Did you really stop being the "Man" ? (for all to post in now)

[sara_also]

This should be for crossdressers only, I suspect. I intend no disrespect to anyone by this thread, BUT.....

We have all heard or read " I want the man I married ".

This is somewhat confusing to me because I need to ask.
IE: Did you stop being the provider? Did you stop being the person that changes the oil in the car? Did you stop being the one who fixes the sink when it leaks? Did you stop changing the flat tire? And so many other things that men do. Did you stop loving your SO or your family? You get my point..
Perhaps we should regress to being a couch potato that drinks beer and watches sports all day.
In other words what is that you changed to make you NOT the man?
What is it that you are doing different? ( A can of worms I know)..

[sissystephanie]

I am a Crossdresser! But underneath the satin and lace, I am still a man! Always have been and always will be. When my wife was alive I sometimes was her girlfriend! But I was still "her man"! Any married man who forgets that he is "her" man is risking his marriage.

Sissy/Stephanie

More Girl than man sometimes

[Kate Simmons]

Not the last time I looked Sara. Who else is going the do the stuff you mentioned? Although some may like to think that little "elves" come around at night to do it. No such luck here. I'm stuck with it whether I'm a "man", "woman" or something else. In my case, "person" seems to be more applicable because I know any person is able to learn how to do the things a "man" is supposed to do even though society as we know it continually attempts to press everyone into a certain mold. It's just that certain people are better at certain tasks but it all boils down to exposure and experience really and preferences. I'm all thumbs when it comes to something like sewing and would rather do plumbing, electrical or change the oil in the car but it doesn't mean I couldn't learn to sew if I really wanted to.

Nah, Rich didn't go anywhere and is still around. He can't help but pop up when he is needed and despite my affinity for being Sal, is always there. I just pass on the part about eating chips and guzzling beer on the couch, got better things to do these days it seems.

[Holly]

Good question Sara, and one that will have more than one answer. Our transsexual members will see it one way, the TG members another, and the recreational CD yet another. There's a lot more to "being a man" than being the provider and the fixer of things. A man has to understand how to provide the emotional support his partner wants and needs. And I think it is in this area that sometimes we may stumble and fall down on the job a bit. I can only give you an answer based on my own experience but what I have found i that if I tend to my wife's emotional needs as diligently as I tend to her physical needs, then I can ask of her and do just about anything I want, be it golf, a new truck, or cross dressing. In the end, it boils down to her trusting that I wouldn't do anything that would hurt her, even if she doesn't fully understand it.

[Amy Lynn3]

Sara:
Your question has peaked my intrest, to the point I would love to hear the GGs comment on it, because they are the ones who ask it most (I want the man I married). Would you consider changing your title to ask for GG comments too ? Just an idea as you know what kind of comments you are looking for.
I for one have not changed a thing in the 40 plus years I have been married. I have always put my wife and children first in my life. I take a back seat (dressing too) to them and I will until I die. Well, maybe some things have changed. The mirror reminded me of that this morning.
I have provided a homebase for my family to run to, where nothing but love and happiness abounds. My family knows when they come to my house they will only be met with love. You know what ? They love coming here and they enter the door with smiles on their faces. That makes me a happy camper too.
Amy

[Marla S]

In other words what is that you changed to make you NOT the man?

You look different and that makes all the difference. Our SOs can't look into our minds ('you get what you see') and everything we do, even if it is the very same, with the very same intention, will be casted in a different light.

We all know that different lighting can dramatically change the mood of a scene, and can make all the difference whether we like it or not.

Changing the mood/aura is a main reason to dress, and the right mood/aura a person emanates is in important criterion to choose your partner. That can clash.

[Rachel Morley]

This doesn't really apply to me because my wife looked to date cder before she met me.. However, I think that what SOs say when they say "I want my man back" is that yes, as Marla above says, we do look different but also we've changed. We ourselves haven't actually personally changed, obviously, but we have changed as far as the SO's perception is concerned, because we are now (seemingly) not the person she thought we were. All along they thought they knew what we were (as a person) and we turned out to be something a little bit different.

The other thing is IMHO, is that it may be that part of what "makes her partner a man" (in her eyes) is how she perceives his "manliness" regarding his behavior. Men do guy things - right? If for the SO "being a man" means acting like one, then there could be a problem here too as dressing in women's clothes might not seem that manly to some SOs.

[Teresa Amina]

Kinda perpetuating cultural stereotypes with the whole "provider" thing there. Historically speaking the wifey staying home while Da Man goes out and wins bread is a recent (Western) development anyway. Through most of time marriage has been an economic partnership, not an accumulation of grateful (or not) dependents by the male. Fortunately my late wife was looking for a Partner, not a Provider- a role that's never suited me.

[laura47]

Quite the contrary as I ride big Harleys build hot rods do construction work. It is more of a Jeckel Hyde type of life. I would never switch sides but love the Cding.

[Annaliese]

This should be for crossdressers only, I suspect. I intend no disrespect to anyone by this thread, BUT.....

We have all heard or read " I want the man I married ".

This is somewhat confusing to me because I need to ask.
IE: Did you stop being the provider? Did you stop being the person that changes the oil in the car? Did you stop being the one who fixes the sink when it leaks? Did you stop changing the flat tire? And so many other things that men do. Did you stop loving your SO or your family? You get my point..
Perhaps we should regress to being a couch potato that drinks beer and watches sports all day.
In other words what is that you changed to make you NOT the man?
What is it that you are doing different? ( A can of worms I know)..

It is a can that needed to be open.

A lot to think about.

Anna

[docrobbysherry]

This should be for crossdressers only, I suspect. I intend no disrespect to anyone by this thread, BUT.....

We have all heard or read " I want the man I married ".

This is somewhat confusing to me because I need to ask.
IE: Did you stop being the provider? Did you stop being the person that changes the oil in the car? Did you stop being the one who fixes the sink when it leaks? Did you stop changing the flat tire? And so many other things that men do. Did you stop loving your SO or your family? You get my point..
Perhaps we should regress to being a couch potato that drinks beer and watches sports all day.
In other words what is that you changed to make you NOT the man?
What is it that you are doing different? ( A can of worms I know)..

I've read many posts about gurls doing their nails. How could anyone do the above mentioned things with long nails? I bend/break mine if they get an 8th inch long!
RS

[sara_also]

I thank all of you for your comments. It's a wonderful forum that we have here. I did not want to make it seem like any gg's could not comment.
Please feel free to join in if the mood stirkes you.
We are always interested in your thoughts and comments.

[Tree GG]

"I want the man I married" is repeated over & over, but is a very broad statement. Just as I'm sure in your mind you have a quick & easy summation of who your partner is, so do wives. No one's "mental picture" of their mate is all-encompassing nor can stand up under nit-picky dissection and analysis, but there's a set of characteristic and personality traits that will come to mind immediately if someone is asked to describe their spouse.

After many years with someone, whether completely accurate or not, this mental snap-shot is engrained in your base definitions of your reality and life. It's something you don't question, believe it will always be there, almost unchanged. Coming out as a crossdresser, and more importantly IMO, seeing this person you thought you knew full femme rocks your world to the core. I am not suggesting it is a right or wrong reaction/perception, I'm just saying that's the way it is. After 2 yrs, we still have no good, succinct explanation of "what's the big deal?" question. My husband can't understand why it upsets his family and we can't understand why he doesn't understand.

"I want the man I married" could more accurately be stated as "I want the person I married". My husband's behaviors, interests, focuses and goals have changed since coming out. A few changes I am not amused with, a few are no big deal, and a few are for the better. But there is change. You noted specific things like car maintenance and providing for family in your thread. I would like it noted that things like that don't make the man and are stereotypical. I have taken care of car repairs, have worked in mid-management for over 20 yrs and mixed concrete & mow the lawn. That doesn't make me a man. My point being that providing for your family and mechanical items are not the realm of just the "man" in a relationship.

Long enough. I hope you can see how that phrase isn't saying a crossdresser is not a man - it is saying that after coming out, the crossdresser is not the "same man" that the spouse thought she knew.

[sara_also]

Thank you Tree, A wonderful reply and comment. Your reply is exactly what I was looking for.
Thank You again

[Sheri 4242]

Sara,

Perhaps you should also consider asking our SO's since many of them are the ones that say they want "their man." It would be interesting, IMO, to get the input of those that actually say this. That hhaving been said, from my perspective I can see how some (even many) gg so's might, under the right circumstances, make such a statement, and I understand how it has nothing relational with the gm doing certain traditional chores, or being the breadwinner, etc.

First, a reverse look: a gm is dating his future spouse. They are "marriage serious." When they go out to dine or to a movie, she wears sexy, slinky, alluring dresses. When they go to bed she wears inticing nighties. When they go to a professional baseball game, or to the mall shopping, she wears a cute and sassy miniskirt. Then they get married. She begins wearing his t-shirts to bed, jeans to the mall, and a pants suit to dine. He wonders where his girly girl has gone?!!

Now, flip the scenario: a gg is dating her future spouse. He wears beautiful suits to go out to eat; he has some great sports coats for the movies. He wears polo shirts and nice slacks to the mall with expensive loafers. He wears men's pj bottoms to bed. They get married. Now . . .

A.) He isn't a crossdresser. He starts wearing tidy-whities to bed, hole-ridden jeans with old t-shirts and flip flops to the mall.

B.) He is a crossdresser. He starts wearing nighties to bed, panties 24/7/365, miniskirts and MMFMP's around the house.

In all three scenarios -- the gg, and the gm in (A.) and (B.) -- there is one spouse wondering where the person they fell in love with has gone?!!?!!?

It has nothing to do with the person doing chores, or being a provider, or whatever. It has everything to do with "remembering" what was, and subsequently yearning/longing for what was. I've heard many a SO on here say that at times they need the man they married -- and this is from some very accepting wives!!! They generally aren't saying that their CDing husbands are failing to provide, or do their chores -- they are saying that sometimes they'd like some sembelance of the man they married. My wife is as accepting as they come. That said, I know that at times it is okay to be playful in bed dressed as I commonly dress for bed every night (feminine) -- but I also know that from time-to-time she likes me the way were when we were dating and engaged. Conversely, from time to time I'd like her to be in a cute nightie for bed instead of what she usually wears (which is one of my t-shirts).

[Casandra Carrington]

I was dressed when I met my exwife we talked she knew what she was in for from the get go........

I was never the nighty to bed kind...boxers and a tshirt was more me...
I rarely wore wigs since my own hair was half way down my back....
But a face was a must if I was to leave the house...
And always my lets make a deal bag in hand....
his job/her job....thats so in the box...I am out of the box
I can cook and clean do laundry,sew,do crafts...as well as plumbing and mowing the lawn,and change the oil...
I worked 50+ hours a week and attended every P.T.A meeting open house baseball game football game cheerleading boy scouts girl scouts cup cakes for school for 3 kids classes homebaked cookies I never done my cding at home.....she ran the streets with her friends and laid out with other ("men") and I was not the man she married or met...........NO I WAS BETTER my children love me they are now grown but do not care if I am in jeans or a cocktail dress I failed nothing .....I was a success...I was more than a husband...I was a father

[Emily Ann Brown]

Since Tree is the only GG so far I'll pretend to be GG (not a big stretch for this TG) and offer an answer....


I want the physical body I married in bed beside me again. I like chest hair and such. I want to cuddle with someone that I sense is "manly" and "take charge"....I don't want someone beside me in female attire. I'm not a lesbian. When that person says he wants in my panties I want him to mean he wants what's IN my panties.

I want the romantic person I married back again. I want him thinking of my emotional needs, not how unfair it is he got read while out dressed. I don't want to come home to a drag show, I want "Ozzie and Harriett". I want to be the one that gets new female clothing and looks beautiful. I don't want to compete. I want to be the center of his attention again, not his wardrobe.

I want the "normal" person I married back again. I want to not have to worry about keeping our little secret, and all that includes. Life is too short to live like a secret agent. I hate lying to family and friends., and waiting for the bomb to drop.

I want the person back I felt I knew back when we dated and married. This person causes me to doubt everything I thought I knew, and I hate that.


Emily Ann

[sissystephanie]

Since Tree is the only GG so far I'll pretend to be GG (not a big stretch for this TG) and offer an answer....


When that person says he wants in my panties I want him to mean he wants what's IN my panties.

I want the romantic person I married back again. I want him thinking of my emotional needs, not how unfair it is he got read while out dressed. I don't want to come home to a drag show, I want "Ozzie and Harriett". I want to be the one that gets new female clothing and looks beautiful. I don't want to compete. I want to be the center of his attention again, not his wardrobe.

I want the "normal" person I married back again. I want to not have to worry about keeping our little secret, and all that includes. Life is too short to live like a secret agent. I hate lying to family and friends., and waiting for the bomb to drop.

I want the person back I felt I knew back when we dated and married. This person causes me to doubt everything I thought I knew, and I hate that.


Emily Ann

This is what I was trying to say in my earlier post. There has to be honest and open communication between spouses. But the CD must recognize the fact that his wife, and children, come before anything else. My late wife was very supportive of Stephanie, but there was one inviolate rule. I was never Stephanie in any way around our children. That meant no panties if I was staying in the house all day! I agreed to that, and lived up to my agreement.
What it boils down to is being a man first, and a crossdresser second! That is why it is so important to let your fiance know before the marriage, so she can decide if she can live with that. If she can't, and you cannot stop being a CD, then you better find another GG. My wife was supportive, and my GGF is also. Lucky me.

Sissy/Stephanie

More Girl than man sometimes

[Mitch23]

As usual, Tree, you have said it so much better than I could (and Emily Ann). My wife wants to curl up with me in bed and feel my hairy legs, not my shaved and prickly ones. she would rather that i don't go out with my weird friends on a friday night. i feel for her and know the hurt I cause

mitch

[Casandra Carrington]

Minerva you said it....NORMAL....Pleeeeease.... whats that....

[Jordan]

I agree with the rest we are still men under the make-up and clothes nothing has changed. We are just feel more comfortable and sexy in the clothes we choose to wear

[Carin's Wife GG]

"I want the man I married" is repeated over & over, but is a very broad statement. Just as I'm sure in your mind you have a quick & easy summation of who your partner is, so do wives. No one's "mental picture" of their mate is all-encompassing nor can stand up under nit-picky dissection and analysis, but there's a set of characteristic and personality traits that will come to mind immediately if someone is asked to describe their spouse.

After many years with someone, whether completely accurate or not, this mental snap-shot is engrained in your base definitions of your reality and life. It's something you don't question, believe it will always be there, almost unchanged. Coming out as a crossdresser, and more importantly IMO, seeing this person you thought you knew full femme rocks your world to the core. I am not suggesting it is a right or wrong reaction/perception, I'm just saying that's the way it is. After 2 yrs, we still have no good, succinct explanation of "what's the big deal?" question. My husband can't understand why it upsets his family and we can't understand why he doesn't understand.

"I want the man I married" could more accurately be stated as "I want the person I married". My husband's behaviors, interests, focuses and goals have changed since coming out. A few changes I am not amused with, a few are no big deal, and a few are for the better. But there is change. You noted specific things like car maintenance and providing for family in your thread. I would like it noted that things like that don't make the man and are stereotypical. I have taken care of car repairs, have worked in mid-management for over 20 yrs and mixed concrete & mow the lawn. That doesn't make me a man. My point being that providing for your family and mechanical items are not the realm of just the "man" in a relationship.

Long enough. I hope you can see how that phrase isn't saying a crossdresser is not a man - it is saying that after coming out, the crossdresser is not the "same man" that the spouse thought she knew.

Tree, you said so so well. It's about what you thought you knew. And now what you know is different. The person who CDs is the same person but is different to you because now you *know*. I miss (sometime) my husband. I understand and support his CDing. It is hard for me to understand and explain what this feels like to others including my SO.


Louise.

[JoAnnDallas]

"I want the man I married"

This statement not only applies to us CDer's. It would apply if I was overboard in any endever. That is flying, model railroading, amateur radio, etc.. Any activity where the male member over indulges into an activity. It can also apply to the wife in reverse. "I want the woman I married". In the case of the CDer, if the wife goes off to the extream negitive side of CDing, then her attitutes change and she is now no longer the woman you married. sword can cut both ways.

[crunchysoda]

I started a post and then erased it.

I think Im currently in a unique situation, at least compared to many of the CD'ers here.

I havent seen my bf dressed, the most Ive seen is Victoria's Secret Cotton bikini's he *sometimes* wears, painted toe nails, and sometimes shaved legs.

Currently he is all "guy", no shaved legs, no panties, no painted nails, nada.

When I first found out, I momentarily *did* look at him differently, more fem and dainty and swishy'ness were thoughts coming to mind, the bent wrist, coy look and giggle, nightmare. Those ideas totally turned me off.

After awhile though those ideas seemed more fears than our reality.

I *love*, I *lust* my man, pure and simple. I think about all the physical attributes that attract me to him. He's not a *big brawny* guy but what he has, he uses it well. From his dark black hair, strong neck and broad shoulders, He is mine. I also think he likes these things about him as well. I think he appreciates that I appreciate these things about him.

But when I look at the pictures of him in femme it just shatters all of that. I think why cover up all that yummy'ness w/girly stuff. I do try to understand intellectually, "why" but my heart and gut reaction still remains.

I dont know what I would do if he wanted/needed to dress while I was home or if he wanted to go out.

It's not just the clothes that can change, a person's attitude, personality, actions, mannerisms, ideas, just well about anything *can* change.

My guy likes to work on cars, work in the yard (ok maybe, *like* is a strong word but he does it), works around the house, he also likes to cook (he reminds me that in the professional world more men are chef's than women), he can also sew some, he's a photographer, he's highly intelligent, he knows what he likes (even he has images he wants to see in his reality). He's a talented boy.

His cd side is a small part of him and I try to remind myself of that and not get wrapped up in what everyone else is doing/thinking on the forum. If I didnt try to stay grounded, Id surely run screaming.

I know Ive changed; Ive gained 20lbs since we have been dating, but it's not a different persona. I still have my curves and Ive got the legs baby, that is beside the point though. I do want to lose the weight, mostly for me, I am not comfortable.
I think weight change is a "normal" (yes I know there's no such thing as normal) change, one knows it is a possibility.
When one enters a relationship, thinking about their mate gender bending, is not something most people usually think about.

So yes I do *want* my man, I have him, not just in what he wears or doesnt wear, but his attitude, his everything.

Nothing is perfect, no one is perfect. What is fem and what is masculine can be very blurry at times, it is in the eye of the beholder. I know what I like. I will not feel bad, I will not apologize for that.

[Linda C]

I like being a guy - I am a stay at home dad so I do alot around the house - I am not your typical guy - I ski, bike, hike, run - all the stuff guys like to do and I love hockey - I don't think that you have to become some other than yourself to become a CDer -