Safety

[Kimberley]

It is 2:30 am, you have hugged your best girlfriend goodbye as she got into a cab to go home after a wonderfully fabulous night of clubbing. You walk down the street, only a couple of hundred feet to the parking lot where you left your car. As you fumble in your purse for your keys, a young adult steps out of the shadows. He looks like a yard ape.

"Well, look what we got here; a f****n fag."

Three more of his friends now join him. It is one against four, you are in a short skirt, four inch heels and all you have is your purse and maybe some pepper spray; that is if you can find it under your makeup in the bag.

When you wake up in the hospital you dont remember anything from the time you saw your friend get into the cab. The doctors tell you that you have a skull fracture, severe concussion, three broken ribs, a fractured arm and pelvis. You dont know if you will keep the sight in your eye because the bandages are still on it.

The cops could care less. Fill out a report and maybe they will get to it someday.

Now your wife comes in and while she is concerned, she is mad as hell because she didn't know anything about your little secret life until they called her from the hospital then handed her your clothes in a bag.
Never happen to you? Think again. It did happen and she did lose her eyesight.

No genetic girl would ever walk the streets alone at night for any reason and into a secluded parking lot? Not a chance in hell. But you aren't a genetic girl and can hold your own right? Yeah right.

Safety extends beyond this type of scenario though.
Consider the t-girl who has found someone she really likes and he knows she is in the process of transitioning but that is okay with him. They engage in sex but she doesn't know he is HIV positive.

How about the CD or t-girl coming out of the mall at closing and is swarmed by a group of teenage girls who have been watching her?

Okay you are careful, none of that could happen to you. So how about you get pulled over by the local constabulary, and the cop doesn't like you so he arrests you just because he can, and you end up in a cell with Bubba. Think it cant happen? Maybe it is with the hookers they rousted that night and you know they don't like you.

So those are extremes right?

Maybe you are sitting in an outdoor cafe with your wife and some yokel on the street feels duty bound to yell at you because you are an affront to his sensibilities.

You are standing in line at the bank and the guy behind you got a glimpse of your stockings and he wants to see more, or rather he wants everyone to see the freak.

You are sitting in Mickey D's watching your kids play in the ball crawl, just sipping at your coffee when a little boy comes up and asks you in a loud voice if you are a boy or a girl.

How about you meet your boss on the street and s/he is totally shocked. Next week you are laid off due to a shortage of work.

All of the above stories are true and there are thousands more, some of them I could relate are quite graphic but would only serve as shock value. The point being made here is that you cant always predict your personal safety and you could be in danger in some of the most unlikely of places. There is safety in numbers for sure but of course that isn't always possible. If you sense danger at any point for any reason, take steps to avoid it. Your safety and maybe even your life are worth a lot more than "stepping out" just because you can pass some of the time.

The following tips for CD's and women in general have been compiled by the Vancouver BC Police Department.

• Bring a cell phone along if you have one. This way you can always call for help without having to look for a phone.
• Stay alert, stand tall and be confident. Attackers are more likely to molest a person who appears uncertain or afraid.
• Carry cash and valuables in a front or inside pocket to reduce the attraction for muggers. If you do need to carry a purse or bag of some sort, consider using a fanny pack.
• Avoid carrying large sums of cash, but if you have to, be discreet about it.
• If you wish to give someone spare change, never pull out your wallet or open your purse, take change out of your pocket instead.
• Use well-lit streets, stay to the middle of the sidewalk and avoid alleyways.
• Approach shadowy doorways, shrubbery, or anything that someone could hide behind with extra caution.
• If you feel uneasy walking alone, find someone you know who will go out with you, or plan your route along busy streets so that there are always people around you.
• If you think someone is following you, cross the street and turn to walk in the opposite direction to get a good look at them and then go find the nearest place to alert the authorities.
• If you think a car is following you, immediately do a U turn, take note of the driver and license plate number, continue to walk in the opposite direction and call the authorities from the nearest possible location.
• Carry a whistle or personal safety alarm so you can alert others if you are attacked.
• Do not carry a weapon, even for self-defense. Most policemen killed in the line of duty are done so with their own weapon, even though they are trained in their use. If you are assaulted, introducing a weapon will only increase the severity of the attack, and increase the chance of severe injury to yourself. Carrying a weapon also creates the chance of you or someone else being accidentally hurt, for which you would be held responsible.
• If you are verbally harassed do not respond keep walking and notify the nearest authority.

Using a Vehicle

• Keep all the doors locked even when you are inside the car.
• Park in well lit areas.
• Visually inspect the interior of the vehicle before you get in.
• Have your keys ready before you get to the door, holding them between your thumb and forefinger in a ready position because:
• Fumbling for your keys at your car makes you more vulnerable for an attack.
• If you are attacked they can be used as a defensive tool.
• Never hold your keys interlaced between your fingers, because keys are very brittle and will break if you hit someone while holding them in this manner.
• If someone tries to get in your car while you’re driving, simply drive off. If you’re unable to do this, hold down on your horn to alert other people to your situation.

Using Transit

• Plan your route beforehand, and know the transit schedule.
• Choose busy and visible stops.
• At night, use well-lit stops and sit near the driver.
• If the bus doesn't come and you are in a hurry, do not hitchhike – it is dangerous and in some cases illegal.

Running, Jogging or Rollerblading

• Make sure you know your route.
• Avoid wooded areas at night, and stay to well lit areas.
• Try to run facing oncoming traffic and wear reflective clothing.
• Personal stereos make it hard to be fully aware of your surroundings so try not to use them, especially at night.
• When cycling or rollerblading, wear a helmet and reflective clothing, especially when you use the roadways

Using an ATM Machine

• If anything strikes you as suspicious use a different machine, trust your gut instinct.
• After dark make sure to look for well lit machines .
• Do not use a machine if there is someone hanging around.
• Cover the keypad with one hand while typing in your code with the other, even by yourself. You may feel silly doing it but it is a good habit to start and there have been cases of people using binoculars or video cameras to capture pin numbers.
• If no money comes out make sure to check the money slot for blockages, and notify the bank immediately. A popular scam recently has been for people to block the money slot with a piece of plastic and then return to collect the money after the customer leaves.
• If using a drive-through bank machine make sure all of the car doors are locked.

At a club or at a party

• Never let your drink out of your sight. If your drink does leave your sight get a new one.
• Don't sample drinks from people, even friends or acquaintances.
• Most victims of sexual assault know their attacker.
• While "date rape" drugs have been gaining in popularity, alcohol still accounts for the majority of sexual assaults where the victim is unconscious during the attack. So if you are going to drink, do so responsibly, or have friends you trust there to watch over you

If you are stalked or attacked

• The most important thing is to tell the police, they are the best resource for stopping this problem, and the earlier you contact them the earlier they can help.
• Keep a written record of everything. Tell friends, relatives, employers, co-workers or anyone else who witnesses an incident of your problem, so that they can keep a record as well.
• Most importantly remember that it is not your fault, and you have nothing to be ashamed of. You will need help and emotional support in this difficult time, whether it comes from friends, relatives, religion or support groups.
• If you are attacked, try to comply with the attacker’s wishes, if they want you to turn over cash and valuables, these can be replaced, credit cards can be cancelled and pin numbers can be changed.
• Try to remain calm throughout the situation, becoming hysterical will only make the situation worse and put the attacker more on edge.
• If you are being physically, or sexually assaulted, try to get attention. This is where a whistle or personal alarm comes in handy. If you have to scream for help, try yelling "fire" to get people’s attention as opposed to yelling "help".
• Try to remember details about the person’s appearance: height, age, facial hair, eye colour, tattoos etc.

Women have a tendency to get into their cars after shopping, eating, working, etc., and just sit (doing their checkbook, or making a list, etc). DON'T DO THIS! The predator will be watching you, and this is the perfect opportunity for him to get in the passenger side, put a gun to your head, and tell you where to go. AS SOON AS YOU GET INTO YOUR CAR, LOCK THE DOORS AND LEAVE.

A few notes about getting into your car in a parking lot, or parking garage:

• Be aware: look around you, look into your car, at the passenger side floor, and in the back seat.
• If you are parked next to a big van, enter your car from the passenger door. Most serial killers attack their victims by pulling them into their vans while the women are attempting to get into their cars.
• Look at the car parked on the driver's side of your vehicle, and the passenger side. If a male is sitting alone in the seat nearest your car, you may want to walk back into the mall, or work, and get a guard/policeman to walk you back out. IT IS ALWAYS BETTER TO BE SAFE THAN SORRY. (And better paranoid than dead.)

ALWAYS take the elevator instead of the stairs. (Stairwells are horrible places to be alone and the perfect crime spot).

If the predator has a gun and you are not under his control, ALWAYS RUN! The predator will only hit you (a running target) 4 in 100 times. And even then, it most likely WILL NOT be a vital organ. RUN!

As women, we are always trying to be sympathetic: STOP IT! It may get you raped, or killed.

[sissy_she_boy]

OMG, reading this sent chills down my spine. However, it is all too true and this is some good information. Thanks sis

kisses
sissy dana

[Cai]

These are good tips to remember (especially the one about not carrying a weapon). Also, it's a good idea to get some kind of hand-to-hand combat/self-defense training.

However, don't let fear run your life. I know women who won't walk across our campus at night to get to classes. (And this campus is about the safest place you can imagine - all women, separate from the city, well-lit, with security circling once every 20 minutes) You have to find a happy medium between being safe and living your life.

[Joy Carter]

Thanks Kimberly.

We taught pretty much the same thing in our citizen awareness classes, when I was on the department.
The same things apply to senior citizens.

[SherriePall]

Can't happen to me. Famous words. Unfortunately, it can and does. Thanks for the eye-opener and good advice.

[GypsyKaren]

Thank you for posting this Kimberley, it's very good advice indeed.

Karen Starlene

[Kate Simmons]

These suggestions are sound and speak for themselves Kimberley. They should be SOP (standard operating procedure) for everyone at all times. Thank you very much my friend.

[Di]

Great advice

Something little I want to add........Always trust your intuition.

Intuition is a thought, emotion, suspicion or hunch that something doesn't feel right.
It is a safety mechanism that exists to protect you from harm, or at least to make you think twice before you go about doing something.
Something about the situation doesn't quite feel right- you may not be able to understand how or why but listen to yourself.Do not try to rationalize this away.

[DonnaT]

http://www.forge-forward.org/docs/Ke...urselfSafe.pdf

http://www.forge-forward.org/transvi...FFAvictims.php

[Daintre]

Kimberley, thank you for this. After reading this over I find that a lot of what you have noted is usable in my day to day life. I use a walker and take public transportation, who knows what may happen at a transit center or subway station late at night. Again thanks for such a detailed post.

[Jackie67]

Great advice

Something little I want to add........Always trust your intuition.

Intuition is a thought, emotion, suspicion or hunch that something doesn't feel right.
It is a safety mechanism that exists to protect you from harm, or at least to make you think twice before you go about doing something.
Something about the situation doesn't quite feel right- you may not be able to understand how or why but listen to yourself.Do not try to rationalize this away.

AND IT RAELLY DOESN'T HURT TO HAVE A3RD DEGREE BLACK BELT IN GHUNG YIA, I HOPE I SPELLED THAT RIGHT.

[Niya W]

Well I'm Lucky that some things are not an issue. As far as the local cops not caring, it helps that I know a few cops. One of which transitioned. Far as being locked up my county its mandatory that T girls are isolated . Up in SF county there is a separate holding cells for T girls. My boss could care less. They need warm bodies or he wont meet his quota. But i'm always away of my surroundings

[Scotty]

Common sense is the master of all safety.

Second to that, martial arts but you need years to train for that.

Third to that is a firearm. I carry any time I suspect I may need or want to.
I have a variety of weapons to choose from, starting with a 38 special up to a 45 cal Kimber 1911.

There's pepper spray, although not as effective immediately.
There's tazer's but those are close up weapons.

The best solution however, is not to be in a situation where you would need ANY weapon or defense.

Great advice
Intuition is a thought, emotion, suspicion or hunch that something doesn't feel right.
It is a safety mechanism that exists to protect you from harm, or at least to make you think twice before you go about doing something.
Something about the situation doesn't quite feel right- you may not be able to understand how or why but listen to yourself.Do not try to rationalize this away.

Also known as "Fight or flight". Primordial instinct born to all animals on earth, including us.

[KatieC]

As a martial artist (20 years and counting) and a one-time self defense instructor, I take a bit of exception to the "never carry a weapon" advice. Yes, a weapon could be taken away and used against you. Yes, introducing a weapon could raise the stakes from an altercation to a life-or-death struggle. However, a weapon could also be the equalizer that allows one to survive a life-or-death struggle.

Whether or not to carry a weapon is a personal choice. For me to tell someone to carry is as foolish as me telling someone never to carry. Consider your personal situation and comfort level with weapons, and decide.

But for heaven's sake, if you do decide to carry, make sure you are well trained and well practiced! A couple of times a year at the range does not make one well practiced.

With that out of the way . . . listen to the other posters speaking about awareness, and take to heart the advice about not ignoring ones intuition. Our subconscious minds put together patterns that our conscious minds haven't noticed yet, and detects the danger signs well before we are able to explain why we feel in danger.

A wonderful book on awareness and trusting your intuition is The Gift of Fear by Gavin deBecker (I hope I spelled that right). It was very high on my "must read" list as a self defense instructor.

[Kimberley]

Katie, I am surprised at your position. As a martial artist of 30+ years I was taught and did the same to my students that you only use force as a last resort when you have absolutely no choice. You try to talk your way out, try to walk away and only as a last resort do you engage in a physical confrontation first to injure, then maim and lastly kill.

Yes we are capable of using a weapon and doing so very effectively. The difference here is that most girls dont have the training and experience and trying something that foolish is an invitation to disaster. Fight or flight means flight first and fight last.

Similarly all too often these quick learn self defense classes for women are equally as dangerous and for the same reasons. It will only escalate the situation. Fact if you cant take him down permanently the first time so there isnt a second punch, then make sure there isnt one at all.

[pamela_a]

Do not carry a weapon, even for self-defense. Most policemen killed in the line of duty are done so with their own weapon, even though they are trained in their use. If you are assaulted, introducing a weapon will only increase the severity of the attack, and increase the chance of severe injury to yourself. Carrying a weapon also creates the chance of you or someone else being accidentally hurt, for which you would be held responsible.

Good rules except, IMHO, for this one and that with one caveat. LEARN TO USE IT. Most credible studies show mearly the brandishing of a weapon will stop the attack. I would like to see the study that shows most cops are killed with their own weapons considering the bad guys have no trouble getting weapons.

If you believe you or someone else is in danger of bodily harm, many states have finally realized you have the RIGHT to defend yourself.

Again, the caveat is to learn to use it.

-Paula-

[Gisele]

I have had my CCW for many years and still carried when we didn't have a CCW in this state.

I have had to pull my weapon ONE time in all my years. He pulled first and I did in kind. I saw his eyes and I did start to squeeze the trigger. But in a nano second I seen that he was giving up and I stopped pulling it. That saved his life!! Never watch the gun!! Watch the eyes. They can tell you a story in a very very short time.

He did a hasty retreat and I did the same and did talk to a police Sgt that my family was friends with. I made a full report with him and was told that I did exactly what they were taught. That made me feel good to hear.

I only pray to God that will be my one and only time. I will be ready if I have to do a repeat.

So now I have gone from a 9mm carry weapon to a .45 Compact Kimber. It stays with me at all times. Talk about hanging onto your purse now. LOL

For the ones that think that packing a gun is stupid or whatever. Iat you.

Yes I go to the range a lot of times through the year. We own and shoot Class3 weapons (Legal machineguns and subguns) I just hope nobody tries to break in our home when we are there. They will be turned into hamburger! (yes, we know our state laws as in when to shoot and when not too)

Jenn is well trained with a shotgun. Which she competes in Assault shotgun competitions. She packs a .38spl Mod 60 S&W with her. She has been raped before and I now have trained her to NEVER be a victim again! She has never held a gun until she met me. Six years later.....she can kick my butt in the comps. Women do make better shooters. I still kick hers in long range shooting. I tell her "if" she can sneek up on me she will get me but, if I see her first....she's all mine.

Just remember guns do save lives..........Ha ha ha ha............That sounds like "Guns kill people!"............... I've nerve seen a gun shoot anyone. I will pay to see that! Now people kill people and that is a fact!

People that are trained or just very lucky DO save lives with the help of a firearm in their hand.

[trannie T]

Pepper spray is very effective, cheap and legal in most places. If it gets used against you it is miserable but harmless. A whistle is effective, make as much noise as you can. When walking to the car carry your keys between your fingers they're not the best weapon but they do work.
Most important, know your surroundings, be aware of who is near you.

[BarbaraTalbot]

Good rules except, IMHO, for this one and that with one caveat. LEARN TO USE IT. Most credible studies show mearly the brandishing of a weapon will stop the attack. I would like to see the study that shows most cops are killed with their own weapons considering the bad guys have no trouble getting weapons.

If you believe you or someone else is in danger of bodily harm, many states have finally realized you have the RIGHT to defend yourself.

Again, the caveat is to learn to use it.

-Paula-

I have to agree with Paula here..the bit about Cops being killed with their own weapons is not supported by the facts, and wouldn't extend to the likelihood of a trained person not bound by some constraints that cops are under anyway even if true. You aren't there armed ready to diffuse a domestic dispute, make traffic stops or arrests. You aren't surely planning to tussle with assailants while armed and hope to keep a gun out of their reach.

A gun is a tool designed to kill an attacker if you are armed and trained in the use of a firearm and have no other option to protect yourself or others from imminent harm. They are very effective tools. If you are justified in brandishing a weapon you are justified in pulling the trigger and should do so, always. They are not designed to wound or scare people. Pulling one that you don't intend to use could result in the highly unlikely scenario suggested of being harmed by your own gun. If you don't believe you can take the life of another human being you should absolutely not carry one.

If you have another means of extricating yourself from a situation you are obligated to do so. If you can walk away, do so, if you can run do that.

The good advice as I see it in the original posts was to be aware of your surrounding and to remove yourself from danger as soon as it becomes a possibility.

[Jere Oneil]

While I do not go out en femme, I am a senior and most of your advice is right on for everyone. However, I do have a concealed carry permit, and I carry most of the time. My favorite carry gun is a Colt Detective Special in .38 special. It is definitely a close combat weapon, but then anything but close isn't self defense. I practice at least once a week, and practice instinctive shooting (not consciously aiming) I practice this at 5 feet.

[Gisele]

"If you have another means of extricating yourself from a situation you are obligated to do so. If you can walk away, do so, if you can run do that."

That is the best advice Barbara.

In my situation I was stuck on an off ramp in my Suburban with cars stopped in front and on my right side sitting at a red light. This man that I almost shot came from behind and pulled to block me on my left. (to this day we really don't know why he even was picking on me.)

He came up to my window talking trash. I seen him get out of his van with a jacket covering his two hands walking like he was cuffed in front. I did get a glimpse of a chrome snubnose of a 357 mag. I could clearly see he was not a lawman due to his clothing of a mechanic and he looked so wacked out. That is when I went for my weapon. He came up to the window talking trash not giving me any clued about why he was there. He kept pulling up his arms like he was going to shoot me. So I Pulled my gun up to his face and started to pull on the trigger every time he raised his hands. All the while I was looking him straight in the eyes. Well at least his left one cause his right one was so messed up like it was infected. He knew I was going to kill him and so did I. He soon backed off and backed up to his van all the while the light was still red and I had no out. The light turned green and I stayed put so he had to go around me. That is when I got his plate number. (it was a GA plate and we were in KY) well, it turned out that the plate was stolen a week prior to my event.

So, The bottom line is if you have an out, take it! If not, make one. I would have but couldn't due to having about 6 cars in front and three on my right and his van and a guardrail on my left and many more behind me. I was trapped!

[carolinewalker_2000]

Scareeeeey!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! .....but VERY good advice. Thanks.

[Kimberley]

Wow, you people are scary. Makes me wonder who or where the criminals are. Thank god I live in a country where gun control is strict. Most of you would be breaking the law here in the great white north.

Secondly this article is not about carrying a howitzer in your back pocket, it is about staying safe while enfemme. Maybe that point was missed because the article wasnt read in its entirety?

Third, the stats (although questionable) about police being assaulted by their own weapons were reported by a cop from the Vancouver BC police department, not me. (Another failure to read the LARGE PRINT?)

C'mon ladies read first and comment on the article not your personal beliefs. I think Joy Carter put it best, and she is an ex cop. Thanks hon.


Kimberley

[carolinewalker_2000]

Gosh Beth; to have to resort to guns; I feel for you.Things haven't got quite that bad in the UK yet, but they are heading that way!

[Sally24]

One other piece of advice I have read on safety. If you can't escape or overcome your attacker than try to comply with what he wants you to do, but only to a point. When they try to get you confined, be it rope, handcuffs or duct tape, that is your last chance. If you become imobilized your chances of surviving are severly lowered. In that position they can even smother you to death without much trouble. If they try to immobilize you fight or run or both!

Proud owner of Colt 45 Government Model and a Smith & Wesson 9mm Model 39-2