Crossdressing and chemical addiction?

[Brandy_Marie]

Okay, let's see where I fit in here:

Started drinking when I was 14. By the time I was 18, my daily 'diet' was a case of beer (mind you it was Oklahoma, so it was 3.2 beer) and a fifth of vodka a day. I went through boughts of stopping and starting, and now I rarely drink, although I can have a drink or 2 socially without it causing problems. I just prefer to either A) make fun of the drunk people or B) be the sober responsible one who bartends the party and keeps the drunk people out of trouble.

I started smoking marijuana when I was 16 and didn't stop until I was 22. When I stopped, I was to the point that I'd have to smoke an entire quarterbag just to get high. I dabbled with other drugs a little, mostly speed. Speed didn't do much for me (I found out why later), but I did enjoy getting 'crosswired' (mixing marijuana and speed). I tried LSD twice, wasn't too awful or anything, wouldn't do it again. Had 'shrooms a couple of times, about the same. I luckily stayed away from everything else because it was either too expensive or involved needles.

I smoked from 18 until 28. Yes, I know, I got the order of my drugs backwards. That was by far the hardest addiction for me to break. After I quit smoking, and gave up my 12-pack a day Mountain Dew habit, I started having real problems in my life (more like I started becoming aware of them, but whatever). I started therapy, and was originally diagnosed as Bi-polar Manic Depressive. I spent a year on Prozac before figuring out that I had been grossly mis-diagnosed. I was tested positive, and started treatment, for Adult ADD. Let me tell you, it has been the most wonderful change in my life for me. Irony is, the treatment is speed. Apparently, for people who are ADD/ADHD, stimulants don't have the same effect as they do on other people. As a matter of fact, a lot of undiagnosed people self-medicate, using drugs ranging from Cocaine to Nicotine to Caffeine. Anyway, it's not for everyone, but it has certainly been a pleasant change for me.

As for the relationship between Crossdressing and Chemical Addiction, I can only speak for myself. I never felt like I used drugs as a coping mechanism. I was either investigating life for myself instead of taking other people's word for things or I was trying to be like everyone else so I'd fit in. I guess there is a relationship, because if I'd have known and understood the truth about myself sooner, I might not have done those things. I'd never repeat the experiences, but I am not ashamed of them; they all worked in some way, good or bad, to make me the person that I am today.

Love,

Brandy Marie Devereaux

[Sierra]

I started both cding and pot before a teen.Angel dust,LSD and speedballs,were my drugs of choice, to fight depression,due to poor self esteem,due to guilt of cding,having bi-sexual experiences and being a disfellowshiped Jehovah's witness.Now happy to be free from that cult of mind control,but still hope to quit booze someday I start drinking very early everyday and feel empty and lost.An alchoholic TS not in tune with reality.A clear mind is the better way to enjoy life,you could even remember the good times.

[grannygown]

like you Prixcilla I have PTSD, the last battle from the Nam. My drinking started at an early age 7 to be exact and at that age I had been crossdressing for a least 2 years as best I can remember. I think at that age I had guilt arising from my secret behavior. Not only did I drink more as I grew older but became more rebelious in school and on the street. It was the 60s and the race question (as I am black) further fueled my behavior. 2 contacts with the criminal justice system and in 1968 I was given a choice of jail or service. I chose the usmc and they cut my orders. Since my discharge I have lived a dual life. Good grades in school while my addictions progressed as did my crossdressing. Graduation from college,post grad, good job,and drugs all went hand in hand. By the time I quit I had tried almost everything in the P.D.R. Clean and sober now for years. Feels good. I do believe that drug addiction and us (most of us) is common. I know who I am and what I am and its not all bad. The guilt of the crossdressing has long since left, and the deeds of the past,including Vietnam are fading. Good luck to you Priscilla.

[Elysia]

I’m a recovering alcoholic, seven years sober. I don’t think my cross-dressing caused my alcoholism or my alcoholism my cross-dressing. Cross-dressing was, however, a source of shame that I had to deal with. I joined AA and had, as part of my program, to do what’s called a 4th and 5th step.


(4) Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
(5) Admitted to God, to ourselves and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.


I wasn’t sure if cross-dressing qualified as ‘a wrong’ but I was taking no chances; I needed sobriety more than anything, it was a question of survival for me.

No one in my life at that time knew about my cross-dressing, not even my wife of (at the time) seven years. So, I nervously told my sponsor that I cross-dress and was blown away when his reaction was to say that cross-dressing didn’t count. Don’t get me wrong, I did a few things that did count and had a few amends to make, but my sponsor thought cross-dressing was not a big deal, unless, he said, I was really worried about it, which case maybe I should come to terms with why it worried me. Wow! That was not what I expected.

In sobriety I have come to accept my cross-dressing and it is no longer a source of shame or a cause of self-loathing. I’ve told my wife, who has been wonderfully accepting about it; that was another ‘wow! that was not what I expected’ moment.

I come from a long line of alcoholics, none of whom, as far as I know, were cross-dressers and I have no doubt that cross-dressing did not cause my alcoholism. However, my alcoholism definitely limited my ability to deal maturely, responsibly and serenely with everything, including my desire to cross-dress.

[miss Zaskia]

Strange thing is that my crossdressing kinda gave me a way out when my drug-use got out of hand now and again. Crossdressing usually seemed to work as a sort of methadon to me.Where other people had terrible withdrawl-symptoms i always had the perfect substitute.
Don't think we have more addictive personality's either.We do have stressy lives though,Which gives us more reasons to escape from everyday-life.Specially goes for the sisters with double-lives. Have been using drugs for along time(still like to do a little cannabis and a drink now and again) but never got seriously addicted to anything.

[Katiegirl]

There has been many times in my life when terrible things have happened to me but I have never taken drugs to ease the "pain". Taking drugs and drink as a way of dealing with the downs in life doesn't solve it, that problem remains and still has to be dealt with.

I have seen over the years many friends and some relations destroyed this way, the saddest thing is that most times they beleived they could control their addiction, and everyone else knew they couldn't.

I suppose my addiction is crossdressing as with others in this thread, in the past when I was able to Dress in times of crisis, I was able to deal with that crisis much better. Now that I can "dress" when I want, I am a much more relaxed person, and able to cope better the depression that takes hold of me at times.




Mind of a Woman, Body of a man, Life is a Bitch

[GypsyKaren]

I started drinking and serious cross dressing when I was 12 after being molested for a year by my aunt. I've been on drugs for as long as I can remember. My biggest problem is that I'm bi-polar, and take enough meds to level a house, but it barely helps. To me, cross-dressing is my best form of therapy to all this, not the cause. When I dress I feel safe, and I feel good about myself.
GypsyKaren

[miss Zaskia]

I actually truly liked using drugs.Nothing to do with sedating myself, quite the contrary. It's more about the intensity of the experience. Like extreme sports and thrillseekers.

[Like2BAspen]

I think anything is an addiction if it harms you in some way. Dugs eating whatever How can cd'ing harm you if you are fulfilled and happy. If you have children there could be problems but you are what you are and it makes it more difficult. Aspen never got into drugs drank a lot in college but was in a fraternity what do you want. For me this is fun and special. If you sky dive everyday because you get a rush and its cool there are risks So should we stop living Dont use cding as a crutch for other issues.

[Vivian Best]

I guess there has to be an exception to every rule and I am the exception to the drugs and drinking. I've done neither! And at my age I don't intend to start. I might add that I don't smoke, don't drink coffee or tea. Why, I don't know, I just never did.

There is one common thread in all the posts and that is the agony we all went through early on in our lives. Some of it because of crossdressing and some because of various other things in our lives. I can truly understand why it would drive some to drink and drugs. I'm luckly that I predate the drug culture of the '60 and '70s. I do honestly hope those that are in an addictive situation on either that they find the courage to pull themselves out of it.

Vivian

[Stormgirl]

I think Im a raging alcoholic,not to worry there is the willpower of stopping and the self admittance that I have a problem.

[Dragster]

No Vivian, you're not the only exception.
I had a very happy childhood, I've never smoked (finest thing my Dad did was to tell me at 10 that it was my decision, but he'd give me £10 if I hadn't smoked by 21), drink moderately (I've had a few binges of course, but always "never again"), never tried any drugs, I'm fit (still run 5-10 miles a week at 60), I had a good education (Engineering degree from Cambridge), great marriage (except non-CD acceptance), excellent relationship with kids (32 & 30), and now enough resources to have retired last year. Having read that again, it's no wonder I've a happy-go-lucky outlook on life, and I do count my blessings. So none of the traumas that others have been through, but I still became a CDer at the age of 10, and it never left me. Time for a new theory!

Tony

[Tiffy]

I started dressing when I was eight. And have been doing so for just over twenty years. When I was 16 I drank all the time until about 7 years ago. I was about 22. The funny thing is I never dressed under the influence. I was always sober. I think I drank when I could not dress. It was my pacifier. I never smoked weed till I was 25. Still never dressed while high. About a year later I started dressing and then getting high. I found a greater exceptance of myself no matter how false it was. I loved me when I was high and dressed. I started getting high longer so I could stay dressed longer. Because as soon as the weed would let me down, out of my clothes I would come and back to drab. Today, I still like my weed. It is a vent from other things in my life now. Like large family problems, but I do not need it to be dressed. As I am dressed 50% of the time now. So I guess I am addicted to weed. Hell noone is perfect.

Kisses, April