no not at all if you were.... just as if you were you would not want to be called straight would you???........
no not at all if you were.... just as if you were you would not want to be called straight would you???........
People seem to like labels; consequently, a cross dresser - who to the uninformed may be difficult to define as either gay or straight - just has to fit somewhere. A lot of people may feel that if you are a man who likes to dress as a woman, then you must be gay. It’s a label, and like all labels there is often accompanying baggage.
Personally, it doesn’t bother me as I seem to fall into various categories so if someone thinks I am gay then all power to ‘em!
If someone chooses to see me as gay, be it an aquaintance or stranger, that's their problem, not mine. I've been called gay many times in the past. I prefer the company of women, but then I prefer the company of women socially also. I have gay aquaintances and I have straight aquaintances, to me, they're all just people. The only people I worry about are the serious homophobes who could become violent toward me, I stay out of places that people like that tend to go. I've had enough experience with that in the past, even when I was married with young kids.
I've found that some of the most rabid homophobes are "good Christian" fundamental Baptists, my ex father-in-law being one of those. A lot of the people in his church seem to have the same attitude toward gay and trans people. They are taught that brand of poison from a young age.
What I've discovered about homophobia in America is that it's largely silent, much like racial bigotry. It's there like an iceberg, you only see what's on the surface, not the huge mass that's hidden under the water of political correctness.
Will this ever change? I don't know!
"I see your true colors shining through, your true colors, and that's why I love you,
so don't be afraid to let them show, your true colors, true colors are beautiful, like a rainbow"
"Without change,something sleeps deep inside us, and seldom awakens. The sleeper must awaken!"[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
There is nothing wrong with being gay.
There is nothing wrong with being a crossdresser.
I prefer not to be considered as gay because I am not gay, but a heterosexual crossdresser.
It takes a real man to wear a dress.
No.
I've already been down that road. When I was a lot younger I was considered quite good looking by most females but I was so shy and unconfident I never pursued them even when they were giving me an obvious green light. I also usually rebuffed the advances of the more aggressive girls because I was so afraid of being a disappointment to them. It didn't take long for it to get around that I must be gay since any "normal" guy would love to have my situation. I never denied it.
When I lived in Baltimore back in the '70s most of my friends and acquaintances were gay or TS. It didn't bother me that the straights thought I was one of the gays. It took the pressure off me so that I didn't have to deal with my paralyzing fear of women. It was a lot easier to turn down the gay guys that hit on me since I really wasn't interested.
I eventually got over my extreme self-centeredness which is why I don't worry too much about what people think of me. I'm not trying to change anybody's attitude. If I spend the rest of my life working on my own attitudes, I will still run out of time before the job is done. I don't have time to change the world.
I don't care what you think. Just don't touch me!
...and that one has absolutely as much to do with each other as eye color and liking peanut butter; I would have to say it isn't bad..it makes no difference what people think about orientation.
People assume. They are often silly in what they base their assumptions on.
When Dee and I got engaged several of her friends who also knew me since we all worked together exclaimed, "But isn't he gay?!".
Near as I can tell, they assumed I was gay, because girls were often friendly in a non-flirty way with me (not by my preference mind you), I was skinny, and wore ties when they were not required.
There was a HUGE actually open gay community in this large corporate space. Human resources and 50% (or more) of those promoted were openly gay. None of my gay friends even ever suggested the most remote possibility that I was even bi, much less gay. A gay friend explained, no gay man wears black wingtips with everything. (I now cleverly wear brown tasseled loafers with everything, I haven't run this sartorial choice by a "Carson" yet.) Dee explained that also: black and white checked pants, while super-keen by themselves did NOT go with a striped oxford.
Last edited by BarbaraTalbot; 09-23-2007 at 05:58 AM.
Vincent Vega: Well, I confess that I wait to talk, but I am trying to learn to listen. (paraphrased)
Barbara's Blog
Yes. Homophobia is a key component of a boy's conditioning. Sometimes it is taught directly, sometimes subtly, but by the time boys mature into men we all understand the necessity of sending out strong signals that we are heterosexual through and through.Originally Posted by battybattybats
Even if consciously you have nothing against gays, subconsciously you are glad to be heterosexual (assuming you are). I believe this is why so many CDs reject the man in a skirt look for themselves, it just makes them uncomfortable that they would be perceived as being gay. By emulating women, we escape this problem by conforming to normal heterosexual expectations.
I am constantly surprised at how many of us are almost militant about not being thought of as gay. You would think that of all people, WE would be a little less quick to point fingers or throw stones. I myself suffer from this a bit I suppose, as it is the reason I told my older brother. After a visit home my mother told me that he asked her if I was gay. I prefered he know the truth and so I spoke to him and explained what I was, all because I didn't want him to think I may be gay.
These days I suppose my ego is a bit stronger than that and I really am not too concerned with what someone may think.
I work with a lesbain nicest girl on earth in MHO gay is not a bad thing one could be worse so I don't think it would be that bad
Angie
Funny thing is that for some reason alot of people upon first meeting me think I am gay and they dont know I crossdress, those that know me know I am not and alot of them know I do crossdress so yeah. The world is a funny place well atleast utah is weird and backwards.
If something doesn't make you happy Change it
The question makes me uncomfortable. I suppose the simple answer is no, being labeled as gay would not be that bad. I am not homophobic and I honestly don't see that a person's sexual orientation is an issue in normal social interaction. But there is also the factor that I know I'm a heterosexual man in the conventional sense of wanting sexual and emotional relations with women, not men. So being labeled as gay would feel like a case of mistaken identity. But then again, I like to present as a woman, and still feel attracted to women when en femme, so am I gay whilst dressed? I really don't know.
If so many people weren't obsessed with labels, it wouldn't matter either way.
[SIZE="2"]Always be true to yourself because the people who matter don’t mind, and the people who mind don’t matter.[/SIZE]
It's a shame we have to label ourselves. I have always been pretty bisexual. As I've commented on previous posts I am more secure in my sexuality now than before my feminine side emerged. We all ought to just relax and enjoy our sexuality as it comes. No pun intended
Melissa Pink
No it would not be that bad. Look I am who I am!!! In all honesty I do have bi-curious feelings. I have not really made serious attempts to fulfill them. That is who I am. So call me what you want. I don’t really care. When I first started getting deeper into cross dressing about 15 years ago I would have flipped at the prospect of somebody calling me gay. However the further I got into cross dressing and becoming what I consider more transgendered the more I just said, this is who I am. I really don’t care anymore. I don’t sit around telling people I dress, however if somebody asks, and a few have, I don’t deny it. People can tack on all the labels they want. I am who I am, ME!!!
I never really liked labels per se. Most labels make me feel that I am something less than what I am. Step ... person, gay ... person, some other ... person. Hell I am a 'person'. I have also learned to accept that I am not entirely as straight as I originally assumed I was. I prefer to interact, especially sexually, with women whether or not I am dressed. On the other hand, that does not preclude other possibilities. I would have to admit, as others have, to being bi, personal preferences not withstanding.
Its not good that ppl still think cders are gay, b/c that means they don't know anything about us. But it gets old hearing ppl say we are gay. It almost makes me want to stop cding. Which is something i plan to give up in a couple of years.
Good bye i'm at wacko taco .com now
I am definitely not gay when I am Dawn. I am totally heterosexual and only want to be with a man.
There's nothing wrong with being 'gay' (I prefer the proper term of homosexual myself) but I don't want to be labelled as so just because I dress as a woman, I dislike sloppy thinking like 'oh you dress as a woman because you're gay' if anyone ever said that to me I would ask them to explain their reasoning, and be glad to refute it.
Have faith. I don't mean faith in gods or governments, prophets or pundits. Have faith in yourself, in what you can do and what you know to be right. What you need is inside yourself, you can not find it in a book or the words of another, it may be hardest to find it there but if you look, find it you will!
My Flickr page http://www.flickr.com/photos/mariannaj
I'm not too big on labels, but i'd like to think of myself as a young woman who likes to keep her options open
~*Kendall*~
Since you are gay then you are not the best person to know how a straight man would think about this. Your discomfort obviously derives from other feelings.
It is true that a mixed gender look can look dis-quietening.... except of course many woman already do this and it is not a bid deal at all. Women have progressively increased the degree of masculinity until some have reached the stage where they look almost like boys. In any case this is irrelevant to the CDer himself since he sees himself in various stages of dress. I am talking about a CDer looking in the mirror and not being satisfied with his appearance without any thought of going outside.1) Blatant mixtures of gender expression trigger cognitive dissonance in most people.
Except few CDs can look in the mirror and see a woman, they still see themselves. The very act of putting on any feminine clothes may trigger transphobia, the issue is why would it disappear when a wig and breast forms are added to the look?2) Many tv/tg/ts people have internalized transphobia, so appearing obviously transgendered can make us feel uncomfortable internally.
And the gender binary is built around heterosexuality. In people's minds the two things go hand in hand.3) Many transgendered people are very emotionally committed to the gender binary.
I don't see how. If you believe yourself to be a woman then you are going to view these matters with a different perspective. Obviously a man in a skirt is not going to work for you. The question is why so many CDs react badly to the look even within the privacy of their own home so ignoring social factors.This is IMHO, and I'll admit I know a lot more TS people than people who crossdress. But I suspect the psychological factors are similar.
Well batty, my sister just the other day witnessed a gay bashing, just down the street from my place, the man grabed him in a head lock and bloodied his face, for no good reason at all, Grrr i tell ya its a good thing i wasnt there i tell ya!!Sure it's easy to be upset at being thought to be something you're not but, if you could be accepted as a CD, if you could go out in public dressed without concern for violence or discrimination but strangers assumed you were gay, would that be so bad?
Truth is, it doesnt matter how you express yourself, there is always someone, that just wont like the way you look or act.
I know a lot of gay people, there the best non judgmental people i know, and are a real breath of fresh air to be around. I do know what you mean about CD's being labeled as one. Had a real eye opener just the other day when i learned a new term i didnt know of called a "sissy cuckold" How these wives belittle them, and ummmm force feminization!!! These woman see any man in a dress as sissys!! Well, im not gay, and wouldn't bother me a bit if i was, its just not im my makeup, but a sissy i am not!!! There are some that are into that as well, i guess, must be, but i think that label is more damaging to the hetro CD, than being labeled gay, it implies humiliation. There is just to meny forms of expression, obsession. People just dont understand it, because its not in there face enough.
I live and work in the gay community here in San Francisco. This is new to me because up until 5 years ago I would have identified as a straight man and lived and worked in a straight world.
During those 5 years ago I have transitioned and live as a woman. I don't identify as transsexual because those narratives don't match mine. I have crossdressed my whole life and just recently slipped into the female gender.
I'm beginning to beleive that there are many more gay men that are TG than we thought. The gay culture has gone butch over the last several years and to be a femme gay man is looked down upon by many and so the femme nature has been surpressed.
I rarely meet a drag queen, and I meet many, who doesn't want to be a woman. there are lots of incorrect assumptions about gender and sexuality in both cd and gay communities. We are more alike than we are different.
The Tg identity is newer to the qay community and I find more and more men tell me that that describes them too. I think we'll see more of this in future years.
There are certain parts of the glbt community that is strongly pro tg and they constantly fight for our rights and acceptance in society at large as well as in the gay and lesbian community. Some of them see as heroines becasue of the huge change we make in our lives and the courage it takes. We are seen as examples of what it means to live your life by your own rules and make up your own story. Many wish they had our strength and courage
"Every desire of your body is holy. Did you hear what I said? Every desire of your body is holy"
Hafiz "The Gift" Translations by Daniel Ladinsky
What is wrong with being a sissy? I don't mine when someone calls me a sissy because that is what I really am. I also don't mind being labeled a Jane0Girl, Sissy, or Nancy Boy since I am rather girly and tend to think like a girl.
You will become stronger in the ways of the Pink Fog. May the Pink Fog guide you and be with you now and forever.
There is probably 100 different ways you can label oneself a sissy, i was referring to the cuck's label of it, if thats your cup of tea, then thats fine, i did say, there are those that like that sort of thing, myself i don't like the energy involved with humiliation. When it comes to Chantelle, she is just to special a person to be humiliated, or looked at in that light, or lac of light should i say.What is wrong with being a sissy? I don't mine when someone calls me a sissy because that is what I really am. I also don't mind being labeled a Jane0Girl, Sissy, or Nancy Boy since I am rather girly and tend to think like a girl.
Last edited by Chantelle CD; 09-25-2007 at 11:58 AM.
What people think of us is based on their values and experiences growing up. Prejudice and intolerance are learned behaviors.
I am reminded of a song by The Pirates of the Mississippi called Feed Jake
Here is a portion..
Now if you get an ear pierced
Some will call you gay
But if you drive a pick up
They say No, he must be straight
I think this just shows how different people think.
Super Mod
Oh God, Thy sea is so great and my boat is so small
The Breton Fisherman's Prayer was engraved on a brass plaque and presented to President John F. Kennedy by US Navy Admiral Hyman Rickover.
Daintre, gone but not forgotten, R.I.P. Angel xx
Tamara
Posting Permissions
