I won't do it anymore

[ronna]

That's the promise I had to make after my wife found some of my pictures, and found me on this site, and told me she wants a divorce. I told her I liked the feel of the clothes and she said can't I just look at them? Yeah, that'll work. Won't it?
I guess it's a good thing I took pictures because that's all I have now.

[StayceeCD]

Sorry to say, but I think you won't be able to keep that promise... You may be able to keep it at bay for a bit, but the "urge" WILL get the best of you at some point.. I know!! I as well as many others here have done the "purge" to no avial... This is something that will not go away.. It is a part of who you are.. Great right? NOT!! THANKS GOD!! Well.. Given that.. You know you have to deal with the cards you're dealt in life so hopefully you and your wife will come to some agreement or acceptance.. I myself am still working on that with my wife. She still doesn't talk about it and freaks her out a bit.. When she does, I almost feel like she's gonna leave me so I don't bring it up much! She knows, it's there but we're kind of in a limbo situation.. I'm afraid to bring it up and when she does it's always negative... I love my life with her and my daughter more that words can describe and am so afraid of losing them but I know I can not deny being Staycee from time to time.. It IS part of who I am!! I can't help it...

[Emily1]

so get a divorce and make the most of being a girl ! you know it makes sense !

[Sheri 4242]

Sorry to say, but I think you won't be able to keep that promise... You may be able to keep it at bay for a bit, but the "urge" WILL get the best of you at some point.. I know!! I as well as many others here have done the "purge" to no avial... This is something that will not go away.. It is a part of who you are.

Staycee's comments are right on track! You may be able to keep the promise for a period of time, but in the end you'll find that you are denying a significant part of who and what you intrinsically are -- thus, the end result will be driving a part of who and what you are underground (or deep in a closet, however you want to say it). Many of us can attest to the roller-coaster ride you're on -- we've been there, done that . . . purges and promises, promises broken and new purges and promises!!! It is a vicious cycle until you come to terms with self-acceptance!!! Whether your SO can ever "tolerate" or "accept," or perhaps more, all depends on a number of varibles -- how you approach it may be a minor part of the ultimate outcome. Some never will, while some will, and some will fall within the middle ground. Take it step by step! Educating your SO to what this is all about -- regardless of how that educational discovery takes place -- is your best opportunity!!!

[Joann0830]

When I tried to stop when I met this charming Lady after my wife passed. I did not say anything but it showed thru who I really am. The proof of the pudding is you kept it inside since you were very young, you did it behind close doors when you were young and then you get older and finally want to fully express yourself, you being told to stop. The previous story is what we all went thru someway or another. I lost my wife at 51 and raising my now seventeen year old by myself and I told her and she understands. Try To talk to your wife again and tell her how long you have felt this way. Good Luck and I will keep you in my prayers

[Sheila]

so get a divorce and make the most of being a girl ! you know it makes sense !

No it dosen't make sense

As somebody who has just ended the relationship through all the lying and deceipt (not all CD related). I know the pain involved in coming to that final decision (we seperated on Monday) .......... I love him, but cannot cope anymore with the lies and deception. If we can, in any way shape or form work this out, and he stops lying then maybe, just maybe, in the future who knows, we continue to talk and remain friendly.

Hun I have to agree with the Gurls on this one the urge will return nothing surer. Dressing is an integral part of who you are, and if there is any way on earth that you can work this out with your wife then please, please try, but do not lie to her ........... the pain lies cause when they are discovered is cruel and extremaely painful.

If she would like somebody to talk to, and if it will help you can give her my email address PM me for it if you need

Jess

[My Lady Marsea]

OMG Ronna girl. I'm hurting for you but I have to agree with Emily here. My divorce has been decided, I have about half the forms filled out. Yesterday I was out looking for a place to buy (housing related has gone sooo out of touch of reality...it's a nightmare ...I'm in Rat trap catagory LOL) so I can take the last 21 years of my little collection of life with me. My wife knew about my panties & nightgowns every night before we even married...so I don't feel guilty here. What I do feel is a freedom , so much that now I dress everyday and leave the house dressed and am looking forward to my newly freed inner true self here and I'm lovin' myself as I never have before. We are still friendly but the love left long long ago. I am just sooo happy to be free and be me and if there is any other in my future she? better be TOTALY fine with the real me and I honestly think another T-Girl roomie is in my future. It's a hard hard choice Ronna and I don't know your age or situation but are you going to live by what others want, as I have done over 60 years, or are you going to live the way YOU want?. I just soooo wish I could get the last 45 years back to be Marsea, the real me inside and now working on the outside. Best of luck, but please don't leave this family. Love from this corner for you girl.

so get a divorce and make the most of being a girl ! you know it makes sense !

[Joanne f]

This is the reason why so many feel that they have to keep it a secret from their wife`s /so`s, fear of rejection can you blame them . i hope it works out ok for you




joanne

[Deborah Jane]

I know where you are coming from! I went through the same thing 4 years ago. I promised not to c/d anymore, threw everything away and tried to ignore my feelings. At first it was ok, then slowly the resentments built up between us [she brought it up in arguments, so i went out drinking]! We both ended up in therapy, eventually we broke up anyway. 10 months later we are now friends again! I hope it all works out for you both, maybe try joint therapy sessions so can get a better understanding between you! Good luck, whatever happens!!!

[Sheila]

This is the reason why so many feel that they have to keep it a secret from their wife`s /so`s, fear of rejection can you blame them . i hope it works out ok for you joanne

Yes I can, as talking from an SO point of view, what many of us reject, are the lies and deceipt that continue after we find out ............ Not the crossdressing ..... not the crossdresser ... but lies and deceipt.

[Joanne f]

Ok let me ask this, if you husband /partner had a serious illness and they kept it from you but you then found out by chance would you accuse them of being deceitful to you and lying so therefor making you want to divorce them , if not why do it with cross dressing.



joanne

[Sheila]

Ok let me ask this, if you husband /partner had a serious illness and they kept it from you but you then found out by chance would you accuse them of being deceitful to you and lying so therefor making you want to divorce them , if not why do it with cross dressing. joanne

I would be extremly hurt, if it was the case, that my partner was seriously ill and did not tell me and I found out, and I would want to know why he hadn't told me ........... I am sure one of the answers would be to save me worry . I wouldn't agree on that response but I could understand it

I would be unlikely to end a relationship over one lie ( there are circumstance in which any of us would, but they need not be mentioned here if you want to know why I would end a relationship over one lie ,them PM me)

But crossdressing is

A) not an illness (serious or otherwise) I do believe if your desire/need to dress is not met, that it can lead to illness but dressing initself is not an illness

B) each time you dress after you have said "I will do it no more" and you do, You lie and it is the lies that may lead to divorce .

In some cases dressing is sited as the reason for divorcing, and I do not doubt that in some cases, that is the truth, but sometimes the CD hook is an easy Hook to hang every little problem on thus avoiding what is really wrong
but that is just my and I could be very wrong

[Sandra]

I don't know you or your wife but I would imagine that she is hurting right now, confused and doesn't what to do next, and you must be feeling the same The divorce thing may have been a gut reaction, she may not have meant it. Have you really sat down and talked with her about the cding how you feel? This works both ways both of you need to put your feeling on the table and be honest with each other.
You know yourself that you will not be able to give up completely, tell her this, don't say you'll give up then carry on behind her back.

If you think her talking to another GG would help then pm me and I'll let you have my e-mail addy for her.

[MJ]

so get a divorce and make the most of being a girl ! you know it makes sense !

no your are wrong , god knows if i had a choice i would pick my true love and family over this

No it dosen't make sense


jess is so right

As somebody who has just ended the relationship through all the lying and deceit (not all CD related). I know the pain involved in coming to that final decision (we separated on Monday) .......... I love him, but cannot cope anymore with the lies and deception. If we can, in any way shape or form work this out, and he stops lying then maybe, just maybe, in the future who knows, we continue to talk and remain friendly.

Hun I have to agree with the Girls on this one the urge will return nothing surer. Dressing is an integral part of who you are, and if there is any way on earth that you can work this out with your wife then please, please try, but do not lie to her ........... the pain lies cause when they are discovered is cruel and extremely painful.

If she would like somebody to talk to, and if it will help you can give her my email address PM me for it if you need

Jess

sorry to hear that jess , i do hope you work things out

[QUOTE=joanne f;1000970]This is the reason why so many feel that they have to keep it a secret from their wife`s /so`s, fear of rejection can you blame them . i hope it works out OK for you

we all know you can't stop ... you are lying to your self now you need to talk to her try to get counseling together if you both can
the damage is already done , can it be fixed ...it's up to you both
remember some gg can't ever or never put up with this behavior
to them is like sleeping with another woman !!! they just can't she as seen you ..... my ex would not allow to sleep in he same bed because thats all she saw in her mind was the other woman .
please don't lie to her

i hope that every single cd'r who is here reads the posts for the last few days and i hope they won't lie about there cding ... this could be you in a few years
i do wish you all the best

[Kerry Owens]

I'll add my two cents and say that if your wife can or will get onto MSN messenger, Jess can help her and I'll add her also. Sometimes finding out that you're not alone does a lot of help. so PM me if you want this.
Honestly, when you find out there are others who can cope, it helps you take a deep breath and start learning a lot more calmly.

[Lovely Rita]

Ronna,
Sorry to hear about your experience. I hope you achieve whatever you need to. I also believe your wife is the most important part of your life.

I will be praying for you.

Hugs
Rita

[Valerie]

: Situations are all different, so we are coming at the case you present with very little information and from different life experiences. My point of view is that one cannot repress crossdressing without great pain and psychological damage. So at some point you must take your stand, while of course taking into account very much your SO's feelings and ideas. But draw the line on suffocating yourself. I say this because after decades and decades of not accepting myself, I realized it would soon be too late (as a ghost, fashion is limited and gender imperceptible), and then, after a brief period of adjustment (and who knows what the future brings), I have been as happy as never before. My wife now is married to me, a very happy person, and not to a wounded, fragmented, dulled, hurt, resentful, repressed human being. Be caring, patient, open, truthful, but firm. Go girl!

Valerie

[Holly]

Ronna, you've put yourself in a bit of a box here. Did this all come about when your wife caught you in one of her nightgowns as you wrote about in another post subsequent to this thread? Words spoken in haste are often the subject of regret. Telling a wife what YOU think she wants to hear rather than the truth is disrespectful. It says to her that you do not trust her enough to be truthful with her and it is disrespectful of yourself and says that you are not confident in yourself and your own identity. I hope that now that a few hours have passed that you and she will be able to sit down and talk responsibly about your future together and the needs and expectations you both have.

[mellisa's wife]

so get a divorce and make the most of being a girl ! you know it makes sense !

I have to agree with Jess. Marriage is all about devotion and of course love itself. Yes, I agree that there are valid reasons for divorce..... but this???

Being a loving wife of a cder, it's is just freaking lovely that some see "the wife" as such a disposable being.

[Pamela75s]

I have to agree with all the ladies her that you will not be able to just stop. I have tried a number of times to do the exact same thing and was not able to, it only would lead me into depression. So when it comes to making promises at my age, I watch what they are very carefully. I have learned as life is getting shorter, it is alot easier to just tell the truth. In my own belief is that if I have to make a promise to stop being the person I am, in no matter what the situation might be or has happened, and if that person is not willing to work or talk it through and to come to some kind of an agreement and understanding over the situation. Then maybe that person might not be the right person to spend the rest of my life with. For all through life things will come up between two people and lieing only makes them worse. Thank you for listening.
Pamela

[ronna]

Thank you sincerely all for your kindly advice and consolation. It means a lot to me.

But what's worse: she said I was not any good at it and that I had no taste in clothes! That about crushed me in itself.

I never considered myself to be lying, just keeping secrets. But now I've gotten myself in deeper, if I break my promise I am a liar.

The thing that bothered her the most is that I've told other people but not her. I explained to her that I just couldn't come out and say, "By the way, I like to wear dresses and high heels when you're not home." I knew how that would go over.

And no, Holly, the nightgown didn't even tip her off. It wasn't until she saw the pictures that she put 2+2 together.

I have to think about what you have all said and choose the right path, thanks again for your heartfelt concern. I know I'm not the only one to be in this situation. I'll try to let you know what comes of it.

[Florensoie]

I think it's the question ! I don' t like to be at your place now...and if arrives I think I leave her...or not.

[dann]

I don't get this mentality.I mean, I once understood it in a way, and before ever coming out to my wife I fully expected it to be her response if she ever found out. Hence, the reason for not telling her until after being together for 13 years total.

But really, what is one to do?If she is going to leave you in the event you continue to do it, why doesn't she just go now? You've already done it. In your case, she's seen the pictures.It's there, it's you. All the motivating factors that make a man desire to wear women's clothing are within you. They won't be scrapped away by her threats to leave. The action of physically doing so might, but so what?. You still WILL feel like doing it sometimes. Which means you still have the feelings, that are unique onto all of us here,to do so.Putting on the clothes is merely a manifestation of your feelings and desires.

This isn't drinking or drugs or addiction or even cheating. It's not illegal, it's of no harm to anyone other than those who have hang ups about our differences (which is unfortunatly the majority of the population). It's about identity.Yea, those of us who hid in the closet and lied and covered up for years have some serious explaining to do when the wives are finally clued in.We can acknowledge our big lifelong mistake and beg for forgiveness. But never,NEVER, should we beg to be forgiven for being where we are on the gender spectrum.

That's my rant. Beyond that, maybe encourage her to do a little research on the whole topic instead of just making it a simple "stop doing it or it's divorce' type of thing.if the idea bothers her so much, what makes her think that having seen pictures of you enfem is going to be something she'll just be able to block out forever?

Staycee, you and i are in the same place as far as our wives feelings and non-communication.

[BarbaraTalbot]

I am sorry for where you find yourself. I hope for the speedy and healthy repair of the breech in the relationship with your wife. I hope also that in coming days, (weeks?, months?) at a time of feeling again closer and with cooler heads prevailing that you can revisit the subject with her of you feelings about transgender expressions.

Best of luck to you both.

[JULIE33362]

Ok let me ask this, if you husband /partner had a serious illness and they kept it from you but you then found out by chance would you accuse them of being deceitful to you and lying so therefor making you want to divorce them , if not why do it with cross dressing.



joanne

great thank you that says it all