OMG...He likes me! Help!

[btmgrl6]

I am not good with relationships,in fact I don't do em. A little backround.....
My real dad died when I was a baby. My mother re-married a man who was both physically,and sexually abusive towards me. My mom commited suicide when I was 13. After mom died I hit the streets and never looked back.
Ok... After years of seeing my shrink I am better now,survived the streets,heads in a much better place,comfortable as a girl..24/7,work,have friends,good job,home,etc. I date,go out in public,yada,yada,yada.
I have never had what one might call a SO. I just don't go there. I have a real problem with trusting men.. I don't.
About a year ago I met a guy through mutual friends. We began to do do stuff together.Movies,dinner,running,and just hanging out and having a good time. Always plutonic (he dates girls,and had never expressed any desire to be with a guy). I do feel totally comfortable around him,as far as being able to talk about anything or just be a total girly girl. I really like him as a friend.
Recently he was at my house,we hung out, swam and just relaxed by the pool. I noticed he was staring at me and I asked him what the deal was? He relied by saying that he thought that he was "falling for me" I just kind of laughed it off and told him that he'd had too much wine. He said no. He told me that he'd been feeling this way for a while,but didn't know how to approach me. I suddenly felt sick to my stomach. I kind of ended our day there..he left and I haven't spoken to him in about 2 weeks. he's called,but I haven't picked up. I do really like him,but had never given any thought about having a relationship. In my heart I think I could be with him,but in my head I
want to run away....far far away.
My shrink says "take a chance",my friends say "go for it"
I can't seem to pick up that phone! WTF?

Steph

[sky0629]

Wow bummer for you and him huh!!! . he's a rare fine i'm sure and you should take small steps with him or at least talk to him. ask him what he's looking for in a girl and relationship. If it's to much tell you just want to remain friends and never speak of it again or go for it all out. try it you might like it and if not everyone breaks up " right "

[michellebesweet]

Always follow your heart, It will not let you down.

[Tamera]

Hi,
Talkin' to him would be ok. If your not ready for a relationship, that's fine. Just tell him and if he the person who can't take NO for an answer, then yes, avoid him.

Personally for myself, I am SPOILED. I like doing what I do whenever I want to and not having to ask someone if its OK. So this girl DOES NOT want a relationship.

But to each their own, they say.....
Hugs,
Tamera

[sandra-leigh]

I do really like him,but had never given any thought about having a relationship. In my heart I think I could be with him,but in my head I
want to run away....far far away.

Does he know about your situation?

[BarbaraTalbot]

Does he know about your situation?

As a platonic friend, does he know about your issues, hesitations in general and history of abuse. If not you should tell him and resume your platonic friendship or perhaps if you wish move forward slowly?

[DonnaT]

Don't do something because someone else says 'its alright' or 'go for it.'

If it doesn't feel right to you, then it's not for you, yet. You may have different feelings later, but don't force yourself to have different feelings. Especially in response to outside influence.

[sterling12]

I would go with candor. Just tell him your not comfortable with a relationship that's more than what you all currently have, and yet you still would like to be friends.

If he can't do that, (be a friend), he will show you by his actions. Be warned, he may now see you like a GG. For most guys, it's darn near impossible to just be friends with someone that interests them. All that "desire" stuff gets in the way of simple friendship.

Good luck, but you do owe him the decency of an honest conversation about the whole situation.

Peace and Love, Joanie

[Chiana]

Talk to him. Explain that you have some "issues". If that doesn't scare him off, then relax a little and see where things go. You can take it as slow as you like.

[Lori SC]

As a platonic friend, does he know about your issues, hesitations in general and history of abuse. If not you should tell him and resume your platonic friendship or perhaps if you wish move forward slowly?

First Steph, you have to figure out what you want. You have a right to seek happiness! It sounds like you are unsure, so maybe you should invest a little more to see where the relationship will lead. There are always two possible outcomes. If you don't find out where this one will lead now, you have already chosen the other outcome. Maybe that's for the best. It's your choice. But me... I'd hate not knowing where it might lead.

I think Barbara's idea is good. (If you decide to move forward). I don't think you need to reveal everything all at once, but it explains a lot of you reluctance, AND lets you go as slow as you want.

The big question is when you tell him about your biological self?

Hugs, Lori

[teresa jeen]

ask him what his take is on it? give him a chance to explain,thats all most of us ask!!

[daniisummers]

i wish i would have a SO some day i have never had it i dont have much trust either

[Sheri 4242]

Don't do something because someone else says 'its alright' or 'go for it.'

Like Donna implicated, you've got to follow your heart and mind and not do something "just b/c" someone else is pushing you. Their intentions may be good, but it is wrong to push you if you aren't ready!

I would go with candor.

It is undertandable that you have issues with trust and with forming relationships. That said, there is going to come a time when you have got to learn to trust -- and learn that relationships built on trust are to your benefit. The first step is what Joanie told you: be honest -- IOW, be truthful with all due candor! That means you must . . .

Talk to him.

If I may, let me suggest you read one of the Boundaies books -- the one on boundaries in relationships. This is a good step in leaning how to trust, which IMHO is something that would greatly benefit you!!!

Explain that you have some "issues".

With all due respect, you have more than "some issues." Given your background, this is entirely understandable. Take it slow and easy (baby steps). Be honest with him and you may find that he cold be the best thing that ever happened to you!!!

[Stlalice]

I'd normally not comment on a situation of this sort - but as an MTF transwoman I will to the extent of pointing out that getting into a relationship with a guy can be very dangerous territory both emotionally and physically. The first thing that needs to be answered is this - does he know about your status and history? Or only that you are a woman friend who is somewhat hesitant about anything beyond a casual friendship? For both your sake and his there will need to be some honest discussion both ways before things proceed regardless of what direction things take. At the very least I would talk with him on the phone and try to get some sense of where he is coming from and what he wants out of a relationship. Before things go much if any further than this he will need to be filled in on some of your background - this could be on the phone but might be better done over a meal in a public place - a gay/trans friendly restaurant or club might be best for safety in case he has problems handling the idea. Then give him some time to process what you have told him and figure out if he wishes to go further and time for you to do the same. Then and only then when there will be no awkward "surprises" should you consider moving on with a relationship. Many here have written that openness and trust is the necessary foundation for any relationship to work and it will be even more the case here. Good luck kid and I truly hope that you find happiness.

[Angie G]

Relationship or not don't throw away a good friend you should talk to him hun
Angie

[kristine239]

One thing is not clear (to me atleast) where are you in the spectrum of things? It sounds like you are living full time as a female. Are you planning or have you had any surgery? If you are a pre-op MTF then your friend will need to be aware of the situation before you can progress further.

With your back ground, it is no wonder that you do not trust any men. However, if your therapist advises you to give it a try, then I would take his/her advice and give it a go. It will be an emotional trip, but one step at a time, might work and be the best therapy that you can get.

I'm very active in the international community and have seen this happen many times before, usually ends with great results. Please answer the phone and have a long talk.

If you would like to talk about it, PM me and I will give you my phone #.

Love Kristine

[newtothelife]

I am not good with relationships,in fact I don't do em. A little backround.....
My real dad died when I was a baby. My mother re-married a man who was both physically,and sexually abusive towards me. My mom commited suicide when I was 13. After mom died I hit the streets and never looked back.
Ok... After years of seeing my shrink I am better now,survived the streets,heads in a much better place,comfortable as a girl..24/7,work,have friends,good job,home,etc. I date,go out in public,yada,yada,yada.
I have never had what one might call a SO. I just don't go there. I have a real problem with trusting men.. I don't.
About a year ago I met a guy through mutual friends. We began to do do stuff together.Movies,dinner,running,and just hanging out and having a good time. Always plutonic (he dates girls,and had never expressed any desire to be with a guy). I do feel totally comfortable around him,as far as being able to talk about anything or just be a total girly girl. I really like him as a friend.
Recently he was at my house,we hung out, swam and just relaxed by the pool. I noticed he was staring at me and I asked him what the deal was? He relied by saying that he thought that he was "falling for me" I just kind of laughed it off and told him that he'd had too much wine. He said no. He told me that he'd been feeling this way for a while,but didn't know how to approach me. I suddenly felt sick to my stomach. I kind of ended our day there..he left and I haven't spoken to him in about 2 weeks. he's called,but I haven't picked up. I do really like him,but had never given any thought about having a relationship. In my heart I think I could be with him,but in my head I
want to run away....far far away.
My shrink says "take a chance",my friends say "go for it"
I can't seem to pick up that phone! WTF?

Steph

I question this entire tread. If you check btmgrl6's previuos threads , you will find one titled "my mother called today" from may. I find this very confusing since she died when she was 13. How truthful is any of this? I just thought I would bring this to everyone's attention.

[MsJanessa]

I question this entire tread. If you check btmgrl6's previuos threads , you will find one titled "my mother called today" from may. I find this very confusing since she died when she was 13. How truthful is any of this? I just thought I would bring this to everyone's attention.

You're absolutly right---not only does the May, 2007 thread say her mom is still alive, it also says that when her father died, btmgrl6 and he were quite close but that he couldn't take the thought of his child being TG and that's what killed him----find it hard to believe that father died when she was an infant. There are plenty of T-Girls here with real problems btmgrl6---you don't need to make stuff up to amuse us honey

[Dita_B]

1. If you are the one on the avatar, you are a stunning drop-dead-gorgeous-knock-out...and you have my compliments...

2. If the situation you describe is for real, get in touch with kristine239, because if you are abused in your youth by a man, you have serious issues that need to be addressed first. Dr. Kristine seems to have a degree in the subject so I would advise to seek her help better sooner than later...

3. If your story is a product of your imagination, you are abusing this forum and if I were a moderator I would ban you so fast that your head would spin...

Make your choice girl...

Dita.

[MsJanessa]

[QUOTE=Dita_B;966700][COLOR="Magenta"]
1. If you are the one on the avatar, you are a stunning drop-dead-gorgeous-knock-out...and you have my compliments

The trouble with the net is that anyone can be anybody----on another forum some one had posted a photo of a good looking T-Girl---to my suprise it was one of My photos that some poser had downloaded----My advice to the moderators would be to close this thread---what they want to do about Steph and her stories is up to them.