Purging only addresses the symptom and not the cause

[Lovely Rita]

I read so many threads about people who purged and regretted it because they found themselves replacing articles of women's clothing they had dumped or discarded.

You read these stories over and over again and I feel bad for those who had items that they wish they had back. It is not easy having to spend monies again and in many cases unable to find the items they most loved.

With this thread I wanted to address the issue of purging. I am not saying that purging is not the way to go for those who find they want to stop dressing but I guess the thesis to this thread should read like this.

Purging does not address the root cause for dressing. It simply removes the ability to dress when the desire comes. Purging does not remove the desire to dress just the accessibility to dress.

Would it not be better to address the root causes and deal with them however we can before taking the plunge into purgatory ?

I know that dressing can seem like almost impossible to give up, but if someone were to succeed would it not be possible to still have the clothing and discard them once someone really feels they have overcome the desire to dress?

I know for many dressing is something they believe cannot be trully stopped but I believe that it can.

I believe that dressing is a choice like anything else and we always have the choice, otherwise we become slaves to it, slaves do not have a choice.

Behavoir can be modified if one trully wants to. Alcoholics may not be a good example, but I know many of them who stopped drinking and still attend functions and parties where alcohol is served. Can the need to stop dressing be looked at the same way?

This thread is not an answer thread but just a speculation thread and your feedback even if contrary is valid.

thanks for letting me share

[Tamera]

I think Purging is done by lack of knowledge.

By that I mean people purge because they feel they are getting rid of their crossdressing. Kinda like washing your hands. The only thing is your hands are going to get DIRTY again.

They need to understand why they feel this way and if/when they will ever get rid of this feeling they have.

So many times I have heard people purging usually when they are starting out or if they are doing it for a spouse or SO for instance. But even then they need to understand that the ISSUE is still IN THEM.

Many times the SO for instance sees the person Purge and she thinks this is GONE FOR GOOD. Well now its her lack of knowledge that needs to be addressed because we know its not.
Hugs,
Tamera

[jill s]

I think one can stop the act of dressing in women's cloths, some for longer than others. I think it is a mistake to think of it as an addiction. I have tried treating it as an addiction with no real success. Your right purging is not going to make it go away and for me it seems to bring on huge loads of guilt. My theory is that something gets wired different in our brains very early in life, and cross dressing is only a symptom of whatever that is. My life would be so much easier if I could just turn it off, but nobody has told me how to do that. By the way you look marvelous Rita.

[Lisa Golightly]

I think a lot of people buy into the detoxing ethic...

[Julie York]

When someone empties a bottle of whisky down the sink they can be doing it because they have given up and don't want it anymore.....Or because they are really wanting to make the effort to give up.

A few days later they may be really annoyed that they threw away a perfectly good bottle of whisky.

I think it's the same really. Only not as bad for your health.

[christinewis]

part of the problem is that you want to dress and you want to be appreciated for doing so. it is a part of me that i can finally say that "i am at peace" with myself. My problem is that i run through the flood of emotions and i must admit that a few weeks ago i took all of my bra's panties, dresses and nighties and pitched them into a dumpster at a truck stop because i felt as if no one cared and that i was nuts. well, a week later i'm back in the Goodwill stores looking for clothes again because of the peace it brings me. i wonder if it is because of the pressure from our jobs that send us down this path of freedom for our souls?

[JULIE33362]

I Have Not Drink Boze In 12 Years --dressing On The Other Hand 31 Years Of Dong It Put All Fem Things In A Dumpster 3 Or 4 Times It Did Not Go Away Boze Yes Cding No Love That Part Of Me It Helps Me Some Time When It Not Fun Will Stop Like Drinking Was No More Fun Stop Now I Dont Hart People Dressing

[Kelsy]

[SIZE="3"]Rita,

Is this something we choose? If we are wired in a transgendered way how then do we make a choice? If our personality has a strong feminine component that requires some level of expression than what chioces are there? An alcoholic has a propensity for alcohol and really has no choice only to live sober and abstain but never cured. alcoholism is termed a disease. a cder could do likewise only abstain. Maybe cding is the same? I prefer to think that it is not.

Kelsey[/SIZE]

[Marla S]

I think purging is just a symbolic act, a symbolic act as attempt to convince yourself. Just like the bottle of whiskey Julie mentioned.

Can't work in the long run, if you are not able to rewire your mind (very, very few could be able to just suppress their desires). That's one of the most difficult thinks a human being can do.
You would need to get control over your subconsciousness ... not impossible but tricky.

Is CDing comparable to alcoholism ?
I don't think so, not from it's roots.
Alcoholism is a physical addiction in the first instance, often, but not always, caused by mental problems.
I can't see that for CDing ... at best for some addictive like behaviors some CDs show (can't stop buying bra's ).

@slaves. We are slaves of our mind. The ratio, which is theoretically free, is only a small part of it.

[Jilmac]

rita, i have purged so many times i've lost count. it never was a case of me wanting to give up dressing, but promising someone else that i would. when i was young and started dressing it was just a few items, mostly panties and girdles. but as i matured and started to enjoy dressing more, i was able to accumulate more clothes, but that just gave me more to purge. i purged mostly for girlfriends or spouses,but i always bought more and went back to dressing. i am a widower now and able to dress freely as often as i want. there will be no more purging from this girl.....Jill

[Joy Carter]

Just how do you expect me to toss the other half of me away ?

I have tried to ignore this other half for years. It bought me/us nothing but pain and depression.

No, I won't deny who I am any more.
I'm out and proud now.

BTW I did purge once to make my SO happy.
Big mistake. :mad:

[Lovely Rita]

I can remember purging once and dumping all my things in a construction dumpster. That night I wrestled with what I did and the next morning went back to get it. The dumpster was still there but the bag of things was no where in sight. It was heart breaking, frustrating and painful.

Needless to say I am still cding and planning to for the rest of my life. Oh when I think of the futile exercise it makes me sad. There are items I will never see again. Shoes that I am still trying to replace.

shoot................what a waste.

[Stephenie S]

We purge because of the shame and guilt that society places on us.

Once you realise that CDing is NOT a shameful act, you will no longer have the need to "purge".

I could go on and on here. You all know that CDing does not make you a bad person. You all know that CDing does not make you imoral. You all know that you can be a perfectly good father, a perfectly good husband, and a perfectly good man, and still CD.

SO??????

It's something that WE need to internalize before any progress wil be made.

Stephie

[Tasha T]

I remember the last time I purged. It was about six years ago or so. I dumped all my stuff in the dumpster and said that's it, I'm DONE with crossdressing...FOREVER. I made a choice to start and I made a choice to stop. Then about 2 and 1/2 months later I made the choice to start again. I missed it too much. It's a part of me that I don't want to let go of. Obviously there are consequences that I have to deal with, but it's one of the few things that truly makes me happy...so I do it.

[Jannette H]

Ladies
I have purged more than once and the last time was in 96 and I swore that this is it no more dressing. I was back buying again within 2 two days. Isaw the neatest outfit at Nordstrom Rack. Here we go again. I believe the time in between the purge and rebuying everything gets shorter and shorter with each purge.
The reason I purged it was just getting out of hand. Jannette H was living out of department and the male part was getting what he needed from thrift stores. This sounded a little crazy at the time. I created my Fem Persona as a high maintenance CD. I didn't intend that to happen but it did. I have to keep my buying under control. I don't make as much as I used to. But now I have more than I ever had and just as nice and more costlier than before. Wow I can't help but think how muck I would have if I didn't ever purged. Don't want to think about it..

HUGGS

[Jocelyn Quivers]

My own experiences with purging involved when I first went to college. After I purged everything I thought I was "cured" I felt "normal" then about 1 week later the desire came back stronger than ever. I guess what I have learned over the years during every attempt I used to cure myself of this including.

1.Spending all of my money on "male" items with the belief if I had no money I therefore can't spend it on womens clothes.

2. Becoming obsessed with weightlifting and running with the belief that if I'm tired and sore 100% of the time I will be to tired to think of dressing.

There are numerous other things I tried as well. What I finally realized when I admitted to myself that being transgendered is part of who I am. Is no matter what I did to try and cure myself of crossdressing, my femme side would always be there stronger than ever.

[Jannette H]

I came to realize that the woman inside was not going away. But always comes back with a vengence stronger than ever. She will make you pay and pay and pay. I guess we will just have to live with it. But thats OK we can do that and enjoy every moment.

HUGGS

[Sheri 4242]

In reading through this thread -- for the third time -- I am impressed with the sincerity and sensitivity that has been brought to light!!! If one thinks that purging is done out of a lack of knowledge and another says it is done b/c of another factor, does that make one wrong and the other right? Truth be known, they both may be absolutely right b/c IMHO there are several different, albeit equally valid, reasons purging takes place.

In the main, Rita hit the nail squarely on the head in naming this thread b/c purging IS a reaction to symptoms and not the cause!!!

Several have indicated that they believe most purging takes place b/c of a spouse or SO. I think this is exactly right from my years and years of observation. I also do not think most find purging to be satisfactory. It is a "quick fix" for something that is deep within our psyche!!! Such quick fixes do not work!!! I won't argue the point as to whether or not crossdressing is an addiction except to say that, to me, it certainly acts like one. That said, I could take either side in a debate and present a convincing case for why it is or isn't!!! When I was a young man I did purge a number of times. Today I can tell you that I will never purge again!!! Some do want to be appreciated for their dressing -- some could care less!!! Most every crossdresser I have ever met, known about, read about, whatever, do find a certain peace, harmony, and happiness in their dressing, especially the older they get in conjunction with study, reading, growing, and maturing.

[valery]

purging is really like dying, something of you is gone forever. doubts, uncertainty, lost are the engine.
I did that and I still hate myself for that. It's like your house is burned down and all private and personal things are gone. You wanna start new so you ruin (try to hide) the past. But you are what you are. The sustained loss hurts but usually I compensated then by going out for shopping and buy new stuff. But I was still very sad about this, as it always was the idea to fit to this sick society.
I hope I'll never do again, I swore myself never to do it again.

[Stephanie Anne]

I purged so many times becasue I regretted that I could not fit into the normal view my mind had concoted that society would accept. So I tried to bury and forget the shame that crossdressing had brought in my mind.

The is nothing wrong with wanitng to be feminine, nor is there any reason to stop. what is a problem is the shame and depression I would bet nearly every single one of us feels becasue we like to feel ike a woman sometimes.

One day perhaps there will be more understanding about us and not this "I could never be with a man like that" atitude that just seems to be the norm.

If nothing else the regrets of my past finally caught up with me and I just had to learn to accept who I was and stop trying to fit in but instead just realize "this is who I am, who cares if you do not like it, I do"

[lisa_e_love]

I started dressing in high school and managed to buy a wig, some clothes and shoes with a portion of the money I had saved up from birthdays and Christmases. I kept it all in a box in my closet and it was my precious little stash.

Then, as I got older, I began to feel religious pressure and guilt about dressing. I took everything and I threw it out. I put it in a bag and took it right out to the garbage can to go to the street and be taken away forever. It was hard but I felt like I was doing the "right" thing.

Now in college and still dressing (loving it and not intending to stop) I've begun to realize that it's completely illogical that God would disapprove of crossdressers. Expressing femininity is getting in touch with a good side of yourself. War, corruption, and class seem in large part to stem from society's overdose on machismo. Also, religious men find ways to relax - they play sports or something. I have my outlet, and just because certain higher-ups think their outlet should be my outlet too doesn't make mine any less valid.

I guess what I am trying to say is that purging is so often denying part of yourself - a part of yourself that is good to express.

[battybattybats]

Purging does not address the root cause for dressing. It simply removes the ability to dress when the desire comes. Purging does not remove the desire to dress just the accessibility to dress.

Would it not be better to address the root causes and deal with them however we can before taking the plunge into purgatory ?

But as the root cause is unknown how can that be done?

I know for many dressing is something they believe cannot be trully stopped but I believe that it can.

I believe that dressing is a choice like anything else and we always have the choice, otherwise we become slaves to it, slaves do not have a choice.

I'm reminded of one of the stories of the symbol of the Ouroborous, the circled design of a snake or dragon biting or eating it's own tail. The question often posed was is it possible if a snake were starved enough for it to devour itself completely? Attempts were in reality made to discover the practical answer to this riddle with serpents starved to the point that they could be fed their own tail and keep eating to see what would happen.

If I was to follow this line of thinking of need as slavery to food where does that leave me?
I feel the need to eat every day. If I choose not to eat do I have the willpower to keep that vow? Can I resist temptation permanantly? Some have tried and failed, eventually giving in to their desire for food. Some have tried and succeeded to the point only of death. Some claim to survive without food, but most were proved charlatans and none have been fully confirmed. So If I give up for one day have I beaten the desire for food? Have I conquered it? Unlikely.

What If I go for days? What if I go without food to the point I can't walk anymore? Have I beaten it then? But then I don't know if I would have given up if I let myself get just that little bit closer to death. What if I wait till I'm within an hour of death? What about a minute of death? The only way I know for sure would be to cease eating right until I was dead. But then what have I proven? Have I proven that I am stronger than my need for food? Or have I proven that I am weaker than my need to be in total control of my existence? Whatever the outcome I'm still dead.

The attempts to feed starving snakes their own tails? The snakes all died before they devoured all of themselves of course.

So the question of whether it can be done is an illusion. A philosophical and psychological trap. To attempt to answer it is to fail the test of the riddle.

More appropriate questions are: Is it good to try? How much harm does it do to try? Even if it could be sucessful is that a good thing? What are the alternatives?

Some questions are theoretically interesting just like 'can a snake eat itself completely' or 'can I conquer my need to eat' but that attempting to answer them in practise only causes tremendous harm and suffering.

[Angie G]

Rita I agree with what you say 100% hun
Angie

[GailTulane]

Girls, I have been dressing all my life (well, almost :-) ).
It seems to me that a person has a choice about what they do; i.e., dress, or not.
How a person feels, i.e. femme, wanting to dress, is something else.
I have never changed my feelings, and I have never met a TG anywhere on the spectrum who has.
After thinking long and hard, one thing that I know about this: it comes from a deep place, and is not easily changed or forgotten.

[Kate Simmons]

Purging, ah yes, the "invisible idiot" syndrome (out of sight, out of mind). I've purged a total of 3 times, mostly due to shame and family issues. The last time was a huge one and I went into deep depression over it and questioned my self worth(who doesn't?). I felt I was tossing part of myself away and quite possibly my life--scary!.

After I came out of it and the dust settled, I started getting more femme stuff again but as you say Rita, it is just a symptom and I was determined to get to the cause or at least try. This involved some serious therapy and a lot of work.It doesn't happen overnight. Why did I feel this way? Why did I feel compelled to wear women's clothes at the risk of everything? Logically it does not make any sense but humans are hardly ever really logical. My brain was telling me it was stupid and silly but my heart was telling me it was necessary to be myself.

What I'd discovered is that my feelings were fractionated and this was the reason for the dichotomy. Boys act this way, girls act that way, you cannot mix the two, it is forbidden. This is how I was brought up but my heart was screaming wrong, wrong, wrong! How do you get around intense programming like that? The answer is ridiculously simple and it came from Mr. Spock--mind meld!

We all "construct" our own "reality" everyday when we wake up. This is provided by the input of our senses,our personal memories and memories of what the surrounding environment is. The illusion of continuity is provided by all of this and our life continues seemingly flawlessly as if nothing happened as we remember what we did in the past and we have plans for the future. Of course this is all instantaneous and we don't even notice it or realize anything has changed. What if?... I reasoned, I consciously change some of the conditions and for once in my life take control of my "reality"? Thus began the process of the amalgamation of my feelings into one entity.

I agree that possibly our brains are "wired" somewhat differently than others but so what? Humans are very adaptable and we are all unique individuals even though others attempt to pigeonhole us in one way or another for various reasons. However, I'm now at the helm toots and I can steer this ship any way I damn well please. Was I scared? You bet but nothing ventured, nothing gained as they say.

The result for me is nothing short of amazing and sure beats the blazes out of "puging" which gets kinda expensive after awhile. My feelings now cross over and complement each other and I am the same person no matter what I look like. I can dress or not dress as I please and there is no loss of identity. The best part is that when I dress, it's because I want to, not because I "have" to. It's all totally my choice and I am the helmsman of this "ship" and steer it wherever it pleases me.

Taking ownership of one's self may not be for everyone but it works for me. The prospect can be quite daunting for some and you have to really know yourself and be honest with yourself to do it. It may not be the total answer but it sure beats purging which really accomplishes nothing in my opinion. My wallet is much happier anyway.