every time i try to say it ....

[Andi]

.......so this is not about any one being right or wrong .... being selfish this is about some one gets hurt ... and a tough place to be ... it's easy i have to do the right thing .... i have to .... once again Wendy dies a little more ... crawls in deeper in that dark pit ...... sad part is my wife has no clue ..... or dose she?????...........

Wendy I'm so sorry you are in this situation. Thank God it wasn't 15 more feet, it does matter. I can identify with the lack of acceptance/understanding you feel. In reality though, as each of us ages day by day, we and our fem self dies a little more. It's one less day to do the things we like doing. I also feel wives or SOs have no clue how torn up we can get inside when we face or think about our situation and the mortality of our lives.

The attitude I've tried to adopt is to just savor each moment, opportunity and thrill that comes by being Andi, even if it is seldom and even if I get no support or understanding. Life is now and I am here and that's still good.

[Suzie S.]

Wendy, first of all, here's a . I'm so sorry to hear of this position you are in. It does seem your wife will never come around to understanding Wendy. I guess some GG's just don't want to try, or just can't comprehend us. I wish I had some advice that would help. All I can say is that you have many friends here to talk to, and stand by you. I hope you start feeling better soon and start driving again! Please bend my ear anytime you need to talk!

[Raychel]

I am so sorry to here of your troubles Wendy. As we all know GG's have all sorts of acceptance. Some will totally accept you other don't. Sometimes the same one will accept you one minute then not the other.

Sometimes we as crossdressers also fight this same battle with ourselves, Accepting who we are one minute then not the next. These constant internal battles can surely cause trouble in any relationship. Throw in some medical issues, and it all sounds like a pretty big load for your wife to take on.

Do I have any good words of wisdom for you? Here is the best that I can come up with right now. Give your wife a break from the cding if possible, Find a shopping buddy. Hopefully you will get to that comfortable place in your life with your wife, before you take that 60mph ride. Until then just try to take in one day at a time.


Raychel

[JenniferR771]

Wendy,
i hope you are able to drive soon. Meanwhile...
DING DONG...the Avon lady delivers. Look at their website to find the nearest rep. Amway and Mary Kay--the same.

[Wendy me]

Marla lol me too ...


Kimberley if this makes any sense i never explored who i relay am other than accepting me as i am for fear of finding out more abought who am and a trip down a path that would surly destroy my wife....


Roberta we have pushed the edge some what respecting her comfy zone comes with a high price .....


aluchi_ thanks...


Jennifer it's friendships like that . that makes getting by a little easyer...


Jess i hope i get back to driving and shopping soon too......


Sharon i would love to shop with you lunch and shopping that would be so cool UN like our weather mid 90's ......


Country Girl thanks possibly things could change but i don't get too hopeful... love her to death and the sad thing is we shop together for her ... i pick out a lot of her things .... she has a little Wendy with her now but i know she would have a wicked good time if she just opened up a little ....


GLENDA yes it sucks big time the freedom thingy is killing me to just go any time .... but now like having to ask is the pits....


Alice lol we were on the way to the mall a long time ago and although she had know abought my dressing we never relay talked and i just came out and said you know i wear woman's clothing right ?/ you know i am a cross dresser right ..... she said why are you telling me this ?? i don't want to hear it ... but we got past growing out the hair .. and the shaving and plucking ... we made some small steps but still we stall ....


Andi yes we make the best of what we have ....


Suzie thanks you all make each day a little essayer to deal with....


Raychel i have backed off more than a bit it's backing into a corner ..... and trying one step at a time....


JenniferR yes i know hopefully i can get out soon but thats a thought ....

[dancinginthedark]

There are things my DH just won't talk about too hun, I know it's the CD issue she won't acknowledge/talk about but it's not a CD issue now. IMO It's a marriage thingie. I do not think you are selfish. I think you are frustrated. I think you are confused. I think you hurt. I know you love your wife.

Hurts when the one who is supposed to know all there is to know and still love and accept you anyway won't acknowledge all of you. So how can they really know you? They can't really "see" you if they won't even acknowledge who you are... so it's hard for a gal [or guy] to feel the love huh?

You can talk to her all you want, but until she is ready to hear what you are saying she won't hear you. That's a sad truth I've had to accept. Here's hoping the near miss really hits home for her and soon so she wants to "see" and love both Him and Wendy.

Wish I knew the answers hun. I'd write a book and make me a million dollars overnight in sales. But since I don't have the answers all I can offer right now is some more an ear to listen & a shoulder to lean on.


Mae

[uknowhoo]

i'm sorry i don't have a whole lotta answers or a magic potion for you sweetie. i'd love to be able to wave a wand n make it better, but alas...


i likewise don't think you're being selfish. it seems to me that the next move would be your wive's trying to understand, but as mae said, that's not happening til she's ready.

hopefully you'll be able to drive soon and at least have shopping as an outlet again. also, something tells me there's prolly more than a member or two here who are local enough who'd be honored to chat, hang, maybe even shop with the queen of chat.

in any case, i do feel for you, sweetie, and will keep you in my prayers.

xoxo

t

[DonnaT]

Well, I'm glad you survived your medical disaster Wendy.

As for shopping, does your wife have to be by your side the whole time?

I know when I go with my wife, we sometimes split up in diferent directions and meet back someplace at certain time.

Tell her it's some special shopping, and no, she can't see. Buy her something special, as well as Wendy. Then, later, you can give her her present.

[Shelly Preston]

Hi Wendy

Sorry to hear about your troubles and the difficulties it is causing

I only hope you can mabye come to some compromise on the shopping even if its only go to the shops and go your seperate ways for a few hours

At least until you get your independance back

[Julie York]

Are intestines 15 feet long!


Blimey

[kerrianna]

Wendy,

Your huge pain is so obvious in you initial post. Does your wife know this? I mean really KNOW it. Does she know that you are thinking how you might have been better off dead than have Wendy die a slow quite death?

I think you owe it yourself to tell her that. You've made it really clear to us that Wendy is not a game, not a hobby, not something you do to amuse yourself. She is a big PART of YOU, and your wife needs to know how much a part of you.

For you to wish the utter destruction of yourself instead of the slow suffocation of Wendy sends a really clear message to her. If she truly loves and cares for you, she will help Wendy live - she will help YOU live.

A lot of times our spouses don't get how important this can be to us, because WE don't get it ourselves. Read your initial post to yourself - if you are being honest about everything, then it's pretty obvious you KNOW how important Wendy is to you, so please, make sure your wife knows.

And do take care of yourself, hon.

[Wendy me]

Mae thanks you have no idea how much your input here helps or at lest gets me thinking.....


Tammi thanks hopefully this passes soon .... some times we don't relay understand our freedom until it get cut short...


Donna lol i tried that with her and she won't leave me to just shop ... kinda like she knows what's the plan....



Julie please haunt me lol.... sent you your answer in a pm....

Shelly tried that ... lol ... thanks for your thoughts ...


kerrianna it might come down to just having to sit down and have a heart to heart with her ... i know it sounds crazy i worry more abought her feelings than mine and worry at what price dose this come ??? and who pays the bill?? if quiting was a option walking away from this thing we do was possible how easy would that be ??? but we all know that just can't happen it's not possibly ....

[tall_brianna]

but out side of just screaming god dammit we need you to understand me .... your killing me here .... (that would probably upset her lol .... OK it would...) so respect her feelings and crush mine ..... sucky choose

I'm sorry for also being selfish. Perhaps that is why I can't understand why you just don't say what you said right here. But then again, I wouldn't take advice from me, seven years is my longest and I have no idea what it takes to get to 25.

[Holly]

Wendy, I have to agree with Kerrianna. It's time for the two of you to talk... I mean really mean TALK to one another. There's a risk, no doubt about that. But truthfully, there is a risk in continuing that way things are now. Even if you can let Wendy die now (and I seriously doubt that you can) there would be resentments that will last the rest of your life. Those resentments will fester within you and bring about unwanted changes in HIM as well. The two of you can't be separated without damaging the other. Wendy, you know that this is true. Survival is not selfish; it's basic to living. Marriage requires the investment of love by BOTH parties. I know how much you love your wife. She needs to love you with the same intensity, with the same compassion, with the same selflessness. If you want to talk, you have my number.

[Wendy me]

brianna i believe sooner or latter my wife and i are going to have to talk more and at lest set some kind of understanding ......


Holly yes i know your right .... thanks for the call lol sorry i could not talk .... we were in the car and she was listing .... i will call you today .....