The Dangers of Dressing....at leaste for me

[Lovely Rita]

I have an obssessive and addictive personality to begin with. Match that up with crossdressing and you have a recipe for disaster.

As I have written on other threads. All us crossdressers are trail blazers. We walked this road alone. We make our personal discoveries about dressing. We share our experiences here but for the most part no one was there to show us the ropes.

I am an individual and so the dangers may be different for me than for many of you. There will also be some of you who relate to my experience.

The dangers for me are when crossdressing becomes all encompassing. It can overwhelm me with a prominence in my life that can very easily be at the expense of other things in my life.

I have undertaken the decision to develop more discipline regarding my dressing and the time devoted to it. I am working on enhancing my self control and not let the desire to dress control me.

I have many other facets to my life and need to focus equal attention on them if not more. Like I wrote in the beginning these are my challenges but maybe you can relate as well.

I have undertaken to practice more self discipline. I am working on controlling my dressing, if that is possible, and not have the dressing control me. I love crossdressing so much I could easily drown in selfishness if I am not careful.

Thanks for letting me share as this is very healthy for me to do.

[Karren H]

Great advice Rita... I know I wish I had better self control but luckily for me my life is soooo busy that I don't have time to get out of control, lately.. Self control via proxy.. Lol.

Love Karren

[Jocelyn Quivers]

Great points, I need more self control for my out of control spending habits for buying fem items. Jocelyn

[Mitch23]

Yes Rita, a timely post by you. I think I'm still in pink fog mode where my desire to CD is pretty consuming - probably because of all those years of guilt, shame and self imposed repression. Now, my limits are imposed by my social circumstances only, ie work, family and friends and perhaps I need to step back and strike a balance. Otherwise I fear that I could be doing all the crossdressing I want - but on my own!

Mitch

[Kate Simmons]

Well Rita, I recently reached the point of controlling the dressing and not vice versa. You know any time you (and anyone else) is free to PM or E-mail me if you want to discuss anything. I do have to make the statement, however, that CDing has a very spiritual aspect to me and that is how I was able to be in control.It is part and parcel of my overall being.

[Lovely Rita]

Great advice Rita... I know I wish I had better self control but luckily for me my life is soooo busy that I don't have time to get out of control, lately.. Self control via proxy.. Lol.

Love Karren

As usual you remain my heroe in so many ways. Knowing you has been a wonderful highlight. I know how deeply you care for the other parts of your life, so I am not worried about you.

Karren...You Rock!!!!

Great points, I need more self control for my out of control spending habits for buying fem items. Jocelyn

Exactly Jocelyn, the first part of my treatment is to cool down the shopping. I am working on my resistance. It really is no joking matter.

Yes Rita, a timely post by you. I think I'm still in pink fog mode where my desire to CD is pretty consuming - probably because of all those years of guilt, shame and self imposed repression. Now, my limits are imposed by my social circumstances only, ie work, family and friends and perhaps I need to step back and strike a balance. Otherwise I fear that I could be doing all the crossdressing I want - but on my own!

Mitch

Hi Mitch, Consuming is the right word. My SO has been fabulous and I want her to stay that way so I need to be mindful and considerate. Thanks for sharing your insights. I guess these are some of the benefits of friendship. Watching out for one another.

Well Rita, I recently reached the point of controlling the dressing and not vice versa. You know any time you (and anyone else) is free to PM or E-mail me if you want to discuss anything. I do have to make the statement, however, that CDing has a very spiritual aspect to me and that is how I was able to be in control.It is part and parcel of my overall being.

Salandra, Love just flows out of you. You are such a wonderful person to hear from. You always have a wonderful view and insight.

[Michelle (Oz)]

I identify with your thoughts Rita. Problem is that my wife and children are away for a month with just a week to go.

I might just wait another week before I try exercising self control ... then I won't have much of a choice. In the meantime ...

Michelle (Oz)

[Brianna Lovely]

I have undertaken to practice more self discipline. I am working on controlling my dressing, if that is possible, and not have the dressing control me.

I had never really given the "control" issue, much thought. Since my dressing is a matter of being myself, I choose to dress fem, every day. I don't thing that GG's worry too much about their clothes controling them, why should I?

However, I do try to dress in a comfortable, practicle and "fit in" style, for my day-to-day errands. And reserve the extra makeup, wig and forms, for special occasions, just like many GGs do.

Since I don't wear "male" clothing any more, CDing really isn't an issue, for me.

I do hope you find a place, where you feel comfortable and at ease.

[susie evans]

RITA
you are so right but it can happen with any thing in life one of the hardest things to acomplish is balance no matter what we do are where we go,. sounds like you are learning another great lesson in the journey of life .
you have good wisdome and i realy enjoy reading you post's

susie

[chucks]

I do have to make the statement, however, that CDing has a very spiritual aspect to me and that is how I was able to be in control.

i'm wondering, how is it spiritual? what is the benefit?

[Dana Carlton]

I have been to that point of having it overwhelm me. In fact, to the point that it cost me my job earlier this year. No, I wasn't "discovered" by anyone, that would be a lawsuit for discriminiation. I just lost all focus on everything else around me. Spent hours at work browsing the internet for breast forms, shoes, pictures, make-up techniques, etc. I rushed home to dress almost everynight. It was too late to save my job, but I was able to save everything else (most importantly, my wife).

I have no choice but to be disciplined with dressing now. I guess I learned the hard way. But, I will never stop dressing, cause like you, I LOVE IT TOO MUCH!!

You can do it Rita. You have the discipline within you.

[Wendy me]

lol I have an obsessive and addictive personality too lol out of control ?? yes for sure .... not only in cding but every thing ..... i can't just get buy in what ever i do it's all OR not....

as far as controlling cding or all the other things .... i can't lol just can't .... good luck ... let me know how it goes for you..........

[Jodie Wexler]

I had it under control till I became a member of this community. Now I want to dress or think of dressing almost all of the time. I am not saying this is a bad thing, for me the opposite. For many years I struggled with it, now I am finally comfortable with it. This is mostly due to the kindness of fellow members who replied to my posts and some private conversations. I guess I am just trying to make up for lost time. "Recipes for Disater"
was one of the headlines in my first True Crossdressing picture post, but I only find that true if we supply the ingredients.
Jodie

[Joy Carter]

This is really a poignant thread and so true in my case. My lovely wife and I got into a argument over my spending on Joy. "More her telling me." She told me that I over spent on so many things in our lives. Cars, hobbies and tools. She told me, "And now dressing up as a woman !" I told her it was because I wanted to "me" for so long, that I immersed myself into other things trying to forget who I was. That included hours spent on the job working extra.
I just couldn't let myself dress. And take the chance on being found out. But you know she hasn't mentioned it once since that day. I think she finally has come to realize this who I am. Everything in moderation now. Except work.

[Lovely Rita]

I identify with your thoughts Rita. Problem is that my wife and children are away for a month with just a week to go.

I might just wait another week before I try exercising self control ... then I won't have much of a choice. In the meantime ...

Michelle (Oz)

Michelle, If I were you I would take full advantage too.

I had never really given the "control" issue, much thought. Since my dressing is a matter of being myself, I choose to dress fem, every day. I don't thing that GG's worry too much about their clothes controling them, why should I?

However, I do try to dress in a comfortable, practicle and "fit in" style, for my day-to-day errands. And reserve the extra makeup, wig and forms, for special occasions, just like many GGs do.

Since I don't wear "male" clothing any more, CDing really isn't an issue, for me.

I do hope you find a place, where you feel comfortable and at ease.

Thanks Brianna, I guess you are in a different position dressing full time. I don't so I have to do the old balancing act.

RITA
you are so right but it can happen with any thing in life one of the hardest things to acomplish is balance no matter what we do are where we go,. sounds like you are learning another great lesson in the journey of life .
you have good wisdome and i realy enjoy reading you post's

susie

Thanksw Susie, you are a darling. I always love hearing from you. I agree wholeheartedly and that is what I am working on. The balance.

I have been to that point of having it overwhelm me. In fact, to the point that it cost me my job earlier this year. No, I wasn't "discovered" by anyone, that would be a lawsuit for discriminiation. I just lost all focus on everything else around me. Spent hours at work browsing the internet for breast forms, shoes, pictures, make-up techniques, etc. I rushed home to dress almost everynight. It was too late to save my job, but I was able to save everything else (most importantly, my wife).

I have no choice but to be disciplined with dressing now. I guess I learned the hard way. But, I will never stop dressing, cause like you, I LOVE IT TOO MUCH!!

You can do it Rita. You have the discipline within you.

Hey Dana, i would love to hear what you changed inorder to stay clear of the "danger aspect" loss of job etc. Did you limit your time? Shopping? Surfing the web?

lol I have an obsessive and addictive personality too lol out of control ?? yes for sure .... not only in cding but every thing ..... i can't just get buy in what ever i do it's all OR not....

as far as controlling cding or all the other things .... i can't lol just can't .... good luck ... let me know how it goes for you..........

I will definitely keep you posted Wendy.

I had it under control till I became a member of this community. Now I want to dress or think of dressing almost all of the time. I am not saying this is a bad thing, for me the opposite. For many years I struggled with it, now I am finally comfortable with it. This is mostly due to the kindness of fellow members who replied to my posts and some private conversations. I guess I am just trying to make up for lost time. "Recipes for Disater"
was one of the headlines in my first True Crossdressing picture post, but I only find that true if we supply the ingredients.
Jodie

Thanks for sharing Jodie. I understand what you mean. It is almost like some of us go through various phases.

It is very interesting to hear from all of you. It would be good to hear how some of you have dealt with the various challenges. There have been reports of job loss and I am sure there are other repercussions for those of us who don't dress 24/7.

I would love to hear more about how you cope, adjust, manage.


Remember, that we need to be the family to each other that we never had out there. We need to be the supportive and nurturing friends we never had because no one else really understands us.

So all you gals with the wisdom of experience please chime in. We need to value good advice.



Let me share my personal concern. If I cannot control and decide when I dress but live at the mercy of urges, at leaste for me, it will be anti productive. It will affect many other parts of my life. This is just my experience and my opinon. I value all the various points of view on the subject.

I do not like the idea of being a SLAVE to my urges and I must admit that dressing and the urge to dress is very powerful for me. There have been times that I have put other important things aside to satisfy my need to dress.

I do not like to be a SLAVE to anything. A SLAVE by definition is not free but under the control of something else.

I am working on my discipline and self control because I will not be a SLAVE to anyone or anything.

[Miranda33]

I too have the urges to dress and sometimes it overwhelms all of my thoughts. I also have an obsessive compulsive personality that controls the basic core 0of all of my actions, even more so with my dressing. What an eyeopening experience it is. Once you have everything you think you could ever want (or think you want) then all you have is a big mess and only you to pick up the pieces. Just my thoughts XXXOOO

[SandyR]

Boy howdy! Most time I do real well, have learned to control it for the most part. Its all balance. But its been almost 4 weeks, and time to get pretty. Will be on a Business trip all next week and this girl plans to do some outings....

Hugs!

SandyR

[Betty H]

Yes Rita, this does take a lot of discipline. I have become so disciplined I went to 5 stores today after work looking for the gold shoes I need for the new dress I bought for an upcoming party this saturday.And it only took me about three weeks to find the dress I'm wearing Obsessiveness - no way- I have it all under control- I only bought two different pair of gold shoes today - now if I was obsessive I would have got four. Don't ya just hate it when you cant find all the right accessories- drives ya crazy Crazy ..oops did I say crazy.er..forget I said that :shh: Give in to the dark side of the force Rita Skywalker put on that dress.


Oh , Ok maybe I am crazy But its a helluva alot of fun, I have made quite a few good friends and many aquaintances. It is the major portion of my social life now.I don't look upon dressing as being separate from me- I don't dress just because i feel like dressing;it is now a necessary part of my self expression. I dress to get out and socialize and have fun as the person who I perceive myself to be. It is me .And at least in my case it is at no one elses expense or at the expense of my lifes major responsiblities.

So I wish you success in your effort to exercise discipline toward your dressing . But I have to stop this little diatribe now becasue I just may be able to hit another store before they close-those gold shoes were not exactly what i was looking for.

[Lovely Rita]

Thanks also for the lighthearted responses. You are all great sports.

I do understand that this subject can be looked upon with good fun.


I am very aware that many on this site can dress full time and may not have the obligations that I do, like SO and other pending committments that can at times be in conflict with being able to dress.

Many here may also not need to be disciplined about this subject but I am on a different quest. I realize I need a balanced and controlled outlook on things because crossdressing is not everything I am about, and it is also not the most important aspect of me or my life, though a very important one.

I am glad I can write openly about my journey and the directions I am choosing to go in with regard to balance and discipline. I plan to Crossdress for the rest of my life and I am also aware that if I plan to maintain the quality of life I now enjoy with my most beloved SO and family I need to have balance.

I also understand that many here do not require this kind of balance and so I understand the flippant attitude on the subject.

[SandyR]

Rita,

I love your posts, and I am pretty sure under dog wore nylons....

Understand our plot, I am lucky to drress once a month or so....

Hugs!

SandyR

[gennee]

[SIZE="3"]Good and sage advice, Rita. I have a balance in my life because I have so many interests. Crossdressing is just another part of it.

Gennee[/SIZE]

[Amanda Shaft]

Okay Rita I’ll try not to be flippant! I’ve always found my self very focused on whatever activity I was interested in at the time: whether that is sports, hobbies, work or pastimes. I’ve dedicated my energies to them sometimes to the detrimental exclusion of other things I confess! The one thing that has remained constant is my cding and although the degree to which I have devoted my time and resources to it have fluctuated, being part of me it’s obviously always been present. I can’t equate cding in the same way as other ‘hobbies’: if I were to limit my dressing it would be like suppressing ‘me’ and that would be a kind of oppression.

Amanda x

[tall_brianna]

Wow. Timely post Rita. Reading your manifesto and the replies to it made me stop and think about why I'm on here right now at 6:30 in the morning. Why am I here? I fell completely off the face of this community for months and now I'm right back in the fog. Okay, well not quite as bad of a fog as last Oct.-Nov., okay well, no where NEAR as bad as that. lol. But here it is: I think obsessing about this is caused by not giving into it. It's only when I try and repress it that I think about it. I'm actually in my bedroom with the door shut and my teenage son is in his room sleeping. My six weeks of mandatory boy mode is on week three.

[Lovely Rita]

Rita,

I love your posts, and I am pretty sure under dog wore nylons....

Understand our plot, I am lucky to drress once a month or so....

Hugs!

SandyR

If Under Dog did not wear nylons. At leaste he wore tights like all the other tight wearing super heroes. Love hearing from you Sandy

[SIZE="3"]Good and sage advice, Rita. I have a balance in my life because I have so many interests. Crossdressing is just another part of it.

Gennee[/SIZE]

Hey Gennee, I appreciate your description of balance. What you wrote is precisely what I am trying to achieve, but I have noticed that some of my other interests have taken too much of a back seat.

Okay Rita I’ll try not to be flippant! I’ve always found my self very focused on whatever activity I was interested in at the time: whether that is sports, hobbies, work or pastimes. I’ve dedicated my energies to them sometimes to the detrimental exclusion of other things I confess! The one thing that has remained constant is my cding and although the degree to which I have devoted my time and resources to it have fluctuated, being part of me it’s obviously always been present. I can’t equate cding in the same way as other ‘hobbies’: if I were to limit my dressing it would be like suppressing ‘me’ and that would be a kind of oppression.

Amanda x

Thanks Amanda for your post. I guess like anything else how we express and enjoy our CDing can be as different as the variety of individuals we are.

Please understand that I am not trying to pontificate my views. I began this thread with the title of Dangers of dressing and how they corresponded to my particular experience.

However you or anyone else experiences the crossdressing aspect of your lives may be very different from my crossdressing experience.

I posted my thread in the event there were any others on this site who could relate, so that we can expand and learn from our commonality.

My challenges may not be the same as others but in the event there are others out there who understand my particular experience then we can be in support of each other.

I believe this site can serve our community in a very powerful way. It can be a place of support and nuturing. Our experience can be a solitary one in so many ways but here we can meet the friends that will be a positive and fulfilling part of our lives.

Opinions are like elbows everyone has one including me, but good advice is something we need to be able to distinguish from the bad. It is like panning for gold. I have read wonderful words of wisdom and encouragment here.

Good advice is also something that is particular to the person and their journey. One person's food can be another person's poison.

For me bad advice usually sounds very selfish, self indulgant and has a devil may care attitude about it, but that is for me and this does not detract from the people giving it but it just may not be the best advice for me. This is something I alone must distinguish for myself.

[LaFem]

I think you are on the fast track to transsexuality, or at least heavy duty dressing and acting like a woman more and more. I hope your wife can deal with the inevitable.