Fantasy

[Dee Model]

I fantasize about being with a big, hard guy as much as the rest of you but having tried it a few times i have totally failed to get turned on.

Am I bi really or has the whole t-girl thing just made me believe that this is the case? I think i could really get it on with another convincing t-girl...but there are so few like me...young (30ish), svelte n slim (size 8-10), and arguably convincing (I've been out a lot and don't get 'read')

Does anyone else feel like this or is it just me that's narsisistic like that.

[celeste26]

Well there is quite a bit of the old narcissism in what we do. What with the mirrors and the primping etc. Hardly the thing to develop real relationships unless it is outside of our femme zone.

As I'm sure you're well aware of many or even most of us are married and dont want to screw up that relationship any more than it is already either.

My guess is that if you are basically 'bi' even before the clothing then you might be able to find some relationship, otherwise it is IMHO not a good idea. If that is the case and it is made clear to the other people in your life then go for it.

[Angie G]

If it don't turn you on it must be it's not what you want maybe you just think it should be that way sound like your straight if you like being with a woman then there you go hun think about it
Angie

[DonnaT]

There's a difference between fantasy and reality, for many. The trick is knowing the difference.

If it doesn't feel right, then you aren't bi in reality, just in fantasy.

[Dee Model]

There's a difference between fantasy and reality, for many. The trick is knowing the difference.

If it doesn't feel right, then you aren't bi in reality, just in fantasy.

I don't believe that but thanx for the input. I think maybe i just have very exacting standards...like being totally smooth etc.

[angelfire]

There's a difference between fantasy and reality, for many. The trick is knowing the difference.

If it doesn't feel right, then you aren't bi in reality, just in fantasy.

I actually agree with the first part, anyway. There is definitely a very real line between the two, and many of the things I fantasize about, I would never want to actually happen.

[Kristen Marie]

I've been to a few gatherings in my past where there have been guys and T Girls present. I thought it would be a huge turn on, but for me, I was not the least bit interested. In fact, it was almost a complete turn-off. Similar to what you experienced.

On the postive side, I am now comfortable going to a setting with mixed company without that urge or fear gnawing at me, and I can just enjoy being Kristen. It's soooo much more fun for me now.

[Amanda Shaft]

Well at least you’ve tried! You won’t have to wonder about it. Maybe it is just that for most of us fantasies are like films: lots of noise, colour and action, but two dimensional, no smell or taste, and no commitment once they’ve ended. Reality is rougher and bristly! Equally there may be someone out there for you who is sweet as a nut and will sweep you off your feet…
Ah sigh Amanda x

[Dee Model]

I actually agree with the first part, anyway. There is definitely a very real line between the two, and many of the things I fantasize about, I would never want to actually happen.

What else is fantasy but the ultimate aim of the 'Self' in reality regardless of how that is at odds with the 'default' template that society feeds us? Surely overcoming the negative indoctrination that society, from day one, forces upon us should be the ulitimate objective in order to seek our true 'Selves'?

Discuss.

[BarbaraTalbot]

One of my fears of my own occasional CD-ing, and perhaps the reason I couldn't really face my Cd-ing for what it was in totality was an irrational fear that it somehow meant I was gay. I realized then (and now) that a lot of people with same sex orientation issues have real problems with self acceptance, and they are often lead the gay bashing parade. I have met many people that are gay, both in the closet and out. I found them to be as different from each other straight people are from each other. I understood there is no way to "tell" if someone is gay, including myself.

When I had the epiphany "Hey, I AM a crossdresser!" it set in motion a lot of self examination. I wondered inwardly (and aloud with Dee) what that knowledge meant as it relates to sexuality. I did now that male bodies didn't do anything for me. I considered whether my kind of squeamishness about shall we say less demur T-girl artistic expression was an irrational anti-gay sentiment? I even turned to the world of shall we say, more woman as superior ahem, artistic expression to see whether that was at all motivating. I wondered what intimate relations with my fairly open minded wife would be like when we finally bought Barbara a nightgown. There were some fits and starts, and lots of fun giggles.

I realize there are many people for whom the 'girl' is all girl at the time, and for others there is no 'guy' even in drab. For me, the 'girl' is all guy. There was a post here today that was expressing in a heartfelt way, the SO's feeling that for them they don't seem ever really have their man in total anymore.

In my case it is expressed best by my wife. I am her man, what I am wearing is sometimes sexy, ofttimes silly, occasionally ridiculous, but is just the covering. Inside I am always all man. Seems silly now to me, but I took this journey fairly studiously. Everything I (and we) liked as a guy, is the same as before. Even in bed, I am still just a dude. A dude in a dress. It is indefinably weird that way, but that is OK.

I do identify with the mirror comment. I think this is overwhelmingly common. I think we all look closer than we think to the same gene pool for the yin to our yang. I used to attend a congregation for singles. Their were always announcements of weddings posted in the foyer. I studied them at length (whilst I studied girls shoes out of the corner of my eye) I came to the conclusion that the most predictable indicator of who you will marry (at least in my backward little culture) was the similarity of the nose. If hers had a cute upturn so did his. Romanesque? Ditto. Thin, wide, short, long hooked,button Check and check. Animals do it, they look for someone most likely to pass on their version of the genes.

As far as whether you are bi? I agree with you that as one thinks,so is she. SO fantasy must at least partially express one's self. If you haven't found the experience fulfilling, either you did not connect on an actual intimate level with the person for any number of reasons, haven't found the right one, or maybe there is more a validation of some sort about your dressing or your attractiveness that was the actual root of your fantasy.

[Karren H]

Hell no... Not my dreams for sure... And good luck on the clone thingy..

[DonnaT]

Surely overcoming the negative indoctrination that society, from day one, forces upon us should be the ulitimate objective in order to seek our true 'Selves'?

Discuss.

True. But we shouldn't force ourselves to do more than what we feel comfortable with. Just because a male CD can find a man, doesn't mean the CD has to find a man.

Exploration is fine. Part of human nature, for many.

IMO, relationships should only be based on reality, not fantasy. If one has a real attraction to a guy (or girl), then go for it. If one fantasizes about a guy (or girl), then there is nothing wrong with experimenting to determine the reality of whether it is for you or not. If you find in reality it's not for you, then don't continue ther relationship based on fantasy.

Maybe one needs to experiment with more than one person. But at some point one needs to face the reality of whether such a relationship is for them.

Personally, if I don't feel an attraction in the first place, I'm not going to start some kind of sexual relationship.

[Veronica 1]

Just to share personal experience, many years ago, long before discovering who I really am, I had my fem feelings come to a strong focus when I discovered that a handsome friend was gay. One night, while drinking heavily, he managed to flirt me enough to try a relationship with him. It did not take me long to realize that this was not what my fem side needed and I had to roughly dissuade him from his amorous approaches. He was quite disappointed, to say the least. I was confused from this and for many years hid my true feelings even to myself. I got into wearing panties some years ago and this started my fem side to get active again until I recently got a wig, tried on a bra and dress, and the rest has been history. I feel that I know who I am now and I finally have my wig on straight. If it dosn't feel right, then maybe it is not for you. Just my

[sterling12]

So, maybe you just haven't met the right guy yet? Or, perhaps your a lesbian?

Judging by what you have written about your "exacting standards," it's possible that you may never find the right person.

Remember, love finds us when it's least expected!

Peace and Love, Joanie

[ElaineB]

It did not take me long to realize that this was not what my fem side needed and I had to roughly dissuade him from his amorous approaches.

How roughly? Did you bruise your knuckles?

Sometimes I fantasize about being with a man. I am pretty broad minded in the area of sex -- even aside from crossdressing -- and I have the feeling I would enjoy the physical side of it. BUT... then I start thinking how I might make my fantasy happen and... there just aren't any men that interest me. So... CD, yes, kinky, yes, gay no.

Maybe a FTM crossdresser would suit me? If I ever get lucky and meet one who likes me maybe I'll find out.

[Veronica 1]

How roughly? Did you bruise your knuckles?

Nothing that drastic but I did throw him off the bed into the dresser. I actually felt a little bad about that after, but there was just no way that I could let it continue. He actually came around the next day and wanted to go on a picnic but this time I just gracefully declined.

[zoey_dark]

Am I bi really or has the whole t-girl thing just made me believe that this is the case? I think i could really get it on with another convincing t-girl...but there are so few like me...young (30ish), svelte n slim (size 8-10), and arguably convincing (I've been out a lot and don't get 'read')

Does anyone else feel like this or is it just me that's narsisistic like that.

No, I feel the same way, actually. Men don't really do a thing for me, but certain T-girls drive me wild...

[Joy Carter]

Just be know that a moments lust can last a life time, if your not gay, and you go through with it.
Aside of any STD's.

[Samantha B L]

Hi Dee,It's just an opinion but I think you've had some gay and bi fantasys but you just weren't turned on enough and that could mean your straight. Except that you crossdress. I'm 51 and I can remember that at aproximately the time that i got out of High School in the mid-seventies there was just barely starting to be some tolerance in some circles for TG issues. But at that time in most of the psychological kinda bathroom reading I was doing all the magazines and books basically implied that while the desire to wear female clothing or shave your legs or have an effeminate hairstyle or wear makeup was marginally acceptable it was all part of a transition into "homosexuality" and becoming Transexual. Which is fine for many people but another 10 or more years went by before a lot of people recognized that there are men who are very fascinated with all things fem and they get pleasure out of dressing,whether it's sexual,narcistic or just relaxation.

[RachelDenise]

Dee, there is nothing wrong with exacting standards, we have them in all our lives. No reason not to have them in a partner. Sexuality is complicated and may only be defined in your own head. Who is to say that if you're attracted to TS or CD whether you are bi or really looking for female gender. You can think yourself into a corner with labels but it is important for you to know what you are interested in and what you like!

[Satrana]

Well reality rarely lives up to the heights of our fantasies. That's why many people actually prefer to leave fantasies as fantasies because they know if they tried it, they would likely be disappointed and so ruin the fantasy.

Sexual fantasies tend to be the worst as we have been exposed to unbelievable stories and movies - both mainstream and porn, which always presents sex as the most incredible experience imaginable. Maybe it is just me, I like sex a lot but it is not the earth-shattering experience I am led to believe.

The worst thing you could do is to force yourself to do something which you are not actually interested in. By all means force yourself to overcome nerves, but if you have no natural attraction for the guy, or feel nothing from having sex with him then don't!

[Dee Model]

So, maybe you just haven't met the right guy yet? Or, perhaps your a lesbian?

Judging by what you have written about your "exacting standards," it's possible that you may never find the right person.

Remember, love finds us when it's least expected!

Peace and Love, Joanie

Thanks to all that have replied.

Well, not being a GG, I cannot be a lesbian but perhaps....transbian?

I am very attracted to women having been with several in the past. I have even been in love- proper head over heels to die for love- before aswell. That was about three years ago and I (tragically) still love her.

But anyway, I'm not on a quest for love...a least not on a conscious level. It is true that I'm never satisfied, that ultimately I have no wish to settle down and play happy families with anyone...tried that before aswell and have the daughter to prove it.

It would seem that my fear of suffocation in a relationship is sent into sharp releif by my latent desire to experiment and push the boundaries. I'm not particularly bothered about the consequences of the fantasy/reality shortfall...to my mind no experiment is a failure.

I think as regards men as sexual partners I've been too quick to generalise and just jump into bed with anyone just to see what happens. The reality is that I've not been attracted to them in the slightest- and found kissing disgusting to the point where I've had to break off or I'd be sick. This is contrasted by my experience of kissing females which has always been wonderful and sexy!.

The fact is that I'm just not attracted to guys...apart from maybe the male model type, and even then, rarely.

The point of trying to do all this stuff is that I want to know what it feels like to be a girl...and that, for me, means going all the way. If I can find a guy I'm genuinely attracted to I think it would work, but even then the thought of kissing him doesn't appeal. I do feel at times that the femme side is trying to force her way regardless of how the male side feels.

However it remains part of who I am that need to break conventions and be sexually free. To me it is exciting to express my femme side in all her lascivious and licentious ways.

[Wendy me]

for me i can say no i don't get turned on by men or tgirls ..... but if some do that's cool do as you like just remember be safe...........

[MJ]

The point of trying to do all this stuff is that I want to know what it feels like to be a girl...and that, for me, means going all the way. If I can find a guy I'm genuinely attracted to I think it would work, but even then the thought of kissing him doesn't appeal. I do feel at times that the femme side is trying to force her way regardless of how the male side feels.


do you think you will ever know what it feels like to be a girl ? , i don't think you can , how can we ?

for me i would have to be complete as in srs , Evan then if it's not right i would have to live with the knowledge that i did a guy .. and gg well soon i will never be able to enjoy there company .. why can't life be easy

[Ruth]

Dee, there's a good thread going at the moment exploring gender identity and sexuality. The bottom line being that wanting to present as totally feminine does not require that you have a sexual orientation towards men. A woman can like women and still be totally a woman. So you can be totally femme while still desiring women.