It's just clothes!

[StayceeCD]

THIS is what kills me!! What is the big deal??? My wife found out a couple years ago not in a good way.. She found a credit card receipt after me buying some shoes. She thought I was screwing around, wouldn't talk to me, then she got to a place where she actually said it turned her on!! THEN, a COMPLETE about face saying she "can't have this in her life".. Our daughter deserves her Daddy. I've assured her I am the same person.. I've been doing this all my life and have felt the guilt, & ashamed feelings thinking I was a freak. It wasn't till I found sites like this that I realized I wasn't doing anything wrong or freakish..
So there I am back in the closet! We don't talk about it cuz everytime I bring it up, she gets insulting and re-inforces she doesn't want it in her life.. I'm not about to lose my family, and I know I can't stop, so back in the closet I go. It sucks that I can't be open with her about it. I've suggested seeing someone but she says "I'm the one with the problem".. It would be great if she got back to the place where she said it turned her on, but I'd take simple acceptance. Just allow me to dress from time to time! Thats all I need!

[KarenSusan]

I feel for you, Staycee, be strong.

[My Lady Marsea]

Maybe you're lookin' too good girl. Looking at your Avitor (whatever its called) I would have thought you were out and full timing LOL. It's really too bad she can not accept you, she might be missing some fun "girl" times out. At least you were out for a while which is a good thing I guess but it will tug at your heart and tear you apart. I feel for you. Best of luck & hoping for only the best. Hang in there girl

[Linda C]

Wow you have gone though a scenario that I fear - I hope my wife never finds out and if she does I hope she is cool and if she ain't I am not about to give up my family for dressing - wow I truly feel for you - hope things work out for the best

[Jazzmine]

Well you know your CD won't go away. I'm 50 and I know. It goes underground for a while then screams to come back at any cost. And that can get you into trouble.

I wish I could give you a magic answer but there isn't one. But (hopefully) you still have your own dignity and self-acceptance and that's your starting point.

Next you have to realise you are not two people. You are what you are. Period. Not a schizo! Not a weirdo! No labels! Just YOU!

No one here can give you a logical explanation of why you are a CD to help you explain to your family what it is all about. You know what I mean, a clear well thought out logic that makes sense to all. Oh to have that! Save us all a lot of trouble, that would!

But still here we are. Gathered in a subset of society. The best you can do is stand up for what your heart tells you to do. If family is more important right now then go with that. If closet CD is an option...sigh...join the club. Just always know you are OK and every decision can be over-turned as needs arise and as circumstances change.

Above all have fun!
Hugs Jazzmine

[ErikaLeigh]

I totally undrstand where you are coming from. My wife just found out a few months back, and doesnt really want to talk about it. I only get to go out to the tri-ess meeting once a month, and she knows I go but doesnt know I dress for the occasion. I cant stop either, so I guess this is what I will have to do. I guess the only bright side is neither of us are keeping a secret from the one we love anymore, well for the most part.

Oh, and by the way......... You look AWESOME in that avatar pic!!!!

[noname]

This is the kind of thing I will never understand. It would be like a man telling his wife he just can't allow her to wear pants. It's unacceptable and I just can't have that in my life. I always say, practice what you preach.

[Joanne f]

I feel for you both as it is a big deal for your wife and it is a big deal for you, cursed if you don`t tell and cursed if you do, your wife has had a big shock in her eyes at the moment you are not the man that she married so she is no doubt having a hard time trying to cope and understand that,and on the other side you need to express your feminine side, so as i have thought some times in the passed it is not just clothes for some , it hits at their inner feelings like , i am a woman and you are a man and nothing should interfere with that when it doe`s some can`t cope with it, yet the odd thing is you are the man she married but at the time did not no all of what made you that man she loves.
I hope that you can both work some thing out that will make you both happy.

joanne

[RachelDenise]

Welcome to my life. I really understand. Good luck and I hope you find solutions that work.

[Lilith Moon]

I know how you feel hun.

I had a lot of freedom to dress at work and used to dress several times each week as well as getting out&about sometimes. Since I have been working from home dressing is problematic and I miss it dreadfully...every single day. Being forced back into the closet is a bummer.

[Alice B]

I think that htere are some other insecurities that she is dealing with and counciling would be the answer, but how you get her to go is something that I can't advise on. I wish you luck.

[Carol A]

I also understand your problem very well. Took my wife a long time to come around but in the end she told me "I was still the same man she married no matter what cloths I'm wearing".

I believe her problem was she was jealous of me as I wear makeup, earrings, and try to be a proper looking women which she has never done in her life.

I dress everyday and will do so till the day I die.

[battybattybats]

But is it just clothes?

Or is it differance?
Is it unpredictability?
Is it the terrible freedom of others?
Is it a loss of stability?
Is it change?
Is it making of different choices?
Is it a loss of control?
Is it the consequences to us of the choices of others?

All common sources of fear.
Every day I learn new ways that many people fear and try and restrict the free will of others. Especially those they care about. I know sometimes it can be hard to watch another, especially someone you care about, making choices you think are bad, foolish or even dangerous.

However, beyond expressing our own opinion do we not have an obligation to respect the freedom of others, especially those close to us, to make choices that are not the ones we would have them make.

[Tree GG]

Go read this http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/...ad.php?t=67279

If that doesn't break your heart, nothing will.

And if you believe it is "just clothes" then you really are in a denial that I would be proud to call my own. Face it, crossdressing is a very intimate thing that involves sex and attraction - to varying degrees, of course, but still a factor.

Could it be, and I'm just going out on a limb here, that for whatever reason your wife is perceiving the dressing, your woman within, is more important to you than she? Have you jumped at every opportunity to immerse yourself in the TG community and your femme self while she stands by and continues holding the home fort?

For one week, just one week, make every effort to show by action that your wife and family is the love of your life and no wig, garter or g-string is more precious. Say that one sentence to her, and that's all, but walk the walk for a week. Live it, don't just say it. I'd bet good money her rejection will ease if not subside.

I don't think you all realize just how much your behavior does change. You go about the motions of your daily lives but you start changing things - shaving, eyebrows, posture, reading materials, etc. Admittedly it could be a perception and over sensitivity by the wife but I believe it's a combination of both. We start looking for changes, and darned if we don't find them.

IMO - it is up to the crossdresser to keep this on a positive, non-threatening note. Wives usually don't want to control you, but they want to be confident that your piorities are still in line with their's. Breastforms full steam ahead does not instill a feeling of fun or well being for most wives.

[Sheila]

No it is not just the clothes .................... it's the lying, the deceipt, the need to be constantly on your gaurd even in you own home, worrying if the kids, family neighbours find out ..................... and even when we are struggling mentally with those things, having to come to terms that what we thought we had bought into was an exclusive MALE/FEMALE realtionship ........ was in actual fact a lie from the get go (for the majority of us) ..... is in itself tough ............... we try or at least some of us damned well do................. do you have any idea how many times we (BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU AND FOR NO OTHER REASON) actually push ourselves beyhond our own mental comfort zone just so that we can support you in your journey to be free to express your inner being ..... and you insult us by just saying "it's only clothes"

I love and support My guy, but sometimes you really are sefish inconsiderate idiots.

I could go on but no doubt I will already have got myself into bother .......... Give us a break sometimes

[Joanne f]

No it is not just the clothes .................... it's the lying, the deceipt, the need to be constantly on your gaurd even in you own home, worrying if the kids, family neighbours find out ..................... and even when we are struggling mentally with those things, having to come to terms that what we thought we had bought into was an exclusive MALE/FEMALE realtionship ........ was in actual fact a lie from the get go (for the majority of us) ..... is in itself tough ............... we try or at least some of us damned well do................. do you have any idea how many times we (BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU AND FOR NO OTHER REASON) actually push ourselves beyhond our own mental comfort zone just so that we can support you in your journey to be free to express your inner being ..... and you insult us by just saying "it's only clothes"

I love and support My guy, but sometimes you really are sefish inconsiderate idiots.

I could go on but no doubt I will already have got myself into bother .......... Give us a break sometimes

Well said as it needed saying ,

joanne

[Tiffy]

It will never just be about the clothes. But it seems that many wives are slipping outta their minds. We have been living with this since birth. Not like we chose at 5 years old to dress in womens clothes because it was gonna p*** everyone off and get our asses kicked. My wife cries each time I read her a story like this and it amazes her how blind many of the SO's are. Like it or not, our SO's married us because we are TG wether they like it or not too. It is what makes us us. And the clothes just are like putting the icing on the cake. Damn cake looks funny with no icing.

Tiffany

[Rosaliy Lynne]

THIS is what kills me!! What is the big deal??? My wife found out a couple years ago not in a good way.. She found a credit card receipt after me buying some shoes. She thought I was screwing around, wouldn't talk to me, then she got to a place where she actually said it turned her on!! THEN, a COMPLETE about face saying she "can't have this in her life".. Our daughter deserves her Daddy. I've assured her I am the same person.. I've been doing this all my life and have felt the guilt, & ashamed feelings thinking I was a freak. It wasn't till I found sites like this that I realized I wasn't doing anything wrong or freakish..
So there I am back in the closet! We don't talk about it cuz everytime I bring it up, she gets insulting and re-inforces she doesn't want it in her life.. I'm not about to lose my family, and I know I can't stop, so back in the closet I go. It sucks that I can't be open with her about it. I've suggested seeing someone but she says "I'm the one with the problem".. It would be great if she got back to the place where she said it turned her on, but I'd take simple acceptance. Just allow me to dress from time to time! Thats all I need!

I feel for you sister mine, and I do wish there was an easy answer or quick fix but alas, there is not one. BTW you look great. I think women and men have similar feelings when they see a man dressed en femme. BOTH are, or feel, threatened by that person. Seemingly they both reach the same first impression - he is gay. This is where they diverge though. Men feel threatened that they might be gay themselves if they were attracted to the lovely woman they perceived. Women feel threatened that they will lose their man to some other man. That may or may not apply in your case and it is certainly not the entire picture either. Regardless, you have to overcome your wife's very real fears, slowly, patiently, and at the same time reinforce that you are still the man she married and that part of that man is the woman inside. The sum total is who you are and who she loved and still loves. Good Luck and I do hope it works out for you in the long run.

Wow you have gone though a scenario that I fear - I hope my wife never finds out and if she does I hope she is cool and if she ain't I am not about to give up my family for dressing - wow I truly feel for you - hope things work out for the best

I would not either but I think that the dressing, and the need to hide it, have always worked against me in the long run. Perhaps that is part of the reason I am 3x divorced and currently single.

I feel for you both as it is a big deal for your wife and it is a big deal for you, cursed if you don`t tell and cursed if you do, your wife has had a big shock in her eyes at the moment you are not the man that she married so she is no doubt having a hard time trying to cope and understand that,and on the other side you need to express your feminine side, so as i have thought some times in the passed it is not just clothes for some , it hits at their inner feelings like , i am a woman and you are a man and nothing should interfere with that when it doe`s some can`t cope with it, yet the odd thing is you are the man she married but at the time did not no all of what made you that man she loves.
I hope that you can both work some thing out that will make you both happy.

joanne

Well said Joanne.

[audrey-lynn]

Sorry to hear about your problems. But hang in there. Your wife used to approve of it maybe she'll come back around. I know mine has changed her feelings many times. Just keep a low profile and see what comes of it.

[tommi]

I think alot of us are in that boat with you I know I am.
That is what is so nice about this site it gives me a chance to feel normal and feel acceptence.
We can be here for one another with a kind word and I thin it helps.

[Desiree2bababe]

It's difficult but you will be happier in the long run if you let family take predecent in your life at this time. One day, you're child will be grown and gone and these days of her needing a Daddy will be sorely missed.

You are a very beautiful cd and I'm sure a handsome man. It would be sad to see a family parted due to the love of clothes. With you understanding her view at this point, it's likely she will understand yours later in life.

I speak from experience.............

Good luck.

[Karren H]

Yeah... Geting discovered sucks for sure.... And going from semi acceptence to complete intollerence makes it even worse.. My wife had simular swings after she found out, also two years ago, but she had turned a blind eye and though she knows I still crossdress, she doesn't want to know.. So I keep it out of her face.. Which I almost like being in the closet.. But it has driven me to find other wats to dress... Still on business trips but on half day vacations around here locally, and it forced me out in public more.. Probabbly more so than I would have on my own.. Out of necessity...

Karren

[JoAnnDallas]

Sorry to hear about your problems. A few weeks ago, my wife found out that I am a CDer. After all the usual questions, she came to the conculsion that me dressing as a woman was really no different than me dressing in custome and going to SciFi cons or playing D&D.

[Melinda G]

Makes me glad I'm not married.

[AlanaBCD]

There are a lot of us that are in the closet. I drop hints to my wife all the time. I do not know if she knows for sure, or she thinks I am just kidding.
When we talk about crossdressing directly (without any hints) she is not happy. So in the closet I stay.
I am able to dress at home when she is gone. It is what it is, if it ever changes, I do not know. I love her and accept that she does not seem to want me to dress, so I leave it where it is. If she ever found out for sure, I could tell her of all the hints I gave her.