The Dangers of Crossdressing

[Lovely Rita]

I always celebrate the Joys of Crossdressing. How wonderful our unique experience is for each and everyone of us.

Today, I wanted to just post something I have been thinking about as far as my experience is concerned.

I find many times that, at leaste for me, I have to impose a certain amount of self control and discipline with regard to my desires to dress and obsess.

My life is unique but maybe many of you can relate.

The dangers for me present themselves in the fact that I can find myself engaged in total selfishness. Expending a great deal of thought on dressing. Planning my next adventure.

I have another life as well and that part of me must not suffer neglect because of this part of me. I have written about balance before and I write this more of a reminder to myself.

I can, if I am not careful, spend a little too much time on crossdressing at the expense of those who are most important to me.

I guess this means to me that it is not all and only about me, dressing can let me lose sight of this because dressing many times is all about me. The danger is losing myself to self, downing in self is very real and so I must stay aware and in control. Just speaking for myself of course and anyone else who can relate.

Thanks for letting me share.

[Genevera]

I agree 1,000% if you reach the point of uncontrolled obsession where is the pleasure??? If your just fullfilling a need it's really no different than taking drugs. I understand about the "Pink Fog" and yes I can succumb, but I set my limits long ago and when the fog hits I know to make no impulsive decisions, or purchases, I'll put them off for several days or weeks, which usually by then the fog has dissipated, and I realize I really didn't need what I desired so much while in the fog.

Today I had money in hand and looked at a skirt I've lusted after for several weeks, after looking the skirt over I realized yes it's nice I can afford it but will it really be the be something I'll wear very often, I walked out of the store $20 richer and found a music CD I've been looking for, for over a year

I have an accepting GG/SO, so I can dress as I feel when ever I want.

[susie evans]

how true it is i think we all have are will learn to self control ourselfes it help's to be reminded from time to time

susie

[Billijo49504]

I kinda agree with you. If you are self posessed, then I understand. For me, when I go shopping I always make sure the wife gets a few things. If not more than I do. That way she is a happy camper and so am I. Next month, at Victoria's Secret, my Angel card coupon book get's me a bra for $24.50, but they only go up to 38C, which she wears, so I told her it was her's. I could have used an extender, but to give it to her made both ofus happy...BJ

[KendallM2F86]

Umm.. yes I agree very much with this thread. It's odd, this is my first time on this website and this is the first thread i have read. I'm a 21 yr. old male who's still SORT OF in the closet about my dressing. I have found this thread at an incredible timing. I'm am still trying to set my limits but I have wasted alot of time and money on this lifestyle. I've been struggling on what I should do about coming out openly for about 3 yrs. almost daily. It does keep me at a distance from family and others at times. If anyone has any advice for me I'd love to hear it. Thank you those who reply.

~*Kendall*~

[NZ_Dawn]

Yes, I can certainly relate to this totally. To me not so much as keeping it in 'control' but with an element of sensability with regard to others.
I like your style, something to re-consider at times.

[Satrana]

Everything in life is about balance. The problem is deciding where that balance should be. If you have a disapproving SO then she may decide the balance for you, like one hour a month But of course that would not stop you from thinking about it all the time.

For me balance is only found once you have got all your impulses out of your system and have accepted some simple truths about the dynamics of your position. Take dieting for example, to maintain a healthy weight you need to go through some cycles of over-eating and dieting to discover for yourself how this works. Then you have to accept some simple truths like - all diets work, it is the people who fail diets by cheating.

We humans learn through experience, by trial and error. Although we usually take heed of serious warnings, we routinely ignore advice on minor issues and test the waters for ourselves. Then we become wiser afterwards. So don't kick yourself unnecessarily, so long as you are learning from your mistakes then you are heading towards balance.

[Raychel]

Truer words have never been said. This is a real struggle for me. I think That I am loosing this internal battle at this time.

[Suzie S.]

I agree with you Rita. There are times where I think I'm spending too much time crossdressing. But there are also days where I have free time and don't, simply because I feel guilty that there could be more constructive things I could be doing. The scale may tilt one way or another, but somehow always comes back to center. I enjoy the look of surprise on my wife's face when some chores or projects got completed, when she thought I would have used the time to dress.

[erickka]

Rita, I agree. Focus is important in any aspect of your life. If you lose your focal points, then all can spiral wildly out of control. Well stated from your point of view.

[Toyah]

You can sit back here and watch them spiralling out of controll and when you point it out they say you dont understand. Hmmmmmm its not going to happen here

[MsJanessa]

Good point--I think a lot of us forget we are more than just CDs, TGs, TSs, etc---we are whole human beings---most of us have jobs, families, people who depend on us in one way or another---and while we want and have to be "true to ourselves" we should never forget that we live in the real world and are not the only ones in it.

[Wenda]

I agree completely. I got too absorbed by dressing two years ago, and spent whole weekends dressing, experimenting, shopping, on the web, etc, when I should have been doing some of the renovations that I am doing now. An example of my improved balance would be yesterday, where I had three meetings (en drab), then came home, applied my nice little #5 teardrops, put on my workshirt, scraped paint, and installed a trailer hitch on my van. Not 'dressed", but sufficient. Think one of my neighbours wonders about my ever-changing bustline. w.

[Rosaliy Lynne]

At least as much as you need your femme side.

Umm.. yes I agree very much with this thread. It's odd, this is my first time on this website and this is the first thread i have read. I'm a 21 yr. old male who's still SORT OF in the closet about my dressing. I have found this thread at an incredible timing. I'm am still trying to set my limits but I have wasted alot of time and money on this lifestyle. I've been struggling on what I should do about coming out openly for about 3 yrs. almost daily. It does keep me at a distance from family and others at times. If anyone has any advice for me I'd love to hear it. Thank you those who reply.

~*Kendall*~

As for coming out or not, you can't do that till you accept yourself and have the confidence you need to take that all important first step. Keeping it bottled up inside, hiding the girl within, does, as you noticed, keep you distant from others, including family and SO's. I perceive that this has contributed to my 3 divorces. People can't get close if you won't let them because you might be afraid they will run the other way if they know this secret you hide. I had let my femme side loose on the net for years, but still had to be concerned that my secret would be found out. I was 56 when I finally came out AND also made my debut as a public woman. Best thing I have done so far. My cats don't care how I dress so, when I am not at work, I am ME - the woman I love being. It has helped my balance in many areas and even my employer has noticed a difference in how I handle myself on the job. Relax, find your balance, and take it easy.

[bobi jean]

Rita
I am in agreement with you so much, as a matter of fact, over the last 3-4 months I have gotten so obsessed with dressing that I have without a doubt become about 99% less effective in my work and I do realize now that I am in dire need of some help. May not be the place for it and I am truely sorry if not, but, OF ALL THE SO CAL (SAN DIEGO) GURLS ON THIS FORUM, CAN ANY OF YOU RECCOMMEND A GOOD(CHEAP) GENDER THERIPIST? i REALLY DO NEED SOME HELP WITH THIS. DONT WANT TO QUIT, JUST NEED TO GET IN UNDER SOME KIND OF CONTROL.

[Angie G]

Some times it's hard to do to not get selfish with the dressing time and some times I don't want to stop but I must, I have found that some times I put things off to stay dressed longer, I have to work on that
Angie

[Kate Simmons]

I live alone and many may think that could be a CDer's "paradise". It can be but not necessarily. Freedom to be myself and balance mean a great deal to me and that means expressing myself in various ways. The main thing is it is totally my choice to be who I want to be when I want to be. I've had a little mini crisis lately struggling with myself as to who I really am. Each time this happens, I bounce back stronger.
Essentially what I have realized is it's not so much what I look like as it is who I am inside. That is where my true strength lies and where my true appreciation for others and life itself comes from. Sometimes the simplest things are the hardest to understand.

[Marcie Sexton]

My wife and I agree that there is a time and place for every thing...

Going out in my area is or has to be a well planned thing...Simply because of the size of our area and we all know every one.

So, I make sure my outings are well planned to insure that my family is taken care of first and for most.

Then and only then does Marcie get to enjoy public life...

[gennee]

[SIZE="2"]This was one concern of mine when I started crossdressing. Would it interfere with my daily life? I have found balance and am comfortable as masculine and feminine. I don't dress all the time but that's fine with me.

Gennee [/SIZE]

[RobertaFermina]

I'd say I'm a bit to the selfish side.

My daughter and granddaughter need my attention, the kind that is just there and isn't goal oriented.

Often, I will use up every minute that doesn't have some other tangible or practical purpose and spend it dressing, preparing to dress, or thinking about preparing to dress.

As a result, the amount of time I spend "just being there" for others is diminished...sometimes it disappears completely.

That's selfish, pure and simple.

I have to watch myself and remember *ALL* of who I am to keep life in balance. It's just a bit harder to appreciate and life life through Bob and his sense of being useful, grateful, worthy. I wonder if Bob gets starved or might die on the vine if I'm too much Roberta without bringing him along in some way ?


Roberta