the members who don't want to go out. She was addressing members who WISH they could go out and are hesitant to do so for whatever reason.

And she is right, it's not about "passing". Passing is something that few of us can do 100&#37; the time. What we do do is blend in, fly under the radar, not attract too much attention, and dress and act so that when we are read, we do not offend.

Nicely put, though, Chantelle.

Lovies,
Stephenie

[SherriePall]

I guess I will weigh in on the subject. I agree that going out is not for everyone. Some will say they will never venture out dressed. Perhaps they won't, but I would guess that some day some of those nevers will turn into "just one try." For those who never do, more power to them. It would be wrong of us to force them out. Just as wrong as those who mock us and threaten us.
As for me, when I started so many years ago, I didn't even think about going out because way back then dressing was wrong, wrong, wrong. So wrong that you could be committed to an institution for doing so.
When I discovered the great internet and started dressing seriously, I wanted to step out of the bedroom. Perhaps, to a support group meeting. That hasn't happened yet, but I have been out to shoe stores, malls, motels, dress shops, etc., dressed.
Luckily, for me, I'm not that tall, not that muscular (though I tried when I was younger), and I guess passable (unless people are terribly polite).
What it boils down to is what has been said before, go out dressed only if you really want to and are comfortable about it.

[JoAnnDallas]

I have discovered that it is in the presentation. Dress so that you don't stand out. wear your makeup correctly, use fem mannerisms, guesters, and walk. Don't act nervious. Above all, ACT LIKE YOU DO THIS EVERYDAY.

I even had these two GG's look at me. One was on her cell, the other looked at me for a moment, then turn away with a bored look on her face.

Going out en fem is kinda like the old DUCK thingie

If it looks like a duck, walks like a duck, quacks like a duck, it must be a duck.

[Janailene]

When in my teens and twentys I went out frquently and actually spent more than a month enfemme. Found out that day after day was not all that different but felt normal. Loved it but it became "regular" dressing. Then once married and having kids, I dressed but did not go out a lot. maybe once every 6 months.Felt that being outed was not worth the problems it could cause for my family.

[marie354]

I was out a few weeks ago with a friend at a campsite and it felt great to be dressed somewhere other than my home, out in the open air.
I will do it again. When, I'm not sure, but I'll know it when the time comes.


It's true, it wasn't about whether I passed or not... Just about being out and open and free.

[Sugar]

Hi girl's...this is the kind of food for thought I like to read.

My take on this is what makes me feel balanced (yin/yang). Thank you ChantelleCD. After a long day at work I like to come home and take a nice hot bubble bath with lot's of candle's. Afterwards put on my favorite panties and camisole. Put on just a bit of eye-liner then I'm in heaven. Most times I can't seem to stay away from the mirror.. I really don't have any plans to go out and about. I just do the thing's I would be doing dressed which ever way I please.


Live and let live, you girl's are great!!

Peace,

Jaye