Tell all - or keep quiet ?

[Suzy Harrison]

At present the only person in my family or local friends who knows of my feminine side is my wife.

In my job, I work very closely with a GG. We get on together very well and have known each other for about 8 years. We are almost like brother and sister and can normally share fairly personal things with each other - giving each other valuable support.

Recently, probably since I joined this forum, I am very tempted to tell her about Suzy. I don't know why I should feel this way, or what I would gain in doing so - but maybe I need some moral support from her.

I'm afraid if I do, it might spoil the relationship between us, but it is tempting.

Has anyone else faced a similar dilemma? - And do you think I should keep it all a secret - or tell all ?

[Joy Carter]

There are three types of communication. Telephone. Telegraph. And tell a friend. Get my meaning ? Are you ready to be out-ted and take the consequences ? Friends are hard to come by. Why spoil what you have.

[Darlene Rochelle]

Suzy,I outted myself to a dear friend of mine,from my 12-step recovery meeting a few years ago,and it has strengthened my relationship with her,as she is very liberal,like me. When I bought my first pair of women's shoes,she was the first one I showed them to. It's your call on this one sweetie.

[susan howard]

[SIZE=4] Perhaps the answer rests with whether or not your friend can keep it to herself.[/SIZE]

[SIZE=4]Lots of luv always,[/SIZE]

[SIZE=4]Susan.[/SIZE]

[Rita B]

Personally, I hate it when someone tells me a secret. I take it as a burden upon myself to maintain that confidentiality because I am a big blabber mouth. I realize that confession is good for the soul but sometimes in our efforts to "unburden" ourselves, we just place it on someone else. There will come a day when you may accidentally out yourself. Let that occasion be the one to open the door and then you can tell her.

I have lived with my "little" secret for many, many years. Recently I told my wife, but she opened the door. Our marriage is surviving but it was touch and go for a while. Many years ago I told my oldest daughter. I thought she would be understanding seeing as she was a lesbian. She wasn't understanding at all and I have not really spoken with her in over 25 years.

The forum is a good place to confess and share our little secrets among friends who truly understand and respect who we are and what we are going through. I would also suggest joining a TG club if you feel a need to intermingle with other sisters at special events. I have found that trying to explain to non-crossdressers what we are all about is sometimes self-destructive. We have to realize that "We are what we are" and that is the price we have to pay for being the wonderful persons that we are. God Bless

Rita B

[Kate Simmons]

The Navy has a saying:"Loose lips sink ships" about telling too much about what you do and who you are. You may be comfortable around friends but such closely guarded secrets that could possibly damage your credibility and make you lose your livelihood should stay that way unless it is absolutely essential. Even though we may trust our work mates and associates it is sometimes best not to share a secret like that. It can become burdensome for them and if at some point it accidently gets blurted out to the wrong person and ends up changing the situation making our friends feel bad.
I liken it sort of on the order of Superman keeping his real identity a secret which is on a "need to know" basis. I can't help thinking like that though because I used to be in Intel and know the value of keeping certain knowledge limited to certain people. On the other hand, we know our friends and associates much better than anyone else and are in the best position to make such a call. I work with several great people and sometimes am bursting out of the seams wanting to tell them but on thinking about it, my better judgment tells me:"Nope".

[Billijo_06]

[SIZE=3]I have a very similar situation, should I out myself to a few of my close GG friends. So far, nobody, except the folks on this forum know that I CD.[/SIZE]

[SIZE=3]After a great deal of thought, for me the whole question went from should I tell them and became WHY?[/SIZE]

[SIZE=3]Was I telling them because I share everything with them or was I doing it to make myself feel better about the CD issue?[/SIZE]

[SIZE=3]You had better be clear on the WHY before hand only because you can’t go back again to the way it was once the cat is out of the bag.....[/SIZE]

[Eugenie]

Recently, probably since I joined this forum, I am very tempted to tell her about Suzy. I don't know why I should feel this way, or what I would gain in doing so - but maybe I need some moral support from her.

Hi Suzy,

I've felt exactly like you. After reading posts here and on other CD forums, I had a profound desire to share my feminine side with other people than my wife.

I did just that on several occasions, only with GGs, so far. In all cases this has strengthen the relationship I had with all of them.

Note that this is not to be taken for a "go ahead" sign, but just as a willingness to share my experience.


Eugenie

[Sarah Rabbit]

I too, faced a similiar situation. Ask your self the question, and you know deep down, would she handle it? I told my GG work mate, about Sarah and she was cool about it. Your heart will tell you what to do.

Sarah R.

[Dita_B]

Hi Sis...

I think I understand your predicament... However, caution is necessary as your GG friend is also a colleague from work... If she wouldn't be working for the same employer, I would say go for it, if you feel you'll gain her support...

BUT... the Chinese have a saying that goes like: "As long as you keep silent, you are the master of your words, but as soon as you speak you become the slave of them"... or something like that...

Others don't feel the urge to keep your secret a secret and sometimes they have an urge to tell others right away, like "OMG, I just found this thing out about (your name) WHERE IS THE PHONE?" They may say to others: "Don't tell this to anybody, but did you know that....." And soon you realize you may as well had it published in the local newspaper...

It is your call, but I would have to agree with those above and I would not share it at all, because there is nothing at stake for them if they share your secret with others. They may instead be driven by thinking they are gaining some temporary glamor in the eyes of those they are sharing this "interesting news" with, all at your cost...Very risky business...

Dita.

[Annesah]

Dear Suzy; Everyone knows about Annie. The main reaction was curiosity.
Of the many friends and acquaintance I am so lucky to have only one had a problem and he quickly got over it. And yes, my experience is similar to others. My relationship with my GG friends, sister in law and niece
was strengthened as a result. Now they invite me to go shoping with them!

[Angie G]

For myself only my wife knows and that the way I want it life if hard enough so just keep it simple and don't tell thats just ''mho'' hun
Angie

[Mitch23]

A big risk - is it worth it or not? only you can decide

Mitch

[Tina B.]

tough to figure out, if it goes bad, she is shocked and repulsed but the news then what!
if she is cool with it, what have you gained, wives are not always glad to see you get to close with female friends.
Think it over long and hard before you do anything!
Tina B.

[MJ]

IMHO most replies are coming from a sense of FEAR ... the truth will set you free .. and you will never know if you don't try ...

Suzy everyone here wants to be out and proud ...but no one wants to be first

just ask those of us who have gone out the first time yes we were scared but nothing happened ... it seams our fear was unfounded .. but try telling that to those who have never gone out

my point is this if you know your friend and how she feels about trans people in general and she is some what OK then why not tell her .. Three things can happen
1. she is very negative and now you have a problem

2. she is accepting of you , and you may Evan get another friend to go out on a walkabout with you

3. you can say nothing and suffer for the rest of your life

people are so understanding for the most part the world has changed for the better .. but if you live in fear you will never know

God ...suzy i wish i had come out 10 years ago... regrets , we all have more than a few in our closets

[Sinthia]

I agree with M.J. First you should test the waters with the GG and find what her feelings are about people in alternate lifestyles. If she feels negative about CDs, then let it lay. But, if she seems OK with people doing their own thing, then wade slowly, watching for more signs of her feelings, and make sure that you allow her the right to feel as she does. Hopefully, it will go all right for you.

[Ruth]

I have told a few people about Ruth but no work colleagues. My gut reaction is that it is an unsafe thing to do.

[docrobbysherry]

Since dressing has become such an important part of my life, I felt the need to tell, and show someone about it. I struggled with telling my grown up daughter, my best friend, (male), even a woman I dated in Europe. Here's what I decided:

1. Unless I'm planning on walking around in public dressed, I shouldn't tell anyone.

2. If I plan on going public, I STILL don't need to tell anyone.

3. Because of this, and another web site, I HAVE told about, and shown myself to others, but don't have to worry about negative consequences!

U can see me on Dateacrossdresser.com or MySpace/robertsherry, or email:
docrobbysherry@cs.com

[Chantelle CD]

I think it would depend, on how close the person is, and is there others at work, if she did tell that would make your work place a living hell if they found out or not, and if that is a possibility, do you want to change jobs if it got so bad?

[trannie T]

I've told a few people that I crossdress and they have been cool aboit it. It is amazing how timid many of these posts are, what is there to be so afraid of? You may wish to talk it over with your spouse but I agree with MJ, 'the truth will set you free.'

[Jamie001]

This is very true. The truth will set you free. We need to stop being ashamed of who we are because there is nothing wrong with crossdressing. Women do it all of the time!

I've told a few people that I crossdress and they have been cool aboit it. It is amazing how timid many of these posts are, what is there to be so afraid of? You may wish to talk it over with your spouse but I agree with MJ, 'the truth will set you free.'

[angelfire]

IMHO most replies are coming from a sense of FEAR ... the truth will set you free .. and you will never know if you don't try ...

Suzy everyone here wants to be out and proud ...but no one wants to be first

just ask those of us who have gone out the first time yes we were scared but nothing happened ... it seams our fear was unfounded .. but try telling that to those who have never gone out

I understand exactly what you are saying. Whenever I go shopping for example, I get a little scared of running into someone I know, which actually happened the other day. I shouldn't feel scared walking around walmart shopping, but for some inexplicable reason I do. I tell myself "Stop being stupid, there is nothing to fear, nothing is going to happen." but people always envision the worst case scenario.

True, often our fears are nothing but in our head, but humans are pretty good at surviving, and that is due to fight or flight. We get scared, we run to get away from what threatens us.

I am not really out & about, because I am afraid of a number of things. Such as, running into someone I know, or getting assaulted. I realize the latter is a rare occurance, but a few months ago, an acquaintance's cousin was stabbed outside a local gay club, probably because he was gay. Now, people are generally less tolerant of CDs, so what could happen to me if I were to go out? I realize even without dressing, bad shit can happen, and living like a scared child is no way to live. I just don't want to increase the odds.

[Suzy Harrison]

Thank you all so much for your replies.

I've counted the responses - and twice as many of you say 'no don't do it' as opposed to a 'yes' answer. Now that my personal 'pink fog' is lifting a little, after last weeks success, I tend to agree..

If I think about what I'll gain through telling her (not too much really) compared with the risk of her slipping up and saying something to someone else, then I think it's not worth the risk. We get on really well so I don't think our relationship would have changed in any way.

The subject of transgender has never come up between us. Maybe out of interest I might somehow weave it into the conversation one day, just to see what her response would be. Generally most people would have no experience of it, apart from Drag acts and would find it difficult to comprehend.

[Dayna]

Hey Suzy,

Maybe I have to go back and re-read the other responses to see if anyone else has commented... what would your wife say about sharing your (collective) secret with your GG friend?

My wife is the only one close to me that I have ever shared MY secret with, and sometimes I am sure it is a burden she would rather not carry. However, it is something that the two of us share exclusively, and that makes it rare.

If I were to tell someone else--especially another woman--my wife would probably feel betrayed, and I imagine she would also feel that she was not giving me adequate support and encouragement, that I was seeking approval and validation from someone else.

I think that if you want to tell your GG friend, you and your wife should do it together.

Just my