Would being labeled as gay be that bad?

[Jamie001]

i believe that one of the issues that we as Crossdressers need to get past is the fear of being labeled "Gay". My advice is: "If you know that you are straight, then don't worry if folks think that you are Gay". Be secure in your sexuality. The truth of the matter is that Crossdressers are stuck with the stereotype that Hollywood creates and perpetuates (that all corssdressers are gay) and the we can either hide in the closet or get out there and show the world that we are proud to be crossdressers. I vote for the latter as that will advance our collective cause of acceptance. Hiding in the closet will not advance our cause. Also, whenever the media or Hollywood portrays crossdressers as "Gay", we need to complain and not purchase from the sponsors that sponsor the TV Programs that promote stereotypical images of crossdressers.

Jamie

[Nicki B]

Is being gay 'bad', then?

[Veryvicky]

Gay... its a label used even if its not a sexual discription though. Ever see someone discribe something that is "gay" ? Like for instance, seeing a car painted in a way they dont like or understand why its painted like it is... "thats gay" or a discription of a guy who likes seeing love stories...well "thats gay". Its overused and more and more its used when someone doesnt understand something or just wants to be mean about discribing something. The thing I do not understand is why so many think that someone who dresses as a woman is gay. Most gay men arent looking for someone who looks like a woman or are they ? Most gay men that I have met dont want anything to do with women or those who dress as a woman...they want a manly man. Now, as of a FtoM, are they lesbians ? No matter what their sexual preference is it seems to most people do not have a label for them other then perhaps "thats gay". The world and especially the U.S. has a "gay label" fixation for things that arent the way that they think should be that way. Most gay men and lesbian women know who they are and accept their sexual preference even though the gay label is stuck on things that arent related to sexual preference.

Is it gay if...

A crossdresser who dresses as a woman and wants to have a sexual relationship with a man who doesnt want to have anything to do with their male part ?
or
A post-op transsexual woman who dates, has sex with and then marries a man ?
or
A GG who stays with her crossdressing or transsexual husband or boyfriend ?
or
A gay man who dates, has sex with and even marries a woman ?

To most who arent out about their own sexual preference or who are just an idiot would say....yup..."thats gay !" Those are all examples of possibly loving and accepting relationships, doesnt have anything to do with being gay because its just a word, a label that is easy to stick onto things.

Do I mind if someone calls me gay...well if thats as bad as it gets, who cares ! Its more of an insult really that someone would call me gay because its usually coming from someone who isnt secure in their own sexuality or just happens to be a total moron who has nothing better to do except try and make someone feel bad. As for me I am Bi with a stronger preference for men but I do not consider myself as gay. Feeling a strong self acceptance as being a woman and not dating gay men to me tells me that I am straight. Now if I am with a GG or CD/TV/TS, it is most definitly more of a lesbian thing to me. Now maybe my label maker is broken or maybe I dont know how to use it properly but can I make a label for everyone to use...like "I am a person too"

[jaina]

Is being gay 'bad', then?

There seems to be an overwheming idea here that it is. The are many " I'm not homophobic", "I have nothing against", "I personally nave no problem" clauses in many of the posts that also contain anti-gay items and thoughts as a way to side-step and justify the bigoted ideas.

I beleive Battybatbats original question has been answered here with a resounding "yes". Being thought of as gay would be that bad for many here.

Your question is much more to the point, and will get many posts saying its not "bad", but with qualifiers. The general idea here seems to be that it is bad.

[Nicki B]

..many of the posts that also contain anti-gay items and thoughts as a way to side-step and justify the bigoted ideas.

Sadly - as a newcomer - that's exactly how they appear?

[azalea]

I'm bisexual, but back when I was struggling with that, every time I would put on a pair of panties or something, I would constantly have to tell myself, "I'm not gay, I'm not gay, I'm not gay." It would be a very mixed experience - the joy of crossdressing combined with the fear of being gay. There's a societal association between the two. I'm not afraid of being gay anymore, though.

[Joanne f]

You cannot stop ignorant people putting labels on things that they know nothing about because their brains cannot handle to much information so it doe`s not bother me, but i odd thing is i find it more offensive being called a tranny than i do being called gay.
The thing is that if you are gay then every one knows where they stand with you but if you are a Cd you could be gay, bi, or straight so for the ease of their brains not to work to hard i guess they just go for gay.
My daughter in fun is always saying to me "your gay" so i just answer,no i am not but my boyfriend is .

joanne

[Beth-GDB]

There seems to be an overwheming idea here that it is. The are many " I'm not homophobic", "I have nothing against", "I personally nave no problem" clauses in many of the posts that also contain anti-gay items and thoughts as a way to side-step and justify the bigoted ideas.

I beleive Battybatbats original question has been answered here with a resounding "yes". Being thought of as gay would be that bad for many here.

Your question is much more to the point, and will get many posts saying its not "bad", but with qualifiers. The general idea here seems to be that it is bad.

As one of the people who's used "qualifiers" in this and other threads, we're all human, we all have our own fears and flaws. I'd like to be able to say that I don't care at all about what other people might think or say about me, either to my face or behind my back, but I do care. I can say that I'm less defensive of being "labelled" than I used to be, but that sense of protecting my personal image in other people's minds is still there.

That's the way I am. If that makes me a bigot in other people's minds then so be it, I'm a bigot. I can't stop people from pinning their labels on me, but I would prefer that they used the right labels for the right reasons rather than the wrong labels for the wrong reasons.

How many people can truely say that they have absolutely no concern about what other people might think or say about them?

[Sugar01]

I date men, and every now and then you'll run into one that says he wants it known that he's not gay or into guys just because he's going out with me. Obviously there is some denial going on there. As if my wearing women's clothes and putting on make-up no longer makes me a man.

[Sharon]

The people I know and care about are aware of which labels are appropriate for me and which ones aren't. I couldn't care less what other people think.

[highheelqueen]

my frist time out in full fem was called a fag just keep my head high breast up and my heels clicking you can't run back to the closet because of name calling

[valery]

O.K. So many people still think CDs are all gay.

Is that so bad?
Sure it's easy to be upset at being thought to be something you're not but, if you could be accepted as a CD, if you could go out in public dressed without concern for violence or discrimination but strangers assumed you were gay, would that be so bad?

1.) I would say "no, it would not be so bad for me" as I don't care what other people think, if you would ask me if I can stand it and like you said "go out in public dressed without concern for violence or discrimination".

2.) If I have to give an answer with my social and cultural attitudes I have clearly to say "yes, it would be very bad and I don't want and wouldn't like to accept this".

The reason is, that I can't agree with this ignorant and easy way many people use to avoid examination of crossdressers or other gender-classes etc., so everything is gay and they don't even know about the gay-community. So usually everybody is afraid of the unknown (we have that in our genes, o.k.) but as we're civilized and not living on the trees any more, we should be able to deal with those things, because this function is not usefull for many things in our world today. So as gay people are more common to the people, they take this existing picture to avoid thinking about us, easy way, o.k., still better than fighting against us. But think about, that a lot of people who are hostile to gay people also use it to express that they're hostile against everything that is not what they call "normal". No animal will judge you for what you are, only for what you do and the reason why we have so big problems is written in the past and still used today to win the vote or to rule the world. There will allways be a "black sheep" in this world, politics or people need to blame or make themself feel stronger or better. The gay people had that before and now it's our turn to fight for our rights and to stand it, for what we are. It will take a very long time as we're so colourful and different even in our community (crossdressers, mtf, ftm, transgender, gay crosdressers etc. etc.). We're a bit too much for this fearful world, but ladys we're damn a lot of people. And I love this place here because I though I was the alien and found out that I have brothers and sisters all over the world in all social classes, nice and lovely open minded people. This world is ruled by fear, ignorance and so on and that's not acceptable for me. We shoud know better and I wanna be accepted for what I am and even more for what I do, otherwise I'm not existing, I would just be a fake, nothingness. It's not about the name that is given to you, it's about truth, acceptance, tolerance and understanding of other people and things, other religions, other concepts etc. And as no one will ever be able to verify that his concept, his sex, his god, his civilization etc. is the right and best one, I think it can't be a question about majority and a few people, or the public, media etc. to decide what someone is called.
If you would ask gay people, what they would think about being called a crossdresser this could be interesting. I have some gay friends I will ask them and give a report here.
So we should have the same rights and we should not accept to be pushed into a box that is not ours. I will never give up fighting and working on that with my heart my art and my music.

love you girls, been away for some time, but back now

[Stephanie Anne]

Well I am neither gay nor straight. I prefer woman becasue I feel more comfortable around them. I have never met a man that would make me want to sleep with him but I do find certain men very attractive (Johnny Depp yum!).

I consider myself straight in my current life but that could change for any reason and at any time.

I think it is a shame that people lump us together with the gay community. We are really our own community with our own unique needs.

One day maybe this will just no longer be an issue like pants are no longer na issue on women.

I only think it is bad becasue so many of us are not gay, have no attraction to the samesex nor do we wnat to become the opposite sex. This kind of branding just makes it harder for us to be accepted as people.

[Bobbie Jo]

I'm not gay,and I don't like being called gay. I'm really trying to explain to people, that I concider my best friends, why I like to dress in womans clothes.I'm having a very hard time because it really is so bad to be called something your not.The way your think,that it ain't so bad,is going tell all crossdressers are to be gay. You must be gay if you feel that way.I DON'T.

[Nicki B]

As one of the people who's used "qualifiers" in this and other threads, we're all human, we all have our own fears and flaws. I'd like to be able to say that I don't care at all about what other people might think or say about me, either to my face or behind my back, but I do care.

There is still an overwhelming implication, from so many people's posts, that being 'gay', of itself, is bad..

I wonder how many of you mix with the gay community? You might understand then how much we do share.

I'm not gay,and I don't like being called gay. I'm really trying to explain to people, that I concider my best friends, why I like to dress in womans clothes.I'm having a very hard time because it really is so bad to be called something your not.The way your think,that it ain't so bad,is going tell all crossdressers are to be gay. You must be gay if you feel that way.I DON'T.

I always find it incredibly difficult to say to people - I empathise with, dress like and try to imitate a genetic woman - but I'm attracted to women - so that makes me 'straight'????? :hmmm:

[sweetpea]

we are all gay straight bi or cders or black whtie assin so why should we allways put a labble on it just be

It is not just a label it is a way you feel and act. Being gay, bi, TS is in no way the same as being straight.

[annieelmira]

As a gay guy, I can only say that I know there is a lot of misunderstanding of CDers in the GLBT community. It's really weird, but we don't blink an eye at a gay male or female doing drag, but we cannot fathom why a str8 man or woman would want to look like the opposite sex.

The gay community as a whole is pretty rigid... our PR department wants everyone to think we are so very accepting (because *gasp* how can we ask for acceptance if we ourselves do not accept), but in reality, I know far more racial and gender bigots that are GLBT than I do str8 ones.

Personally, I could care less what people wear. There are a heck of lot more important things to worry about than some lacy undies... hence my bewilderment when people are nasty to you ladies and gents (or for that matter, worry about ANYTHING that doesn't hurt another person). I cannot say that I myself totally understand the "desire" to wear women's clothing (as opposed to my "chosing" to do so for shows), but I'll be darned if I let MY ignorance keep me from getting to know someone potentially very cool. On the other hand, at least I, unlike some in the GLBT community acknowledge my confusion and try to understand that which mystifies!

OK, I'll hand over the soapbox now...

[katieblush]

Well this attitude has supprised me,you can be called gay for any reason these days its a power word to crush you, i am bi why not have the best of both worlds?
We each walk a diffrent path in life and its a journey to find your true self to be at peace with yourself,and during that trip we are supposed to show compassion for those who are facing the same fears, are we now to devide into different sub groups.

During the local Gay rights march lots of pink banners flags etc,do you think the colour pink may have a link to why people call some CDs gay,maybe nothing but just a thought.

[annieelmira]

During the local Gay rights march lots of pink banners flags etc,do you think the colour pink may have a link to why people call some CDs gay,maybe nothing but just a thought.

I feel that people tend to confuse cross-dressing with being transgendered, which is a part of the gay community, because there's a generalized confusion about the differences (however subtle or overt they can be) between Cross-dressing, transvestism, transsexualism, Drag, etc. This is not even withstanding the automatic assumption of some yahoos that if you are gay you must want to be a girl.

Also, going to a gay bar en femme is one of the truly safe places a Cder can be herself and not even have an eye blinked in her direction, so uninformed people just automatically assume that if you are a cross-dresser, you are gay.

I'm with a lot of you about the whole label thing... it's just plain silly to have to label yourself in any manner, but alas, our culture has this compulsive need to put everything into its "place". According to dictionary.com, I am a cross-dresser, a transvestite, a drag queen and a homosexual. Even better, according to the same site, I'm a part-time transsexual! Wow... now I know why my therapist's eyes light up when I walk through the door! LOL

[Julogden]

You have to remember that the door is open as the phrase is Lesbian Gay Bisexual Transgendered, However, it seems than MANY crossdressers don't view themselves as transgendered. The thought process seems to be folks think of themselves as genetic heterosexual males who just happen to like women's clothes. While I respect that and would not challenge it, I do wonder about it because it is easy to feel no alignment with LGBT folks. I suspect it would be better for all concerned if crossdressers did consider themselves part of the community. As long as various factions of the community are separated, it is much more difficult to move forward and gain acceptance and respect.

Amen!! It's the old "United we stand, divided we fall". Unfortunately there are people in all the LGBT varieties who feel the need to divide.

Carol

[annieelmira]

Amen!! It's the old "United we stand, divided we fall". Unfortunately there are people in all the LGBT varieties who feel the need to divide.

Carol

Even more unfortunatele is the divide within the GLBT community itself.. Gays vs. Lesbians, no one l"liking" Bi's or Trans... GRRRR!!!! So much drama when we are all on the same team... no wonder we run into so many obstacles when it comes to equal rights.