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Thread: is it wrong to cross-dress

  1. #1
    lover23
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    is it wrong to cross-dress

    i have been a cross dresser for a long time but have never told anyone and once i do it I am ashamed but I also enjoy it, im afraid if i tell people they will be ashamed of me, what do you think?

  2. #2
    Canadian Cutie Darlene.'s Avatar
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    Well I am going to play the devils advocate here. Yes cross-dressing is wrong if it dose not meet some needs that you can not get met any other way. Is it controlling you or are you controlling it? If it disrupts ones life, if it places others in a place that prevents them from living there life the way they need to for who they are then it is wrong.

    If one is living in quilt or shame because of it then it is wrong for them.

    Cross-dressing in and of itself is not wrong...it is what you do with it that is important.

    Love Darlene.
    Last edited by Darlene.; 04-08-2005 at 02:18 AM.
    Don't put your life on hold waiting for the world to made right.

  3. #3
    Member Marko's Avatar
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    Thumbs up

    Hi,

    If you enjoy your crossdressing then great. What's to feel guilty about really? It's a lot of fun and doesn't hurt anyone so why not? Think of it as a sort of hobby.

    Also, if you don't feel any great need to tell people then you don't have to. If you prefer to keep your crossdressing private and just for yourself then that's exactly what to do.

    In short, there's nothing to feel guilty about and whatever level you want to take crossdressing to is entirely up to you. You'll find lots of support and advice from the people here so don't be afraid to ask.

    Good luck,

    Mark.

  4. #4
    Member Shy Charlotte's Avatar
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    Es ist mir SheiB egal

    Heya Lover23,

    I'm not sure if you'd seen the movie "Quills" (Kate Winslet, and Geoffrey Rush) a while back, but the basic premise was that the Marquis de Sade could not, under any circumstances, stop writing lest all the creative energies in him would drive him insane. I think that many crossdressers can relate to his dilemma.

    On the one hand, what we do is deemed depraved by society, yet at the same time many of us would be a mere shadow of the human beings we are as a result of us holding back. The way I look at it, people become offended by whatever they wish to offend them. It would be easy to see it as other people's problems, but what we've learned in the past in this board is that people have loose lips.

    Your best bet is to find the nearest crossdresser/gay/lesbian community. If you can, also try to get ahold of the Tri-Ess organization to find the nearest chapter in your area: http://tri-ess.org/SSS_chapdir.html
    They can help you out, and last I checked they have a meeting once a month (very discreet), where all the members show up "en femme" as they say, and on top of having a group of people that can relate and have felt the same shame we all have. On top of that, they can also give you fashion/make-up tips, sometimes sell old clothes to each other, every once in a while have vendors come over, and in some places the girls even go out afterwards for drinks or dinner at a CD friendly locale.

    In short, no, crossdressing isn't bad; just people's reactions to it. Just hang in there and best of luck to you.
    Too... Shy shy... hush hush, eye to eye...

  5. #5
    Member Andrea's Avatar
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    I often have this feeling. I love dressing as a woman but then feel guilty afterwards. It's something I live wth but it does not stop me wanting to cross dress.

    Andrea

  6. #6
    Tristen Cox
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    Ashamed is something you feel when you know you did something wrong. Taking a life is wrong. Destroying the earth is wrong. Trying to force someone to do something they don't want to do is wrong. Crossdressing is just about the clothes. Nothing to feel guilty of there unless of course you stole the clothes

  7. #7
    Aspiring Member
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    I've been through the whole guilt trip thing for the first Thirty odd years of my life.
    Now days I refuse to be remotely guilty or ashamed for just being me.
    I am the opposite now I feel proud, honoured and special to be transgendered.
    As for anyone who doesn't like the way I am, I,m affraid thats there problem not mine.

    love mand xxx
    Last edited by mand; 04-08-2005 at 09:30 AM.

  8. #8
    Junior Member Jeanette H's Avatar
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    Dear lover23, you know the people around you better than we do. Do you spend time imagining how they would react if they found out that you're a cross-dresser? I live with my mother and have to keep my dressing absolutely secret from her, because I know how much it would shock and upset her. This makes life difficult, but it's just the way things are.

    But how people would take it, and the question of whether being a crossdresser is wrong in itself, are two different things. Do you feel that actually putting on women's clothes or makeup is like dirtying yourself, like looking at porn or taking drugs? Personally I don't.

  9. #9
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    Hi Lover,

    I too used to have the same feelings, and still do to a lesser extent. It seems to be a common trait for a lot of the girls to have felt guilt or shame about the dressing, but in these enlightened times I think we should be able to do whatever we like as long as it harms nobody else and doesn't effect other peoples lives. As for telling others about your dressing, well I'm still struggling with that one myself and therefore don't feel qualified to advise. Just enjoy the dressing as and when you can.

    Hugs,

    Linda.

  10. #10
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    I agree with many of the posts here as well and I can also very much relate to your feelings but you ultimately have to keep in mind that there is nothing inherently "wrong," "evil," or otherwise "immoral" about crossdressing. Like Marko said, it's fun and doesn't hurt anybody. It has taken me a long time to overcome my own guilt and shame about my crossdressing, as well as to finally discuss it with my wife of 1 year (although interestingly enough she swears that I told her long before when we were friends before we started seriously dating so it actually didn't end up being much of a surprise). There are still times where I feel kind of "weird" for wanting to do it but I keep bringing myself back to "I've decided that it's just part of who I am and that I don't want to needlessly waste a lot of time and energy trying to hide and suppress things that are fun and pleasurable for me." Although society tends to frown on crossdressing and other "atypical" expressions of gender and sexuality (which are artificial social constructions anyway), mostly out of ignorance or prejudice based on certain interpretations of ancient religious texts (i.e. the bible), it does not make doing them "wrong" per se. Doing something "wrong" to me means actually hurting people or negatively interfering with other people's personal lives in some way. Crossdressing does neither. It may take awhile to feel better about your interest in crossdressing but hopefully with the support of the members of this board and other supportive people you will come to feel better about it. Good luck!

  11. #11
    heaven sent celeste26's Avatar
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    There is one and only one reference in the Bible to cross dressing. (Duet 22) I have read many cross dressers play lots of mental games around it but it still remains. That said, there are lots of other ways to violate God's rules that we do everyday and without even thinking about them. So all in all we need to get over any idea that we are worthy of God's grace and just accept the gift in the condition that we are in and go on.

    As long as the guilt doesn't cause us to freeze up and stop us from doing the good things we need to do, acknowledge it and move on. Everyone including so called "good" Christians need a spur to seek out God and here in this forum many of us have in fact been driven to the feet of our savior. Our cross dressing doesnt drive us away from Him so it is being used for good in our cases.

    That is the purpose of the guilt and what happens when used properly..

    Enjoy
    Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. Mark Twain

  12. #12
    Senior Member Sweet Susan's Avatar
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    By the way HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Oh, the ashamed thing...........

    I would never tell anybody other than other crossdressers. My wife knows, but nobody else, except for y'all. I would never tell my children. I would never tell my mother. The reason could be ashamed thing, and more than likely is. Sometimes I just wish everybody knew. But in reality, I am glad that nobody does. Oh, well.

  13. #13
    Junior Member emily21's Avatar
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    How can it be wrong to do something that feels so right

    Hugs emily

  14. #14
    Still Learning
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    Nada

    I think struggling with the art of crossdressing is a waste of time.

    Once you accept it yourself, it is a great feeling of freedom.
    Enjoy it, and have a great time with it. Nothing can be better, than to dress the best you can, and have fellowship with good friends who like to do the same thing.

    Freedom, is what it is what it is all about I think. Freedom to be yourself.

    Although, we must respect the thoughts of others. That will put everything in the right perspective. Then, we must know the difference. There is a time and place for everything.

    Crossdressing to me, is not a hobby. It is part of the way I live.

    Hope this helps

    Me
    [font=Garamond][size=4]*Marlene*[/size][/font]

    It is better to be "immortal" than "mortal"

  15. #15
    Aspiring Member Deelite's Avatar
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    Re: Is it wrong to cross-dress?

    Nope, because you are made the way you are.

    I thought like you, dressing was wrong, i tried to fight it for years, now i have accepted it, it's a part of me.

    I think if you have a partner that knows and understands, is a huge help, it helped me, and i have realised what i was doing all these years was not wrong or dirty.

    As others are saying, "its just clothes" I treat dressing also as a way of relaxing and winding down especially after a stressfull day at work.

    Dee.

  16. #16
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    No it's not wrong to cross dress unless you feel it's wrong? I've always operated under the knowledge that if I feel it's ok to cross dress,& not offend anyone in the process then it's fine.Cross dressing is a personal thing that I like to do,so it isn't wrong!
    TIMME

  17. #17
    Member Katiegirl's Avatar
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    I think all of us who crossdress must have experienced this guilty feeling, I know I did.

    Marlene4a post sums up my feeling exactly nowerdays

    I think struggling with the art of crossdressing is a waste of time.

    Once you accept it yourself, it is a great feeling of freedom.
    Enjoy it, and have a great time with it. Nothing can be better, than to dress the best you can, and have fellowship with good friends who like to do the same thing.

    Freedom, is what it is what it is all about I think. Freedom to be yourself.

    Although, we must respect the thoughts of others. That will put everything in the right perspective. Then, we must know the difference. There is a time and place for everything.

    Crossdressing to me, is not a hobby. It is part of the way I live.
    Don't feel guilty getting "dressed" just be careful who knows.



    Mind of a Girl, Body of a Man, Life is a Bitch

  18. #18
    New Member donnamatrix's Avatar
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    multiplication theory

    We each create our own unique "little worlds",ie; the place you are when you can be you. It may include your whole routine, from the time you are comfortably alone(if "she" is still your secret), or degee's of your personal environment(how many people share your secret < do you go out? < maybe you live full time?) and the places you indulge. They are unique world's created by your will and environment. Your world may consist of as little as a pair of undies, or as much as public can take!, we are the SUPREME RULERS in our worlds and we govern the extent of discovery! So many world's are restricted by scepticism. Inocently banished by a false society. Build Your World!* that's the key! meet others on places like this-worlds uniting everywhere-overcome restrictions !! Create an entire galaxy and re-educate.-------THEY SAID ROCK'N'ROLL WAS "WRONG" TOO!
    [SIZE=1][FONT=Comic Sans MS]Just tell everyone before there's no one left to tell![/FONT][/SIZE]

  19. #19
    donna stone
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    I think having read some of the intelegent replies you recived, you came to the right place. I personaly dont feel guilt anymore its rejection that scares me anyway keep talking to the girls here you will find your own story in many forms and Ive found this gives me great comfort, which in turn makes me want to share my story as im sure it will for you but to take us back to where we started GUILT is it guilt you feel or is it fear did you do somthing wrong or somthing that your peer group dose not find acceptable anyway thats somthing you you should think about

    keep walking past the open windows
    Donna

  20. #20
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    Oh, please, how can anyone still feel guilt about something so innocuous? We rape the world, suffer the poor to starve, elect *******s to continue these practices and this is your cri du coeur? Get a grip! Drive a school bus when a car would do? That is a sin. Elect CEO's of oil companies to be the highest officials of the land and then wonder why gas prices are through the roof? Duh! Get a grip on your privates, enjoy the only toy that god has given you and when you wake up, look around and see what is right and wrong.

  21. #21
    subversive azure's Avatar
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    Smile Double or triple standards

    In my job, i meet people at all hours of the day and night, I get to meet all their friends,family, know where they work, what they like to eat, what their fears are, the relationships they have, their habits, their vices, pretty much everything.....however, I never tell. Now, the point is that these so called "normal" people all have the most interesting "other sides" to thier lives, whether they be into drugs, alchohol, money,the same sex, etc, but funnily they hold a "no one needs know,no one does know" attidute, and at the very same time,be incredibly judgemental of those with a more "overt" personal life. I hear the way in which they verbalise their "thoughts" on those who are more "in touch" with thier feelings. it makes very, very interesting listeneing. AND, if ever there came a time, many skeleton could come screaming out of many a closet to haunt the owner. Indeed, there are many a double or triple standards. I feel, that it is not wrong to dress up, it is a part of you, and to echo messages on here, as long as your harming no one then all is fine. I feel anger when Im dressed , because my body is not curvy, and female, I feel dissapponitment, because I crave the ovaries and womb I am meant to have. there really is no need to feel guilt, your not stealing, or killing, or vandalising,or commiting awful crimes. the only thing your doing is putting on clothes of the opposite sex, that is it, the world will not end because of that.ok rant over, now go and treat your self to a little black dress ah gwan : )

  22. #22
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    Red face

    If you reply in a negative way, it will usually be percieved in a negative way. Be proud of who you are and don't be ashamed, but be considerate of others. Think about how they will percieve this and ask yourself is this really necessary to tell them?

    Keep it hidden and enjoy it when you can and share it with others that you can care about. If you can't share it with someone you care about or your significant other rejects you then find someone who will. Life is toooooo short.
    Find what you really want????

  23. #23
    Aspen Lynn Like2BAspen's Avatar
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    Hi aspen here must be one of the few crazy ones upthis early I live in nw Jersey. Any way I have just come to accept my desires. I actually went out shopping it was scary. But it felt great Like a huge weight was lifted. And at the store while I got some looks no one really cared. I guess there are to many other problems in the world. I stil don't want to tell my family. It should be like the Govt. Strictly on a need to know basis. Why tell anyone if you don't have to. They might be hurt and I dont think thats what us gurlz are all about

  24. #24
    Aspiring Member
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    Hi Girls,

    I never admitted to dressing. When the time was right, I went straight in for the big one and told firstly my family, then work that I was going to transition fully (I'm planning on having the operation next year).

    With my family, one of my cousins had a problem with it, but now, three months later she has found she needs my addvice on a few things and seems to be coming round. Other than that it has been accepted by my entire family, with them taking the view that it's my life to live as I want.

    As for work, the company was very good about it - I was having talks with personel for about 3 months before I transitioned. With the employees generally, most people there are getting used to the 'new' me now, although I'm told that there are some women who don't like me using 'their' loos. I've had no hassle from anyone though, so I'm very pleased at the way things have gone.

    Anne

  25. #25
    "Cub" Chrissie Renee's Avatar
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    It isn't wrong Lover23...but society has yet to accept or embrace it, and maybe never will.

    As long as you are not hurting someone...what's the problem? You have to balance it out, however. When I was single I dressed a lot more than I have since I have been married. For one thing, I had a lot more free time on my hands to do it, but even then, I was always cognizant of how this might come across, particularly with family members, if it ever became public knowledge. The very fact that it is not publicly accepted by mainstream society...whether we agree with it or not....puts the onus on us, the CD, to handle it accordingly.

    My wife and I have been together 12 years...married almost 11 now. We have no children. I have always considered her feelings and position in our very small community when it comes to CD'ing...and I told her about it while we were still dating in fact. She has present and ex-students working all over our small town. I know that her complete acceptance of my being a CD has been stunted because of her very real "fear" of this knowledge becoming public and it getting back to her place of employment. The talks that we have had recently have shown me that she is much more willing to be accepting of this once she retires this coming June and we make the move to our new home in Florida in July.

    Bottom line....there is a responsibility that comes with being a CD and as you move along in life and get married and then have children, the bar of responsibility is raised a little more. So wrong, no. Not in and of itself as others have told you. But once again, because of the way society is, right or wrong, it is up to us to "manage" how we conduct ourselves with regard to this different and unique way of life that was chosen for us to deal with.

    Hope this helps.

    Love,
    Chrissie

    ~ "Our time is a time for crossing
    barriers, for erasing old categories - for probing around." - Marshall McLuhan ~

    ~ "Changes many I've been through - pretty much like you." - Donovan Leitch ~

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