Me my Wife and our problems.....

[Sarah Plumber]

Some weeks ago I asked for help here and recieved some nice reply's. Thanks. So I thought it's about time I did a little updateon what happened. Here goes...

Synopsis..
My wife found some of my things and threw a "wobbly". I wrote her a letter pretty much coming out all the way. We had a few weeks when things were very very strained. She told me to just do whatever I wanted we were over! So I went shopping...I know..just adding salt to the wound as she know all about it......Anyway my new things went into my draws.

Now they were mentioned once or twice over the following week or two as things got a little better and I was asked had I or when was I was going to get rid. I explained it was just nice to have the stuff there and I hadn't got around to disposing of anything. Bearing in mind I had gone from "pink haze" to not bothered and back again.

Since then nothing has really been said. My things are still in my draw without any comment. I was wandering around the bed room the other morning looking for my dressing gown and a comment was made about me looking for her knickers again and that was it. As though it was normal and almost expected. In the mean time our "love life" has picked up a lot, which is great. I'm wondering if "somebody" is getting used to the idea that I'm going to wear the knickers in the house sometimes. I get the feeling that as long as I don't shout about it and keep it to myself things are going to be fine.


Sarah

[Veronica E. Scott]

Well Sara what ever happens I wish you the best of luck, as a side note I also keep my things in my drawers and hanging up in my closet.
Best of luck.

[Eugenie]

Hi Sarah,

There are some common points in our lives: our wives know about our x-dressing, don't like it, but are starting to tolerate it...

On big difference though, my wife has known for at least 35 years... It is only very recently that she is showing some minute signs of being somewhat more open on that topic of X-Dressing.

I also have my "femme" stuff in a closet in our bedroom. That has been the case for more than 30 years. I did one thing to make this situation less of a problem. I added a separate cabinet to store my skirts, tops and dresses as well as my underwear.

Before that they were in our common cupboard and every time she would open it to store her own clothes, she would have to see mine. That was making her unhappy.

Now that my clothes are no longer in the same closet, she feels a lot better since she's not exposed to seing them...

I think that we are rather privileged that our SOs tollerate our x-dressing, at least a little bit. In return I think it is only fair that we don't make them feel bad by "adding salt on the wound.", as you said in your post.

I hope things are going to be sorted out nicely and that you and your SO will come out strengthened from what has happened.


Eugenie

[Joy Carter]

Hi Sarah.
It's been several months since I pushed the issue, and started buying things and putting them away in my drawers and closet. She was really angry and hurt that I did this. I just had to move on and be who I am. I'm really sorry for putting her though this but I couldn't not long deny who I am. It has settled down to "don't ask don't tell." I truly care about her and her feelings. I just know in my case, I have waited all my life to be who I am. I just couldn't wait any longer.

[Carin]

This might be a good time to find some literature and leave it available for her to read. I think she is curious but it is too difficult for her to talk openly about it.

[JenniferR771]

Sara,

Here in the States women don't throw "wobblys".
My Janice has known for 6 years--and hates my CDing. Refuses to discuss it. She was delighted when i threw away four dresses last month. Hopeing I would get rid of more girly stuff. I only threw them away because they were old and I wanted to make room for more. Today i visited my favorite thrift shop where most of the girls know me. Bought a brown suit--and --found a tight rubber dress! Ok actually PVC--but very sexy!

When i admitted I had been shopping--my wife wouldn't speak to me. She is angry--I think.

Make sure you are still her loving husband. And take it slow--give her time to adjust.

[trannie T]

You wrote your wife a letter? If you live on seperate continents I guess it would be acceptable but not if you live together. It is difficult discussing the fact you crossdress with others especially someone very close but it is something you have to do. You have hidden your crossdressing from her and now you will not discuss it with her. No wonder she threw a wobbly.

[emmaf]

Sorry, I have to disagree. In a letter you can get all your feelings out without interupption. What you do is talk about what's in the letter with your SO. I've found it can lead to much more in depth and intimate conversations.

[Sarah Plumber]

emmaf,
don't get me wrong the letter was good way fro me to come clean. It wasn't an excuse not to talk, there was plenty of that as well. The letter contained the stuff I just could'nt say out loud. Shame I guess or maybe embarrasement.
Humilliation maybe? Either way the subject came up again yesterday and it sounds like nothing has really changed. It's still a very sore subject it's just being ignored and avoided, which is fair enough.

trannie T
I think I've explained the letter above. I have tried and tried to be honest but the more in depth we get the bigger the upset. It's also quite difficult to get a word in edge ways when it causes an argument every time and tempers are flaring there is very little room for logical thought. A letter gave her time to take it in and to think about it. We then discussed it...over and over....

[alanaundie]

Seems to me that you've got through the worst of it... You'd be history by now if she was so outraged at the prospect of you CDing. Wish I had the courage to do what you've done Sarah!