Hit on by a male admirer...and confused.

[Dita_B]

As I already posted elsewhere, I was hit on this week by a nice (and handsome) guy while I was shopping at Sears, of all places. And as far as I could detect (and believe me, I was on red alert), he bought me as a GG, lock, stock and barrel...

The first time he ran into me, he stopped right in front of me and said that he had to tell me how attractive and sexy he thought I was. In response I thanked him for the compliment and continued on my way.

But this was not the end of it, as a little later, elsewhere in the Mall, he showed up again and excused himself telling me that I had no idea how much courage he had to put together to even approach me...but that he was so impressed, that he just had to do it...

In response I thanked him again and told him that a girl is always sensitive for a compliment and that it was very kind of him... and continued on my way, in the mean time starting to feel pretty darn good about myself...

But my biggest surprise came when I was back at my car and he showed up again to tell me that he could not let me go until he could ask me to meet again...to have a coffee with me.

As I observed him and got the impression that he was genuinely impressed and trying really hard on probably relatively uncharted territory, I thought back to my own experiences approaching girls a long time ago and having a hard time making real contact...

So I found a soft spot in my heart and told him I still had half an hour to spare, and I could have a coffee with him right now...and off we went to the coffee shop.

I couldn't get myself yet to tell him that I am a TG, because he couldn't have behaved more like a real gentleman, as he went out of his way to shower me with gallantries, opening doors, helping with my coat, my chair, paying for my coffee... all of those things that nice men do for real women they are impressed with and/or they want to impress. All the time doing his utmost to make me feel comfortable and I must admit I was really starting enjoying all of this.

He even blushed several times...and was acting as nervous as a teenager on his first date!

He wants to see me again, but I don't know yet what to do with it... I enjoyed the experience because it gave me a tremendous boost in feeling like a real woman.

I also welcome this experience as it opens up a new chapter in my book of discoveries of what being a woman is all about. I am not really interested in a male admirer, but I am kind of interested in a male companion, as I see it as the ultimate "cover" for a girl like me when going places. A lot less people will "doubt" me being a genuine girl when escorted by a male... And of course, with my 6' plus height, which makes me tower over most of the female population, I always attract attention...and consequently also inquiring looks. Especially when on my beloved heels!

All the time I have been thinking about the right time to tell him the truth, but I still feel too much excited and flattered by this whole experience to make a decision about it yet.

But sooner or later, I'll have to drop the bombshell and shatter his (apparently tender) illusion...and I don't look forward to that.

What are your views on a situation like this? Any advise?

Love, Dita.

[Jenny Beth]

Wow, not my territory since nothing like that has ever happened to me but I certainly understand your desire to be thought of and treated like a woman and for a brief moment you were. Cloud nine for sure but you are back down to earth now and to meet him again would amount to planned deception and we all know that's wrong. But even if you intend to drop the bombshell you have no idea how he will react, violence is never out of the question...it happens!

[Kate Simmons]

Dita, If it were myself, I would let it do no farther. The next move would be his and if he persisted, I would, of course, tell him. I've had this happen a few times but it never went very far. I just showed I wasn't interested and went on my merry way. This is the very reason why, when I go to clubs or get togethers, people who don't know me are told by me because I don't want any surprises on either side.

Sounds like a pickle of a stiuation to be in but to me honesty is utmost regardless of the potential loss. It's almost the reverse scenerio when you think about it like when it's concealed from an SO. It may make you feel like you are on cloud nine but in my estimation, the potential fall out is not worth it. It's up to you of course because you know your feelings but that is how I would proceed.

[Kieron Andrew]

Unless im mistaken you are married arent you Dita? if i am wrong i am open to be corrected, if im a right then i think you should drop any notion of meeting him again....apart from the fact you are deceiving him if he thinks you are a GG (which im sorry i seriously doubt it, he was probably an admirer), but you would be cheating on your spouse!, even if you are not with anyone you have deceived him from the onset by not being open with him, id stop it in its tracks now before someone gets hurt

[Sherlyn]

I ve had this happen once up close and personal .... however I made no point in faking a female voice as I spoke ...he was polite in all the ways you have mentioned and I politely refused his advances coz geez not what Im into sooo why encourage it !! ...so perhaps these types are TG admirers ..is my opinion ...coz no - one passes 100%..specially if nervous ...nowadays I let ppl I befriend know of my gender expression

[Sally24]

It's just my opinion but I suspect that he was attracted to you because you are TG. Making three seperate contacts thourout the mall I think would be very unusual normally. Either way, if you are in a committed relationship anything more than one cup of coffee would be a bad idea! Let him know you don't want anything more than that and if you must, tell him you are TG. Either way protect yourself and him and end it. He is not an accessory to your outfits!

[Khriss]

You mention 3 coincideltial encounters ?
This guy is good ... at " stalking" ?
or could be OK ? Your Call ..as allways Dita ! xx"K"

[Kimberley]

There are more than a few guys who are enamoured of us because we are TG. Personally I wouldnt let it go any farther unless you are prepared for a relationship (short term or longer term) and all that can entail.

Kimberley

[Kieron Andrew]

You mention 3 coincideltial encounters ?
This guy is good ... at " stalking" ?

i was thinking this sounds like stalker material!!

[Jodie Wexler]

Other than you being in a relationship, my answer is a question. Do you enjoy being lied to? I would at least tell him the truth first if you plan to continue anything.

[KrazyKat]

I would be seriously alarmed if someone met me at my car, now he has your license plate number, he could know everything about you. I agree, and I'm sorry, I know it's not what you want to hear, because I've gone through this with Karen, she didn't either. Stalker!! Gave me the willies reading it, what are you thinking, Girl?! Please be cautious, too many predators out there.

I'm not saying you aren't beautiful, and could easily not be detected, Dita, but you sound a little vulnerable, and being so nervous, an experienced person could get lots of info from you.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

sweetie you are married...so....... i think you know the answer to your own question.

but otherwise i would suggest that altho you look great, i think he knows you are tg especially if you talked to him..

this statement is VERY GENERAL and is not about ALL GUYS

admirers can be really fun but like all guys (ahem..and now i mean all guys! )..you know what they are after...i have found almost every admirer to be either ultra creepy and aggressive (yep...its like they think "oh look a tgirl..i'll go tell her she's hot and grab her crotch")...OR very sweet and totally into being with a girl with "extra">..these guys are very cool but they are really in it for the sex and go along with us to get into our panties...can you blame them!!??



he sounds like the 2nd and there is a whole group of these guys in every town and imagine his surprise when he saw you looking good and sashaying by him in the mall...so he went for it!! can u blame him!! u look really great and dress well and he liked you..

i doubt he's too into a relationship anyway...tell him you are married and that should end the discussion pretty quick either way!!

[sterling12]

Take some very deep breaths and think about things. I had a similar encounter a month ago and it's very flattering! My guy was smitten and although The Encounter was exhilarating, my "common sense brain cells" started working a couple of days later, when things calmed down.

I don't know how far you have gone with this. Does he have your cell phone number, is there a plan for a second meeting? If you have made arrangements to meet again, now is the time to STOP! As others have said, your married, and this guy may or may not suspect your gender status. If you persist, he's going to start wanting to go further with this and then you will be into a very difficult situation.

This fellow was either trying to "sweep you off your feet" by being bold and seizing the moment, or you are dealing with a stalker. Doesn't really matter, either way it's now going to have to be what YOU decide to do.

But, there is a positive side to this. You have now had another genuine GG Experience. You have had an encounter with a male who desired you. Women have to deal with flirting and unwanted attentions from males all the time, now you have a vague idea of what they face in daily life. I would treat this as a learning experience.

Peace and Love, Joanie

[Dizzy-Chan]

If this happened to me, the first time he complimented me, i'd be blushing with flattery.

The second time, i'd still be flattered, but less so.

The third incident would just creep me the hell out.

[Denise Barrett]

Hi Dita,

Nothing to add except to say I agree with all that's been said. Especially Sally

He is not an accessory to your outfits!

I also agree with Dizzy

"The third incident would just creep me the hell out."

With all my love and respect,
Denise

[charllote34]

ohh its a good thing for all his compilments but would you let it go further ? I dont know if your married and if you are remember its still cheating evan if its another man! but i would be buzzzing about the fact that he treat you so nice xxxx

[Nicole Erin]

If he has no idea you are TG, there could be problems.
If he does know, then maybe he wants sex or a relationshnip. Same thing a man wants from many women.
He sounds a bit aggressive, but that is just some guys. Nice guys finish last, the bad boys go for what they want.

And it is doubtful that he is tracing you. If he does not have your # or email, you will probably never hear from him again, well unless you make an effort to find him.

I think your main concern is if he knows or not that you are TG.
If he doesn't know and finds out the easy way - he will probably be gone. [Oh I am sorry, i didn't know, but that is not my thing...]
If he knows, then it is just a matter of you letting him know you cannot be in a relationship.

The guy might be clumsy when it comes to picking up women, but doubtful he is a stalker.

[lawnmanmo]

Yes, to be honest, as a male gentleman admirer myself who adores the CD world and the lifestyle, I can say the this gentleman also KNEW very well what you truly are and it was for him a hugh turnon. I know that feeling to the nines. Especially an attractive and passable women like yourself, it was something that made his heart race. There is something that I totally agree with as you said about being with a male as a "perfect cover". Nothing could be more true. The times that I have been out and about with CD women, they all have expressed to me that the ability to move about in a more realistic venue and to be taken as a true women was so much more elevated. Many time I have asked my friends to wear a wedding ring and THIS alone has told a story to the public eye......a regular normal married couple, a hubby and his wife. And the thought alone for the CD as far as being the "wife" has had some erotic and wonderfully thrilling results. So I say to you.....Try it.....you will never forget the experience. As Michelle said, you do have to be careful of who you go with. Not every encounter will lead to a sexual experience. I have enjoyed the experiences in general even without sexual contact. But do make THIS know before you do or do not get envolved even on a friendship basis.

Jerry

[Suzy Harrison]

Hi Dita - it's exciting I know, but it's a dilemma isn't it?

I think the longer you leave telling him about your TG status the more difficult it will be - and also the more upset he will be. So I think it would be best to tell him as soon as you can.

Also I can't see anything wrong with him just escorting you around the malls if that works out for the pair of you. But I guess you have to tell him what you want out of the friendship before he gets carried away with ideas.

Hope everything works out okay for you - but the amber lights are flashing a little - so be cautious.

"As they say 'Be Alert'...................... Canada needs more Lerts"

Suze

[Jennaie]

I can't bring myself to say anything here. I am so happy that you were complimented and I know you're a smart girl.

[Fab Karen]

Probably an admirer. Personally I wouldn't have further encouraged him at the point of coming up to you at your car ( unless sexually interested in him ). You assumed he didn't know, & this put you in a state of not thinking with normal caution. If you had been in male mode & a GG you weren't interested in did that, you probably wouldn't agree to hang out with her, as you know it would be encouraging her.

[Wendi {LI NY}]

Please don't be fool.He Knew who and what you are . I know you are very convining ,but let's face facts ,He was either very dumb and very good Trannie chaser! He was very bold to confront you three times and you were very silly to allow it to happen .. The are many Crazys out in the real world .
Please be very careful when you are out and about ,I know I had dated guys ,but It was after I check him out completely and it was very plotonic for sure ! Be Careful! hugs,Wendi

[Dita_B]

I would like to thank all those of you who have felt inspired to reply to my post for the thought, time and effort that you have put into it. You have no idea how much I appreciate that.

I have taken all the well meant and heartfelt analysis, warnings, comments and advise in consideration but I must say that the posts that I felt touched the sore spot most where those of Lawnmanmo and MlleErin, from which the latter said it so simple:

I think your main concern is if he knows or not that you are TG.
If he doesn't know and finds out the easy way - he will probably be gone. [Oh I am sorry, i didn't know, but that is not my thing...]
If he knows, then it is just a matter of you letting him know you cannot be in a relationship.

I have not taken a decision yet whether or not to proceed with this, as I am still weighing my options. I told him that I would call him on Monday for an eventual second encounter on Tuesday and I didn't because I am not sure what to do yet. I am torn between the flattery that makes me feel so incredibly good and having to take the risk that in a second encounter it may all fall apart because I will have to tell him what I really am.

He has no information from me whatsoever. I have his cell phone number and he might have noticed my license plate. But that's it. If I don't take the initiative there is no second contact and no second meeting.

For myself, and having listened to ALL of your input, I have the feeling that there is a more than 50% chance that he took me for a GG, as I have not been able to detect any doubts in anything he said or did... And that would make it even worse, because believing that he thinks I am a female, is really boosting my confidence and self esteem and therefore extremely intoxicating.

He knows I am married, but I stopped short telling him that my spouse is a female. BTW: he was the one who first asked whether or not I was married and he told me he was in a relationship after I reciprocated the question. I also stopped short asking whether or not his was a male/female or a male/male relationship to avoid further digging into mine for obvious reasons.

I don't believe he is a stalker. His behavior was not coming across as calculated. I believed him when he told me that he needed to get a lot of courage together to dare even approach me, as his body language and manners were congruent with that statement. It looked pretty impulsive to me and I also had the impression that doing what he was doing was certainly not a daily routine for him. I think he was genuinely "head over heels" and way ahead of himself to make sure this opportunity wouldn't pass him by. And I recognized that feeling, if correct, all too good from my own former experiences with approaching girls that impressed me.

So here I am, absolutely not interested in any "affair" at all, as I am not sexually interested in men that look like men and I don't intend to cheat on my spouse either. But... I could be interested in finding a male companion, as I stated before. So the "relationship" would be totally platonic.

Personally I don't see any harm in such a relationship as my wife and I find that each of us should be able to have opposite sex friends, without having any sexual content. Well, I realize that it is kind of a complicated statement in in this regard...

The problem that I am struggling with is that the pink fog continuous as long as I have not disclosed my true identity. And on the other hand I know I have to come forward with it, because as said above, not doing so would be coming down to deceit and thus not fair. So I know that the battle is really with my vanity, as all the flattery makes me feel so good that I don't want it to end yet... The experience is just too overwhelming and exciting right now...

I realize what a nut case I must look like in this respect, but as usual, when one's own emotions come into play, the better judgment is on a leave of absence.

In light of this new explanation, does any one of you still has to add anything to what has already been said?

I love you all for your compassion...Dita.

[MarciManseau]

Wow, not my territory since nothing like that has ever happened to me but I certainly understand your desire to be thought of and treated like a woman and for a brief moment you were. Cloud nine for sure but you are back down to earth now and to meet him again would amount to planned deception and we all know that's wrong. But even if you intend to drop the bombshell you have no idea how he will react, violence is never out of the question...it happens!

If you do deciede to see him again, make sure it's in a safe open place if you plan on telling him about you, or maybe do it on the phone before you see him.

Marci

[sterling12]

So here I am, absolutely not interested in any "affair" at all, as I am not sexually interested in men that look like men and I don't intend to cheat on my spouse either. But... I could be interested in finding a male companion, as I stated before. So the "relationship" would be totally platonic.

Personally I don't see any harm in such a relationship as my wife and I find that each of us should be able to have opposite sex friends, without having any sexual content. Well, I realize that it is kind of a complicated statement in in this regard...

Hon, I don't think either of you could keep it platonic. Perhaps it's possible, but very unlikely.

Evidence? 1.) He tried to pick you up at The Mall, a notorious pick-up opportunity. That ain't a Sunday School Social! 2.) If you get a chance, go on Google and do a search for something called "The Ladder Theory," it's kind of a fun read and it's really very hard to poke holes in The Theory. The main point, if you get to read it....Guy's only have one ladder, and I will assume that he wants to put you on that ladder. 3.) I still think you are thinking with your heart, rather than your reasoning mind. Try and work the problem the other way, pretend you are him. "What do a I want from this Gal?" Do you start to get the picture?

You still have to make some decisions. So far I think you have done the smart thing, you held off making decisions and your thinking about things. i would continue to do so.

Peace and Love, Joanie

PS. Sorry i screwed up the "quote thingie," but you all will get the idea.