I was told that CDing is simply a "fetish". The Oxford dictionary describes this word as, "...abnormal stimulus, or object, of sexual desire...". I find it difficult to believe that CDing is only about expressing a fetish.
I have been under the impression that CDing is much more complex. I thought that it was about expressing a part of one's personality.
I would love to get your opinions about this. Please tell me what you think.
Fetish. If it is not it is an excuse to deny life.
I see to many CDs destroying themselves and their familys because they see it as important or a lifestyle its not unless you are TS it tends to be an excuse for deeper problems
Depends on the person.
It's a little of both for me because I have not really had the chance to express my "real" personality so it has to manifest itself some way I guess and it's usually in private.
I like to think depending on the person, if it's personality it's an inherant trait, if a fetish, that's more a learned bahavior.
The last name is Warpetal.
That should have been your first clue.
No regrets.
WHEN YOU FIGHT YOU CAN LOSE
BUT WHEN YOU GIVE UP YOU'VE ALREADY LOST.
That is true but to be a CD you have to work out or learn a lot surely ???Originally Posted by Ibuki_Warpetal
For me, I'd have to say "fetish"...it's not a personality or a lifestyle, it's a method of sexual arousal.
Crossdressing IS much more complex, for most, in my experience.
Crossdressing is a fetish only if sexual arousal is the crossdresser's main reason for crossdressing. From what I've seen here, we do have some fetishistic CD's here, but for many others, our reason for dressing involves gender identity issues as well as other issues. Just read all the postings here in all these forums, and it quickly becomes apparent that CD's come in lots of different flavors, and there are apparently lots of different motivations for what we do.
Many CD's, and some TS's for that matter, go through a temporary fetishistic phase of dressing for a time, but then move past that phase and then continue to dress because we find it to be something that fits us well, for whatever reason. I'd bet that no two of us have exactly the same motivations, so lumping all CD's together as being fetishists is just plain wrong and ignorant, in my opinion.
Carol
My name is Carol.
And what was the date of publication , that this Oxford book had...lololol..
Hugs
Bobbie Jo
I guess cross dressing "could" be seen by some people as being somewhat of a fetish if the person were only to think of crossdressers as people who tend to get sexually excited about wearing lingerie etc. A person might even say that it "could" be an fetish if you extend this thought process to someone who got sexually excited about just wearing the clothes. I know I used to get excited this way when I was younger.
However, nowadays, (for me) it's much more about my gender identity. Gender identity describes a person’s internal sense of which gender they are, and how they wish to be perceived by others, regardless of their biological sex. Wearing clothes that typically are associated with the gender I identify with, is a very easy way to move toward, and therefore express, my gender variant-feelings.
Yes, I think you are right crossdressing is way more complex than just being described as a fetish. IMHO, I think people who say that don't really understand the crossdressing spectrum.
.
The River City Gems - Northern California's largest and most active crossdressing & transgender support group!
For me it is a form of artistic expression that simultaneously helps me relax by allowing me to "feel softer". It rounds out the rough edges. Other forms of artistic expression I explore allow me to tap other parts of my psyche.
For me, it is not a sexual fetish at all - in fact, it is such a pain in the neck to get dressed up there is no thought of sex whatsoever.
For a lot of crossdressers, however, my understanding is that the behavior is a form of sexual release. You can usually tell by the kinds of clothing a man choses to wear, but not always.
I also do not stradle the gender divide, as I am quite comfortable being male. When Andrea goes in the box, there is absolutely no trace of her left save what's in my head.
Last edited by Alex!; 06-30-2007 at 10:04 PM.
[SIZE=3]I have read a lot of post and talked to a lot of CDers and from my POV, for a very few CDing is definately a fetish, however for a great number of people it is a lifestyle, something they feel compeled to do. No sexual connection whatsoever. Just my
[SIZE=4]Country Girl GG
[SIZE=3]The tragedy of life is not that it ends so soon, but that we wait so long to begin it."[/SIZE]
[SIZE=3][/SIZE]
[SIZE=4]When you find something good... Grab it with both hands and do all you can do to keep it![/SIZE]
As I try it openly with my GG. I find now, (and remember past experiences) as being arousing, but not exactly sexual as I experience as a male. I am still sorting this out. I am also sorting out the impetus for it for me. I 'blamed' mom's over reaction, now I think the urge to be my older sister was there.
I'm open to the idea that since I suppressed the urge just before I started being sexual (with myself) that maybe I am a CD with arrested development issues.
I think from reading on here that there is an infinite menu of dishes that are us. Ingredients include gender identity issues, environment/upbringing, experiences, personal tastes, orientation issues, and fetish use. Some dishes are made with a mix of all these, some only have one part. The proportions of each component are infinitely variable...~this is my so called 'rational' linear thinking Male Persona talking out loud.
Vincent Vega: Well, I confess that I wait to talk, but I am trying to learn to listen. (paraphrased)
Barbara's Blog
Fetish? Sometimes. but more often than not I just feel like myself.
it is not sexual at all for me. it is fun and makes me more humble.
definitely more than a fetish for me. It is an expression of who I am. The feminine in me, which is very big part of who I am as a person.
Hugs
Lovely Rita
The journey is about learning how to love and to do it with all our heart.
The Revolution moves forward!!!!!
aspiring to be "part of the cure and not the disease."
to quote Cold Play.
Becoming the person I was created to be
not the person you expect me to be
"Girls Just Want to Have FUN!"
You don't need an excuse to Love just an opportunity!
Who told you it was a fetish? That's seems like an extreme over-simplification. In the past, I have attended some mixed CD/TS Groups and heard the phrase: "Yes but your just one of those fetish crossdressers." Thank God, most of that sort of thinking has been put away, and these days that is certainly not how most of our community feels.
Although many of us have favorite garments or styles of clothing we wear, and that might imply a "fetish" for that particular thing, it would be very shortsighted to try and sum up Cd's as fetishists. Anybody who bothers to actually talk to any of us, soon realizes the complexity of our very broad spectrum.
We are "complete people," full of complexities. Yes, I like to wear stockings as opposed to pantyhose, But, I've worn both and I don't need them for sexual purposes. Most people in life have preferences. You might love ice cream, does that make you a "fetishist?"
In summation, "PLEASE DON'T CALL ME THAT!"
Peace and Love, Joanie
I've found out that what it is for you depends on how well you know yourself.
I'm not exactly sure how I would classify my relationship to crossdressing. It's not truly a fetish since I don't require feminine clothing for arousal, but it is very sexually stimulating to me. On the other hand, I'm definitely the "girl" in our bedroom although I don't necessarily have to be dressed like one. I'm just lucky enough to have found a woman who is as sexually dominant and aggressive as I am submissive and passive and one who enthusiastically indulges my weird desires. I've always thought of myself as some kind of a male lesbian or something like that. Even so, I can still be the "guy" since my wife still enjoys that sort of thing.
Outside of the bedroom I have little desire to dress. I have no desire to go out en femme or attempt to pass. (That's a good thing because it would be futile.) I don't want to be a woman. I can't say I have any feminine qualities at all.
A fetish involves the idea of a replacement (not a person loved, but a shoe or a glove instead), and of being stuck and obsessed. It may be the case for some people. On the contrary, dressing with women's clothes allows me to feel that I am being myself and I relate more openly with other people. Most sentences that begin "X is simply ..."are poor descriptions of reality.
Valerie
It's a good question that has as many answers as people on this site. Foe me I'm sure it was a fetish at first, but that phase has long since passed. I find myself more and more willing to express the female side of me and dressing is a form of deep emotional relaxation that expresses itself more and more via this site. But, at heart I'm a male and proud and comfortable with it. At the same time I'm also proud of my female side and becoming more and more comfortable with this. If, two years ago, I could read what I have posted in the past few months on this site I would be shocked. It will be interesting to see where I am two years from now, but I'm sure the male side of me will still dominate and it will be my choice.
I dressed as a small child so it had nothing to do with sex until I was twenty. That I wish had never happened. I wish I knew more about myself and cross dressing at the time. Maybe I'd had accepted myself earlier. In my mind since the beginning I feel I was given the wrong gender. So fetish ? Not in the woman's view.
Joanie,
I think "admirerplus gg" made a mistake by going to the dictionary -- well, not necessarily by going to the dictionary, but by not going much, much farther. (The former educator in me comes out frequently b/c the dictionary and encyclopedia are good "starting points" to aim someone in the right direction, but they are hardly scholarly resources -- people need to follow through with sources that present academically sound research and analysis!!!) You, in part, have corrected this problem when you point out that "fetishtic" is not, "how most of our community feels."
One of the problems we, as a community face, though, is that psychology, psychiatry, and medicince hasn't quite caught up with what you and I think and know. The DSM-IV-TR still calls mft heterosexual CDing "fetishtic transvestism." The same is true in such highly-regarded medical reference books, such as The Merck Manual of Diagnosis and Therapy, and in countless psychological survey textbooks (I have a shelf-full, all current).
((( As an aside, we, as a community, have our work cut out for us if we want future revisions to be changed!!! A number of times since I have been posting on this forum, there have been threads questioning us when CDing began. While the responses cover a spectrum of ages, it is clear that for a great many, CDing began before there could be a sexual gratification component, thus in those cases, the word "fetish" cannot be applied as appropriate. Many authoritative writings point to this as proof that, while with some there may be a fetishtic attachment to CDing, it isn't necessarily the case -- and, in fact, in well over 50% of the cases, it isn't fetishtic at all. The fact that CDing is sometimes fetishtic, but "mellows out" and isn't fetishtic as we age, is also proof on our side. How/why the so-called experts have missed these compelling points is beyond me!!! )))
I am convinced you are on the right track with this line of thought. True, it is fetishtic with some, as Dani admits below . . .
But, as many point out, with maturity comes perspective, regardless if CDing was ever fetishtic to them or not. I like the way Rachel expressed it when she said:
My way of saying it is that CDing is the visible expression of how I feel -- while we are all different, I am a male who believes I have a dichotomous psyche -- one divided into two, but still one, and one of the two sides is strongly feminine (and medical research is finding new evidence that proves this).
Take it from a GG POV and a GM POV:
IMHO, Rita hits the nail squarely on the head: It is an expression of who I am -- the feminine in me, which is a very big part of who I am as a person!!! Ditto, Rita, ditto!!!!!!!
I don't know, but it is something way more than a fetish for me.
No fetish here either. I have to agree with Lovely Rita as well. Dressing for me is just something I need to do, and enjoy doing. It is a way to express another side of my personality, and makes me feel complete.
GO RED SOX!!!
Suzie
..deep subject eh ?..not a joke realy..
..There was a magazine that had a section called "Mirror Mirror"..
and I still find myself wanting to improve the girl I see reflected in my mirrors..
, and the reasons are miriad for Khriss..while for whatever reason ,, I'd love to excell in being ,looking ,feeling , feminine ? myquestperhapsxx"K"
Just Remember,"Wherever You go- There You are ! "
For me the sexual aspect of CDing was the biggest burden on the way to self-acceptance and I think it was to a considerable part because of that kind of dictionaries you cited.
When I grew up CDing and fetishism was considered the same, and both were considered pervert ... of course, not knowing what actually is the truth, I believed those "experts". I think it is not hard to imagine what that means for self-confidence and self-esteem.
This can become a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I think you can make it a fetish very easily, and most CDs seem to have a fetish like phase, some get stuck there, but IMHO it is not from its origin.
I think several factors contribute to it.
1.) Preference for stereotypical clothes (heels, bras, skirts, hose)
Because these are the most feminine clothes, they are most efficient to "cover" and distract form the masculinity of the own body. But they also could be seen as the prototype of a fetish.
2.) CDing induces narcism. You become aware of yourself, you start to like what you see. Male mode is kind of ... well ... doesn't really matter ... not much positive emotions involved.
3.) As a heterosexual CD you are attracted and feel attractive by the same stereotypes. That is a mix which makes it hard to differentiate between cause and effect.
4.) Male sexuality (especially during adolescense) is very easy to stimulate by visible and tactile stimuli. It doesn't really need a lot of fantasy or imagination to get aroused.
5.) Once aroused it is hard to stop the sexual act.
6.) Being in an erotic mood, is the time when you worry the least about social norms. Hence you dress preferably being in an erotic mood anyway, because you get rid of the social pressure (in your head) for a while.
If you are in a state of "sound mind" the social pressure often is strong enough to suppress your feminine side, hence you don't dress.
Blending narcism, being attracted, feeling attractive, male sexuality, and social pressure it is very easy IMO to become trapped in fetishim like behavior, because dressing and the sexual pleasure seem to be linked directly.
Personally it took me a considerable amount of time and energy to sort this out.
Today CDing for me is not sexual in the first instance, but due to increasing the self-esteem and having learned to like myself better it paved the way to a more free, less compulsive sexuality which I would consider to a good part feminine (without knowing what feminine sexuality actually is).
Dressing is a nice add for it, somtimes a means to become reassured of the own feminity (personality), but not necessary, not always wanted, and not the object of sexual pleasure.
If CDing would be sexual in the first instance I think it would have been a more easy way to self-acceptance, because old-fashioned as I am, I like to leave sexuality for privacy and home. Nothing for the public.
But I want to make my CDing public, to show the world who I am as a person and not as an object or subject of sexuality.
Last edited by Marla S; 07-01-2007 at 09:24 AM.
Posting Permissions
