I don't hate my male side either, it is actually quite useful at times.
Also happy to be a father and a husband, but, I do enjoy and need to let my femme side out at times. Keeping her bottled up too long really can make him bitchy.
As others have said, I do believe we (can) have the best of both worlds.
And finally..., someone has to take out the trash otherwise we'd all be living in indoor garbage dumps
Rachel Jean
Hating part of yourself is hardly a healthy thing and will only lead to mental problems. We are what we are and we have to learn to accept that and be happy. The alternative of hating part of oneself and being unhappy for the rest of my life is not something I wish to contemplate.
We all know there are advantages and disadvantages to being either male or female. We are fortuntate to be able to sit on the fence and pick the bits we like best. But if we cannot fuse the best bits of each gender into our whole personality then, for me personally, that defeats the whole beauty of being transgendered.
Do you see yourself as simply being a man in a frock or are you something more than the sum of the parts?
I don't hate either side of me. I enjoy being a dad and a husband. Is it wrong that I would like to be my wife's girl friend also at times. I just wish that I could express the fem side openly and with out fear of repercussion either personally or professionally.
Hi Vivian,
I've noticed and wondered about the male / female thing too. When I'm dressed I'm definately still "me". I don't have a femme name. I'm still Mark when dressed and quite happy to be so.
For me I hink the whole crossdresser thing has to do more with the feminine side of being a man. I really enjoy car racing, video games, Live roleplaying (dressing up as warriors and running around hitting people with rubber swords. Actually that sounds really dodgy) and other "guy things". It's just that, sometimes, I like to dress up in women's clothes too. It's a lot of fun for me.
I think if I had to answer to why I crossdress then I'd have to say I do it because I really enjoy it. I don't see any great need to become someone else when dressed. I don't think I'm releasing a secondfemale person. I'm just expressing or, maybe indulging, the feminine side of myself. I like me very much so why not treat myself once in a while.
Okay, I'm rambling now so I'll finish up. I hope some of this, at least, has made some sense to you.
Take care,
Mark.
Thats the type of sentiment I dont see much of here. I think too many get caught up in the fantasy of being a woman or being passable as a woman which for the vast majority of us is unrealistic and does not address how our transgendered nature affects us and our relationships.Originally Posted by Marko
The whole concept of being "passable" or "becoming a woman" is not a particularly healthy idea as it essentially means we are out to con people into believing we are something we are not. It is a form of lying which undermines our desire for social acceptance.
Understanding that we (excepting transsexuals) are men who indulge in a form of role-playing to unlock a fun-loving feminine side of ourselves is a better frame of reference, as it means we do not end up hating any aspect of our masculine selves and we do not envision ourselves deceiving others about what we really are.
Helena,
Thanks for feeding back on my comments. I think you expressed a bit better, some of what I was trying to say.
Mark.
Marko,
I can identifty with many of your thoughts. I did the feminity test on another thread and got -220, the biggest negative score of anyone who'd posted. It still said I was a feminine male (maybe there's a bit of female in everyone who's motivated to do the test!), and I believe that. I love a lot of blokey things too, motor racing (in the driving or navigating seats on the rare occations I get the chance), watching rugby (at 60, I'm well past playing), running, golf, badminton, car maintennance, ogling women! fiddling with anything mechanical, guitar, etc. But I also have this urge to dress, because of the sexual excitement I feel, and I think it's primarily a "male" type excitement for me, and usually followed by masturbation. My wife does not want to know, so all my dressing is "in the closet" except for a 4 hour Changeaway I indulged myself in at Transformation Manchester last year. I wanted to experience the full treatment, with heels, stockings, corset, wig and full make-up, and it was an incredible experience to see my female face for the first time.
I have no wish to became female, but given the opportunity, I would love to get dolled up and go out into the world as a passable, smart, sexy woman from time to time, but I wouldn't want anyone but my wife to know about it. It would have to be our secret, and I expect the adrenaline rush would be as high as any I've had driving a car on the track. On the odd occations I've made love to my wife wearing some of her lingerie, it has been a fantastic turn on for me, so maybe I'm more of a fetishist.
I hope a sharing of feelings like this is helpful to you, but I sure appreciated it from others when I first joined here, a massive 2 months ago! I felt like a heavy weight had been lifted off my shoulders!
Good luck,
ToniB
Hi Toni,
Thanks for your reply to my post. A lot of what you said was very familiar to me to me. I got -175 on the test and reckon my score would have been a bit lower except some of the questions were based on visual stuff and my eyesight isn't that great.
From what you said we seem to get the same kind of excitement from dressing except that I'm not so bothered about going out or passing really. I did go to a Crossdresser support group the other week and really enjoyed it though.
How did you enjoy your visit to Transformation? I visited the shop in Newcastle before when I went down to visit a friend and it was really good. It was a very relaxed atmosphere and I was able to try a couple of things on. I didn't do a changeaway or anything but bought a couple of bits and pieces. It was a shame when the Newcastle shop closed. I wish they'd open one up here.
Anyways, thanks for your comments,
Mark.
Marko,
Since my wife is "anti", I took the opportunity to go to Transformation while she was away for 2 days, Christmas shopping in Bristol with a friend. It may have been my once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to look completely female. Yes, the atmaophere was very friendly, and the two girls I had were very supportive. There wasn't much choice of outfit for me, I wanted a knee length skirt tight enough to restrict my stride, and tight satin blouse, which wasn't available, but I reveled in the tightness of the corset, C-cup silicone breastforms, the 4" stilettos, wig and full make-up. I left a photo in the picture sticky about 2 or 3 weeks ago, item 739 on page 30 (link below). Not bad for a 60 year old!
http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/...&page=30&pp=25
Others in here have said Transformation is a rip-off; it may have been expensive, but it was worth it just to see what I could achieve! I've now decided to have a last attempt to get my wife to accept my "hobby" more, then if I succeed, I'll have a go at the wig and make-up myself sometime!
DO you have an SO, and is she supportive, indifferent, or hostile to your activities? In spite of mine's hostility, I still would put her in first place above anything else, which is why I'll probably remain in the closet for the rest of my life. I'm still happy, but I could be a lot happier!
Good luck to you
Some of the best responses ever in this forum can be found in this thread. Excellent stuff, my friends, excellent.
Mand, you have painted my picture as well on this canvas. I honestly don't understand being transgendered and liking both sides, as many have written. From a very young boy I have known that something was not right about me. I, like you, have learned to "get along" in this world as a man, but it is not me that most people see, it is the mask that I had to adopt to survive. It is only here, on this forum, that Stephanie is allowed to express herself. For me, what I wear has little to do with who I am. I am woman. To interact and express myself as a woman, however, is not acceptable in my world. Here, I can be me. To say I hate my male side to me is a misstatement. I don't have a male side, just a male body. That which is perceived by others as male is only there to protect me from their ridicule and rejection. Am I mixed up? You bet. Or maybe, everyone else is.
Love,
SilkenPrincess
Hi Toni,
Sounds like you had a great time at Transformation. I did think it was quite expensive though. Because I'm quite small I can usually get anything I want from High Street shops so there's quite a difference between the prices. I don't really think they're rtying to rip people off. Like any specialist shop they have a limited customer so their prices have to be higher to cover their costs.
I'm single at the moment so no girlfriend.It does mean I can dress when I like though.
Good luck to you too.
Mark.
i think i can manage prettay well with both of my, hrm, personas.
i dont hate my other side. in fact, ever since i was young, i wanted to be everything. i got in touch with my feminine side at a very young age and tried to stow it away.
failed. lol. i dont feel ashamed of it-- i can live as the cute girl who quietly plays the piano to the guy who is a pretty famous musician satisfying his fans, rolemodeling a perfect band front*man* leader. and trust me, i am not bragging . . . a "skilled" musician who has thousands of fans emailing him everyday, and yet i risks goin to da cute side XD ,mwhahaha
i'm glad i can be what i want to be. hey - whatever you decide to be, its all you, not anybody else. too many people in dis world live under slang and dictionary terms.. they take'm toooooooo seriously!!! it's like "oh, he's a crossdresser. he's friggin gay!!!"
we are what we define ourselves to be. not by stupid individuals with closed-minds and dictionary books.
like, us innocent girls arent hurting anybody by doing this, right ?? ^_^*puts on innocence* so there should be no problem ^_^. hopefully you retrieve an answer through all your pondering.
love, love, and love,
~.~*~.*~.AMH.~*.~*~.~
~.*.Aimee.Maria.Hawkins.*.~
My name is pronounced like "Amy", except it's all like weirded out in spelling ^_^*~~
Hello SilkenPrincess, I understand and agree with you 100%, what you describe I know so well.
love and best wishes mand xxx
Last edited by mand; 04-03-2005 at 11:11 AM.
Of course, everyone necessarily experiences their own lives uniquely, and therefore differently. From my perspective, I must say that Helana's posts on this thread seem the most like my own thoughts on this matter. My heart goes out to girls like Amelie and Mand who have cried so many bitter tears that their hearts have hardened, as they seem to feel. I am reminded of something in one of Kurt Vonnegut's novels. He remarked on how our bodies are all composed of the same things, various elements and compounds amounting to the dust of the earth mixed with water. He noted that this made us mud, but what was different about the mud that makes up our bodies and the rest of the mud that makes up the earth is that, for some reason, we were given the chance to sit up for a while and look around, before we resolved back into ordinary mud again. He put this chance down to luck. Others may look for more supernatural causes, but the idea of Lucky Mud always has resonated with me and has shaped my perspective on existence. Perhaps it is the thought that blind luck is all that separates us from inanimate nature that makes it easier for me not to takes things too seriously. I do believe that hate is a very destructive force to have in one's life and indicates a consciousness not attuned to reality. When this, our corporeal existence, is all over, what will remain? That question is for each of us to answer, but the answer each arrives at should colour the life that precedes our dissolution. To the extent that we live the unexamined life, we are strangers to ourselves and must perforce impersonate someone we are not. If we do not know ourselves and understand the ground of our being, then we are all crossdressers, picking whatever rag comes to hand and wrapping ourselves in it to attempt to fabricate a persona. The very word "persona" is of vital interest in this regard. We are talking on this thread about our male and female sides. Some here regard them as different beings. We use the word "person" in its many permutations to describe female impersonation, wanting to be a good person, refraining from making personal accusations, etc. But the word at the root of all of this, "persona," comes from the Latin and describes the masks used in Greek theatre. These masks hid the face of the actors, and gave them a more universal quality. Since the entire face was covered by the mask, a hole was made over the mouth for the actor's voice to come through, that he might be widely heard by the broad audience. The word "persona" is the Latin name for this hole in the mask, from "per," (through) and "sonat," (to sound). When we bandy about words we do not fully understand but think we know, we can do real harm. When spoken to others, they do much to create the tenor of relationships. When mused upon silently, they create the world of our thoughts and thus the narration of our lives that we constantly tell ourselves.
I suppose what I am trying to say is that I believe that we always need to take a step or two back from the turmoil of our internal and external lives and try to see a bigger picture, to get a better perspective. Come on class, what does perspective mean? To see through. We need to step back from the hooey and illusion of this world and see a bigger picture, full of wonder. Think of the world as a vast muddy plain. At times, inexplicably, some mud rises up for a while and looks around, blinking in wonder at the sudden epiphany of consciousness, gazing with uncomprehending eyes at the other lucky mud that also has arisen, startled by perception.
Whether we trowel on the pancake, for those of us not blessed with youth and beauty, or put on our drab for friends and family, both sides are still really masks, personas, behind which the real actor's face remains unseen, even, and most importantly, by ourselves.
Hello Carolyn, first let me say I wish I could write a post like you do love, you have a real talent.
Please don't think that I have become too hardened by my TG/TS feelings, I can be at times unsympathetic to people as sometimes I just feel hard done too. Basically I feel cheated and robbed of a birth right to be female, but honestly I do try to not be bitter about it and if I can I will do my upmost to help others.
Sometimes I find that just letting the tears flow is enough to bring me to my senses and be thankfull that I am healthy and have a loving and supporting family.
I think that all transgendered people no matter to what degree they are in the TG spectrum sometimes have sad times about their situation.
no one ever said being TG was easy
Please if anyone thinks I'm just going on a bit here, just ignore me
lots of love mand xxx
my "him" side and my wendy side well for shure thay clash. that is what has been going on for so long now clashing and crashing..........
a ever to real part of whoe thing of what we do .louthing and hateurd back and forth. when wendy "he" is put away .and the same goes when "he" is out wendy is put away..untill just a while ago through thearpy we have been working on them two getting along ...you know playing nice together.
this i thought was working real well. see wendy dosent vent or deal veary good with stress or that sort.she is more of a crash and burn type.a while ago it seamed that this all too fimilar thing was happening once again .her little world closeing in but in some strange way
there was a feeling that we were together.........like you know we were getting along....just felt like amassiong we could be together.
recently "he" and i do bleave it was "him" got this idear to purge.......oh not just like throw out her clouthes , on a roll do this right
get rid of all traces of wendy .it almost happened "he" almost won . yes i can see hateing "him".........louthing "him" it this point
trusting "him" well "he" is a guy........................
Why... Why not
I'm happy as a man mostly. I'm 5'5" 185lbs with perfect fem feet, a clean good face and complexion. blond hair, green eyes, oval face. 100% guy, but feel like a lesbian in a mans bodylove to doll up all the time, but have no desire to be a male lover. My problem is I put on 45 lbs because of some very stressful events in my life. So I'm no longer a an actracive 145lbs CD. I have exepted whom I am early in life. Finally came out the closet to my wife after years of debate, last month. We are still together, and My stress level of seceracy is gone now. Looking to go out in drab, but money problems make that hard, still need a flipping wig
Like I said being a man has is Advantages, but I have always found my placed a women in life. I'm kinda rambling... I'll Stop now...
Katie
I've often wondered would I have loved being a girl but always come to the same conclusion that I love dressing as a girl but also have loved being a boy too.
I would not want to lose those memories of the great times I had as a young boy.
I was as rough and tough as any of my friends and got into all kinds of trouble but I was also the boy who sneaked into his sister's clothes when he could and loved those stolen moments. In other words I love both the male and female sides of my life and would not change a thing.
emily
This strikes a chord with me. Being a young boy was great. But I would also have liked to have had pretty dresses and ribbons in my hair and been allowed to do girly things (actually, I did have some dolls for a while, but they "disappeared").
I think this is why I don't want to be sexy - I just want to be nice. I want to experience in some way the girlhood I never had. Probably also why I've got the cutesy avatar as well.
I can really identify with what SilkenPrincess wrote. From a young age, I felt that something was wrong with me. I felt very sad about being a boy. I don't know if I have a male side. Even when I do things that are regarded as being masculine, I still feel like I'm female inside. The closest thing to a male side that I have is more like a mask to hide myself from others. Its like a suit of armor that's so heavy that I often can't even move. I used to have a strong hatred of myself and males in general, but that has been going away since I have started to accept myself. Its really only been very recently that I have even started cd'ing and have started to seriously think about these things. I'm still trying to sort things out.
I don't hate my masculine side, I just like being dressed as a woman all the time, but sometimes I just need to start acting like I was made. I may be a CD, but God made me a man, so I accept that, and just like to pretend I'm a woamn.
Princess by day, Sheika by night.
Posting Permissions
