Am I a Wannabe?

[Dusty]

Hello all of you lovely ladies out there,I have a problem I need to try to solve.
I have been for years dressing in short skirts,hose and open toe heels(painted toe nails is a must),but never dressing all the way.I love to drive around the city at night and find out of the way small shops to walk around in.I like woman to see me mostly dressed, but men make me very uneasy as most of us are I am shure.
My issue is,Dressing as I do,a man odviously dressing in woman clothes,does this make crossdressers as a whole look bad in the eyes of the public?Should I stop,and stay behind closed doors?Should I get rid of all my female attire and forgo my desire to be beautiful if only for a little while?
Help me ladies I need your opinions, Luv,D

[dancinginthedark]

For Pete's sake don't purge hun. I'll let the ladies handle it from here, just don't do it. Don't toss out your stuff.


dancin

[wannabie]

Hi sister wannabie

Crossdressers come in many flavors, so don't worry about making other CD look bad. Just dress the way you want to dress and after a while you will either want to dress all the way or be happy the way you are.

Just give it some time and as for your female attire, only you can decide if you don't want to dress anymore (again do it for yourself and not others).

[Deborah Jane]

NO don,t purge!! If you enjoy your girlyness keep doing it!! It doesn,t matter what anyone else thinks, if it makes you happy do it! It,s your life, enjoy it

[Daintre]

Hi Dusty, first, do not get rid of your wardrobe, the urge to dress is a like being on a roller coaster, sometimes you want to and other times, not so much. There are many of us here who couldn't pass in public, but that is not a reason to rob yourself of the pleasure of dressing. You may find that dressing at home is enough. If it isn't, then you dress as well as you can, and with your make up on and head high, you do it.....riding around in the safety of your car, or going to a CD friendly place, You need to take the time to grow as a CD, it is a learning experience. Good luck my friend.

[Faith_G]

It sounds like there's a strong element of exhibitionism in your behavior. I hope you're you're not loitering in the stores and going out of your way to freak out the ladies. If you are doing that I'd say you're about a half a step above the naked guy in a trench coat flashing in the subway.

If you just like to stop in the convenience store for a gallon of milk while wearing a skirt and heels, there's nothing wrong with that and I see no reason you should quit.

[joann07]

For Pete's sake don't purge hun. I'll let the ladies handle it from here, just don't do it. Don't toss out your stuff.


dancin

Don't worry about trying to please everyone.
You're free to do whatever you want, just present yourself appropriately.

I agree with Ms. Dancin.
Don't do it unless you really feel, deep inside, that you must stop. Just don't regret it.

I was once in your position, just half dressing, but then I realized I must fully express my feminine self and my beauty.
Through encouragement from a fellow crossdresser, I finally decided to go all the way by getting a wig and learning how to apply makeup and all.
I'm glad I did because now I feel like I was reborn.
To be in femme and going out in public is such a wonderful feeling.

Best of luck in whatever you decide.

Hugs!

[trannie T]

Relax girl. You can do most anything you want as long as: 1) it is not illegal, and 2) it doesn't scare the horses.

[Lora Olivia]

cant speak for you, you have to do what makes you happy. for me i must do all that i can to pass, it isn't about shock value or anything but a need for me to be whole as woman as well as he does as a man

[sandra-leigh]

I was once in your position, just half dressing, but then I realized I must fully express my feminine self and my beauty.
Through encouragement from a fellow crossdresser, I finally decided to go all the way by getting a wig and learning how to apply makeup and all.
I'm glad I did because now I feel like I was reborn.

Oddly, I took nearly the opposite route: I've done the wig and make route, but as time goes on, the more I dress as a "a guy in a skirt" (or "a guy in a dress", sometimes.)

There are still some things I won't wear without a wig and makeup, but I never really felt "reborn" when dressing all the way. Maybe that's because I've been singularily unsuccessful at "disguising" myself: people who have met me as a guy don't seem to have much trouble at all at picking me out when I'm in a long dress, makeup, wig that doesn't look anything like my own hair. And they don't seem to mind, either way -- some of the people I see more often now get a bit disappointed if Tess doesn't show up for awhile.

It's like... I don't know quite. It's like the wig makes it okay for me to wear Blatantly Feminine Clothes -- and I don't mean LBDs or miniskirts; it could just be a colourful midi-skirt. The wig is like a social contract, like I'm not fooling anyone, but like nearly everyone is willing to pretend that my clothes are fine because I've done the female-hair-shtick. But the difference is some manner of degree, rather than of kind: I've been going out as a guy in neutral-ish skirts and non-filly blouses -- you see darn few guys around wearing skirts or green/gold blouses, but people don't seem to care. I've gone out many a time as a guy with "a bustline", and people don't seem to care about that either; I chicken-out that way before society does. (Yes, I've gone out as a guy deliberately wearing something in which it was visibly noticable that there was a bra underneath, and that was socially fine as well.)

The limit is somewhere within me: what am I prepared to wear "as a guy"? And it's a lot more than I would have thought. But the orange velvet dress... I would still have trouble doing that without a wig.

But the wig or wearing the Blatently Feminine Clothes don't make me feel reborn: I still feel like me. Which might be part of the reason that I've never been able to get into The Femme Voice and so on. I'm not saying there isn't any difference in the feeling for me, but the difference is one of a feeling of freedom and of permission -- when I Go Out in a nice dress, most of the time I feel happy, because I'm wearing clothes that I love... and because I've given myself permission to get away from the confinements that hae grown up around me over time. "In Real Life", I'm not very sociable... you accumulate habits of being "not the kind of guy that would do that"; in cross-dressed life, I have permission from me to go out and mingle and See What Happens. But wearning a blouse as a guy out grocery shopping -- well, more and more it's just "what I usually do"; it is my everyday life, and it is no longer outrageous or particularily attention worthy within myself; I'm not thinking too much about "Is everybody Looking At Me??", and it's back to thinking, "Do we have enough toilet paper??"

Dressing as I do,a man odviously dressing in woman clothes,does this make crossdressers as a whole lookbad in the eyes of the public?

Dusty, it comes down to dignity. When people look at you, do they think, "Well, that's not something you see every day, but that guy sure looks happy and carries himself with pride"? Or do they see "What a sleazy guy who makes everyone feel uncomfortable with his womens' shoe fetish"? Are you "dressing up", or are you "dressing down"? Lord knows, there is a time and a place to "dress down" and doing so from time to time can be important for your emotional health, but outside of those times and places, in "everyday life", if you are presenting yourself neatly and with pride, chances are you are actually helping other crossdressers, by showing people that there are good people out in the world, the kind who are good neighbours and good customers, who happen to enjoy crossdressing, and if they are so content with it, who are they hurting? There are those on this forum that say that it is the crossdressers who do not "pass", and know they do not "pass", and whom go out "everyday" anyhow, who do "the cause" the most good, by being visible examples in the community -- the crossdressers who "pass" are, by definition, not noticed as being crosdressers, and the crossdressers who only go out to "safe" clubs only influence the people in those clubs. I think that viewpoint is worth consideration.

[Sheri 4242]

It is a learning experience through which you will either grow into who and what you truly are, or you will deny yourself that beautiful person within!

[angelfire]

As everyone said; don't purge. You will only regret it later.

No, you don't make us look bad. If anything, I'd say being out and about, and not caring what anyone thinks is helping us. You are giving us exposure, even if it just a few people, and if you are nice, people may come around and be more accepting, seeing that a guy in a skirt isn't a freak, but can be a good person.

So keep on going, please!

[Veronica 1]

I have to agree, the more of us who get out and flaunt our stuff will make society realize that we are a part of society and demand acceptance. We are who we are and we need to convince the others that we are normal and compassionate human beings.

[Sharon]

There are numerous degrees of crossdressing, from those who wear single articles of clothing in the privacy of their homes, to those who dress further and, maybe, venture outdoors occasionally, to those who dress and live full-time as a female. No one degree is any better than the other, nor are any less valid because of how many share a particular need or desire.

Just be who you are, behave appropriately in public, and be happy.

[Angie G]

I don't think so hun People will think what they want
Angie

[Sandy1967]

Dusty,

I used to go out more often than now, the only thing holding me back is me. I worry like you how others will judge me and this keeps me in the apartment. I dress in womens underclothing, shirts and pants that don't look obvious women's but it is what I feel comfortable with. I have wanted to purge many time so bad and remembered this urge will usually pass and the urge to dress will come back. If you must put all the clothing away, out of site and out of mind till you are ready again. It it way expensive and way to had to replace all the clothing I have acquired to this day.

People will always find some fault in another person, ie. short, fat, skinny, the way they dress. Don't think that being cross dressed will be any different.

Do what you feel comfortable doing and you will always find love and support from us here in the same situation.

Love,
Allison

[Chrissy8888]

Dusty,

I have not been out in public yet. However I know that someday I will. I have not hit that comfort level. I know that someday it will happen. I did purge once several years ago out of shame for what I was doing. My thoughts were “my god if my family found out” or “only freaks do this”. Thankfully I only tossed about $80 worth of clothing. After that purging experience I ended up getting more and more clothing and other female items. What I have since learned is people who don’t know me are going to think what they want. I cannot change that. Figured out that we are all freaks in our own way. I have periods where I don’t dress as much and that is fine. Just relax and ride these feelings out.

[wannabie]

I've been reading most of these post and the general consensus says not to purge. But in my opinion it really is up to you. I don't think that you should let anyone talk you into anything even though you feel you need a push.

Purge / don't purge It's your choice.

make it and live with it.

[BarbaraTalbot]

Even the last poster ~friendly smile~

We all wannabe something. It varies for me by the day. Sometimes I wannabe sexy. Lately I wannabe pretty. Some of us wannabe girls. Some of are girls and wannabe accepted as such.. Do your thing and enjoy it.

[Chantelle CD]

Do what makes you feel good, and happy, but by all means be safe out there!! Men scare you for a reason, there are some really nasty ones out there, be careful.... ohh and never purge

[Mollyanne]

Hi there, Why would you even consider purging? The "feeling" never goes away that got you here in the first place. If I were in your heels, I would really re-think what I am doing and try to be a little more cautious as to where I go and what I'm wearing. As some of the other girls have said "there are real ugly men out there"

Mollyanne

[Dusty]

I want to thank all of you for your heart filled responses to my problem.This is why this community is so important for all of us who have the questions we just cannot ask just anyone.
I have decided not to purge and start being more open on the way and where I dress.The wig store is the next stop for me,and I believe I will go to the cosmetics counter at a large department store and ask an open minded associate just how to properly apply makeup.I was once asked "how do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time!!
Love and warmest thanks to all Dusty.

[RobertaFermina]

You are as you are and who knows where you are going?
Trust your choices to express yourself.
Dump any urge to compare.
Comparing is no different than Labelling yourself....Labelling is defining, and defining is drawing a box about yourself and hemming yourself in.
It is imprisoning.

I love that you do what you do.....I trust something beautiful is borne through your dressing.

Enjoy ! You are the Real Deal, the one and only You !



Roberta