with compulsive behavior.
I am very black and white, which is a hallmark of the obsessive.
If you limit yourself to dressing obsessively or not dressing at all thats a pretty big divide. There is a euphoria that comes from those early pro-active steps one takes to defeat these behaviors.
This wears off. The feeling of strength and self mastery are valid and worth having, especially if you can find other ways to feel that like setting goals or taking on challenges that are esteem building. For example, train for a distance race. As you get closer to being able to finish/ meet your next goal time/ whatever, you get that same rush of self mastery.
The problem is with self-denial as esteem building is that after a while it loses its luster, "not doing" something takes stamina, but after a while fingers of self doubt creep in. It begins to feel like your "not doing" is a pretty minor thing. (It isn't.) If you succeed, you aren't thinking about it, so no reward for not realizing you are "not doing it. If you rememberyou are "not doing" it feels like "whats wrong with me why am I still thinking about it."
I wish you peace how ever you find it.
