Another Question? (what to do if I recognize a CD)

[Rachell]

Has anyone found out a good friend or relitive crossdresses from this forum? I know a couple people I think cd and would love to know if they do.

I also have seen males shopping in drab like myself and just know they dress but again are afraid to ask. How do you approach some one you think may be a cder. I know some men need to shop for intimates for there wifes for one reason or another, I've had to do it. I really don't want to embaress myself it would ruin my self esteem for dressing and I love to dress.

Rachell

[Toyah]

The simple answer is dont ask !!!
If they are CD I an sure the last thing they want is someone shouting down the aisle about what panties they prefere
And if they dont CD then they just dont want to know!!!

Unless you have actually met them in a social setting leave them alone

[BarbaraTalbot]

The simple answer is don't ask !!!
If they are CD I an sure the last thing they want is someone shouting down the aisle about what panties they prefere
And if they dont CD then they just dont want to know!!!

Unless you have actually met them in a social setting leave them alone

I am starting to care less about gg's noticing me shopping, but a guy would be a huge leap. I'd need to see him holding up a skirt to himself and asking his wife,honey, what do you think about this for my next cd society meeting, before I'd say anything. I am going to assume they are even more shy than I even.

[dakota_ann69]

I would have to agree that it is best not to ask, when I am shopping I don't care who sees me, could even be my best friend...........life is too short to live in a closet. As for family I would think that we could have alot of fun shopping together and trying on our purchases..........to bad this will never happen as my sister lives in CA and my brother drives a big rig. Hmmmmmmmmmmm, maybe mom and I need to go shopping. Even better I'll talk my SO into going with me............well on second thought it's really not that cold outside. LOL!!!

[Sandra]

Put your self in their shoes how would you feel if someone came up to you? I agree with what has already been said and don't say anything

[Sweet Jane]

If some random guy came up to me while I was shopping in drab, and asked if I was a crossdresser, I would be mortified.........I am sure alot of others here would be too.

I'm sure there are lots of women at lots of shops that suspect that I crossdress, but if I'm asked no questions, I tell no lies....if I am asked questions then its just a polite smile, raise my eyebrows, some idle chit chat and I am gone, leaving them to maybe wonder!!

I just wonder why anyone would feel the need to approach any stranger shopping and ask them personal questions....goodness, even if I see another dressed person, I'm not going to run up to them, give them a hug and say "I crossdress too" (imagine if its just an unfortunate hirsute woman).....

[PaulaJaneThomas]

Rachell,

Maybe you could display some sort of highly visible sign stating that you're TG (carrying a large placard would do nicely). Then maybe other TGs might approach you?

[Fab Karen]

If some random guy came up to me while I was shopping in drab, and asked if I was a crossdresser, I would be mortified.........I am sure alot of others here would be too.


I just wonder why anyone would feel the need to approach any stranger shopping and ask them personal questions....goodness, even if I see another dressed person, I'm not going to run up to them, give them a hug and say "I crossdress too" (imagine if its just an unfortunate hirsute woman).....

Yeah, if some guy came up & asked while I'm buying clothes, I'd assume he's an admirer looking to get lucky.

Then the pissed-off woman beats you to death with her purse like Ruth Buzzi.

[Charlene Ogden]

I had a situation this week where I was dying to ask someone if they dressed, BUT I didn't.
I was at a Payless :-) Me and this other guy were in the Men's size12/ Women's size 12 ailse. This was a small guy, he couldn't have even worn a size 11.
I noticed he was facing the women's shoes. He didn't see me at first. He was fudging around with some shoes. He then saw me and got up and started to stare at the men's shoes half-heartedly as I did.
Then he went back and started to seriously search the women's shoes. He kept kinda looking at me and seemed embarrassed.
We were both in limbo, just standing there facing the women's shoes both of us too afraid to try on anything.
I turned away to give him his privacy but all he did was look. It was at that point that I was contemplating saying to him " I don't mind if you don't mind". I held my tongue and finally he walked past me with a slightly embarrassed smile on his face and left the store.
We both faked looking at the men's shoes when the salesgirl came around. When she left we were back looking at the women's shoes but were both embarrassed because of each other.
What's the proper edicate if potentially around another CDer?
In stores, I usually size up the person who's around me. If they seem like a stuffy, conservative type, I'll wait. If they seem easy going I'll continue and hope that they'll make a favorable remark.

[Stephenie S]

Has anyone found out a good friend or relitive crossdresses from this forum? I know a couple people I think cd and would love to know if they do.

I also have seen males shopping in drab like myself and just know they dress but again are afraid to ask. How do you approach some one you think may be a cder. I know some men need to shop for intimates for there wifes for one reason or another, I've had to do it. I really don't want to embaress myself it would ruin my self esteem for dressing and I love to dress.

Rachell

I agree. Wear a sign that announces that you are a CDer. That way other people can approach YOU if they want to open a relationship with another CDer.

Otherwise, don't approach a stranger in a store on the assumption that they are CDing. It just ain't polite. You can, of course, approach another person with a smile and a compliment like, "Gee, that's a pretty skirt you are looking at." Or, "Don't you just LOVE the clothes here?" That way, if the other person wants to continue the interaction, they can, and if they don't, they can just smile back and move on.

Treat a CDer or TG person in public just the way you would treat ANY person in public. Pretty much, that means leave them alone. Smile at them if you like, offer a compliment if you like, but do NOT insist on opening a relationship just because you suspect that the other person is a CDer.

Lovies,
Stephenie

[Charlene Ogden]

There is no "ettiquette" .. if its a suitable place to try soemthing on - then try it on.. Why worry about someone you dont know, who you will never see again and has no impact on your life?

thanks Lizzie....I had a brain f--t on how to spell "ettiquette". Thank you.
How is it that person who has earned a PHD still can't spell??

[juliek]

Charlene's situation at Payless was interesting. I'm not sure what I would have done. I will go ahead and try on shoes when there are women in the aisle, but when men come in I leave.

I've never had a situation tap dancing around the aisle with another CD. I can only hope if that ever happens, I have the courage to stay and shop.

[Jodi]

Re-the Payless Situation. I would have selected a pair, sat down and tried them on. You would have then known immediately from the reaction of the guy whether he was a cd or not.

Jodi

[Deidra Cowen]

Have told this story here before...but will do it again. My first run in out in public and I ran into another CD was at my fav wig shop.

I went up there in boy mode just to get some shampoo and conditioner. Was in my guy gym cloths so was 100% guy. This absolutely beautiful Tgirl was in the store picking up a wig that had been styled. I was tempted to say hi but thought that might be rude and just left her alone.

Never figured out who she was since she has never been out clubbin nor have I seen her on the net. Just guess she was a FT girl that was living da life as a woman in stealth mode.

99.9% of the people out there prob would never have read her...but of course my CD-Radar picked up on her.

But I think the best thing is to just be polite and leave them alone. Most the time I shop enfemme and really would not want someone in a crowded mall coming up to me and making a big deal when I trying to blend in!

[Lanore]

I don't want to be rude here, but how would you react if someone thought the same about you? Why approach them. It's just nice to know, we are not alone.

Lanore

[Trinni]

I know I can come across sounding paranoid but I live in an area with a high murder rate. Not only would I want to be approached, I have known of people getting beat-up or shot for much less. If someone feels they are being disrespected or punked out they fight back.

[angelfire]

I wouldn't want anyone approaching me if I'm buying clothes, regardless of if I'm in drab or if I were en-femme. I'd rather just be left to my own devices.

[Dita_B]

IMHO this is a lot of fuzz about nothing...

I was once approached while shopping en femme when a couple came up to me and the man asked: "Are you a man dressed like a woman?" Kind of put on the spot, I decided to be up front with it and said: "Yes I am". And the guy said to his wife: "I knew it"... and the wife said: "I thought SHE was a woman"... Than the guy asked me why I would do a thing like that and I answered: "because I like it". End of story...

Did I feel embarrassed? Not at all. Did he feel embarrassed? I didn't get the impression. So we had an enlightening encounter. No big deal...

The situation above in the shoe store is amusing in my eyes. Why not break the ice and talk to each other? You see that both of you are sheepishly looking at the woman's shoes, while pretending to look at the men's. I don't know how you could have stopped yourself from bursting out in laughter... Such a funny situation! I would have suggested we tried the shoes together...

Hang lose people, we are all in the same boat, don't take things that heavy. If you see a guy looking at female clothing I see no whatsoever hesitation to ask him if he's also shopping for his "woman".

But this is just me... Why play hide and seek while you can earn a partner in "crime"?

Dita.

[Charlene Ogden]

Hey Dita,
I like your style. I agree with what you've said. Life is too short to be shy. I've regretted enough stuff I never did because I was to shy to ask.
It'd be nice to have a shopping partner. I do think that each situation, however, requires interpretation. You've got to put both your "thinking cap" on as well as your "gut" or instinctual cap and decide wisely whether to approach.
If you're going to approach someone, make sure that you've got VERY good reason to suspect that "he" crossdresses.
I appreciate all the input from everyone.
I did find the situation in the shoe store funny. I felt like I was in some Woody Allen comedy about crossdressers.

[Rachell]

Thank you all for your input, I hope I didn't make anyone angry that was not my point. Some answers were fun and some serious but lots of good info. I am still learning about cding although I have been doing it for years. I would love to have a shopping partener besides my GG soon to wife. She is very supportive and buys more stuff for me then I do. Thanks for the great answers keep them coming.

No one really answered the first question though?
Rachell

[Sally2005]

Nope never met anyone I knew. If I did I would have someone fun to hang out with.

I wouldn't approach anyone who is doing their own thing if they are dressed or not. If I happened to be shopping for the same thing as the other and almost bumping in to them, I wouldn't ask them what they are doing, but I might start a conversation with something like, 'darn shoe sizes are never correct, you have to always try them' or just ask them, 'do you mind if I try these on?'. They might say, no problem, I'm doing the same thing...yada yada...

[miss chloe]

I would not mind if someone walked up to me and asked me if I buying girlie clothes for myself. I would say yes. REMEMBER that is just me Everyone is different. I would never go up to anyone and ask them. Just yesterday I saw someone in the post office and i could not tell for sure. I would have love to ask her if she was a cd because she looked great and I would have loved to get helpful hints from her.

[Stephanie Blue]

Still new to this scene so I would be very embarressed if someone said something about me shopping for girls things. It would definitly make me more nervous the next time. But on the other hand if it were an oportunity to meet someone new that would be cool. Stephenie B

[Cara Allen]

I agree with everyone else, mostly. I think you let it go. When I was really involved with a transgender organization, it killed me to see someone in public, or driving by in a car... I wanted to jump out of the car, and give them my card... but can you imagine how they would feel? Especially if they thought they were passing OK? Not to mention that there is some possibility you draw attention to the person.

I think you must respect trheir privacy and walk on, knowing that there are plenty of us out and around.

[Cindi Ann Kelly]

I leave it alone. I would not want anyone
approaching me in this situation.

cindi